Re: blip blop blah

by charvaka Sun May 08, 2011 11:22 pm

Tracy Whitney wrote:chubby (haha, chubbier than her)

May be that's what the "big boy" haha was about. Don't think dirty all the time. Razz

Tracy Whitney wrote:Talking about FB, this is funny... WE ALL can see his FB profile, but not my BIL, he has apparently blocked him.

Very bad sign!

by charvaka Sun May 08, 2011 11:23 pm

charvaka wrote:
Tracy Whitney wrote:chubby (haha, chubbier than her)
May be that's what the "big boy" haha was about. Don't think dirty all the time.

Tracy Whitney wrote:Talking about FB, this is funny... WE ALL can see his FB profile, but not my BIL, he has apparently blocked him.
Very bad sign!

Oh, congratulations on the century.

by Guest Sun May 08, 2011 11:23 pm

Tracy Whitney wrote:
blabberwock wrote:

Who is "He" here? It is obviously a flirty chatter.

A [white] colleague with whom she went out for an overnight trip for a conference... an honor ex UPenn grad... a sorta geeky, dancer, and chubby (haha, chubbier than her), but seemingly smart fella... stalking his FB page, I gather he is into upanishad's and all... he has posted a sanskrit shloka on his page.... (bad news I guess, he is into Indian girls too)...

Talking about FB, this is funny... WE ALL can see his FB profile, but not my BIL, he has apparently blocked him.

Based on all the details I have read here, it is obvious that this marriage is over. Better to end it ASAP and the respective parties move on with their lives instead of acting petty, stalking, reading emails etc. I assume there are no children - in that case, the damage is minimal and they will get over it.

by SomeProfile Sun May 08, 2011 11:24 pm

Post the link to his FB profile.

Also, they've already done it or will do it in the near future.

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Mon May 09, 2011 1:13 am

SomeProfile wrote:Post the link to his FB profile.

Also, they've already done it or will do it in the near future.

Yes...within 7 clicks from his FB page, you will reach the page of someone you know.

by Kris Mon May 09, 2011 3:16 am

[quote="blabberwock"]

Tracy Whitney wrote:
blabberwock wrote:

Who is "He" here? It is obviously a flirty chatter.

A [white] colleague with whom she went out for an overnight trip for a conference... an honor ex UPenn grad... a sorta geeky, dancer, and chubby (haha, chubbier than her), but seemingly smart fella... stalking his FB page, I gather he is into upanishad's and all... he has posted a sanskrit shloka on his page.... (bad news I guess, he is into Indian girls too)...

Talking about FB, this is funny... WE ALL can see his FB profile, but not my BIL, he has apparently blocked him.

>>> The deal with the upanishad- quoting Upenn alum will probably hit the skids soon, if all this came about in such a short period, but I agree with BW. The BIl needs to move on. This seems like a bad bet all the way around.

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Mon May 09, 2011 10:08 am

charvaka wrote:
Tracy Whitney wrote:what's the ch verdict?
Your BIL is sharing too much info with you. He shouldn't be sneaking into her chat messages, and even if he did, he shouldn't be sharing them with you!

There is a saying: Divorce is a war. In war all is fair.

by Guest Mon May 09, 2011 10:17 am

charvaka wrote:
Tracy Whitney wrote:what's the ch verdict?
Your BIL is sharing too much info with you. He shouldn't be sneaking into her chat messages, and even if he did, he shouldn't be sharing them with you!

Saw this just now... BIL is devastated, and more than that, he is confused. His mother was telling me he cries e'night, and says he wants her back. He explained the reason he does that [crying] is coz he only has a good memories of her, up until the day she left. Had they been bitter and fighting for last 6-12 months, he says he would have behaved differently.

Intersting, when asked why she'd left one of her old b/f's she'd said coz he used to cry too much and asked her to marry her... apparently she has something against emotional men. But I was reading the FB page of this UPenn guy, he seems pretty emotional too... so that seems a pattern to me... phasao an emotional guy, make him do anything for her, and then leave him crying coz she could not handle the crying. I knew this other friend of my sis who used to pick up one druggie after another.

