Greek-Lithuanian Punjabi mixed marriage

http://www.mixtogether.org/experiences/greek-lithuanian-punjabi-mixed-marriage.html

True and heart-warming story about the marriage of a Greek/Lithuanian/Ukrainian guy and a Punjabi girl.
Their experience shows that nothing is impossible!
Brounosgr’s story
I understand that this is a website for mixed couples who are experiencing problems with the fact that they are together, due to cultural boundaries, etc.  I would like to share my own story, which I believe may act as a ray of hope for those out there who are currently facing (or have faced) difficulties.

I am a 31 year old white guy of mixed heritage; my dad is Greek and my mum is Lithuanian/Ukranian.  I live in east London with my wife (who is Indian, Punjabi).

I’ve been married previously and I have 2 children form that marriage.  The marriage broke down in November 2000, and by 2002 my divorce was finalised.  Over the years following my separation I found myself becoming incredibly attracted to Asian women.  I found them, quite simply, nothing less than stunning, and I was in total awe of them.  To the point that I had decided in my mind, that I wanted to find an Asian bride.  To be honest, I have to say that it became an all consuming obsession (I can be quite an obsessive character!)

At the time I didn’t have a clue HOW I was going to achieve this; all I knew was that it grew into a burning desire that simply would not lie, and HAD to be manifested.  At first, I didn’t believe that it was possible because I bought into the belief that I’d never be accepted the girl’s family, etc.  All the issues this site talks about.  But, like I said, the dream would not die, and I set out on my mission to find that girl. 

The next couple of years found me going out with 4 different Asian girls (at different times, of course), for varying lengths of time.  All of them broke down before too long, with A LOT of heartache as a result (particularly with 2 of them).  I experienced ‘secret affairs’, with the fear of God knows what, if her parents were to find out.  I experienced being sneaked into the girl’s house, late at night, so as not to be spotted by any of her family-living in close proximity, and then leaving early in the morning.  So, believe me, I know the issues surrounding mixed relationships quite well, due to personal experience.

My last relationship (before my current marriage) was particularly painful-well the breakdown was anyway.  It was with a Muslim Gujrati   woman, who was herself separated, from her violent, abusive husband.  Bearing in mind my dream, I believed that because she was in the same situation as me that that meant she was ‘the one’.  It was a very intense relationship.  But it was long distance, AND in secret (the one where I had to be sneaked into her house).  No one, except for her close friend and younger sister knew about us, so I should have realised, in retrospect that the chances of it going anywhere were remote.  The reason it ended, in a nutshell, was due to the fact that she bowed to family pressure and ‘decided’ to get back with her husband-basically because of what the community would think about her getting divorced!  The fact that he was violent towards her didn’t seem to enter into the equation one bit.  It all seemed to be about appearances, and left me feeling very bitter, resentful, and in a lot of pain for about 3 months.  People were telling me to give up my dream, saying that it just wasn’t worth the hassle, but I just couldn’t.  I KNEW that somehow, there would be the ideal one out there, where I was TOTALLY accepted by both the girl AND her family.

For a year, though I avoided relationships completely-even casual ones.  I had other personal issues going on in my life as well, at the time, so was in no head space to be dealing with anything heavy.  Basically I was emotionally shut down for a while.

