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2023
by desi aunty Sat Jan 20, 2024 9:59 am
I was apprehensive of this year to begin with… I mean, each yyy3 has been bad for me. 1993, 2003, 2013, so I was already sitting with fingers crossed.
The year began with a pain in the neck, like literally. I developed stupid neck and shoulder pain, not to mention feet and back issues, that crippled me on and off for three-quarters of the year. After crying many nights, months of physiotherapy, and then finally changing the doc/physiotherapist, it eventually got better around October. But then other kinda pain developed by the end of year and I am dealing with it still. In other health news, I gained weight to my max ever, and developed initial hypertension (self-diagnosed, too scared to make this a formal diagnosis yet).
Around spring, I got the news that my nanny, who practically raised me, had passed away after a short illness. She had taught me many things I know now. I get a mental recollection of her words so many times in a week without even realizing it. Her passing was sad, but I was somewhat relieved for her, in fact prayed for her to be relieved of all her pains when she got sick, as she had had a tough life. But then two months later her son (only child) passed too, whom I had helped raise…. I realized I am entering that age where I will lose not just my elders, but also random younger people in my life. Man, growing old can get depressing. I don’t know how the seasoned oldies do it…
Work showed no respite. Just didn’t feel comfortable all through the year. With the start of this new year, I stay a little humble. It’s no joke learning new technology. Used to be easier before, harder at my age now. Not sure how much longer I will survive in technical scene, and I absolutely hate management track. If I lose this job - and a part of me wants to but a major part of me doesn’t - I will take a step back and see if I can do a career change.
Family did ok. Wasn’t an easy year for any of us by any means. Each of us had to cross our own tough barriers, but I think we eventually did fine by the time December rolled in. On the plus side, we were able to get out and have a decent EU vacation, paragliding and toboggan sledding over Swiss alps being the highlight.
Personally, this year I strived to do some karma-correction with people from the past. Called my first ex and asked him for forgiveness. While I know my decision to leave him was good for both of us, the fact remains his soul was left wanting, and that disappointment has to have rubbed on my journey as well. I also sorta patched up with an age old friend with whom I had fought bitterly in high school. I didn’t ask her for explicit forgiveness, but when she called, I went to meet her, and we had a very nice time together. I pray to my late ex-husband too for mutual forgiveness and hope he can hear me. There are also minor friendship strains here or there that I am starting to fix now. This continued a bit into the start of 2024, where I surprised another friend in her big celebration (sorta tried to make up for declining some of her other invites many years ago).
This year, I also began to forgive myself. I recognized the terrified little girl in me who needed that assurance from the adult me that she wasn’t responsible for the chaos around her since the beginning of time. I had to look at myself with an objective eye to tell myself that no, it wasn’t me. It was the destiny of others and I just happened to be around. Once you begin to separate, it helps to detach and not get entangled in any kind of inner turmoil or external drama. It feels so light. I no longer need to internalize the guilt or plight of others, and I no longer need to jump in and lose myself. Doesn’t mean I am emotionless. On the contrary, once I am sorted out myself, I can understand and help myself and others better.
My goal for 2024 is to
- continue the path of home decluttering and remodeling
- most cliched goal of the world but the extra body-butter has to go, and hopefully that will ease all my aches and pains with time
- be more clear about my sanity at work
- be clear about cutting off noise and people who can jeopardize my well being, and walk away if I can’t control that
- at the same time open doors to old and new friends, meet them more often
- most importantly, choose happiness. I think it is simpler to choose to be happy instead of waiting for someone or something to come and surprise us with it.
The year began with a pain in the neck, like literally. I developed stupid neck and shoulder pain, not to mention feet and back issues, that crippled me on and off for three-quarters of the year. After crying many nights, months of physiotherapy, and then finally changing the doc/physiotherapist, it eventually got better around October. But then other kinda pain developed by the end of year and I am dealing with it still. In other health news, I gained weight to my max ever, and developed initial hypertension (self-diagnosed, too scared to make this a formal diagnosis yet).
Around spring, I got the news that my nanny, who practically raised me, had passed away after a short illness. She had taught me many things I know now. I get a mental recollection of her words so many times in a week without even realizing it. Her passing was sad, but I was somewhat relieved for her, in fact prayed for her to be relieved of all her pains when she got sick, as she had had a tough life. But then two months later her son (only child) passed too, whom I had helped raise…. I realized I am entering that age where I will lose not just my elders, but also random younger people in my life. Man, growing old can get depressing. I don’t know how the seasoned oldies do it…
Work showed no respite. Just didn’t feel comfortable all through the year. With the start of this new year, I stay a little humble. It’s no joke learning new technology. Used to be easier before, harder at my age now. Not sure how much longer I will survive in technical scene, and I absolutely hate management track. If I lose this job - and a part of me wants to but a major part of me doesn’t - I will take a step back and see if I can do a career change.