One more thing, when he'd wanted to call off the wedding with her, when stuff about her b/f's had come about, he'd slapped her in one of the arguments, apparently she kept tellign him graphic details of her previous relationships (you are not the first guy I kissed you know)... she'd cried and begged to keep the wedding on... now she's citing the slap of 3 years ago, and calling him abusive. (BIL insists he never slapped her later, and they didn't even really fight much in the last 1.5 years)....When he said if the 'abuse' troubled you so much why didn't you leave me then? She says, 'I couldn't have, I was dependent on you then'. She knew if he called off the wedding, she won't be able to pay for her tuition. And she knew her dad would just ask her to come back to India.......

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Mon May 09, 2011 10:31 am

>> now she's citing the slap of 3 years ago, and calling him abusive.

Women... they are monsters..... Razz

Try to get her to CH and introduce QB

by Guest Mon May 09, 2011 11:06 am

These are two of her other allegations against the MIL.. when MIL was here...

1) MIL met one of the other DILs in the family who had lost considerable weight since the last time they had met a few months ago. MIL complimented her on it... this DIL got offended, as she is pretty chubby now. Said your mom called that other dil slim and me fat.

2) BIL had yelled at her one day for not doing her laundry and her undergarments were strewn all across the room. MIL, his mom, heard that and kept quiet, ideally she wished she'd not even heard this private exchange between husband and wife (and I too wish the BIL had kept this more private)... this girl later complains, 'you yell at me infront of your mom, and she doesn't even say anything to you, I can't live in a family like this'.

MIL also got trapped in this breakup saga, what's new though... but don't you think she's making petty excuses to get out of this marriage? Besides, EVERYTIME someone talks to her, she gives a different reason. and NOTHING that justifies why she didn't try to resolve her problems BEFORE she left him...

by Hellsangel Mon May 09, 2011 11:13 am

Tracy Whitney wrote:These are two of her other allegations against the MIL.. when MIL was here...

1) MIL met one of the other DILs in the family who had lost considerable weight since the last time they had met a few months ago. MIL complimented her on it... this DIL got offended, as she is pretty chubby now. Said your mom called that other dil slim and me fat.

2) BIL had yelled at her one day for not doing her laundry and her undergarments were strewn all across the room. MIL, his mom, heard that and kept quiet, ideally she wished she'd not even heard this private exchange between husband and wife (and I too wish the BIL had kept this more private)... this girl later complains, 'you yell at me infront of your mom, and she doesn't even say anything to you, I can't live in a family like this'.

MIL also got trapped in this breakup saga, what's new though... but don't you think she's making petty excuses to get out of this marriage? Besides, EVERYTIME someone talks to her, she gives a different reason. and NOTHING that justifies why she didn't try to resolve her problems BEFORE she left him...

All of these are minor. But they underscore a major problem. The two of them are not right for each other in the long run.

by SomeProfile Mon May 09, 2011 4:12 pm

WTF is wrong with your BIL? Oh, I know... he doesn't have real MEN advising him. He is caught between women on all sides: his bitchy wife, his mom and you! Would you at least give us HIS email address?? He needs to learn from an alpha-male type personality.

by Guest Mon May 09, 2011 4:24 pm

Tracy Whitney wrote:
charvaka wrote:
Tracy Whitney wrote:what's the ch verdict?
Your BIL is sharing too much info with you. He shouldn't be sneaking into her chat messages, and even if he did, he shouldn't be sharing them with you!

Saw this just now... BIL is devastated, and more than that, he is confused. His mother was telling me he cries e'night, and says he wants her back. He explained the reason he does that [crying] is coz he only has a good memories of her, up until the day she left. Had they been bitter and fighting for last 6-12 months, he says he would have behaved differently.

Intersting, when asked why she'd left one of her old b/f's she'd said coz he used to cry too much and asked her to marry her... apparently she has something against emotional men. But I was reading the FB page of this UPenn guy, he seems pretty emotional too... so that seems a pattern to me... phasao an emotional guy, make him do anything for her, and then leave him crying coz she could not handle the crying. I knew this other friend of my sis who used to pick up one druggie after another.

