practicality of a marriage

Raj and Anuja were in a bad marriage. If you were an objective onlooker, you will not ask what happened to make the marriage bad.
No. You will instead wonder, how did the two hook up in the first place.

he was an aspiring artist, who failed miserably, quit it, and joined his father's business in their small cowbelt town of india. He and his parents lived comfortably in a mid sized house in a nice locality; with other siblings and cousins spread across the globe. They were a modern and respectable family, and had a good circle of friends and family in the town.
she was a social butterfly. her mother was a social butterfly. She had traveled all over the world. Their home base was in a posh location in south delhi.

so how was it that the two hooked up?

Both were from the same small community in India, so in general the number of suitable matches was small. And both were at a right age, for marriage and for each other. All his siblings and cousins had married outside of the community in love marriages. Raj was the only one who never had an affair. He was a simple guy. His mother could have pointed to any girl and asked him to marry her, and he would have said yes. I sound like I am speculating, but this is a fact. Before Anuja, Raj had 3 possible alliances, and he had said yes to all of them. Things didn't work out for other reasons.


Anuja was someone struggling to finish her graduation. Failing in final year, two times over, this year wasn't going to be any different. Her famous father was long dead. Raj was handsome. She was also attracted by the fact that he was not an ordinary guy. That he was into some form of art, and even if he failed, for her this was a major plus. Ordinary people bored her to death.

Most importantly, the two mothers connected famously. Raj's mother had never got along with any of her kids' in-laws. So this was another attraction for her. To have an extended family she really loves, and who belonged to her caste.

Whatever hangups Anuja may have had to leave her big city and big circle of friends behind, she was either well convinced by her mother, or the adventurer in her decided to take the plunge. Amidst huge celebrations, the two were married.

t w wrote:..His mother could have pointed to any girl and asked him to marry her, and he would have said yes.

>>>T-dub,

More than marital counseling, Raj needs a serious therapist.

Ok, he gets a few points on the lack of affairs.

There was one more thing that connected the two. Both were deeply religious. If Raj did a 10-minute pooja everyday after his bath, Anuja is someone who spent 1 hour. She quickly turned their family prayer room into a much more beautiful room that always smelled nice. She adorned it with fresh flowers as much as possible, and always had a diya lit in place, apart from colorful clothes for the idols and other lights. She was also strictly vegetarian. Everyone in the family was a thorough non vegetarian, but it never posed a problem between the two. Her religion was not an indicator of her lifestyle though, if you were stereotyping here. She was fairly modern and open  in her outlook, who wore fashionable clothes, drank beer, and partied late nights. 

Both settled into a decent family life, blissful at first. she soon became a darling in his and his parents' family and group of friends. She was a pro at entertaining, so was a welcome addition to the already social business family of Raj. She soon acquired another set of friends too. the rich and the famous of the town. She was a welcome asset to any group. Smart, well traveled, and very knowledgeble. Not to mention fun, funny, friendly, and very helpful. He was not bad socially himself. Raj is someone who could be standing with 4 CEOs or 4 janitors, and still be very comfortable in either group. He never ran short of relevant things to say. He had the gift of the gab, and a sense of humor to match. He would make any person feel welcome and comfortable, and did not have a single mean bone in his body.

Kris wrote:

t w wrote:..His mother could have pointed to any girl and asked him to marry her, and he would have said yes.

>>>T-dub,

More than marital counseling, Raj needs a serious therapist.

Ok, he gets a few points on the lack of affairs.

lol.. nice to see you back!

>>he was an aspiring artist, who failed miserably


What does this mean? That he failed to make good art or failed to make money out of it?

smArtha wrote:>>he was an aspiring artist, who failed miserably


What does this mean? That he failed to make good art or failed to make money out of it?

no money mostly... good is a subjective matter

People fall in love. It happens. Not planned, or analyzed.

If it happens TRULY, very few have the guts to swim across. 

99% of the people who think they are in love, are NOT. 