Family did ok. Wasn’t an easy year for any of us by any means. Each of us had to cross our own tough barriers, but I think we eventually did fine by the time December rolled in. On the plus side, we were able to get out and have a decent EU vacation, paragliding and toboggan sledding over Swiss alps being the highlight.
Personally, this year I strived to do some karma-correction with people from the past. Called my first ex and asked him for forgiveness. While I know my decision to leave him was good for both of us, the fact remains his soul was left wanting, and that disappointment has to have rubbed on my journey as well. I also sorta patched up with an age old friend with whom I had fought bitterly in high school. I didn’t ask her for explicit forgiveness, but when she called, I went to meet her, and we had a very nice time together. I pray to my late ex-husband too for mutual forgiveness and hope he can hear me. There are also minor friendship strains here or there that I am starting to fix now. This continued a bit into the start of 2024, where I surprised another friend in her big celebration (sorta tried to make up for declining some of her other invites many years ago).
This year, I also began to forgive myself. I recognized the terrified little girl in me who needed that assurance from the adult me that she wasn’t responsible for the chaos around her since the beginning of time. I had to look at myself with an objective eye to tell myself that no, it wasn’t me. It was the destiny of others and I just happened to be around. Once you begin to separate, it helps to detach and not get entangled in any kind of inner turmoil or external drama. It feels so light. I no longer need to internalize the guilt or plight of others, and I no longer need to jump in and lose myself. Doesn’t mean I am emotionless. On the contrary, once I am sorted out myself, I can understand and help myself and others better.
My goal for 2024 is to
- continue the path of home decluttering and remodeling
- most cliched goal of the world but the extra body-butter has to go, and hopefully that will ease all my aches and pains with time
- be more clear about my sanity at work
- be clear about cutting off noise and people who can jeopardize my well being, and walk away if I can’t control that
- at the same time open doors to old and new friends, meet them more often
- most importantly, choose happiness. I think it is simpler to choose to be happy instead of waiting for someone or something to come and surprise us with it.
desi aunty- Posts : 251
Join date : 2019-09-12
Re: 2023
by Kris Sat Jan 20, 2024 5:12 pm
Happy 2024. Sorry to hear the ups and downs you had in 2023. Just keep the faith. Declutterring both physically and psychologically is bound to be beneficial. On the positive side, you have kids who you need to shape/ guide. That can be both engaging and exciting. All the best.
Kris- Posts : 5460
Join date : 2011-04-28
Re: 2023
by desi aunty Sun Jan 21, 2024 7:31 pm
happy 2024 Kris..
looks like i mentioned only the serious stuff of the year. I had typed this up in December. And then edited a bit and posted it..
i did have some personally fulfilling moments, quite a few actually. Traveling with family; traveling with friends; sometimes laughing out so loud that eyes begin tearing up and stomach starts hurting; stealing quiet moments here or there. *touchwoood* mostly good interactions. no drama this year for a change . No wait, i did accidentally walk into one drama, but i walked out of it as quickly as i got in. Other than that let there be peace...
looks like i mentioned only the serious stuff of the year. I had typed this up in December. And then edited a bit and posted it..
i did have some personally fulfilling moments, quite a few actually. Traveling with family; traveling with friends; sometimes laughing out so loud that eyes begin tearing up and stomach starts hurting; stealing quiet moments here or there. *touchwoood* mostly good interactions. no drama this year for a change . No wait, i did accidentally walk into one drama, but i walked out of it as quickly as i got in. Other than that let there be peace...
desi aunty- Posts : 251
Join date : 2019-09-12
Kris likes this post
Re: 2023
by MaxEntropy_Man Mon Feb 26, 2024 10:22 am
Hello all! That is all who still linger around here. Haven't been by these parts in years. Just passing by to say hello. Hello desi aunty, Kris, Seva et al! Very belated HNY to everyone.
MaxEntropy_Man- Posts : 14702
Join date : 2011-04-28
Re: 2023
by desi aunty Tue Feb 27, 2024 8:13 am
Hny Max. How are you.
The other day a friend of mine pinged me and was like - ‘doing a wellbeing check on you, how are you handling Trump’s rerun’. Lol. I’d say I’m pretty zen about it. I don’t want to vote for Biden but if there’s no good republican candidate then Biden it is! I have also stopped watching pretty much all late night show clips on Trump. And I no longer react to trumptards. That should keep me sane. Hope you do the same haha. Unless you enjoy political agony.
The other day a friend of mine pinged me and was like - ‘doing a wellbeing check on you, how are you handling Trump’s rerun’. Lol. I’d say I’m pretty zen about it. I don’t want to vote for Biden but if there’s no good republican candidate then Biden it is! I have also stopped watching pretty much all late night show clips on Trump. And I no longer react to trumptards. That should keep me sane. Hope you do the same haha. Unless you enjoy political agony.
desi aunty- Posts : 251
Join date : 2019-09-12
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