One more thing, when he'd wanted to call off the wedding with her, when stuff about her b/f's had come about, he'd slapped her in one of the arguments, apparently she kept tellign him graphic details of her previous relationships (you are not the first guy I kissed you know)... she'd cried and begged to keep the wedding on... now she's citing the slap of 3 years ago, and calling him abusive. (BIL insists he never slapped her later, and they didn't even really fight much in the last 1.5 years)....When he said if the 'abuse' troubled you so much why didn't you leave me then? She says, 'I couldn't have, I was dependent on you then'. She knew if he called off the wedding, she won't be able to pay for her tuition. And she knew her dad would just ask her to come back to India.......

how cud he not have seen this coming. didnt he found something disturbing abt her 2 yrs ago when she begged to stay married and apologised saying it ( watever it was) will not happen again. so much for good memories of her. in the wedding date mulroney tells debra messing that there is no such thing as Out of blue. if your BIL didnt see this coming then he is either too naive or led himself to deny all the signs and not face the truth. he is partly crying that it ultimately turned out to be true and all the closing eyes to all the signs didnt help after all.

by SomeProfile Mon May 09, 2011 4:28 pm

Ask your BIL to watch the following two videos:

Part 1:

by SomeProfile Mon May 09, 2011 4:28 pm

Part 2:

by mickeybrowneyes Mon May 09, 2011 6:13 pm

Hellsangel wrote:
Tracy Whitney wrote:These are two of her other allegations against the MIL.. when MIL was here...

1) MIL met one of the other DILs in the family who had lost considerable weight since the last time they had met a few months ago. MIL complimented her on it... this DIL got offended, as she is pretty chubby now. Said your mom called that other dil slim and me fat.

2) BIL had yelled at her one day for not doing her laundry and her undergarments were strewn all across the room. MIL, his mom, heard that and kept quiet, ideally she wished she'd not even heard this private exchange between husband and wife (and I too wish the BIL had kept this more private)... this girl later complains, 'you yell at me infront of your mom, and she doesn't even say anything to you, I can't live in a family like this'.

MIL also got trapped in this breakup saga, what's new though... but don't you think she's making petty excuses to get out of this marriage? Besides, EVERYTIME someone talks to her, she gives a different reason. and NOTHING that justifies why she didn't try to resolve her problems BEFORE she left him...

All of these are minor. But they underscore a major problem. The two of them are not right for each other in the long run.

Agree with HA - pliss to read this very interesting excerpt from "Blink" by Malcolm Gladwell:

http://contemporarylit.about.com/od/firstchapters/a/blinkExcerpt_5.htm

“People are in one of two states in a relationship,” Gottman went on. “The first is what I call positive sentiment override, where positive emotion overrides irritability. It’s like a buffer. Their spouse will do something bad, and they’ll say, ‘Oh, he’s just in a crummy mood.’ Or they can be in negative sentiment override, so that even a relatively neutral thing that a partner says gets perceived as negative. In the negative sentiment override state, people draw lasting conclusions about each other. If their spouse does something positive, it’s a selfish person doing a positive thing. It’s really hard to change those states, and those states determine whether when one party tries to repair things, the other party sees that as repair or hostile manipulation. For example, I’m talking with my wife, and she says, ‘Will you shut up and let me finish?’ In positive sentiment override, I say, ‘Sorry, go ahead.’ I’m not very happy, but I recognize the repair. In negative sentiment override, I say, ‘To hell with you, I’m not getting a chance to finish either. You’re such a bitch, you remind me of your mother.’”

As he was talking, Gottman drew a graph on a piece of paper that looked a lot like a chart of the ups and downs of the stock market over the course of a typical day. What he does, he explains, is track the ups and downs of a couple’s level of positive and negative emotion, and he’s found that it doesn’t take very long to figure out which way the line on the graph is going. “Some go up, some go down,” he says. “But once they start going down, toward negative emotion, ninety-four percent will continue going down. They start on a bad course and they can’t correct it. I don’t think of this as just a slice in time. It’s an indication of how they view their whole relationship.”

by Guest Mon May 09, 2011 6:21 pm

well said mbe.. nice link (didn't read the link yet)... whatever is in your excerpt makes sense. .. also when they were recently chatting he began saying things like ya ya you probably are lookign at greener pastures... so she goes, 'So if you think I am like this, than why do you even want to be with a woman like me?'

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Mon May 09, 2011 9:09 pm

[quote="mickeybrowneyes"][quote="Hellsangel"]

Tracy Whitney wrote:These are two of her other allegations against the MIL.. when MIL was here...

