Rishi wrote:http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/20/fashion/weddings/parental-involvement-can-help-in-choosing-marriage-partners-experts-say.html?_r=1&adxnnl=1&adxnnlx=1358647809-sPza7giD6cUMqssPQUXd7w&
.

Rishi wrote:http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/20/fashion/weddings/parental-involvement-can-help-in-choosing-marriage-partners-experts-say.html?_r=1&adxnnl=1&adxnnlx=1358647809-sPza7giD6cUMqssPQUXd7w&

WHETHER arranged marriages produce loving, respectful relationships is a question almost as old as the institution of marriage itself. In an era when 40 to 50 percent of all American marriages end in divorce, some marriage experts are asking whether arranged marriages produce better relationships in the long run than do typical American marriages, in which people find each other on their own and romance is the foundation.

Experts also ask whether there are lessons in how arranged marriages evolve that can be applied to nonarranged marriages in the United States. Among them is Robert Epstein, a senior research psychologist at the American Institute for Behavior Research and Technology in Vista, Calif., and author of a new study, “How Love Emerges in Arranged Marriages.”

He found that one key to a strong arranged marriage is the amount of parental involvement at its start. The most important thing parents of the couple do, he said, is to “screen for deal breakers.”

“They’re trying to figure out whether something could go wrong that could drive people apart,” Dr. Epstein said.

Some couples who have entered into satisfying arranged marriages do attribute the success of their unions to the involvement of their parents. A. J. Khubani was 25 in 1985 when his parents tried to get him to visit Inder Sen Israni and Maya Israni in Jaipur, India, friends of the Khubani family, and meet the couple’s daughter Poonam.

“I just refused,” said Mr. Khubani, who was not keen on settling down because he had just started Telebrands, a company in Fairfield, N.J., that sells inventions via infomercials on late-night television. “I didn’t see why it was so important that I had to fly across the world to see one girl,” Mr. Khubani, now 52, remembered.

Ms. Israni, now Mrs. Khubani, was not ready, either. At the time she was a soap opera star and rising Bollywood actress.

Getting them to meet took some prodding: Mr. Khubani’s father, knowing that his son was going to Asia on business, offered to pay his way if he stopped in Jaipur. The young man and woman both relented, with the casual assumption that they would just please their parents “and that would be the end of it,” Mrs. Khubani said.

When they finally met, neither was impressed. Mrs. Khubani recalled, “It wasn’t love at first sight at all.” Love did not kick in until Mr. Khubani became sick and the young woman he had just met stayed by his bedside to care for him. “Nobody understood his accent because he was so American,” she said, and so she was his translator. For Mr. Khubani, her caring and elegant manners sealed the deal.

“Spending a couple of days in the room with her, alone, I fell in love with her,” he said.

They have been married for 27 years.

Arranged marriages can work “because they remove so much of the anxiety about ‘is this the right person?’ ” said Brian J. Willoughby, an assistant professor in the School of Family Life at Brigham Young University. “Arranged marriages start cold and heat up and boil over time as the couple grows. Nonarranged marriages are expected to start out boiling hot but many eventually find that this heat dissipates and we’re left with a relationship that’s cold.”

He also credited supportive parents.

“Whether it be financial support for weddings, schooling or housing, or emotional support for either partner, parents provide valuable resources for couples as they navigate the marital transition,” Dr. Willoughby said.

But does it really take a village to build a strong marriage?

“I don’t think love marriage and arranged marriage are as different as we make them out to be,” said Michael J. Rosenfeld, an associate professor in the department of sociology at Stanford University. “The people we end up married to or partnered up with end up being similar to us in race, religion and class background and age, which means that they might not be all that different from the person that your mother would have picked for you.”

Divorce rates have climbed in countries like South Korea, Iran, China, and even in India, where parents traditionally have had a strong hand in the marriages of their children. And while India may boast of having one of the lowest divorce rates in the world — below 3 percent by some estimates — divorce there still carries a great stigma. It is also a country in which divorce sometimes is not an option for many women and those seeking dissolution have encountered violence.

