making pansies of men

so the other day i had a sore throat and i bought myself some halls lozenges. i opened one and chewed on it, the wrapper said, "you show 'em" a second drop said "pick yourself up" a third chimed in "put a little strut in it" then a "march forward." so halls has this thing - a marketing strategy - called a pep talk in every drop. is this a menthol drop or a stand-in for prozac?

i now open my halls lozenges with my eyes closed in fright.

in the morning and at night i wash my face and pat it dry with a paper towel. well, looks like this particular roll had something to say to me. chinese wisdom. i had not previuosly noted that it had a fortune cookie pattern on it. here are a few things the paper towel-maker wants to tell me: don't cry over spilt milk, your mess will soon be clean, your luck is increasing. "your mess will soon be clean???" have they considered that they could be talking about a face i love? or what if i had a pooja room and i was cleaning up a deity with this roll? how inapprorpiate is that? couldn't they have been decent and left the strip of paper inserted in the cookie?

i don't want to know what's inside every cookie. do you? i have this whole roll to go.

why are these random people intruding into my time and my life with this unsolicited shit? this utter garbage. i don't want a pep talk in any drop, i don't want a fortune cookie. i find it very distracting and i wonder why they assume people need all these pep talks, i think it's very harmful. who are they to underestimate anyone?

and more. now the ama doesn't want magazines to photoshop their models to make them look better. why shouldn't they? if it increases the aesthetic appeal and sales they should go for it. and they claim that it is making people aspire to false ideals and dieting. maybe these docs practice vitamin-medicine but the fact is that atherosclerosis and obesity are amongst the top menaces in america. americans should diet more and exercise more. they should photoshop some more.

i think that halls, my paper towel-maker and the ama need in a kick in the butt, slapped silly, tarred and feathered and punished for their onslaught of kindness. stay away from me. as a consumer i want products that do their job discreetly and i want to remind the ama that people in america eat more, not less.

pravalika wrote:in the morning and at night i wash my face and pat it dry with a paper towel

Why would you use a paper towel?

Dear Pravalika,

What are you eating these days?

Very concerned,

S P

text in response to text in the original post ratio for this thread is very low. thought i must point it out.

Another Brick wrote:text in response to text in the original post ratio for this thread is very low. thought i must point it out.

glad you pointed it out. easy to miss otherwise.
*drumroll*
caring citizen award goes to you.

pravalika wrote:
so the other day i had a sore throat and i bought myself some halls lozenges. i opened one and chewed on it, the wrapper said, "you show 'em" a second drop said "pick yourself up" a third chimed in "put a little strut in it" then a "march forward." so halls has this thing - a marketing strategy - called a pep talk in every drop. is this a menthol drop or a stand-in for prozac?

i now open my halls lozenges with my eyes closed in fright.

in the morning and at night i wash my face and pat it dry with a paper towel. well, looks like this particular roll had something to say to me. chinese wisdom. i had not previuosly noted that it had a fortune cookie pattern on it. here are a few things the paper towel-maker wants to tell me: don't cry over spilt milk, your mess will soon be clean, your luck is increasing. "your mess will soon be clean???" have they considered that they could be talking about a face i love? or what if i had a pooja room and i was cleaning up a deity with this roll? how inapprorpiate is that? couldn't they have been decent and left the strip of paper inserted in the cookie?

i don't want to know what's inside every cookie. do you? i have this whole roll to go.

why are these random people intruding into my time and my life with this unsolicited shit? this utter garbage. i don't want a pep talk in any drop, i don't want a fortune cookie. i find it very distracting and i wonder why they assume people need all these pep talks, i think it's very harmful. who are they to underestimate anyone?

and more. now the ama doesn't want magazines to photoshop their models to make them look better. why shouldn't they? if it increases the aesthetic appeal and sales they should go for it. and they claim that it is making people aspire to false ideals and dieting. maybe these docs practice vitamin-medicine but the fact is that atherosclerosis and obesity are amongst the top menaces in america. americans should diet more and exercise more. they should photoshop some more.

i think that halls, my paper towel-maker and the ama need in a kick in the butt, slapped silly, tarred and feathered and punished for their onslaught of kindness. stay away from me. as a consumer i want products that do their job discreetly and i want to remind the ama that people in america eat more, not less.

