what an amusing story: Timothy Dexter

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Timothy_Dexter

Dexter was born in Malden, Massachusetts. He had little schooling and worked as a farm laborer at the age of 8.^[1] When he was 16, he became an apprentice to a leather-dresser.^[2] In 1769, he moved to Newburyport, Massachusetts. He married Elizabeth Frothingham, a rich widow, and bought a mansion. Some of his social contemporaries considered him unintelligent. Many of them gave him bad business advice to discredit him and make him lose his fortune.^{[citation needed]}

At the end of the American Revolutionary War he bought large amounts of depreciated Continental currency that was worthless at the time. After the war was over, the U.S. government made good on the dollars. By the time trade connections resumed, he had amassed a fortune. He built two ships and began an export business to the West Indies and to Europe.

Because he was largely uneducated, his business sense was considered peculiar. He was inspired to send warming pans (used to heat sheets in the cold New England winters) for sale to the West Indies, a tropical area. His captain sold them as ladles for local molasses industry and made a good profit.^[3] Next, Dexter sent wool mittens to the same place, where Asian merchants bought them for export to Siberia.^[1]

People jokingly told him to "ship coal to Newcastle". He did so during a miners' strike at the time, and his cargo was sold at a premium.^[4][5] At another time, practical jokers told him he could make money shipping gloves to the South Sea Islands. His ships arrived there in time to sell the gloves to Portuguese boats on their way to China.^[4]

He exported Bibles to the East Indies and stray cats to Caribbean islands and again made a profit; eastern missionaries were in need of the Bibles and the Caribbean welcomed a solution to rat infestation.^[1] He also hoarded whalebone by mistake, but ended up selling them profitably as a support material for corsets.^[1]

Members of the New England high society rarely socialized with him. Dexter decided to buy a huge house in Newburyport from Nathaniel Tracy, a local socialite, and tried to emulate them.^[1] His relationships with his wife, daughter, and son also suffered. This became evident when he started telling visitors that his wife had died (despite the fact that she was still very much alive) and that the woman who frequented the building was simply her ghost.^[1] In one notable episode, Dexter faked his own death to see how people would react. About 3,000 people attended Dexter's mock wake. Dexter did not see his wife cry, and after he revealed the hoax, he caned her for not grieving enough.^[6]

Dexter also bought an estate in Chester, New Hampshire. He decorated his house in Newburyport with minarets, a golden eagle on the top of the cupola, a mausoleum for himself and a garden of 40 wooden statues of famous men, including George Washington, William Pitt, Napoleon Bonaparte, Thomas Jefferson, and himself. It had the inscription, "I am the first in the East, the first in the West, and the greatest philosopher in the Western World".

Aged 50, Dexter wrote a book about himself – A Pickle for the Knowing Ones or Plain Truth in a Homespun Dress – in which he also complained about politicians, the clergy and his wife. The book contained 8,847 words and 33,864 letters, but no punctuation and its capitalization seemed random. At first, he handed his book out for free, but it became popular and was reprinted for sale eight times.^[2] In the second edition, Dexter added an extra page which consisted of 13 lines of punctuation marks with the instructions that readers could distribute them as they pleased.^[7]

Dexter's Newburyport house became a hotel.^[1] Storms ruined most of his statues; the only identified survivor was that of William Pitt. His book remains his primary legacy to this day.

(picking all this from reddit)

English masochists can suffer through this one

http://www.gutenberg.org/files/43453/43453-h/43453-h.htm


To mankind at Large the time is Com at Last the grat day of Regoising what is that why I will tell you thous three kings is Rased Rased you meane should know Rased on the first Royal Arch in the world olmost Not quite but very hiw up upon so thay are good mark to be scene so the womans Lik to see the frount and all people Loves to see them as the quakers will Com and peape slyly and feele glad and say houe the doue frind father Jorge washeton is in the senter king Addoms is at the Rite hand the present king at the Left hand father gorge with his hat on the other hats of the middel king with his sword king Addoms with his Cane in a grand poster Adtetoude turning his fass towards the first king as if they was on sum politicks king our present king he is stands hearing being younger and very deafe in short being one grat felosfer Looks well East & west and North & south deafe & very deafe the god of Natur has dun very much for our present king and all our former ones they are all good I want them to Live for Ever and I beleave thay will it is hard work to be A king

He surely seemed to have the Midas touch.