Kris wrote:An arranged marriage for the most part involves families and this results in continued pressure/ support systems coming into play. At least until recently, there was stigma attached to divorce in India, not to mention the financial dependence of the woman on the man. If we are to do an apples-to-apples comparison, we need to take out those factors and see how the percentages work out in arranged marriages. Alternatively, if we were to look at the record in the West even two generations ago, the divorce rate was low. This goes back to the social stigma attached to divorce that existed even in the West. The one thing we can say definitively is that the institution is not all love and roses. Perhaps social pressure was the factor that kept things afloat in traditional marriages. Absent that now, the individuals are required to work things out in an amicable manner or else, the deal can go kaput.

Rishi wrote:http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/20/fashion/weddings/parental-involvement-can-help-in-choosing-marriage-partners-experts-say.html?_r=1&adxnnl=1&adxnnlx=1358647809-sPza7giD6cUMqssPQUXd7w&

WHETHER arranged marriages produce loving, respectful relationships is a question almost as old as the institution of marriage itself. In an era when 40 to 50 percent of all American marriages end in divorce, some marriage experts are asking whether arranged marriages produce better relationships in the long run than do typical American marriages, in which people find each other on their own and romance is the foundation.

Experts also ask whether there are lessons in how arranged marriages evolve that can be applied to nonarranged marriages in the United States. Among them is Robert Epstein, a senior research psychologist at the American Institute for Behavior Research and Technology in Vista, Calif., and author of a new study, “How Love Emerges in Arranged Marriages.”

pravalika nanda wrote:“Spending a couple of days in the room with her, alone, I fell in love with her,” he said.

** That's it! I'm going to find a tall, rich guy from America, stalk him, tie him to the bed post and stay with him in the room this weekend. Next weekend - prenatal vitamins and a visit to the OB.
** It's strange that in this day in age we're still confused about love. We know for a fact that there is a chemical explosion in response to it: dopamine, serotonin and norepi are released and fMRI studies have noted that the corpus callosum lights up in those poeple who are madly in love.
** so first, is the couple in an arranged marriage actually in love? we need evidence that they are, not just politically correct statements : "oh yes, we fell in love after some time." most of the time, they've merely adjusted to their social situation, they're scared shit anyway to ask a man/woman out themselves, so they're getting laid for free without making any effort. now who doesn't like getting laid for free? and the hindu male, he gets paid to make out with your daughter. if i was in his position, even i'd be happy; my corpus callsoum (CC) might even light up cuz i love money and i love good sex.
** so they should do a study measuring serotonin, NE, DA and get fMRIs for people of these three groups: arranged-marriage couples who state they're in love, love-marriage couples who state they're in love, and a control gp of regular people we could get closer to the answer than listening to these empty bland statements "althoug it was an arranged marriage, we're in love."

** my feeling is that people who don't have the courage to find a mate on their own in this day and age don't have the courage to love either. don't get me wrong, i think it's perfectly acceptable and maybe even desirable to have arranged marriages, in fact, when i find a tall indian guy from iit or at some cath lab, i will give him a dowry and spend 48-hrs with him; in fact, that's precisely why i must return to work right now.
ciao!

pravalika nanda wrote:“Spending a couple of days in the room with her, alone, I fell in love with her,” he said.

** That's it! I'm going to find a tall, rich guy from America, stalk him, tie him to the bed post and stay with him in the room this weekend. Next weekend - prenatal vitamins and a visit to the OB.

** It's strange that in this day in age we're still confused about love. We know for a fact that there is a chemical explosion in response to it: dopamine, serotonin and norepi are released and fMRI studies have noted that the corpus callosum lights up in those poeple who are madly in love.

** so first, is the couple in an arranged marriage actually in love? we need evidence that they are, not just politically correct statements : "oh yes, we fell in love after some time." most of the time, they've merely adjusted to their social situation, they're scared shit anyway to ask a man/woman out themselves, so they're getting laid for free without making any effort. now who doesn't like getting laid for free? and the hindu male, he gets paid to make out with your daughter. if i was in his position, even i'd be happy; my corpus callsoum (CC) might even light up cuz i love money and i love good sex.

** so they should do a study measuring serotonin, NE, DA levels and get fMRIs for people of these three groups: arranged-marriage couples who state they're in love, love-marriage couples who state they're in love, and a control gp of regular people. then we could get closer to the answer than listening to these empty bland statements "although it was an arranged marriage, we're in love." you know, i'm not even married and i am in love, with myself; so they may even be projecting their self-love and tricking themselves in the process.