O Child: finally, you found the purpose of your life. Rise you shall and protest you will. Start a movement and organize a rally at the Mall against these intruding forces.

Ikkada...Vibhuti isthukko.

pravalika wrote:

i now open my halls lozenges with my eyes closed in fright.

I keep reading the header as "Making PanTies of men"

pravalika. get a costco membership and buy e'thing from there. You get wonly the basic stuff with no fancy lines in there.

- from one aunty to another to be.

Tracy Whitney wrote:pravalika. get a costco membership and buy e'thing from there. You get wonly the basic stuff with no fancy lines in there.

- from one aunty to another to be.

did she touch a nerve by calling you a 4 pants aunty or some such thing.

lol.. no I guess I have read someone else calling her (or maybe someone else) that way.

on a more serious note, anorexia is a bigger mental disorder than obesity. You may feel it more upclose when or if you had someone teen close by. One of my daughters went into an episode like that in FIFTH grade and had to be hospitalized.

besides, when you want your halls, etc to be fancy free, why do you want models to be air brushed?

Tracy Whitney wrote:on a more serious note, anorexia is a bigger mental disorder than obesity. You may feel it more upclose when or if you had someone teen close by. One of my daughters went into an episode like that in FIFTH grade and had to be hospitalized.

besides, when you want your halls, etc to be fancy free, why do you want models to be air brushed?

Is there another one we don't know about?

sorry that was supposed to be daughter's friends.

Hellsangel wrote:

pravalika wrote:in the morning and at night i wash my face and pat it dry with a paper towel

Why would you use a paper towel?

it's cleaner than using a towel. i don't have so many fresh towels.

SomeProfile wrote:Dear Pravalika,

What are you eating these days?

Very concerned,

S P

pro, i'm drinking tap-water to save money. don't cook up a storm now and ask me out to dinner cuz i could die of boredom.

Another Brick wrote:text in response to text in the original post ratio for this thread is very low. thought i must point it out.

i guess everyone's very busy.

Tracy Whitney wrote:on a more serious note, anorexia is a bigger mental disorder than obesity. You may feel it more upclose when or if you had someone teen close by. One of my daughters went into an episode like that in FIFTH grade and had to be hospitalized.

besides, when you want your halls, etc to be fancy free, why do you want models to be air brushed?

all i know is overweight people are the first to worry about anorexia.

Tracy Whitney wrote:pravalika. get a costco membership and buy e'thing from there. You get wonly the basic stuff with no fancy lines in there.

- from one aunty to another to be.

costco is not for singles. it's for people who want to buy in bulk. i live in a 950 sq ft apt, there's room just for me.

pravalika wrote:

Hellsangel wrote:

pravalika wrote:in the morning and at night i wash my face and pat it dry with a paper towel

Why would you use a paper towel?

it's cleaner cheaper than using a towel. i don't have so many fresh towels.

*Fixed*

doofus_maximus wrote:

Tracy Whitney wrote:pravalika. get a costco membership and buy e'thing from there. You get wonly the basic stuff with no fancy lines in there.

- from one aunty to another to be.

did she touch a nerve by calling you a 4 pants aunty or some such thing.

i never called her an aunty. i laughed at her having just four pants, that's all. and if i became an aunt i would be a good-looking aunty. not my problem if other people are frumpy. i just want all indian people to be good-looking and carry themselves well.

pravalika wrote:

doofus_maximus wrote:

Tracy Whitney wrote:pravalika. get a costco membership and buy e'thing from there. You get wonly the basic stuff with no fancy lines in there.

- from one aunty to another to be.

did she touch a nerve by calling you a 4 pants aunty or some such thing.

i never called her an aunty. i laughed at her having just four pants, that's all. and if i became an aunt i would be a good-looking aunty. not my problem if other people are frumpy. i just want all indian people to be good-looking and carry themselves well.

with all due respect and remember I said with ALL DUE RESPECT, that does not compute. to be a good looking hen, one must be a good looking chick at one time or the other.

pravalika wrote:i just want all indian people to be good-looking and carry themselves well.

You have a dream. To make it come true, you should start a charity on the lines of Asha for Education... tentative name: Asha for Good Looks and Well Carriage.

