Beatrix Kiddo wrote:http://www.huffingtonpost.com/justice-schanfarber/why-women-leave-men-they-_b_8511584.html

While many situations are complex, there's one profoundly simple truth that men need to know: Women leave men they love.
They feel terrible about it. It tears their heart out of them. But they do it. They rally their courage and their resources and they leave. Women leave men with whom they have children, homes and lives.

Women leave for many reasons, but there's one reason in particular that haunts me, one that I want men to understand: Women leave because their man is not present. He's working, golfing, gaming, watching TV, fishing...the list is long. These aren't bad men. They're good men. They're good fathers. They support their family. They're nice, likeable. But they take their wife for granted. They're not present.

Beatrix Kiddo wrote:a red voting? do we do these?

ya ok, her 'advice' seems a bit too cheesy. but i guess the crux of it isn't off the mark.

I have seen women leaving the guys they love coz they were not getting that love and commitment back. I could say i somewhat belong to that category. the one thing i remember saying over and over to xh is, 'I can no longer live this sham'.

It's hard when you are giving it your all, and getting coldness or aloofness in return.

On the other side of the spectrum i have seen extremely busy husbands who love their job and spend a lot of time doing it, have other hobbies too, but they make their wives feel special all the time. No no, not with high fi materialistic stuff (and that too), but by simply talking, and taking interest in all her and families needs. Being their. Being involved. Talking. Sharing. In my book, that's a truly happy marriage.

Desi model of marriage is somewhat different i guess. atleast the older version. it's more duty bound. within that framework if the couple love each other deeply, that's a bonus. Guess in that case, the couple still give it their all, but the parameters to measure it is more duty based than passion based. So, they don't have to do a lot to glide by.

And she asked a valid question to men too. 'Not just your passion for her or for sex; your passion for being alive. Do you have it? It's the most attractive thing you possess. If you've lost it, what's the reason? Where did it go? Find out. Find it. If you never discovered it, you are living on borrowed time.'

so it's not just about him giving her all that. it's him to instrospect why he is not able to.

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

Beatrix Kiddo wrote:a red voting? do we do these?

ya ok, her 'advice' seems a bit too cheesy. but i guess the crux of it isn't off the mark.

I have seen women leaving the guys they love coz they were not getting that love and commitment back. I could say i somewhat belong to that category. the one thing i remember saying over and over to xh is, 'I can no longer live this sham'.

It's hard when you are giving it your all, and getting coldness or aloofness in return.

On the other side of the spectrum i have seen extremely busy husbands who love their job and spend a lot of time doing it, have other hobbies too, but they make their wives feel special all the time. No no, not with high fi materialistic stuff (and that too), but by simply talking, and taking interest in all her and families needs. Being their. Being involved. Talking. Sharing. In my book, that's a truly happy marriage.

Desi model of marriage is somewhat different i guess. atleast the older version. it's more duty bound. within that framework if the couple love each other deeply, that's a bonus. Guess in that case, the couple still give it their all, but the parameters to measure it is more duty based than passion based. So, they don't have to do a lot to glide by.

And she asked a valid question to men too. 'Not just your passion for her or for sex; your passion for being alive. Do you have it? It's the most attractive thing you possess. If you've lost it, what's the reason? Where did it go? Find out. Find it. If you never discovered it, you are living on borrowed time.'

so it's not just about him giving her all that. it's him to instrospect why he is not able to.

You should not consider yourself an example of the "woman leaving". Ask your kids, friends, colleagues, relatives, you are still with your husband.

You are just living out your youthful fantasy of "living together" by divorcing your husband and living with a single man - except he is your own husband.

They need to create a new category for you:

Unmarried - bcz a divorce is complete separation of everything. You are just unmarried.

Beatrix Kiddo wrote:

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

Beatrix Kiddo wrote:a red voting? do we do these?

ya ok, her 'advice' seems a bit too cheesy. but i guess the crux of it isn't off the mark.