** my feeling is that people who don't have the courage to find a mate on their own in this day and age don't have the courage to love either. don't get me wrong, i think it's perfectly acceptable and maybe even desirable to have arranged marriages, in fact, when i find a tall indian guy from iit or at some cath lab, i will give him a dowry and spend 48-hrs with him; in fact, that's precisely why i must return to work right now.

ciao!

pravalika nanda wrote:“Spending a couple of days in the room with her, alone, I fell in love with her,” he said.

** That's it! I'm going to find a tall, rich guy from America, stalk him, tie him to the bed post and stay with him in the room this weekend. Next weekend - prenatal vitamins and a visit to the OB.

** It's strange that in this day in age we're still confused about love. We know for a fact that there is a chemical explosion in response to it: dopamine, serotonin and norepi are released and fMRI studies have noted that the corpus callosum lights up in those poeple who are madly in love.

** so first, is the couple in an arranged marriage actually in love? we need evidence that they are, not just politically correct statements : "oh yes, we fell in love after some time." most of the time, they've merely adjusted to their social situation, they're scared shit anyway to ask a man/woman out themselves, so they're getting laid for free without making any effort. now who doesn't like getting laid for free? and the hindu male, he gets paid to make out with your daughter. if i was in his position, even i'd be happy; my corpus callsoum (CC) might even light up cuz i love money and i love good sex.

** so they should do a study measuring serotonin, NE, DA levels and get fMRIs for people of these three groups: arranged-marriage couples who state they're in love, love-marriage couples who state they're in love, and a control gp of regular people. then we could get closer to the answer than listening to these empty bland statements "although it was an arranged marriage, we're in love." you know, i'm not even married and i am in love, with myself; so they may even be projecting their self-love and tricking themselves in the process.

** my feeling is that people who don't have the courage to find a mate on their own in this day and age don't have the courage to love either. don't get me wrong, i think it's perfectly acceptable and maybe even desirable to have arranged marriages, in fact, when i find a tall indian guy from iit or at some cath lab, i will give him a dowry and spend 48-hrs with him; in fact, that's precisely why i must return to work right now.

ciao!

panini press wrote:

pravalika nanda wrote:“Spending a couple of days in the room with her, alone, I fell in love with her,” he said.

** That's it! I'm going to find a tall, rich guy from America, stalk him, tie him to the bed post and stay with him in the room this weekend. Next weekend - prenatal vitamins and a visit to the OB.
** It's strange that in this day in age we're still confused about love. We know for a fact that there is a chemical explosion in response to it: dopamine, serotonin and norepi are released and fMRI studies have noted that the corpus callosum lights up in those poeple who are madly in love.
** so first, is the couple in an arranged marriage actually in love? we need evidence that they are, not just politically correct statements : "oh yes, we fell in love after some time." most of the time, they've merely adjusted to their social situation, they're scared shit anyway to ask a man/woman out themselves, so they're getting laid for free without making any effort. now who doesn't like getting laid for free? and the hindu male, he gets paid to make out with your daughter. if i was in his position, even i'd be happy; my corpus callsoum (CC) might even light up cuz i love money and i love good sex.
** so they should do a study measuring serotonin, NE, DA and get fMRIs for people of these three groups: arranged-marriage couples who state they're in love, love-marriage couples who state they're in love, and a control gp of regular people we could get closer to the answer than listening to these empty bland statements "althoug it was an arranged marriage, we're in love."

** my feeling is that people who don't have the courage to find a mate on their own in this day and age don't have the courage to love either. don't get me wrong, i think it's perfectly acceptable and maybe even desirable to have arranged marriages, in fact, when i find a tall indian guy from iit or at some cath lab, i will give him a dowry and spend 48-hrs with him; in fact, that's precisely why i must return to work right now.
ciao!

Hahaha! So how was the speed dating thing? You owe us an update.

Sasthi wrote:Whatever! If not for arranged marriages many would have remained single; the world would've been a better place. I prefer the old SwayamVar Ishstyle marraige.

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

Sasthi wrote:Whatever! If not for arranged marriages many would have remained single; the world would've been a better place. I prefer the old SwayamVar Ishstyle marraige.

Oh please... dont rekindle those dreams.... not many are lucky to remain single - I suppose.

