Re: Every Ivy League school wants her

by Guest Wed Apr 15, 2015 10:20 am

tingu wrote:
Beatrix Kiddo wrote:
tingu wrote:
Beatrix Kiddo wrote:hi tingu how's life?
life is good. waiting for accche din in business -- not happened yet. super caught up with sending younger to college this fall. today he has his vitjee exam and it is bengali new year. happy baisakhi! older graduates next summer. wow, time flies!

Happy baisakhi! Didn't know it. I think I'm also forgetting all the seasons and their order. I know jeth is coming up next. Hmm. Will try to brush that up today.

Good luck for younger. At least in India you have specific goals to take entrance exams and such. A totally different type of tension than here. Getting all sorts of nightmares about older. Next year being her time for the same. She tries to pacify me by saying how getting into college is not that hard. But I mean. Biggest decision of her life and I feel like I don't know much. I am thinking of changing my approach a little bit. Since I can't handle her, gonna set XH after her. Same blood, only they know how to deal with each other. Loha hee lohe ko kaTta hai. It's easier for me to nag him than to nag her. I have already delegated certain parenting tasks to him and he seems to be doing a good job. Let's see what happens.

i hear you. i don't have enough exposure or stats at hand but i feel it's tougher in the usa. the usa model lets you choose your major as late as in mid college. whereas in india, you decide right after class 10. i think the usa system is nauseating for any student who has no guidance from his parents or no "calling." i had friends in college who were undecided till junior year and ultimately they followed my footsteps and selected philosophy. one went to harvard to study law and is an eminent lawyer and another (who abandoned his phd in philosphy) is a manager in a distillery in the east coast (but happy). the upshot is, indian students sometimes realize late that they selected the wrong stream. my older told me last week that he regretted selecting ece and should have gone for cs. i said - why? he answered - the faculty sucks and we have to self-study and anyway what i see the cs guys learning is, i now i realize, what i had always wanted to learn. curious, i googled ece. bloody hell, it turned out to be the new name for good old electrical engineering! i had almost opted for ee when applying abroad but cs was the rage then and my father insisted i pursue cs (parental guidance -- priceless!). in college i found that the ee students had NO life. i felt thankful and then i got a calling and did a double major.

so, for my kids, the mould is set. older graduates, gives gmat and probable destination columbia business school or another for mba (cat ruled out for iim too tough without work experience; xat he will try for there's is a tata angle) . it's easy for indian students in india if your parents have wherewithal and they guide you.

you have to guide your kids! no substitute. else they will hate you for life. worse, they will become a burden on you. i have loads of anecdotal stories or experience.

one of my most favourite writers (in my top five firmament), t c boyle, went through a turbulent childhood and was abusing drugs left right and centre in college and thought his calling was music and used to play music with no fucking idea of what he wanted to do in life. one day he woke up. he quit drugs, studied literature, did his phd and became a prolific writer (and i think professor too). but that is very rare. it happens very very rarely -- to be a phd in literature (that can be counter productive -- can stem your talent), continue in academia and shock the world of fiction. he is highly underrated by critics. posterity will remember him as the super boss of fiction. but that is how turbulent the usa system can be if you are floating rudderless. he was lucky because he got a "calling" -- however late in life it might have been. but how many students in the usa get a "calling?" i ask because the system is designed to nurture your calling which the system innately believes every student is bestowed with and that it should nurture it and not stymie it. my belief is that no system can stymie a "calling." not even the indian system.

agree w/all you wrote. am trying and she's know I am. guess that matters too. as long as she knows I am keen about her success, she will do it.

I was like that as a kid. least serious about anything. I was gonna marry xb and was willing to do bachelor in arts, history or geography or any such thing. Mom was like, 'you can do those things in your free time too, bleh'.

Anyway, I think this moment came to me 2-3 times...

1) in my 11 or 12th I went to a hospital meet a newly graduated med student in the family. Met her friends too, in between their work, and they looked so much more glamorous to me than the lesser educated high fashioned girls I was moving around with in the village. In contrast, they were intelligent, and 'together' and I felt like an idiot compared to them, and decided I wanted to be in a profession too.

2) When I had not gotten selected for engg the first time, I declared I will take it again next year because that seemed like the right thing to do, but I also secretly wanted to enroll in BA or BSc, coz r'ber I still had marriage with XB in mind. Dad and mom sat me down one day. Said I am the flakiest girl ever born on earth and if I go in college, I will get mast in life there and forget everything else. So they said that better option for me is to not go to any college and focus on just the exams next year. Argument had grounds, so I agreed.