One of my friends, around 5-6 months after my relationship break up, told me about one of his friends, an Indian Punjabi girl.  He said that he’d told her about me and that he thought I was a nice guy, and that maybe one day we could meet.  At the time, though, I wasn’t in the slightest bit interested in meeting anyone.  So I forgot about it, and pushed it to the back of my mind.  A few months later, I found myself more open once more and asked my friend about this girl again.  He told me that he would arrange for us to meet sometime.  A few weeks passed and I heard nothing more about it, so I began to forget about it again.  One day, out of the blue, I got a text from her, introducing herself to me and saying that she had got my number from my friend.  I was so excited and over the moon and we started texting back and forth for a while.  Very shortly after we met up and, pretty much instantly we were besotted with each other…………That woman is now my wife and here’s the thing.  From the outset we went to her parents to tell them about us.  They are both Indian born (from the Punjab), but have been living here (in Birmingham) for over 20 years.  We told them EVERYTHING:  The fact that I’m white AND that I’ve been married and divorced, with 2 children.  Bear in mind that my wife has never been married before.  Don’t get me wrong, it wasn’t 100% plain sailing.  Her mum warmed to me straight away and was very open about the whole thing.  Her dad, initially had reservations.  NOT about the fact that I’m white, but more to do with my previous marriage, and my 2 children.  He was basically concerned about whether I would be committed to his daughter, and also how I’d be able to support her and any children we may have, when I have 2 already to look after (the don’t live with my, my children).  Despite his reservations he CERTAINLY didn’t try and throw a spanner in the works, so to speak.  There were no crazed uncles, cousins or brothers on my back, baying for my blood either!  Her mother and father were FULLY aware of our relationship and essentially approving of it.  Even to the point that they also knew that we were living together; we weren’t married at the time.

I had no doubt whatsoever in my mind that this was the girl for me, so we expressed our intentions to her parents to get married-which they accepted.  About 6 months into our relationship my wife fell pregnant.  I have to admit that was quite a shock to both her mum and dad, and they were not happy in the slightest.  As understanding as they are, we weren’t married at the time!   For a while it was a bit touch and go.  When they first heard the news their initial reaction was to tell my wife not to bother coming home.  It was a stressful period, but it was also short lived.  The main opponent to what had happened was her dad.  Her mum, brother and sisters were very supportive and said that we just needed to allow him time to come round to the idea.  The point is, though her dad most certainly didn’t disown his daughter.  It was just that things didn’t happen in the way he would have liked.  So we decided to arrange our wedding and bring it forward as a gesture to show that we were serious about each other.  During this time period I was building up a relationship with her mum, dad, brother and sisters.  I’d been with my wife on a couple of occasions to Birmingham to stay at her parent’s house and I was getting quite close with all of them-even her dad. 

I sat down with him one day, just the 2 of us and let him know just how serious I was about his daughter.  I allowed him the opportunity to express his fears and concerns to me as well; this was the first time we had really spoken properly about our relationship.  I felt myself developing a real warmth and love towards him.  The conclusion of our conversation was that if his daughter was happy and if his wife was happy, then he would accept that and be happy too.  So we started planning our wedding.

On September 2nd 2006, we got married.  It was just a small affair, with only immediate family from both sides, and it was in a registry office.  We’ve spoken about having a bigger event in India, some time after the baby’s born.  But it was so beautiful and went so well.  I was overwhelmed with the fact that I’d been so lovingly welcomed by her family-EXACTLY what I’ve been dreaming for over the last few years.  We had a celebration meal in a Greek restaurant and there my father in law put a gold necklace around my neck (which I believe is the tradition in Punjabi culture).  He hugged me and called me his son.  My parents have also been welcomed by my wife’s.  I’m now referred to as part of the family and I feel so comfortable in their house.  I can’t express in words just how overwhelmed and blessed I feel that everything has worked out the way it has.  I truly believe from the bottom of my heart that my wife’s family are one in a MILLION.  They may not be saints, but they are very rare indeed, in terms of their open thinking.  They are on a spiritual path (even though they are from a Sikh background), which I believe explains a lot in terms of the way they are.  I’ve been slowly meeting her extended family too, including her grandfather, who lives in India.  I’ve been unequivocally welcomed by everyone-I’ve got no words to describe how amazing it feels. 

Our baby is due in February; we’re expecting a girl.  I thought I’d let you all know.

I hope this has helped someone out there, in terms of what is possible.  I would be more than happy for anybody to contact me. [Brounosgr can be contacted via the site.]  My desire is to be a source of support for couples out there who may not be in such a fortunate situation.  I’m not looking for any financial reward; this is something that I’m very passionate about.  I believe that essentially we are all the same, being spiritual beings living in human bodies.  ‘Differences’ are only created by the mind…………………… I sincerely hope I can be of service.  Peace and love, Brounosgr