I have seen women leaving the guys they love coz they were not getting that love and commitment back. I could say i somewhat belong to that category. the one thing i remember saying over and over to xh is, 'I can no longer live this sham'.

It's hard when you are giving it your all, and getting coldness or aloofness in return.

On the other side of the spectrum i have seen extremely busy husbands who love their job and spend a lot of time doing it, have other hobbies too, but they make their wives feel special all the time. No no, not with high fi materialistic stuff (and that too), but by simply talking, and taking interest in all her and families needs. Being their. Being involved. Talking. Sharing. In my book, that's a truly happy marriage.

Desi model of marriage is somewhat different i guess. atleast the older version. it's more duty bound. within that framework if the couple love each other deeply, that's a bonus. Guess in that case, the couple still give it their all, but the parameters to measure it is more duty based than passion based. So, they don't have to do a lot to glide by.

And she asked a valid question to men too. 'Not just your passion for her or for sex; your passion for being alive. Do you have it? It's the most attractive thing you possess. If you've lost it, what's the reason? Where did it go? Find out. Find it. If you never discovered it, you are living on borrowed time.'

so it's not just about him giving her all that. it's him to instrospect why he is not able to.

You should not consider yourself an example of the "woman leaving". Ask your kids, friends, colleagues, relatives, you are still with your husband.

You are just living out your youthful fantasy of "living together" by divorcing your husband and living with a single man - except he is your own husband.

They need to create a new category for you:

Unmarried - bcz a divorce is complete separation of everything. You are just unmarried.

oh i left that marriage alright.

no fantasy. just feels better to be not termed his 'wife' once its symbolism was lost on me. you can say the childhood fantasy was broken. no regrets though. feels honest this way, even though haven't told the truth to anyone except close relatives and friends. we don't have anything romantic going and that's for sure.

our ann is coming up lol. will be snowed in. kids are teasing as usual. would have been 18 years. (and 22 years of being together, and 27 years of knowing each other).

who knows what happens in future. if he picks up and leaves one day, i will accept it and think of the next steps. right now, it's life for us. i don't think i will ask him to leave unless something very drastic happens, and i know, we have weathered quite a few drastics.

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

Beatrix Kiddo wrote:a red voting? do we do these?

ya ok, her 'advice' seems a bit too cheesy. but i guess the crux of it isn't off the mark.

I have seen women leaving the guys they love coz they were not getting that love and commitment back. I could say i somewhat belong to that category. the one thing i remember saying over and over to xh is, 'I can no longer live this sham'.

It's hard when you are giving it your all, and getting coldness or aloofness in return.

On the other side of the spectrum i have seen extremely busy husbands who love their job and spend a lot of time doing it, have other hobbies too, but they make their wives feel special all the time. No no, not with high fi materialistic stuff (and that too), but by simply talking, and taking interest in all her and families needs. Being their. Being involved. Talking. Sharing. In my book, that's a truly happy marriage.

Desi model of marriage is somewhat different i guess. atleast the older version. it's more duty bound. within that framework if the couple love each other deeply, that's a bonus. Guess in that case, the couple still give it their all, but the parameters to measure it is more duty based than passion based. So, they don't have to do a lot to glide by.

And she asked a valid question to men too. 'Not just your passion for her or for sex; your passion for being alive. Do you have it? It's the most attractive thing you possess. If you've lost it, what's the reason? Where did it go? Find out. Find it. If you never discovered it, you are living on borrowed time.'

so it's not just about him giving her all that. it's him to instrospect why he is not able to.

You should not consider yourself an example of the "woman leaving". Ask your kids, friends, colleagues, relatives, you are still with your husband.

You are just living out your youthful fantasy of "living together" by divorcing your husband and living with a single man - except he is your own husband.

They need to create a new category for you:

Unmarried - bcz a divorce is complete separation of everything. You are just unmarried.