(As an example, when I was 19, one of my friends who used to play cricket with me at his age 17 tried to commit suicide by eating tube-light glass because his parents wont let him marry some 31 year old woman - of course this soccer/cricket friend of mine had no future).

The point is - Useless people fall in love, often. Because they have no idea what to do with their lives at the right age.

But then it IS NOT love.

It is mere infatuation, hormones, attraction.

And then they talk about love and marriage.

For marriage, here are the pre-requisites:

1. Have U both finished college? 
2. Does the guy or even the girl has any identity beyond their parents? Who are U, on your own?
3. If either the girl or the guy has NO identity/financial freedom, on their own minus their parents - IMHO, either is not ready to marry.

Gone are the days when a financially dependent girl could marry a son of a rich father.

Be on your own.

random reasons,
TS.

Raj and Anuja were in a bad marriage. If you were an objective onlooker, you will not ask what happened to make the marriage bad. 
No. You will instead wonder, how did the two hook up in the first place.

he was an aspiring artist, who failed miserably, quit it, and joined his father's business in their small cowbelt town of india. He and his parents lived comfortably in a mid sized house in a nice locality; with other siblings and cousins spread across the globe. They were a modern and respectable family, and had a good circle of friends and family in the town. 
she was a social butterfly. her mother was a social butterfly. She had traveled all over the world. Their home base was in a posh location in south delhi.

so how was it that the two hooked up?

Both were from the same small community in India, so in general the number of suitable matches was small. And both were at a right age, for marriage and for each other. All his siblings and cousins had married outside of the community in love marriages. Raj was the only one who never had an affair. He was a simple guy. His mother could have pointed to any girl and asked him to marry her, and he would have said yes. I sound like I am speculating, but this is a fact. Before Anuja, Raj had 3 possible alliances, and he had said yes to all of them. Things didn't work out for other reasons.


Anuja was someone struggling to finish her graduation. Failing in final year, two times over, this year wasn't going to be any different. Her famous father was long dead. Raj was handsome. She was also attracted by the fact that he was not an ordinary guy. That he was into some form of art, and even if he failed, for her this was a major plus. Ordinary people bored her to death.

Most importantly, the two mothers connected famously. Raj's mother had never got along with any of her kids' in-laws. So this was another attraction for her. To have an extended family she really loves, and who belonged to her caste.

Whatever hangups Anuja may have had to leave her big city and big circle of friends behind, she was either well convinced by her mother, or the adventurer in her decided to take the plunge. Amidst huge celebrations, the two were married.

There was one more thing that connected the two. Both were deeply religious. If Raj did a 10-minute pooja everyday after his bath, Anuja is someone who spent 1 hour. She quickly turned their family prayer room into a much more beautiful room that always smelled nice. She adorned it with fresh flowers as much as possible, and always had a diya lit in place, apart from colorful clothes for the idols and other lights. She was also strictly vegetarian. Everyone in the family was a thorough non vegetarian, but it never posed a problem between the two. Her religion was not an indicator of her lifestyle though, if you were stereotyping here. She was fairly modern and open  in her outlook, who wore fashionable clothes, drank beer, and partied late nights. 

Both settled into a decent family life, blissful at first. she soon became a darling in his and his parents' family and group of friends. She was a pro at entertaining, so was a welcome addition to the already social business family of Raj. She soon acquired another set of friends too. the rich and the famous of the town. She was a welcome asset to any group. Smart, well traveled, and very knowledgeble. Not to mention fun, funny, friendly, and very helpful. He was not bad socially himself. Raj is someone who could be standing with 4 CEOs or 4 janitors, and still be very comfortable in either group. He never ran short of relevant things to say. He had the gift of the gab, and a sense of humor to match. He would make any person feel welcome and comfortable, and did not have a single mean bone in his body.

