interesting article on marital bliss

by Seva Lamberdar Wed Mar 02, 2016 1:58 pm

http://www.msn.com/en-ca/lifestyle/relationships/research-has-spoken-this-is-the-number-one-predictor-of-divorce/ar-BBpPvqF

by Guest Wed Mar 02, 2016 2:05 pm

the more stuff I read, the less I am surprised that my marriage ended, and if it had not ended, I would have likely been very miserable right now. I would not have got divorced unless the situation became extreme like it did, but in a way, glad it pushed me to take that step.

by Seva Lamberdar Wed Mar 02, 2016 2:21 pm

Meghna Mathur wrote:the more stuff I read, the less I am surprised that my marriage ended, and if it had not ended, I would have likely been very miserable right now. I would not have got divorced unless the situation became extreme like it did, but in a way, glad it pushed me to take that step.

sometimes even if all the signs are there about the collapse of marriage, nothing can be done to save it.

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Wed Mar 02, 2016 2:34 pm

Meghna Mathur wrote:the more stuff I read, the less I am surprised that my marriage ended, and if it had not ended, I would have likely been very miserable right now. I would not have got divorced unless the situation became extreme like it did, but in a way, glad it pushed me to take that step.

What do you talking?

After I read the link, I was convinced you have the best "working" divorce, which is much better than an overwhelming majority of "non-working" marriages.

Congratulations.

by Guest Wed Mar 02, 2016 4:03 pm

Seva Lamberdar wrote:
Meghna Mathur wrote:the more stuff I read, the less I am surprised that my marriage ended, and if it had not ended, I would have likely been very miserable right now. I would not have got divorced unless the situation became extreme like it did, but in a way, glad it pushed me to take that step.
sometimes even if all the signs are there about the collapse of marriage, nothing can be done to save it.

no we would have kept going on the low flame, with some sparks here or there, but I think I would have had more bouts of unhappiness. who knows though. hard to predict after all these years. it was the jolt that made me opt for divorce.

by Guest Wed Mar 02, 2016 4:10 pm

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:
Meghna Mathur wrote:the more stuff I read, the less I am surprised that my marriage ended, and if it had not ended, I would have likely been very miserable right now. I would not have got divorced unless the situation became extreme like it did, but in a way, glad it pushed me to take that step.

What do you talking?

After I read the link, I was convinced you have the best "working" divorce, which is much better than an overwhelming majority of "non-working" marriages.

Congratulations.

divorce made me look at the same person with different expectations and hence a different mindset. maybe we are just more mature now. but I think had we stayed married, we would have done more of the same and made it worse.

a year or so ago, XH had shown up one day with a new BMW. It wasn't that abrupt, he was shopping for it for weeks, just didn't tell us anything about it. Came home and announced, 'guys, check out my new car'. just the other day older asked me, 'did papa ask you even once before getting the bmw home?' I replied simply, 'he doesn't have to. none of my business'. If we were still married, he would have mentioned the idea to me 1 day before and got the car home regardless of my opinion, and there would have been a MAJOR meltdown about it.

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Wed Mar 02, 2016 4:24 pm

Meghna Mathur wrote:
Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:
Meghna Mathur wrote:the more stuff I read, the less I am surprised that my marriage ended, and if it had not ended, I would have likely been very miserable right now. I would not have got divorced unless the situation became extreme like it did, but in a way, glad it pushed me to take that step.

What do you talking?

After I read the link, I was convinced you have the best "working" divorce, which is much better than an overwhelming majority of "non-working" marriages.

Congratulations.

divorce made me look at the same person with different expectations and hence a different mindset. maybe we are just more mature now. but I think had we stayed married, we would have done more of the same and made it worse.

a year or so ago, XH had shown up one day with a new BMW. It wasn't that abrupt, he was shopping for it for weeks, just didn't tell us anything about it. .

Are you allowed to drive the car ? Can you ? Are you covered by his insurance?

by Guest Wed Mar 02, 2016 4:35 pm

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:
Meghna Mathur wrote:
Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:
Meghna Mathur wrote:the more stuff I read, the less I am surprised that my marriage ended, and if it had not ended, I would have likely been very miserable right now. I would not have got divorced unless the situation became extreme like it did, but in a way, glad it pushed me to take that step.

What do you talking?

After I read the link, I was convinced you have the best "working" divorce, which is much better than an overwhelming majority of "non-working" marriages.

Congratulations.

divorce made me look at the same person with different expectations and hence a different mindset. maybe we are just more mature now. but I think had we stayed married, we would have done more of the same and made it worse.

a year or so ago, XH had shown up one day with a new BMW. It wasn't that abrupt, he was shopping for it for weeks, just didn't tell us anything about it. .