DUT wrote:to be a good looking hen, one must be a good looking chick at one time or the other..

disagree. Seen a lot of weird looking teen or 20-year-old turn into better looking 30 or 40 years old... actually this happens more in men, but is true for women too.

Apart, heard of the saying, 'beautiful young people are a work of nature, beautiful old people are a work of art'.

Wokay, will do a maria like distraction now. How are you DUT? What plans for the weekend?

pravalika wrote:

Tracy Whitney wrote:pravalika. get a costco membership and buy e'thing from there. You get wonly the basic stuff with no fancy lines in there.

- from one aunty to another to be.

costco is not for singles. it's for people who want to buy in bulk. i live in a 950 sq ft apt, there's room just for me.

how much room do you need by god

pravalika wrote:

Tracy Whitney wrote:on a more serious note, anorexia is a bigger mental disorder than obesity. You may feel it more upclose when or if you had someone teen close by. One of my daughters went into an episode like that in FIFTH grade and had to be hospitalized.

besides, when you want your halls, etc to be fancy free, why do you want models to be air brushed?

all i know is overweight people are the first to worry about anorexia.

you are wrong.

Tracy Whitney wrote:

DUT wrote:to be a good looking hen, one must be a good looking chick at one time or the other..

disagree. Seen a lot of weird looking teen or 20-year-old turn into better looking 30 or 40 years old... actually this happens more in men, but is true for women too.

Apart, heard of the saying, 'beautiful young people are a work of nature, beautiful old people are a work of art'.

just coz it happened to your BIL's saasu's diya's grandson's brother-in-law and co-sister-in-law dont make it norm. I said "one-time-or-other"...dont tell me a plain jane tranforms into supermodel model once she hits 30. this isnt an aunty's dream, ya know?

I can search googles for my own pithy saying but what's the point? I am against quotes in the first place.

pravalika wrote:

SomeProfile wrote:Dear Pravalika,

What are you eating these days?

Very concerned,

S P

pro, i'm drinking tap-water to save money. don't cook up a storm now and ask me out to dinner cuz i could die of boredom.

Ay lika... I was already dreaming of asking you to dinner, plying you with inexpensive alcohol mixed with date-rape drug, taking you home and planting a seed in you, getting your parents to force you to marry me cuz you are preggers and I've spread the news to the whole world (along with an MMS video not shared with anyone but saved safely in a safe deposit box), enslaving you to the kitchen and giving you 4 more kids in quick succession (5 in total) to keep you properly busy and suppressed for life. Did you have to be so cruel and cut short my dream even before I asked you to dinner?

Seriously though, I am concerned - you don't lift a finger at home to cook, you don't have money to eat out the rest of the month, you don't have a boyfriend currently to mooch dinner off of (or else, we would have heard a fairly long story about him instead of about your shopping spree). Although I am not a 'medical professional' like you, I still know that you can't live on water for the entire month nor can you starve for the entire month. So, where are you getting boova?

Propagandhi711 wrote:
with all due respect and remember I said with ALL DUE RESPECT, that does not compute. to be a good looking hen, one must be a good looking chick at one time or the other.

I endorse this statement. This is exactly what I was going to say, albeit with less wit.

seven wrote:

pravalika wrote:

Tracy Whitney wrote:pravalika. get a costco membership and buy e'thing from there. You get wonly the basic stuff with no fancy lines in there.

- from one aunty to another to be.

costco is not for singles. it's for people who want to buy in bulk. i live in a 950 sq ft apt, there's room just for me.

how much room do you need by god

LOL! Good question. May be she is one of those big-assed gult aunties.

Propagandhi711 wrote:
I said "one-time-or-other"...dont tell me a plain jane tranforms into supermodel model once she hits 30. this isnt an aunty's dream, ya know?