3) Same year, I went to get waxing done in a salon. When I was waiting, I sat next to a girl. She had come with her mother who was getting beauty treatments inside. The girl herself was highly un-groomed, and didn't care either. her mom asked her to get stuff done and she refused. She was working on some papers. I looked closely, she was a 3rd year engg. student, and was working on some assignment. I felt quite irrelevant that day compared to her (Older's fave word is irrelevant lol, e'one according to her is). Guess that sealed it for me. I wanted to be a nerd, who was a little better about self-grooming than other nerds.

in contrast, my close friends who were born in biz families wanted to work double hard to do MBA, etc. If they had not, their family would not have cared either. Super self-motivation. And I was also sorta handy in motivating them. If I was born in such a family though, I would have done nothing with my life, professionally.

by Kris Wed Apr 15, 2015 10:37 am

Beatrix Kiddo wrote:
tingu wrote:
Beatrix Kiddo wrote:hi tingu how's life?
life is good. waiting for accche din in business -- not happened yet. super caught up with sending younger to college this fall. today he has his vitjee exam and it is bengali new year. happy baisakhi! older graduates next summer. wow, time flies!

Happy baisakhi! Didn't know it. I think I'm also forgetting all the seasons and their order. I know jeth is coming up next. Hmm. Will try to brush that up today.

Good luck for younger. At least in India you have specific goals to take entrance exams and such. A totally different type of tension than here. Getting all sorts of nightmares about older. Next year being her time for the same. She tries to pacify me by saying how getting into college is not that hard. But I mean. Biggest decision of her life and I feel like I don't know much. I am thinking of changing my approach a little bit. Since I can't handle her, gonna set XH after her. Same blood, only they know how to deal with each other. Loha hee lohe ko kaTta hai. It's easier for me to nag him than to nag her. I have already delegated certain parenting tasks to him and he seems to be doing a good job. Let's see what happens.

>>>TW,

You absolutely have to guide your kid unless she has a burning passion, as HK says in his post.It is not difficult as it seems. Have her take an aptitude test, if she tells you she doesn't know what she wants to major in. That will give her an idea as to choices she can pick from. Of course, if she knows what she wants, there is no issue. She still has time to finalize her major, but I would recommend no later than the sophomore year, although the system gives you more leeway than that. Secondly, the general ed component of the undergrad degree will be detailed in the school catalog. This lists the areas and choices within each of them. I like this part of the curriculum. The purpose is to turn out an educated individual who is well rounded. She can pick and choose from the choices. The counselor in school will be able to help on this, but it is not rocket science. She can even pick some courses that enhances her major or choose some really cool stuff that she likes. Good luck.

by Guest Wed Apr 15, 2015 10:52 am

Kris wrote:
Beatrix Kiddo wrote:
tingu wrote:
Beatrix Kiddo wrote:hi tingu how's life?
life is good. waiting for accche din in business -- not happened yet. super caught up with sending younger to college this fall. today he has his vitjee exam and it is bengali new year. happy baisakhi! older graduates next summer. wow, time flies!

Happy baisakhi! Didn't know it. I think I'm also forgetting all the seasons and their order. I know jeth is coming up next. Hmm. Will try to brush that up today.

Good luck for younger. At least in India you have specific goals to take entrance exams and such. A totally different type of tension than here. Getting all sorts of nightmares about older. Next year being her time for the same. She tries to pacify me by saying how getting into college is not that hard. But I mean. Biggest decision of her life and I feel like I don't know much. I am thinking of changing my approach a little bit. Since I can't handle her, gonna set XH after her. Same blood, only they know how to deal with each other. Loha hee lohe ko kaTta hai. It's easier for me to nag him than to nag her. I have already delegated certain parenting tasks to him and he seems to be doing a good job. Let's see what happens.
>>>TW,

You absolutely have to guide your kid unless she has a burning passion, as HK says in his post.It is not difficult as it seems. Have her take an aptitude test, if she tells you she doesn't know what she wants to major in. That will give her an idea as to choices she can pick from. Of course, if she knows what she wants, there is no issue. She still has time to finalize her major, but I would recommend no later than the sophomore year, although the system gives you more leeway than that. Secondly, the general ed component of the undergrad degree will be detailed in the school catalog. This lists the areas and choices within each of them. I like this part of the curriculum. The purpose is to turn out an educated individual who is well rounded. She can pick and choose from the choices. The counselor in school will be able to help on this, but it is not rocket science. She can even pick some courses that enhances her major or choose some really cool stuff that she likes. Good luck.