Are you allowed to drive the car ? Can you ? Are you covered by his insurance?

that's all sorted out...

by seven Wed Mar 02, 2016 4:43 pm

A friend of mine divorced her husband after 1 year or so into marriage because he used to put her down. Now she's an independent woman with very low self esteem.
We are currently working on project Mitali to bring her confidence up to normal levels. Her new husband is very understanding. Sweet guy.

Don't insult your wife if you don't want her to divorce you. And same goes to wives. Don't insult your husband.

PS: Mitali looks exactly like Devon Windsor.

by seven Wed Mar 02, 2016 4:46 pm

Being single at almost 40 vs being divorced at almost 40, it's hard to tell what's more difficult. Both of them are more difficult than being married at 40.
I like doing easy things n I'll stay married. At all ages.

by Guest Wed Mar 02, 2016 5:03 pm

seven wrote:A friend of mine divorced her husband after 1 year or so into marriage because he used to put her down. Now she's an independent woman with very low self esteem.
We are currently working on project Mitali to bring her confidence up to normal levels. Her new husband is very understanding. Sweet guy.

Don't insult your wife if you don't want her to divorce you. And same goes to wives. Don't insult your husband.

PS: Mitali looks exactly like Devon Windsor.

after college, we friends stopped interfering in each others' love lives.

did break that rule. tried to convince one of my bffs to leave her husband. I was that pissed with him. she refused and fought back. move forward a few months, and he is dead. can't tell you the emotions I still go through.

by seven Wed Mar 02, 2016 5:18 pm

Meghna Mathur wrote:
seven wrote:A friend of mine divorced her husband after 1 year or so into marriage because he used to put her down. Now she's an independent woman with very low self esteem.
We are currently working on project Mitali to bring her confidence up to normal levels. Her new husband is very understanding. Sweet guy.

Don't insult your wife if you don't want her to divorce you. And same goes to wives. Don't insult your husband.

PS: Mitali looks exactly like Devon Windsor.

after college, we friends stopped interfering in each others' love lives.

did break that rule. tried to convince one of my bffs to leave her husband. I was that pissed with him. she refused and fought back. move forward a few months, and he is dead. can't tell you the emotions I still go through.

I don't interfere in anyone's life. Never did. Before and after college. I support my friends in all their decisions. I manage to keep my personal feelings to myself except when it's about my sister.
If my friend is mad at her DH, I remind her of all good things about him that she likes. I support her though if she decides to stay mad at him. Can't force anyone to feel one way or another.
This girl I'm calling Mitali is so beautiful. Intelligent. Thoughtful. Caring. She's very brave too All she needs is time. She's young and will get over this bad life experience. With or without our help.

by Guest Wed Mar 02, 2016 6:17 pm

seven wrote:
Meghna Mathur wrote:
seven wrote:A friend of mine divorced her husband after 1 year or so into marriage because he used to put her down. Now she's an independent woman with very low self esteem.
We are currently working on project Mitali to bring her confidence up to normal levels. Her new husband is very understanding. Sweet guy.

Don't insult your wife if you don't want her to divorce you. And same goes to wives. Don't insult your husband.

PS: Mitali looks exactly like Devon Windsor.

after college, we friends stopped interfering in each others' love lives.

did break that rule. tried to convince one of my bffs to leave her husband. I was that pissed with him. she refused and fought back. move forward a few months, and he is dead. can't tell you the emotions I still go through.
I don't interfere in anyone's life. Never did. Before and after college. I support my friends in all their decisions. I manage to keep my personal feelings to myself except when it's about my sister.
If my friend is mad at her DH, I remind her of all good things about him that she likes. I support her though if she decides to stay mad at him. Can't force anyone to feel one way or another.
This girl I'm calling Mitali is so beautiful. Intelligent. Thoughtful. Caring. She's very brave too All she needs is time. She's young and will get over this bad life experience. With or without our help.

am like that with most friends made later on…. different dynamics with age old school/college friends. after marriage, when we told/tell each other stuff, it was with the understanding that things are under control, and telling mostly to share stuff. would listen to the experience, and in turn share any similar experience. in situations where one was too mad about something, no one talked about leaving or not leaving the partner, or unnecessarily bring up any other redeeming or negative qualities the person may have. the focus was on what happened, and discuss that. entire reaction based on how things were narrated.

Didn't mean to say you interfere. just got reminded of how we used to be. We used to be much more involved in each others' lives until college. After that, the couple was 'one' unit, and no discrimination was made any more.

talking of Mitali, googled the actor she looked like. a blonde? I am slowly turning my hair color to medium brown + light ash brown. Let's see how it turns out. Will know by summer. Might make it all shades of medium brown. light brown ki daring nahi ho rahi itni. Let's see…

by seven Wed Mar 02, 2016 6:56 pm

Always remember this Tracy - darr k aage jeet hai.

One of the managers on my floor has colored her hair blonde. She's Desi. Looks awesome.

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