Woho she was talking about wanting 'all indian people to be good-looking and carry themselves well.' And that's what I said that I have seen examples of. Not so good looking people at younger age learning to look more presentable as they grow older. You don't have to stretch it to a plain jane to model transformation. That happens too but maybe more likely at a much younger age. And the saying is 'ugly duckling turned into a swan'

SomeProfile wrote:

pravalika wrote:

SomeProfile wrote:

I am disappointed at this turn of events. I was beginning to think the two of you are so much like each other... writing long, highly impassioned posts about -- ahem -- vignettes of everyday life. Hopefully, this falling out is just the beginning of a beautiful romance, like it happens in good old Telugu movies where the "hero" exhibits positively disgusting behavior towards the "heroine" and that makes them fall in ever-lasting love.

that makes them fall in ever-lasting love

Depends;

sine qua non # 1: is SP a non -Dugio?

sine qua non #2: does SP know how to carry himself well, unlike other Indians?

sorry. not happening. AFAIK, SP is not a cardiologist.

Wait- if a cardiologist is a Dugio, does cardiology trump the dugio-logy? Also, the Cardio could insist four-pants are a must as a prereq for foreplay...

So many questions, so little by way of answers..

Kris wrote:Wait- if a cardiologist is a Dugio, does cardiology trump the dugio-logy? Also, the Cardio could insist four-pants are a must as a prereq for foreplay...

So many questions, so little by way of answers..

hmm... I think to start with no harm in wanting the best. Why compromise before it even begins. What's so wrong about dreaming? And I am talking in general, not just about Pravalika.... ok, for her .... in random order I am thinking of a nonDUGIO, hindu, up-there doc, suave, in-style, courts her, loves her. I may add height, etc too, but I don't know what's her pref. But the list doesn't vary much for others either.

But you naysayers will always scoff at such dreams. How will you get it if you don't dream it.

Just to let you all know:

I just read the header as

"making Penises of men"

P.S. suddenly thot PN might have hit on a jackpot.

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:Just to let you all know:

I just read the header as

"making Penises of men"

P.S. suddenly thot PN might have hit on a jackpot.

Are you drinking today and getting progressively more and more drunk? In the morning, you read it as 'making panties of men'. Not this. What next?

charvaka wrote:

SomeProfile wrote:

pravalika wrote:

SomeProfile wrote:

I am disappointed at this turn of events. I was beginning to think the two of you are so much like each other... writing long, highly impassioned posts about -- ahem -- vignettes of everyday life. Hopefully, this falling out is just the beginning of a beautiful romance, like it happens in good old Telugu movies where the "hero" exhibits positively disgusting behavior towards the "heroine" and that makes them fall in ever-lasting love.

Charu! Nuvvu-na??

Kris wrote:that makes them fall in ever-lasting love

Depends;

sine qua non # 1: is SP a non -Dugio?

sine qua non #2: does SP know how to carry himself well, unlike other Indians?

If there was a contest to find the representative DUGIO specimen, I'd probably win it hands down. I am a dark SI with a thick, hairy caterpillar-like moustache. Right now, I am sprawled on my couch, shirtless, with thick, dark curly chest hair and hitched up lungi. Alas, I am no cardiologist or any other -ologist in the medical field. In fact, I am the typical SI commoner in America: a software techie, having landed here with a true degree certificate (albeit second-class pass) and a 30% false resume. Earlier this evening, I had my dinner of sambar rice and I ate it with my whole hand. Not with a spoon, not with just the tips of my fingers, my whole hand dammit. And what will I do on a Friday night? I am watching SI movie songs from the 80s with dark, thick-mustachioed heroes and thick-waisted heroines in colorful sarees. I'll be lucky if I manage to get off my couch and get into bed before sliding into a loud snoring sleep.

charvaka wrote: like it happens in good old Telugu movies where the "hero" exhibits positively disgusting behavior towards the "heroine" and that makes them fall in ever-lasting love.

Tomorrow morning, when Pravalika gets out of her 975 sq ft apartment to get to work, she shall find in front of her colony, by the side of the road, a thick-mustachioed DUGIO, wearing a shirt with three top buttons opened, staring at her with hungry eyes and smoking a cigarette with cruel intensity. The moment she looks into his eyes, she shall immediately know what he is thinking: of grabbing her around her wide-ish SI hips and giving her a savage kiss that tastes of part cigarette smoke, part coconut chutney and all SI man.