Saamiyaar Vaakku: When you like someone all their faults seem insignificant, when you don't like someone, all their strengths look insignificant.

by mickeybrowneyes Tue May 10, 2011 2:30 am

Tracy Whitney wrote:well said mbe.. nice link (didn't read the link yet)... whatever is in your excerpt makes sense. .. also when they were recently chatting he began saying things like ya ya you probably are lookign at greener pastures... so she goes, 'So if you think I am like this, than why do you even want to be with a woman like me?'

From the link above - he's now completely defensive and she's become completely inflexible...

AFA the book Blink - check it out, I think it's worth your time on the ride to work, Trace...

by Guest Sat Jun 11, 2011 9:38 pm

sad news...bil hired a detective.. and the ho went out groceries with the chubby american, then the two went to her place.... bil was hoping that they will go out to bar.. but they been in there for over two hours... the pimp loves indian food, and bil suspects she's preparing desi meal for him. She's an excellent cook...case gone.

by Kris Sat Jun 11, 2011 11:55 pm

Honestly, Bil needs to move on. The gal seems like she has issues based on what you have posted here. If he is not able to come to terms with this within a 3 month period, urge him to see a therapist.His life should not be circumscribed by someone else's actions this much.

by Guest Sun Jun 12, 2011 12:14 am

Tracy Whitney wrote:sad news...bil hired a detective.. and the ho went out groceries with the chubby american, then the two went to her place.... bil was hoping that they will go out to bar.. but they been in there for over two hours... the pimp loves indian food, and bil suspects she's preparing desi meal for him. She's an excellent cook...case gone.

I think your BIL is crazy. Time for him to move on and stop the stalking.

by Merlot Daruwala Sun Jun 12, 2011 12:36 am

Just what I was thinking. Looks like the BIL is taking this very hard.

by Guest Sun Jun 12, 2011 8:53 am

He is indeed taking it very hard. We ALL are trying to tell him to stop this obsession. But he says 'Easier for you to say because you are not going through it. This girl spent all her time with me. Told me I-love-you infinite number of times, etc etc. Ate, drank, danced, karaoke with me. And then she left just like that and now probably doing all that with another guy.'

Besides his lawyer asked him to get some proof of infidelity too. Also, he needs to know what exactly is going on before he makes his decision. He was saying that if she's not dating this guy than I will just let her go, and divorce. But if she's doing all this for him then he will make her wait two years before divorcing her and make her pay all that he has spend on her education car and rents. (he suspects she is doing this for quick green card like she used him to come to us - it's probably harder for him to accept that she maybe actually liking this chubster geek).

Not only that. Back in bombay her family us trashing him left and right all the while his family wanted to keep it as a nuetral 'they didn't get along'.

Also, his friend has a spying tendency. So he is under his influence too. That friend is some Mumbai politicians son and maha jugadu. He actually flew from ca to here to support him. Not just that. The detective said last night that it's 10:00 now and I gotta go home, this friend was urging the bil to drive back to PA and take up the post (bil was here). Thankfully bil didn't do that. The fact that the two did grocery together and were holed up in her place was already too hard to take for him.

Lastly bil is a Scorpio. I know he wont let it go that easy. Revenge is what they breath.

by Guest Sun Jun 12, 2011 9:41 am

Tracy Whitney wrote:Lastly bil is a Scorpio. I know he wont let it go that easy. Revenge is what they breath.

but i never sought revenge. Shocked

maybe i am not a true scorpio.

by Guest Sun Jun 12, 2011 9:46 am

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:
Tracy Whitney wrote:Lastly bil is a Scorpio. I know he wont let it go that easy. Revenge is what they breath.

but i never sought revenge. maybe i am not a true scorpio.

you too scorpio? dammmmm...

by Guest Sun Jun 12, 2011 10:01 am

and you...?

by Guest Sun Jun 12, 2011 10:10 am

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:and you...?

leo

by Guest Sun Jun 12, 2011 10:22 am

hmmm. my dad was leo. he was very revengeful. wife's virgo.

by charvaka Sun Jun 12, 2011 1:19 pm

Tracy Whitney wrote:He is indeed taking it very hard.

