Modern day conundrum

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Sat May 31, 2014 12:53 pm

Neighbor's house in India:

The man retired and all his young married kids in US. He is financially fine and likes america and would love to come to US and settle down with his kids. BUT...BUT...

his 90+ parents - with multiple health issues are under his care and his 85 yr old MIL is also under his care.

At a time when he is supposed to be "retired" and live a wound-down life, he and his wife (both have some health issues as well) are loaded with enormous burden with limited option to do ANYTHING that he /his wife like to (they cant even leave home both at the same time).

So is living a long life really that great ? isn't it interfering too much with the lives of the next generation(s) ?

I am predicting this predicament in a lot of families as life expectancy increases in India.

So how do you handle this ? (remember we are talking really old people > 80+ with multiple health issues)

by confuzzled dude Sat May 31, 2014 5:38 pm

You should write to Modi about helping senior citizens. He can have expert foreign businesses invest in Assisted living business

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Sat May 31, 2014 5:49 pm

confuzzled dude wrote:You should write to Modi about helping senior citizens. He can have expert foreign businesses invest in Assisted living business

For once, I start a thread on a serious issue and here you are - a big time loser - showing your "right to respond anywhere and in any manner you like" just like your white-skin astrophysicist.

besh besh.

by confuzzled dude Sat May 31, 2014 6:01 pm

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:
confuzzled dude wrote:You should write to Modi about helping senior citizens. He can have expert foreign businesses invest in Assisted living business

For once, I start a thread on a serious issue and here you are - a big time loser - showing your "right to respond anywhere and in any manner you like" just like your white-skin astrophysicist.

besh besh.

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:
So how do you handle this ? (remember we are talking really old people > 80+ with multiple health issues)

I've responded to the above question of yours and you went ballistic at me! these are not the days for nice guys, especially on SuCH.

by truthbetold Sat May 31, 2014 6:42 pm

Uppili,

I share your pain.

This is a problem in USA. It is a big problem in India. How do you support aging parents while making a decent living in a city? Time is as much of a problem as money. I am also curious to hear real experiences of people.

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Sat May 31, 2014 6:50 pm

truthbetold wrote:Uppili,

I share your pain.

This is a problem in USA. It is a big problem in India. How do you support aging parents while making a decent living in a city? Time is as much of a problem as money. I am also curious to hear real experiences of people.

Naww...it is not my pain....(I only have a problem). This is a real life situation of a neighbor. everyone in his family lived to 95+. his other brother/sisters conveniently stay away - all live within 200 miles. essentially, he is the sucker in the family. throw in additional issues of the "son" not helping much and the two-inlaw politics....this is almost a nightmarish situation with no escape route.

by truthbetold Sat May 31, 2014 7:06 pm

I know a working couple with college going children who are taking care of 90 plus parent in USA (persons of Indian origin). Decent but very private people. Occasionally they open up with us and tell how difficult it is to get time to do little things. It is not as if some is at fault . In this case life is just tough.

by MaxEntropy_Man Sat May 31, 2014 7:11 pm

do you have to? not a happy topic for a weekend.

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Sat May 31, 2014 7:39 pm

Scanning my trecherous memory this is what I think.

The old parents become so troublesome for the (aging) sons and grown up grandkids, all the good things the oldies did are forgotten, and hassles and daily troubles even make one feel when it would all end. When the oldies die, the family heaves a sigh of relief with hardly any tears or affection on their faces.

Quite a few times, there are marriages mixed and the family members praying that the Oldies dont die before the marriage....that indicates the true respect for the oldies. Literally people wait for them to die.

by bw Sat May 31, 2014 7:43 pm

the retired mama and mami should do their duty. their america vacation and playing nanny to their grandchildren can wait. maybe they should think of all the sacrifices their parents made for them over the years - rather horrible to want someone dead so that they can avoid some tough years.

by Rishi Sat May 31, 2014 7:45 pm

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

Neighbor's house in India:

The man retired and all his young married kids in US. He is financially fine and likes america and would love to come to US and settle down with his kids. BUT...BUT...

his 90+ parents - with multiple health issues are under his care and his 85 yr old MIL is also under his care.

At a time when he is supposed to be "retired" and live a wound-down life, he and his wife (both have some health issues as well) are loaded with enormous burden with limited option to do ANYTHING that he /his wife like to (they cant even leave home both at the same time).

So is living a long life really that great ? isn't it interfering too much with the lives of the next generation(s) ?

I am predicting this predicament in a lot of families as life expectancy increases in India.

So how do you handle this ? (remember we are talking really old people > 80+ with multiple health issues)

>>> Very sad situation. My cousin's mom was in her eighties. She became very ill and was scared of being left alone. She would not let her son and her MIL go anywhere out of the house. She will start crying like a small child clinging on to them begging them not to leave her alone and go out,

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Sat May 31, 2014 7:55 pm

bw wrote:the retired mama and mami should do their duty. their america vacation and playing nanny to their grandchildren can wait. maybe they should think of all the sacrifices their parents made for them over the years - rather horrible to want someone dead so that they can avoid some tough years.

Highly simplistic remark. read carefully.He is the only aging son (and his wife) taking care of them. read the thread again closely to see the situation. The aging maami told me all her problems (Rishi effect). The Old man does not like the DIL and does nto want her to even take care of her mother. The husband also expects her to serve only his oldie parents, and gets upset if she spent 5 min talking to her own oldie mother.

Obviously you have not been/seen situations closely.

by bw Sat May 31, 2014 8:03 pm

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:
bw wrote:the retired mama and mami should do their duty. their america vacation and playing nanny to their grandchildren can wait. maybe they should think of all the sacrifices their parents made for them over the years - rather horrible to want someone dead so that they can avoid some tough years.

Highly simplistic remark. read carefully.He is the only aging son (and his wife) taking care of them. read the thread again closely to see the situation. The aging maami told me all her problems (Rishi effect). The Old man does not like the DIL and does nto want her to even take care of her mother. The husband also expects her to serve only his oldie parents, and gets upset if she spent 5 min talking to her own oldie mother.

Obviously you have not been/seen situations closely.

i have seen such situations and my respect was/is for the person who stood up and delivered instead of whining about what others did not do.

the mama should do his duty towards his parents. if the other siblings don't help out, they are being selfish but that should not be taken out on his parents.

if the mama does not support his wife taking care of her mother, he is a nasty mama and deserves no sympathy. he should also stand up for the mami and tell his dad to treat his wife with respect and appreciate what she does.

you got only the mami's version of it all and she could very well be painting herself as the martyr. i have endured such tales many a time.

*know it all mami*

by Merlot Daruwala Sun Jun 01, 2014 5:12 am

truthbetold wrote:Uppili,

I share your pain.

Very generous of you, but Upps Aunty is in no pain (other than from a post 8pm trauma suffered a long time ago) - it's her neighbor who is.

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