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Post by Guest on Wed Jul 10, 2019 1:06 pm

many times i wish i was a strong woman...


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Post by Huzefa on Sat Jul 13, 2019 11:24 am

you always were a strong woman. 

you still are. i admire you for this reason alone. ask me how strong i think you are once again tomorrow and watch my reply if you are keen. 

how are the kids and xh?

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Post by Guest on Sat Jul 13, 2019 1:03 pm

nah... not strong, just managing. most of the time i am fearing, pleading and negotiating with the powers above. Never want to be in any situation that i am thrown into, and then I just react. am just floating along, simply trying to get by. am never with that courageous attitude of 'bring it on!', an attitude that i look upto in many people i know. And I guess I also lack that 'no nonsense' attitude that i associate with strong people, especially strong women. 

and yeah i have managed to float along so far, but that too is out of the fear that my kids will get a raw deal in life if i don't stay put. or i am fearing that if they do badly, it will be a reflection on how weak i was as a parent. i had a super childhood, and i have even more respect for my parents how they made it so smooth for me, and then i cry that i couldn't give the same secure childhood to my kids. only time will tell how much scarring my life caused my kids' lives, but as long as they settle well, i will be happy. 

xh and kids are fine. how's life at your end?

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Post by Huzefa on Sun Jul 14, 2019 3:01 am

sulu wrote:nah... not strong, just managing. most of the time i am fearing, pleading and negotiating with the powers above. Never want to be in any situation that i am thrown into, and then I just react. am just floating along, simply trying to get by. am never with that courageous attitude of 'bring it on!', an attitude that i look upto in many people i know. And I guess I also lack that 'no nonsense' attitude that i associate with strong people, especially strong women. 

You are comparing yourself with very strong women. The likes of Indra Nooyi or Priyanka Chopra I feel. While such comparison is healthy, most of the time it is not. And that is because no matter how hard we try, we will never become like them.  

Fear is a powerful emotion. I read the Gita 2 months ago. It talks mainly about fear and how to combat it. So there is a hint for you -- the fear you carry around is what cripples all of us who think themselves weak. Arjuna was hesitant, fearful, confused about how to live and he felt like he was just reacting to the circumstances around him. He had no motivation to fight. That is just like us. Krishna gave him wisdom about his immortality and then taught him trick, tricks that can be called psychological hacks today, to overcome the negative feeling called fear and start enjoying life. I cannot tell you all he said but I can hang around and talk to you for some time.



and yeah i have managed to float along so far, but that too is out of the fear that my kids will get a raw deal in life if i don't stay put. or i am fearing that if they do badly, it will be a reflection on how weak i was as a parent. i had a super childhood, and i have even more respect for my parents how they made it so smooth for me, and then i cry that i couldn't give the same secure childhood to my kids. only time will tell how much scarring my life caused my kids' lives, but as long as they settle well, i will be happy. 

xh and kids are fine. how's life at your end?

I also lived my life out of massive fear about what would happen to my kids if I did not deliver. Fear was my engine from age 25 to 53. 

But now the kids are grown up and I thought that my lifelong fear will vanish. It did not vanish. : ) Fear told me that it was a permanent guest in my mind and if there wasn't kids to fear about anymore, he would find some other thing to be fearful about. : )

Fear is still there but Gita and Buddha helped me diminish it a lot. Not 100% but I feel much better now. Don't think I have come to give gyan. I have not.

You should not compare yourself with anyone. I think you already know this, right? But what that also means is that you should not compare yourself with your past self or any idea you have about what you should be instead of what you are. I have stopped thinking about the past --- doing this helped me stop worrying about the future too I noticed.

Baaki Gyan baad me.

Cheer up! You are not the best judge of yourself. All the negative things your brain tells you about you are lies. The real you is fearless (krishna), immortal (krishna) and full of infinite compassion (krishna). You will notice the real you emerge when you stop a) criticizing yourself, b) being positive always, c) enjoying whatever you are doing even it is washing dishes.

And let me tell you again that you are a very strong woman. I could compare you with Priyanka Chopra without hesitation. I am saying this because I know your life story. It is a tragedy that you are not able to see this. The brain is our worst enemy (krishna). It is therefore important to tame the brain and not let it run like a reckless animal (krishna).

How to tame the brain? By baby steps. You can start these baby steps when you are determined that you will not let your brain stop you from enjoying life, come what may.

I'm not saying you are not enjoying life. You already are. : ) But negative thinking also must stop -- not by force or will power, but by wisdom and by baby steps. Then we will enjoy more I feel.

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Post by Guest on Sun Jul 14, 2019 8:47 am

thanks for the reply Smile. yeah i guess i should stop questioning myself about how much misery i could have avoided in the past by being stronger, and be glad that we still have a roof over our head and food on the table. regardless, what's been done has been done, and hopefully i learned my lessons and can move forward. 

bhagvad gita now? is this a further pursuit of philosophy of life, or you are turning more towards religion than simply observing rituals in the past?

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Post by Huzefa on Sun Jul 14, 2019 9:29 am

I'm glad to see you turn positive and express gratitude for the roof over your head and food on your table. Enjoy life. Don't analyze much (we can't stop totally). 

My quest for the philosophy of life is over. I finally understood what Buddha was saying. This happened in Jan this year. After that I went and read Gita because I realized I could perhaps understand the message of Gita too with my new knowledge. I could and did. No I am not an enlightened person. It is just that communication is very difficult in this world. I read Buddha's message all my life but never understood it. Then suddenly, after 30 years, I did. I did so by sheer force of probability -- if i read the same sentence infinite times, in one of those infinite moments, I would understand exactly what the speaker was trying to convey. That moment happened in Jan 19.