You should tell him that he's making it worse for himself with all this spying nonsense. The standard of evidence for infidelity is probably a lot higher than "they did groceries together and he spent a few hours at her place." So he should decide on his strategy (amicable divorce, or fight till the finish, or somewhere in between) for himself, without making it more painful for himself with all this snooping around.

This thing could very easily turn very bad for your bil. Imagine he takes position in front of the house. She can call the police, even if he does nothing else. A couple of calls to the police later, she can dictate terms for the divorce, because in court the word of the police will count for a lot more than your bil saying she used him to get a green card.

by Guest Sun Jun 12, 2011 1:31 pm

caru, we have already told him exactly all this... that she will get a restraining order against you, and not to do anything that will get you in legal troubles, and if you are spying her it means she still have control over you.

but he is not listening. he listens upto a point, but later we find he did that anyway, but a little more smartly.

by Kris Sun Jun 12, 2011 2:01 pm

He is going rapidly downhill emotionally. You guys really need to arrest this now. Are there guys he can talk with - guys who are a bit worldly on these matters? This guy needs to be proceeding in the direction of a divorce and see a therapist afterward, if need be. This 'spying' nonsense is going to get him nowhere.

by Guest Sun Jun 12, 2011 2:11 pm

Kris wrote:He is going rapidly downhill emotionally. You guys really need to arrest this now. Are there guys he can talk with - guys who are a bit worldly on these matters? This guy needs to be proceeding in the direction of a divorce and see a therapist afterward, if need be. This 'spying' nonsense is going to get him nowhere.

Yes, his parents, my husband, and about 3-4 other cousins (all brothers), all are telling him to focus on work, and build a new life. But he is also talking to a fleet of friends as immature as he himself, and he ends up heeding their advice too...

Will talk him down when he comes home today.

by Kris Sun Jun 12, 2011 2:18 pm

a fleet of friends as immature as he himself

>>> I kinda figured this. It may be that they are equally caught up in this thing emotionally. See if you can impress upon him that this thing is circumscribing his life (he is being defined by it). While this is understandable in the short run, he needs to start taking baby steps to rebuilding his life. That would mean work, hobbies, spending a lot of time with family/friends and eventually, starting to see other girls. Good luck with this.

by Guest Sun Jun 12, 2011 2:23 pm

my husband went to the extent last night and told him, if you are doing all this means she's still winning. It means she still defines how you lead your day. you gotta come out of this obssession.

But I know he won't. I have known him for 6 years now. And I have heard his darkest thoughts on this matter (I am not sure if he is this open with others). I type only 20% of the stuff that he says here.

All I keep doing is that keeping it real, remind him of legal boundaries, and play a devil's advocate on pretty much e'thing he says.

by CroMagnon Sun Jun 12, 2011 2:25 pm

You know what grinds my gears - SMS/chat lingo used in message boards.

PS: I know this is not relevant, but this is the longest thread that had no comments from me, so just wanted to be a part of it.

The title itself was discouraging, and I couldn't read past "BIL" in TW's original post. Haven't read a word since then. What are we discussing here BTW?

by Kris Sun Jun 12, 2011 2:26 pm

Let's hope he sorts things out with all your counsel. Time is a great healer too.

by Guest Sun Jun 12, 2011 2:30 pm

CroMagnon wrote: What are we discussing here BTW?

too late to join... this saga has been going on for over a month, and covered more than just this one thread. so if you are not following it, not gonna work.

i think i stole blip blop blah from some other post on new or old ch.. was it rekz or seven?

by SomeProfile Sun Jun 12, 2011 3:38 pm

Tracy Whitney wrote:
i think i stole blip blop blah from some other post on new or old ch.. was it rekz or seven?

