FIFTY WAYS TO MOLEST AN IDLI

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FIFTY WAYS TO MOLEST AN IDLI

Post by goodcitizn on Fri Nov 29, 2013 12:04 am

"The

The problem is all inside your head," she said to me,
"The answer is easy if you eat it authentically
I'd like to help you in your time of misery
There must be fifty ways to molest an idli
Fifty ways to molest an idli"

She said it's really not my habit to be prude
Furthermore I hope my anguish won't be mocked or misunderstood
But I'll repeat myself at the risk of being booed
There must be fifty ways to molest an idli
Fifty ways to molest an idli

You just slit it with ham, Sam
Stuff it with cheese, Cleese
Impregnate it with soy, Roy
To change its pedigree

You're the chef, Jeff
So no need to discuss much
Just carve out its heart, Bart
Why just let it be?

Ooo stay on its back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just violate it free

Mmm ... Broil in the grill, Phil
Don't let it sit idly
Do a shish kebab, Bob
With pork or poultry

She said it grieves me so to see it in such pain
I wish there was something I could do to make it smile again
I said I appreciate that and would you please explain
About the fifty ways?

She said why don't we both steam on it tonight
And I believe in the morning we can be more polite
And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right
There must be fifty ways to screw up an idli
Fifty ways to persecute an idli

goodcitizn

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Re: FIFTY WAYS TO MOLEST AN IDLI

Post by Guest on Fri Nov 29, 2013 12:12 am

you know dear
i don't do this normally
to blame the victim
that is not me
but here you can say safely
it begs molestation, the idli

Guest
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Re: FIFTY WAYS TO MOLEST AN IDLI

Post by goodcitizn on Fri Nov 29, 2013 12:16 am

Vidya Bagchi wrote:you know dear
i don't do this normally
to blame the victim
that is not me
but here you can say safely
it begs molestation, the idli
If nothing else, dear, I expected you to get a good laugh over it being a fellow writer and all ...

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Re: FIFTY WAYS TO MOLEST AN IDLI

Post by bw on Fri Nov 29, 2013 12:22 am

nice - idlis deserve a song.

here i was, thinking how to get sambar stuffed into idlis and just had a brainwave. fill a dumpling or kozhakattai(modak) with sambar and then stuff that into the idli. with this approach, the possibilities are endless. we can now have even a shot of vodka inside an innocuous looking idli.

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Re: FIFTY WAYS TO MOLEST AN IDLI

Post by Guest on Fri Nov 29, 2013 12:24 am

goodcitizn wrote:
Vidya Bagchi wrote:you know dear
i don't do this normally
to blame the victim
that is not me
but here you can say safely
it begs molestation, the idli
If nothing else, dear, I expected you to get a good laugh over it being a fellow writer and all ...
oh yeah. loved it. also the last part, 'She said why don't we both steam on it tonight....'

Guest
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Re: FIFTY WAYS TO MOLEST AN IDLI

Post by goodcitizn on Fri Nov 29, 2013 12:25 am

bw wrote:nice - idlis deserve a song.

here i was, thinking how to get sambar stuffed into idlis and just had a brainwave. fill a dumpling or kozhakattai(modak) with sambar and then stuff that into the idli. with this approach, the possibilities are endless. we can now have even a shot of vodka inside an innocuous looking idli.
Besh besh ... nalla idea! Surprised  Very Happy

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Re: FIFTY WAYS TO MOLEST AN IDLI

Post by goodcitizn on Fri Nov 29, 2013 12:28 am

Vidya Bagchi wrote:
goodcitizn wrote:
Vidya Bagchi wrote:you know dear
i don't do this normally
to blame the victim
that is not me
but here you can say safely
it begs molestation, the idli
If nothing else, dear, I expected you to get a good laugh over it being a fellow writer and all ...
oh yeah. loved it. also the last part, 'She said why don't we both steam on it tonight....'
clown

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Re: FIFTY WAYS TO MOLEST AN IDLI

Post by Merlot Daruwala on Fri Nov 29, 2013 12:38 am

goodcitizn wrote:
"The problem is all inside your head," she said to me,
"The answer is easy if you eat it authentically
I'd like to help you in your time of misery
There must be fifty ways to molest an idli
Fifty ways to molest an idli"

She said it's really not my habit to be prude
Furthermore I hope my anguish won't be mocked or misunderstood
But I'll repeat myself at the risk of being booed
There must be fifty ways to molest an idli
Fifty ways to molest an idli

You just slit it with ham, Sam
Stuff it with cheese, Cleese
Impregnate it with soy, Roy
To change its pedigree

You're the chef, Jeff
So no need to discuss much
Just carve out its heart, Bart
Why just let it be?


Ooo stay on its back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just violate it free

Mmm ... Broil in the grill, Phil
Don't let it sit idly
Do a shish kebab, Bob
With pork or poultry


She said it grieves me so to see it in such pain
I wish there was something I could do to make it smile again
I said I appreciate that and would you please explain
About the fifty ways?

She said why don't we both steam on it tonight
And I believe in the morning we can be more polite
And then she kissed me and I realized she probably was right
There must be fifty ways to screw up an idli
Fifty ways to persecute an idli
Hilarious!lol! 

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Re: FIFTY WAYS TO MOLEST AN IDLI

Post by goodcitizn on Sat Nov 30, 2013 4:52 am



YESTERDAY (Elegy on the fate of a fallen idli)

Yesterday
Idli's troubles seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they are here to stay
Oh, it believes in yesterday

Suddenly
It's not in half the shape it used to be
Downsized and fried beyond belief
The fusion fads came grievously

Why they teased it so
It can't know
They wouldn't say
It did nothing wrong
Hence this song
On yesterday

Yesterday
Idli was such an easy chow at play
Now the chefs have had their way
It sadly lives in yesterday

Why they cheesed it so
With provolone
They wouldn't say
Somehow
Its Karma went wrong
Now it only belongs
To yesterday

Yesterday
Idli's troubles seemed so far away
Now it's hard to keep the chefs at bay
Oh the yummy idlis have had their day

Mmm Hmm Mmm ...

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Re: FIFTY WAYS TO MOLEST AN IDLI

Post by Tejpal Singh Iyer on Sat Nov 30, 2013 2:12 pm

These are not very funny. I hope you have a day job.

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Re: FIFTY WAYS TO MOLEST AN IDLI

Post by goodcitizn on Sun Dec 01, 2013 11:05 am

Tejpal Singh Iyer wrote:These are not very funny. I hope you have a day job.
It's pathetic that you take potshots hiding behind a handle. What a loser. Tsk tsk.

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Re: FIFTY WAYS TO MOLEST AN IDLI

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