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Post by Guest on Sun Jul 14, 2019 10:23 am

Huzefa wrote:I'm glad to see you turn positive and express gratitude for the roof over your head and food on your table. Enjoy life. Don't analyze much (we can't stop totally). 

true... although i been called a naval gazer by a few... let's see when i stop, or IF i stop. heh. 


Huzefa wrote:
My quest for the philosophy of life is over. I finally understood what Buddha was saying. This happened in Jan this year. After that I went and read Gita because I realized I could perhaps understand the message of Gita too with my new knowledge. I could and did. No I am not an enlightened person. It is just that communication is very difficult in this world. I read Buddha's message all my life but never understood it. Then suddenly, after 30 years, I did. I did so by sheer force of probability -- if i read the same sentence infinite times, in one of those infinite moments, I would understand exactly what the speaker was trying to convey. That moment happened in Jan 19.

that's cool. I must ask, did you read it in hindi or english Smile can't imagine you reading devnagri hehe. 

tbh, for me the same sentence has changed meaning over the course of my life. I give this example often. When i used to read magazines as a child, back in late 70s and early 80s Jaya Bachchan was often asked about AB and Rekha's affair, and everytime she would stoically say, (i don't remember the exact words, but something like), 'AB has never asked me to leave, i will know it the day he asks me to leave'. 

Always confused the heck out of me. Maybe still does. Over the years my interpretation changed to 

- oh why is she is not seeing it when it's right infront of her face

- oh why doesn't she ask him, so what he doesn't tell her. she should confront him

- oh why does it matter if he asks her to leave or not, isn't it bad enough that he's having another affair 

- oh is she being a doormat? why doesn't she take a stand 

- oh she probably doesn't care if it's an affair or not, her marriage is above it

- oh he got away so easy, with wife looking the other way. he will NEVER tell her to leave, why would he?

- oh maybe this is the message to the 'other' women - you can have him for the day, but he's coming home to me 

- oh yeah why should she admit anything in public, marriage is a private affair between the couple. 

- oh she cleverly glossed over whether they have affair or not, whether she knows or not, whether he admitted or not, but focusing on the fact that their marriage is intact

- more iterations will come until i die or get to talk to her candidly about it. heh.

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Post by Huzefa on Sun Jul 14, 2019 11:15 am

sulu wrote:

Always confused the heck out of me. Maybe still does. Over the years my interpretation changed to 

- oh why is she is not seeing it when it's right infront of her face

- oh why doesn't she ask him, so what he doesn't tell her. she should confront him

- oh why does it matter if he asks her to leave or not, isn't it bad enough that he's having another affair 

- oh is she being a doormat? why doesn't she take a stand 

- oh she probably doesn't care if it's an affair or not, her marriage is above it

- oh he got away so easy, with wife looking the other way. he will NEVER tell her to leave, why would he?

- oh maybe this is the message to the 'other' women - you can have him for the day, but he's coming home to me 

- oh yeah why should she admit anything in public, marriage is a private affair between the couple. 

- oh she cleverly glossed over whether they have affair or not, whether she knows or not, whether he admitted or not, but focusing on the fact that their marriage is intact

- more iterations will come until i die or get to talk to her candidly about it. heh.


You could not have given a better example. You got exactly what I had meant.

Right when we start taking for granted that we will be understood easily, we are misunderstood. : ) The next step after that is war because both sides are convinced they are right.

I read "My Gita" by Devdutt Patnaik. It's a Gita-for-dummies version. 

Do you want me to post screenshot from it about where fear is discussed? If you read it then perhaps we can discuss (the screenshot). : )

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Post by Guest on Sun Jul 14, 2019 11:51 am

"Right when we start taking for granted that we will be understood easily, we are misunderstood. : ) The next step after that is war because both sides are convinced they are right."


this happens between older and me lol. have to always reassert the context and meaning, and am glad she brings it up later so that i could correct it. otoh, i have misunderstood people for years, probably. 


most of what i remember of Gita is from watching mahabharat on tv (apart from constant quotes here and there). I think they dedicated 1-2 fulle episodes to it. was all good, but i guess it ended for me when Krishna became larger than life and said e'thing is him and him is e'thing, or something like that. even though i was a kid, i remember thinking, 'could have made it a life lesson w/o the religious blind belief thrown in'. something like that. 


(oh to make sure i wasn't mixing up my memory, googled the link, here it is. am sure this is a condensed interpreted version, and the actual text might be deeper. I skipped towards the end to make sure i had remembered it correctly)


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LeJ9mniEqqQ

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Post by Guest on Sun Jul 14, 2019 12:02 pm

sorta on the topic, i was thinking this the other day. people name their kids ram, krishna, sita, etc. after the god's name, but why were THEY named so? why did dashrath named his son Ram? was there another ram as an example? did it mean something else? who named dashrath? or did people just got creative and made up names, until they stopped being creative?

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Post by Huzefa on Sun Jul 14, 2019 11:03 pm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LeJ9mniEqqQ

This is just fantastic. Watched a clip -- seems authentic because verses are quoted with translation. I will watch it slowly and then get back.

this happens between older and me lol. 


what worked for me was totally giving up anger and being patient when misunderstood. If you get angry or upset, try to be aware of that you are about to get upset. Practise not reacting a couple of times. Then it will start becoming second nature.  

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