It was VG describing the non-sense that Rekz, Sasthi and Seven post.

by Guest Sun Jun 12, 2011 5:10 pm

good news: his last batch of friends with who he spent last night advised him to let it go and not seek any kind of revenge. and he is agreeing. I am encouraging him totally. He is now saying he'll forgive her, and forget about it all, start a new life. Also, he is saying he will stop spying on her. His friend who had encouraged him to spy got the flak from his own g/f for this and is saying we will stop this nonsense now.

edit: they are all saying, you are the one who helped her build her career, now if you do anything to ruin it, then your own hard work will go waste, and she'll get a chance to say she was right in leaving a revengeful guy like this. Let destiny/god take care of this, she'll pay her dues when the time comes, you let her go.

by Hellsangel Mon Jun 13, 2011 10:20 am

A little pithy for your BIL:
The best way to get over someone is to get on top of someone else.

by .|Sublime|. Mon Jun 13, 2011 11:44 am

TW, may i suggest that you visit some ashram for some quiet time? you seem to have way too much drama happening in your life.
if it's not your BIL, then its some smelly fountain with kissing couples or an ex friending you on FB. and on top of that you say that you type only 20% of what happens!
seriously, some meditation is in order to regenerate cells overburdened with excitement.

by Guest Mon Jun 13, 2011 11:53 am

.|Sublime|. wrote: you type only 20% of what happens!
seriously, some meditation is in order to regenerate cells overburdened with excitement.

hahaha.. ya that's true... a LOT more happens in my life on a daily basis than I care to describe here. My online friends bear the brunt of it...

yep, some meditation is in order, if not that, than some good old fashioned disney trip is in order... and that reminds me.

All this excitement literally froze me this past weekend into complete inaction. I have not prepped AT ALL.... And am not gonna... will just chill, forget about bad hair, and unwanted hair too. Will just float into the swimming pool every night and goad BIL into providing enough alcohol. Yeah, this will get reported back home, but what the heck.

by Hellsangel Mon Jun 13, 2011 11:55 am

Tracy Whitney wrote:forget about bad hair, and unwanted hair too.

TMI again.

by .|Sublime|. Mon Jun 13, 2011 11:59 am

Tracy Whitney wrote:Yeah, this will get reported back home, but what the heck.

by Guest Mon Jun 13, 2011 11:59 am

Hellsangel wrote:
Tracy Whitney wrote:forget about bad hair, and unwanted hair too.
TMI again.

arre I didn't get to go get waxed, then I thought I will do that at home. I heated the wax, got the wax strips, began waxing, did just upper lips, and then decided F it, I don't want to do the rest of this, I will go to the salon t'row. And t'row came and went, I didn't step out at all entire weekend, which is a shame coz both the days were gorgeous.

by Propagandhi711 Mon Jun 13, 2011 12:11 pm

what lips are we talking abt here waxing?

by Guest Mon Jun 13, 2011 12:31 pm

Propagandhi711 wrote:what lips are we talking abt here waxing?

I can reply, but that might send HA into an irrepairable state of shock.

by .|Sublime|. Mon Jun 13, 2011 12:43 pm

Propagandhi711 wrote:what lips are we talking abt here waxing?

you, sir, can never have too much information. you are the poster child for preternatural curiosity.

by Nila Mon Jun 13, 2011 2:20 pm

Tracy Whitney wrote:He is indeed taking it very hard. We ALL are trying to tell him to stop this obsession. But he says 'Easier for you to say because you are not going through it. This girl spent all her time with me. Told me I-love-you infinite number of times, etc etc. Ate, drank, danced, karaoke with me. And then she left just like that and now probably doing all that with another guy.'

Besides his lawyer asked him to get some proof of infidelity too. Also, he needs to know what exactly is going on before he makes his decision. He was saying that if she's not dating this guy than I will just let her go, and divorce. But if she's doing all this for him then he will make her wait two years before divorcing her and make her pay all that he has spend on her education car and rents. (he suspects she is doing this for quick green card like she used him to come to us - it's probably harder for him to accept that she maybe actually liking this chubster geek).

Not only that. Back in bombay her family us trashing him left and right all the while his family wanted to keep it as a nuetral 'they didn't get along'.

Also, his friend has a spying tendency. So he is under his influence too. That friend is some Mumbai politicians son and maha jugadu. He actually flew from ca to here to support him. Not just that. The detective said last night that it's 10:00 now and I gotta go home, this friend was urging the bil to drive back to PA and take up the post (bil was here). Thankfully bil didn't do that. The fact that the two did grocery together and were holed up in her place was already too hard to take for him.

Lastly bil is a Scorpio. I know he wont let it go that easy. Revenge is what they breath.

Yep...we don't give up easily until we feel justified, and we have our own laws.

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