. in random order I am thinking of a nonDUGIO,

>>> Tsk, tsk, tsk, et tu, Trace? Us Dugios will fight this battle to the finish with those annoying non-DUGIO's..as commanded by our DUGIO god (DUGIO's rule!)

hato va prapsyasi svargam
jitva va bhoksyase mahim
tasmad uttistha DUGIO
yuddhaya krta-niscayah

SomeProfile wrote:

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:Just to let you all know:

I just read the header as

"making Penises of men"

P.S. suddenly thot PN might have hit on a jackpot.

Are you drinking today and getting progressively more and more drunk? In the morning, you read it as 'making panties of men'. Not this. What next?

read it this time as "MarKing penises of men" and I thought "Holy Smoke...why?"

charvaka wrote:

pravalika wrote:i just want all indian people to be good-looking and carry themselves well.

You have a dream. To make it come true, you should start a charity on the lines of Asha for Education... tentative name: Asha for Good Looks and Well Carriage.

oh thanks, i like "asha for bright looks and great posture." i'd like a special section to target older indian people who have very poor carriage and the sneakers with sarees have to go.

[quote="SomeProfile"]

pravalika wrote:

SomeProfile wrote:Dear Pravalika,

What are you eating these days?

Very concerned,

S P

pro, i'm drinking tap-water to save money. don't cook up a storm now and ask me out to dinner cuz i could die of boredom.

Ay lika... I was already dreaming of asking you to dinner, plying you with inexpensive alcohol mixed with date-rape drug, taking you home and planting a seed in you,

** in which case i prefer to make omlettes stat.

** boova? i just realized that i could actually still sell my eggs, the cutoff is age 32 in most centers and i'm healthy, attractive, no dyslexia. in a few months from now i'll be too old to do this. gosh, i can't imagine that. when i checked a few years ago it was 2000 per egg.

Tracy Whitney wrote:

Kris wrote:Wait- if a cardiologist is a Dugio, does cardiology trump the dugio-logy? Also, the Cardio could insist four-pants are a must as a prereq for foreplay...

So many questions, so little by way of answers..

hmm... I think to start with no harm in wanting the best. Why compromise before it even begins. What's so wrong about dreaming? And I am talking in general, not just about Pravalika.... ok, for her .... in random order I am thinking of a nonDUGIO, hindu, up-there doc, suave, in-style, courts her, loves her. I may add height, etc too, but I don't know what's her pref. But the list doesn't vary much for others either.

But you naysayers will always scoff at such dreams. How will you get it if you don't dream it.

** a few weeks ago i decided that i wouldn't spend my time with anyone who wasn't making six-figures. my sis was surprised at this. but here's what money says about a person - that he is hard-working, cares about his work, is fairly competent. these are good qualities to have.

** i like your description of the guy above. i hope for my mom and dad's sake it is a hindu.

SomeProfile wrote:

charvaka wrote:

SomeProfile wrote:

pravalika wrote:

SomeProfile wrote:

I am disappointed at this turn of events. I was beginning to think the two of you are so much like each other... writing long, highly impassioned posts about -- ahem -- vignettes of everyday life. Hopefully, this falling out is just the beginning of a beautiful romance, like it happens in good old Telugu movies where the "hero" exhibits positively disgusting behavior towards the "heroine" and that makes them fall in ever-lasting love.

Charu! Nuvvu-na??

good one!

SomeProfile wrote:

Kris wrote:that makes them fall in ever-lasting love

Depends;

sine qua non # 1: is SP a non -Dugio?

sine qua non #2: does SP know how to carry himself well, unlike other Indians?

If there was a contest to find the representative DUGIO specimen, I'd probably win it hands down. I am a dark SI with a thick, hairy caterpillar-like moustache. Right now, I am sprawled on my couch, shirtless, with thick, dark curly chest hair and hitched up lungi. Alas, I am no cardiologist or any other -ologist in the medical field. In fact, I am the typical SI commoner in America: a software techie, having landed here with a true degree certificate (albeit second-class pass) and a 30% false resume. Earlier this evening, I had my dinner of sambar rice and I ate it with my whole hand. Not with a spoon, not with just the tips of my fingers, my whole hand dammit. And what will I do on a Friday night? I am watching SI movie songs from the 80s with dark, thick-mustachioed heroes and thick-waisted heroines in colorful sarees. I'll be lucky if I manage to get off my couch and get into bed before sliding into a loud snoring sleep.

** this was too disgusting to even read.