If Anuja found her new town super sleepy, she was not the one to sit home and complain about it. It was just a matter of time before she navigated the length and width of it. She could take a visitor to buy great cloth materials in the smallest possible shop in the old city at the most reasonable price, or she could take you to the poshest designer store for a custom exclusive piece they show in tv serials. Whether it was that great tailor in obscure old-city, or the latest upcoming fashion designer, whether it was the owners of the first mall to be built in the city, or whether it was that clerk at the university, everyone was in her cell phone contact list. She knew how to address who in that part of the world. Should she call them bhaiya or behenji/bhabhiji, should she call them mr or mrs, should she add a ji to their names. Should she greet them namaskar, hello, good morning, she slipped in and out of all sorts of communication most easily. While she had no qualification or experience, and barely a degree, by her sheer talent, talks and personality, she got a faculty job in the fashion institute of the city, and soon enough she got busy with work, classes, and arranging fashion shows. And of course there was the big social scene in the nights and weekends. However much or little it was, Anuja settled into it. 

Raj, meanwhile had expanded his father's small business. Done diversifications so that they stayed relevant in the market, thus taking their business to new levels. He too was as chill with his factory workers as he was with his clients or whoever in the government he had to deal with every once in a while. 

Withins 2-3 years of the marriage, they had their first son. Life was complete. 

All was not hunky dory though, in case you were wondering, especially the first line I said above was that they were in a bad marriage. Raj and Anuja moved together everywhere, went to each party together, and threw parties together, and seemed to be great partners while doing that. They had a bunch of common friends, mostly likeminded couples. But there was no real connection or chemistry between them. Anuja found most of Raj's simple ways worth mocking, and mocked she did. Never gave up the chance. Didn't matter the audience. Some of it was with good humor, but some was pretty cutting. Raj would mostly take it in his stride, but sometimes he would get really annoyed. 

And then there is always that mother in law issue. Raj's mother never curtailed what Raj and Anuja did, or how they lived. But she had run a tight ship over the years. They began having minor control issues over the decor of the house and menu of the parties. Nothing big, you will say if you were an outsider. But if you are someone living it day in and day out, it can get frustrating. For a young woman stepping into her 30s, and becoming a new mother, with great ideas about how to change the interior of the house, being questioned and pinned down every step of the way can be frustrating, and frustrated is what Anuja became.

cont from...

https://such.forumotion.com/t43453-practicality-of-a-marriage#240073 

Anuja began having frequent meltdowns. She began asking to live separately from the in-laws, either in the same town, or in Delhi. Raj's parents, being practical and fearing long term repercussions, offered to sell their house, which was enough in value to buy decent apartments in a nice locality for themselves and all of Raj's siblings. Siblings themselves had no opinion one way or another, they barely lived there enough to have an opinion one way or another. They just wanted all to be happy.

Now, Raj had changed many of his ways to sync with Anuja's, he had also begun eating more vegetarian than non vegetarian food (it would still take him years to become completely vegetarian). But this was one thing he was adamant about. He would NOT sell the house his parents built with so much love. And he would NOT live separately from them. There was NO way he would move to Delhi. Anuja can go take a hike.

In all situations like this, Anuja's mom would come over to visit them, and would stay put for 4-5 weeks, or as long as it took. She was a welcome respite for all. She would act as a peacemaker. Eventually there were always solutions. They made modifications to the house. While the first floor of Raj's parents stayed as is, more space was built in for Raj and Anuja upstairs. Now she had a lounge of her own for her guests, and a nice nursery for the baby. Anuja would also let some steam off by going on long breaks to Delhi to be with her mom, or for a small travel with her. Every time, Raj accompanied her too for brief periods in Delhi, either at the beginning or end of her visits, like a good son-in-law and husband. She compromised. They all compromised. Peace prevailed, mostly.


But all this didn't come without resentment on Anuja's part. She began joking/complaining that Raj doesn't really need her in his life. She joked that as long as he had his parents and their long faithful servants, he will do just fine. Raj never publicly addressed this statement.  He was too proud to admit any discord, except maybe a little exasperated expression here or there, which you would miss if you weren't perceptive. But you could not help but wonder. Was she right about Raj?

Ye kya Raam Kahaani hai, kaun padhega?