+ 1 and good luck. Smile

by Guest Wed Apr 15, 2015 11:00 am

thanks Kris... in her case she knows her major, as in, as of now she can't see herself in any other field. She chose her high school subjects also accordingly. But's that's a very tough path and I need to step in to make sure she gives that field an honest try and find the best options. I got books and all, and am slowly going through them. Also, am planning to pick brains of her school counselor even more, with who I have developed a good relationship by now (had to take on an abusive teacher lately in school and move her out of that class; god that was a nightmare, but eventually we were able to set it right. hopefully. I never thought I would be nasty to a teacher on her face infront of the school principal, but well, you learn as you live).

by swapna Wed Apr 15, 2015 11:32 am

tingu wrote:
Beatrix Kiddo wrote:hi tingu how's life?
life is good. waiting for accche din in business -- not happened yet. super caught up with sending younger to college this fall. today he has his vitjee exam and it is bengali new year. happy baisakhi! older graduates next summer. wow, time flies!

brilliant! if a 16-year-old has not found his calling, daddy-ji rams computer engineering down the poor fella's throat, along with some junnu, I suppose. in ten years, he'll be beating up the illiterate wife that daddy-ji forced on him, along with more junnu, out of sheer frustration.

jai BIMARU! jai northindian!

by FluteHolder Wed Apr 15, 2015 12:57 pm

swapna wrote:brilliant! if a 16-year-old has not found his calling

>>
Ignoring your prejudiced love for NI/Junnu, do you really think a 16 yr old would have found his/her 'calling' whether in India or in US?

by truthbetold Wed Apr 15, 2015 1:12 pm

Flute
A more important question is what is a calling? What was slimy's calling? Being a miserable being and making bigoted statements?

Slimy
Before you comments on parents you never met, tell us what the f did you achieve in life?

by swapna Wed Apr 15, 2015 1:18 pm

FluteHolder wrote:
swapna wrote:brilliant! if a 16-year-old has not found his calling
>>
Ignoring your prejudiced love for NI/Junnu, do you really think a 16 yr old would have found his/her 'calling' whether in India or in US?

no.

you don't read well.

you didn't ignore my "prejudiced love."

"prejudiced love" sounds nonsensical, and seems like a contradiction in terms.

your anger and frustration are palpable.

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Wed Apr 15, 2015 1:34 pm

Beatrix Kiddo wrote:thanks Kris... in her case she knows her major, as in, as of now she can't see herself in any other field. She chose her high school subjects also accordingly. But's that's a very tough path and I need to step in to make sure she gives that field an honest try and find the best options. I got books and all, and am slowly going through them. Also, am planning to pick brains of her school counselor even more, with who I have developed a good relationship by now (had to take on an abusive teacher lately in school and move her out of that class; god that was a nightmare, but eventually we were able to set it right. hopefully. I never thought I would be nasty to a teacher on her face infront of the school principal, but well, you learn as you live).

Kids in India expect the father to guide, direct, donate and get admission in a top school (of his choice). One of my 2nd cousins blamed his father for his going to a 3rd rate college - the dad failed to get his son admission at a great college forgetting the fact that he stunk in all exams.

in US, kids made up their mind with their own justification. They expect you to agree with them, clarify any questions they have, and help pay tuition and living wherever they want to go.

Unlike in India, these are the following "heart attack" statements:

I want to take a year off after high school (holy shyt).

I want to backpack across africa or Europe for 60 months

I want decline the scholarship at MIT and join a community college to see what I like.

I am interested in drama and Celo.

and finally this: after 2 years... I dont think economics is for me.... I have "decided" to change my major to medieval history. (This shyt really happened).

by pravalika nanda Wed Apr 15, 2015 5:19 pm

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:
Beatrix Kiddo wrote:thanks Kris... in her case she knows her major, as in, as of now she can't see herself in any other field. She chose her high school subjects also accordingly. But's that's a very tough path and I need to step in to make sure she gives that field an honest try and find the best options. I got books and all, and am slowly going through them. Also, am planning to pick brains of her school counselor even more, with who I have developed a good relationship by now (had to take on an abusive teacher lately in school and move her out of that class; god that was a nightmare, but eventually we were able to set it right. hopefully. I never thought I would be nasty to a teacher on her face infront of the school principal, but well, you learn as you live).