Vidya Bagchi wrote:

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

Sasthi wrote:Whatever! If not for arranged marriages many would have remained single; the world would've been a better place. I prefer the old SwayamVar Ishstyle marraige.

Oh please... dont rekindle those dreams.... not many are lucky to remain single - I suppose.

single is lucky? what's so lucky about hauling out the recycles and trash every week?

Vidya Bagchi wrote:

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

Sasthi wrote:Whatever! If not for arranged marriages many would have remained single; the world would've been a better place. I prefer the old SwayamVar Ishstyle marraige.

Oh please... dont rekindle those dreams.... not many are lucky to remain single - I suppose.

single is lucky? what's so lucky about hauling out the recycles and trash every week?

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

Vidya Bagchi wrote:

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

Sasthi wrote:Whatever! If not for arranged marriages many would have remained single; the world would've been a better place. I prefer the old SwayamVar Ishstyle marraige.

Oh please... dont rekindle those dreams.... not many are lucky to remain single - I suppose.

single is lucky? what's so lucky about hauling out the recycles and trash every week?

Not redesignated single - they are already spoiled by the women they married. They are a lost cause. I mean the ones who are the never married type.

Vidya Bagchi wrote:

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

Vidya Bagchi wrote:

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

Sasthi wrote:Whatever! If not for arranged marriages many would have remained single; the world would've been a better place. I prefer the old SwayamVar Ishstyle marraige.

Oh please... dont rekindle those dreams.... not many are lucky to remain single - I suppose.

single is lucky? what's so lucky about hauling out the recycles and trash every week?

Not redesignated single - they are already spoiled by the women they married. They are a lost cause. I mean the ones who are the never married type.

dunno. I don't think I would have enjoyed being single. No regrets. Glad I got married, and glad I gave it my sincerest best shot.

Vidya Bagchi wrote:

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

Vidya Bagchi wrote:

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

Sasthi wrote:Whatever! If not for arranged marriages many would have remained single; the world would've been a better place. I prefer the old SwayamVar Ishstyle marraige.

Oh please... dont rekindle those dreams.... not many are lucky to remain single - I suppose.

single is lucky? what's so lucky about hauling out the recycles and trash every week?

Not redesignated single - they are already spoiled by the women they married. They are a lost cause. I mean the ones who are the never married type.

dunno. I don't think I would have enjoyed being single. No regrets. Glad I got married, and glad I gave it my sincerest best shot.

Propagandhi711 wrote:

I would loveee to be single for atleast 50% of the time. am missing out of lot of hobbies, interests etc

pravalika nanda wrote:“Spending a couple of days in the room with her, alone, I fell in love with her,” he said.

** That's it! I'm going to find a tall, rich guy from America, stalk him, tie him to the bed post and stay with him in the room this weekend. Next weekend - prenatal vitamins and a visit to the OB.

** It's strange that in this day in age we're still confused about love. We know for a fact that there is a chemical explosion in response to it: dopamine, serotonin and norepi are released and fMRI studies have noted that the corpus callosum lights up in those poeple who are madly in love.

** so first, is the couple in an arranged marriage actually in love? we need evidence that they are, not just politically correct statements : "oh yes, we fell in love after some time." most of the time, they've merely adjusted to their social situation, they're scared shit anyway to ask a man/woman out themselves, so they're getting laid for free without making any effort. now who doesn't like getting laid for free? and the hindu male, he gets paid to make out with your daughter. if i was in his position, even i'd be happy; my corpus callsoum (CC) might even light up cuz i love money and i love good sex.

** so they should do a study measuring serotonin, NE, DA levels and get fMRIs for people of these three groups: arranged-marriage couples who state they're in love, love-marriage couples who state they're in love, and a control gp of regular people. then we could get closer to the answer than listening to these empty bland statements "although it was an arranged marriage, we're in love." you know, i'm not even married and i am in love, with myself; so they may even be projecting their self-love and tricking themselves in the process.

** [b]my feeling is that people who don't have the courage to find a mate on their own in this day and age don't have the courage to love either. don't get me wrong, i think it's perfectly acceptable and maybe [/b]even desirable to have arranged marriages, in fact, when i find a tall indian guy from iit or at some cath lab, i will give him a dowry and spend 48-hrs with him; in fact, that's precisely why i must return to work right now.

ciao!