when a close one dies...

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when a close one dies...

Post by rasāsvāda on Tue May 08, 2018 9:40 am

i met one of my close childhood friends recently. She lost both her mother-in-law and mother last year within a span of 6 months. Both after quick illnesses that lasted less than 3 months, during which she served them day and night. Barely got out of one tragedy and fell into another, serving her mother in her last weeks when she was initially looking for solace from her. At the end of it she was pretty traumatized and tired. I lost my dad 7 months ago. We were both in kinda similar state of mind when we met for lunch. It was kinda happy/sad lunch. we both were happy to meet each other after 2-3 years, but unlike other times, we were not laughing out loud at everything, instead sitting together and chatting somberly. Both saying how we still get frequent flashbacks of everything over and over.

We finally concluded we may never get over it, we will simply express it lesser. It was a life changing year for both her and her husband, so much that they both took retirement, refusing to run the mad race any more, and will now do something that's a little more chill and gives them more time for family and other pursuits.

It wasn't a life changing moment for me, atleast not on the surface. I fell back into the same life. But internally, i think i began being more tough when taking tougher stands in relationships. More often than before, I try to think what my dad would say in a situation like this, and luckily he was an expressive man with opinions on everything, so i get my answers right there. And since he was mostly no-nonsense, I am afraid that's what I am turning into gradually.

So, that brings me into yet another thought of being a parent. This is more a lesson for myself. Keep your thoughts rational and express it vocally and often to your kids, and express the same also when they are not explicitly listening to you (coz they always are). You may be gone, but these words will guide them forever.

rasāsvāda

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Re: when a close one dies...

Post by confuzzled dude on Tue May 08, 2018 7:29 pm

rasāsvāda wrote:i met one of my close childhood friends recently. She lost both her mother-in-law and mother last year within a span of 6 months. Both after quick illnesses that lasted less than 3 months, during which she served them day and night. Barely got out of one tragedy and fell into another, serving her mother in her last weeks when she was initially looking for solace from her. At the end of it she was pretty traumatized and tired. I lost my dad 7 months ago. We were both in kinda similar state of mind when we met for lunch. It was kinda happy/sad lunch. we both were happy to meet each other after 2-3 years, but unlike other times, we were not laughing out loud at everything, instead sitting together and chatting somberly. Both saying how we still get frequent flashbacks of everything over and over.

We finally concluded we may never get over it, we will simply express it lesser. It was a life changing year for both her and her husband, so much that they both took retirement, refusing to run the mad race any more, and will now do something that's a little more chill and gives them more time for family and other pursuits.

It wasn't a life changing moment for me, atleast not on the surface. I fell back into the same life. But internally, i think i began being more tough when taking tougher stands in relationships. More often than before, I try to think what my dad would say in a situation like this, and luckily he was an expressive man with opinions on everything, so i get my answers right there. And since he was mostly no-nonsense, I am afraid that's what I am turning into gradually.

So, that brings me into yet another thought of being a parent. This is more a lesson for myself. Keep your thoughts rational and express it vocally and often to your kids, and express the same also when they are not explicitly listening to you (coz they always are). You may be gone, but these words will guide them forever.
Yup. I think this grows on you as you age. I do the same (just not to kids) except for the rational part.

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Re: when a close one dies...

Post by TruthSeeker on Tue May 08, 2018 10:46 pm

Hi Rasa-Vada,

"Keep your thoughts rational and express it vocally and often to your kids, and express the same also when they are not explicitly listening to you (coz they always are). You may be gone, but these words will guide them forever."


Very well said. Words of wisdom.


Best wishes.

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