Kids in India expect the father to guide, direct, donate and get admission in a top school (of his choice). One of my 2nd cousins blamed his father for his going to a 3rd rate college - the dad failed to get his son admission at a great college forgetting the fact that he stunk in all exams.

in US, kids made up their mind with their own justification. They expect you to agree with them, clarify any questions they have, and help pay tuition and living wherever they want to go.

Unlike in India, these are the following "heart attack" statements:

I want to take a year off after high school (holy shyt).

I want to backpack across africa or Europe for 60 months

I want decline the scholarship at MIT and join a community college to see what I like.

I am interested in drama and Celo.
** when I told my dad this he cut my funding for two years.

and finally this: after 2 years... I dont think economics is for me.... I have "decided" to change my major to medieval history. (This shyt really happened).
**madhu went from physics to econ to finance. but she actually never completed any of the programs she was in...one day she went to a job fair in the basement of her dorm just to check things out and ended up taking a job. initially she thought it was a temp thing but she never went back to school. she hates school.

by pravalika nanda Wed Apr 15, 2015 5:28 pm

actually if I have any kids and they try anything funny, I will also cut their funding. they're going to study what I tell them to ( I will give them about 3-5 choices) and they can try funny stuff on their time with their money, not mine.

I'm no longer the dreamy, irresponsible person I once was. If you waste time in your youth the consequences are severe. While I made mistakes, I had extraordinary social, familial, emotional and financial support. This allowed me to pursue a professional career at a later time in my life. I was about 5 years behind my peers and academically I feel that I'm always playing catch up. Anyhow, it is very rare to have all those things. And frankly I doubt that I would be able to provide any kid with all those resources if it made the kind of mistakes I made.

by confuzzled dude Wed Apr 15, 2015 5:41 pm

Beatrix Kiddo wrote:
Good luck for younger. At least in India you have specific goals to take entrance exams and such. A totally different type of tension than here. Getting all sorts of nightmares about older. Next year being her time for the same. She tries to pacify me by saying how getting into college is not that hard. But I mean. Biggest decision of her life and I feel like I don't know much. I am thinking of changing my approach a little bit. Since I can't handle her, gonna set XH after her. Same blood, only they know how to deal with each other. Loha hee lohe ko kaTta hai. It's easier for me to nag him than to nag her. I have already delegated certain parenting tasks to him and he seems to be doing a good job. Let's see what happens.

Looks like you're a bit of a Tiger Mom yourself Smile

Do remember that your daughter lives in America, land of opportunities, not in India. You got to trust her judgment; they will turn into rebels if they sense that you're being overly protective.

by garam-kuta Wed Apr 15, 2015 7:06 pm

truthbetold wrote:Flute
A more important question is what is a calling? What was slimy's calling? Being a miserable being and making bigoted statements?

Slimy
Before you comments on parents you never met, tell us what the f did you achieve in life?

First of all, let me remind all of you that when one is used to being a highly paid consultant in the pre-retirement life, one gets used to all the people asking advise all the time. That makes them get into that mode where they think that people are asking their advise even when they are not.This can be observed in India with the elderly people constantly offering their opinion on all topics. People just pretend that they are listening to them even when they don't really care/ We should extend similar courtesies online also.

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Wed Apr 15, 2015 10:53 pm

Veeu wrote:
truthbetold wrote:Flute
A more important question is what is a calling? What was slimy's calling? Being a miserable being and making bigoted statements?

Slimy
Before you comments on parents you never met, tell us what the f did you achieve in life?
First of all, let me remind all of you that when one is used to being a highly paid consultant in the pre-retirement life, one gets used to all the people asking advise all the time. That makes them get into that mode where they think that people are asking their advise even when they are not.This can be observed in India with the elderly people constantly offering their opinion on all topics. People just pretend that they are listening to them even when they don't really care/ We should extend similar courtesies online also.

You are correct.

However, I give advise knowing full well that the other side does not give a shyt to my advice. Then why do I give....Bcz I know they are wrong and will screw up and I tell them later "I told you so... Razz

"

by Guest Thu Apr 16, 2015 1:35 am

swapna wrote:
tingu wrote:
Beatrix Kiddo wrote:hi tingu how's life?
life is good. waiting for accche din in business -- not happened yet. super caught up with sending younger to college this fall. today he has his vitjee exam and it is bengali new year. happy baisakhi! older graduates next summer. wow, time flies!

brilliant! if a 16-year-old has not found his calling, daddy-ji rams ~~computer engineering~~ down the poor fella's throat, along with some junnu, I suppose. in ten years, he'll be beating up the illiterate wife that daddy-ji forced on him, along with more junnu, out of sheer frustration.

jai BIMARU! jai northindian!

mechanical engineering, not computer engineering. he is determined to study mechanical (he thinks he has a calling). and for pete's sake, he has to be around 18 to start college, not 16! what the fuck is wrong with you old man? lost it totally?

by MaxEntropy_Man Thu Apr 16, 2015 6:03 am

what is vitjee?

by Guest Thu Apr 16, 2015 6:23 am

MaxEntropy_Man wrote:what is vitjee?

max, vitjee is the entrance test for vit (http://www.vit.ac.in/). vit is a deemed university with 2 campuses -- one in vellore and one in chennai. it has grown to become one of the best colleges in india ranked alongside iit and bit.

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Thu Apr 16, 2015 9:11 am

MaxEntropy_Man wrote:what is vitjee?

When it comea to UG education BITS Pilani, VIT have overtaken IITs - which are neither there nor here when it comes to engineering education. These institutions also get students who are on par with the IIT JEE rankers - except their focus is on UG. Of course, these are pvt schools and hence fees are a bit more.

by Guest Thu Apr 16, 2015 9:23 am

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:
MaxEntropy_Man wrote:what is vitjee?

When it comea to UG education BITS Pilani, VIT have overtaken IITs - which are neither there nor here when it comes to engineering education. These institutions also get students who are on par with the IIT JEE rankers - except their focus is on UG. Of course, these are pvt schools and hence fees are a bit more.

correct. it is as tough to get into vit/bit as into iit/nit. but bit & vit give a better experience (better faculty, environment and campus), though, as you rightly say, they are more expensive. the iits need to be freed from govt. shackles like the iims are or they will soon lose prominence. or maybe they do serve their purpose by making education egalitarian (affordable to the poor). i'm sure there exists a solution.

by swapna Thu Apr 16, 2015 10:07 am

tingu wrote:
Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:
MaxEntropy_Man wrote:what is vitjee?

When it comea to UG education BITS Pilani, VIT have overtaken IITs - which are neither there nor here when it comes to engineering education. These institutions also get students who are on par with the IIT JEE rankers - except their focus is on UG. Of course, these are pvt schools and hence fees are a bit more.
correct. it is as tough to get into vit/bit as into iit/nit. but bit & vit give a better experience (better faculty, environment and campus), though, as you rightly say, they are more expensive. the iits need to be freed from govt. shackles like the iims are or they will soon lose prominence. or maybe they do serve their purpose by making education egalitarian (affordable to the poor). i'm sure there exists a solution.

I experience a thrill whenever you say "there exists a solution." what a guy! do your breasts jiggle in resonance when you say that? (remember the photograph you posted here of you and your wife on a beach in wet t-shirts?)

by Propagandhi711 Thu Apr 16, 2015 10:37 am

swapna wrote:
tingu wrote:
Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:
MaxEntropy_Man wrote:what is vitjee?

When it comea to UG education BITS Pilani, VIT have overtaken IITs - which are neither there nor here when it comes to engineering education. These institutions also get students who are on par with the IIT JEE rankers - except their focus is on UG. Of course, these are pvt schools and hence fees are a bit more.
correct. it is as tough to get into vit/bit as into iit/nit. but bit & vit give a better experience (better faculty, environment and campus), though, as you rightly say, they are more expensive. the iits need to be freed from govt. shackles like the iims are or they will soon lose prominence. or maybe they do serve their purpose by making education egalitarian (affordable to the poor). i'm sure there exists a solution.

I experience a thrill whenever you say "there exists a solution." what a guy! do your breasts jiggle in resonance when you say that? (remember the photograph you posted here of you and your wife on a beach in wet t-shirts?)

are you still flogging your semi-softie over that pic?

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