Meghna Mathur wrote:Got into a decent school according to grades, sat, distance, and tuition. Campus is good. Classrooms and classes are also as per your liking. So what's the hesitation? Too many students of a certain ethnicity slash religion slash gender that you have had issues with all your life. 

In contrast only a tad better school but across the country and double the tuition and ok better weather, seems more appealing because it affords a much better diversity. The only reason why this hasn't developed into a full blown debate is that we haven't heard from the school yet. 

Is this just a passing phase? Otoh how do you address, 'how can you send me to a place where I know I will be unhappy as I have to live 4 years there amongst people I have never got along with.'

Meghna Mathur wrote:Got into a decent school according to grades, sat, distance, and tuition. Campus is good. Classrooms and classes are also as per your liking. So what's the hesitation? Too many students of a certain ethnicity slash religion slash gender that you have had issues with all your life. 

In contrast only a tad better school but across the country and double the tuition and ok better weather, seems more appealing because it affords a much better diversity. The only reason why this hasn't developed into a full blown debate is that we haven't heard from the school yet. 

Is this just a passing phase? Otoh how do you address, 'how can you send me to a place where I know I will be unhappy as I have to live 4 years there amongst people I have never got along with.'

confuzzled dude wrote:

Meghna Mathur wrote:Got into a decent school according to grades, sat, distance, and tuition. Campus is good. Classrooms and classes are also as per your liking. So what's the hesitation? Too many students of a certain ethnicity slash religion slash gender that you have had issues with all your life. 

In contrast only a tad better school but across the country and double the tuition and ok better weather, seems more appealing because it affords a much better diversity. The only reason why this hasn't developed into a full blown debate is that we haven't heard from the school yet. 

Is this just a passing phase? Otoh how do you address, 'how can you send me to a place where I know I will be unhappy as I have to live 4 years there amongst people I have never got along with.'

How does diversity matter to minority kids?! Being born and lived in the biggest metro area, she probably has seen it all, what's left to unearth, elsewhere?

Meghna Mathur wrote:Got into a decent school according to grades, sat, distance, and tuition. Campus is good. Classrooms and classes are also as per your liking. So what's the hesitation? Too many students of a certain ethnicity slash religion slash gender that you have had issues with all your life. 

In contrast only a tad better school but across the country and double the tuition and ok better weather, seems more appealing because it affords a much better diversity. The only reason why this hasn't developed into a full blown debate is that we haven't heard from the school yet. 

Is this just a passing phase? Otoh how do you address, 'how can you send me to a place where I know I will be unhappy as I have to live 4 years there amongst people I have never got along with.'

Meghna Mathur wrote:So what's the hesitation? Too many students of a certain ethnicity slash religion slash gender that you have had issues with all your life. 

truthbetold wrote:which group is the problem? Chinese ( probably not considering religious aspect)? Blacks (probably not since no Indian will admit to it)?  South Indians? Muslims? 

swapna wrote:

Meghna Mathur wrote:So what's the hesitation? Too many students of a certain ethnicity slash religion slash gender that you have had issues with all your life. 

too many aa - "kallu" in northpeepal's language - boys? or muslims? I didn't know that there was any such place. 

btw, yale is far more socially, culturally, and politically liberal than princeton. regardless, harvard's undergraduate programs don't match the other two's.

I estimate 20% of yale's student body to be jewish. 

it's interesting that sam yaar and kinnamma seem to know exactly which ethnic group you're referring to. so "desi" na.

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

confuzzled dude wrote:

Meghna Mathur wrote:Got into a decent school according to grades, sat, distance, and tuition. Campus is good. Classrooms and classes are also as per your liking. So what's the hesitation? Too many students of a certain ethnicity slash religion slash gender that you have had issues with all your life. 

In contrast only a tad better school but across the country and double the tuition and ok better weather, seems more appealing because it affords a much better diversity. The only reason why this hasn't developed into a full blown debate is that we haven't heard from the school yet. 

Is this just a passing phase? Otoh how do you address, 'how can you send me to a place where I know I will be unhappy as I have to live 4 years there amongst people I have never got along with.'

How does diversity matter to minority kids?! Being born and lived in the biggest metro area, she probably has seen it all, what's left to unearth, elsewhere?

Its VERY important. First their mindset is very raw. New situation. Most Indian girls look for other Indian girls for support to start with. They do get friends from all other ethnicites as well. Will the kid be just as comfortable at Univ of Montana or even Univ of Arizona than any of the universities on the coast? It is not one of learning to deal with other ethnicites rather the env. Here is a lightbulb moment:

Noticed that ABCDs form friendship with Chinkus, Whites, or other ABCDs. Two groups they seldom mingle 1. Blacks, 2. Desis from Desh (this is even rarer).  

Kinnera wrote:

swapna wrote:

Meghna Mathur wrote:So what's the hesitation? Too many students of a certain ethnicity slash religion slash gender that you have had issues with all your life. 

too many aa - "kallu" in northpeepal's language - boys? or muslims? I didn't know that there was any such place. 

btw, yale is far more socially, culturally, and politically liberal than princeton. regardless, harvard's undergraduate programs don't match the other two's.

I estimate 20% of yale's student body to be jewish. 

it's interesting that sam yaar and kinnamma seem to know exactly which ethnic group you're referring to. so "desi" na.

How about Pakistani muslim boys. That will cover the ethnicity, religion and gender. J/k. Seriously, i have no idea exctly which ethnic group she's referring to. I don't agree with Saamiyaar. Blacks are not to be feared. They are nice people, at least in Georgia. They are the ones who were subjugated and put to so many hardships over the centuries.

PS: West indies just won cricket in the world cup final. Hubby was super excited in the last over. WI did an amazing job, it seems.

Meghna Mathur wrote:i had signed up for campus tours of the distant university, but at that time she had changed her mind about it as it was a party school, and she wasn't interested in that. then she got talking to some students there and just recently got interested again. The one that's closer, we did go there, and she was pretty happy that day, although she was saying then too that as per her research there isn't too much diversity in that school.  

this particular group has bullied her a lot over her entire school time. she's fine with most of the girls, but boys, na-ah. she does try though. tries every year. she's most miserable in classes that has this group in the majority. i try telling her they will be better in college most likely. Both XH and I have good friends from this group, and we give counter examples, but she tries to tell me that there is much more intolerance in her generation than it was in ours. God knows how much weight there is to that. 

my other worry is, that if she's shunned by the top majority, she'll mingle with the next one, and i see some probs with that. 

no, i won't play the game of narrowing down on the ethnicity. That's why i am not publicly posting the reasons why they treat her bad and why she finds issues with them in return. Doesn't matter if the reasons are justified or not, except that that's what her experience has been, and she's apprehensive.

Kris wrote:
TW,

You are correct. My observation is that high school here (as in India) is a bunch of the same classmates thrown together for the most part for the duration of the school years. The university experience is with a much, much wider pool of students from multiple backgrounds. So, even if there is cliquishness, it is bound to not affect you very much. 

As Kinnera says, wait for the decision from the second school and do the site visit. In the meantime, have her reach out to students in the first school, friends or friends of friends etc., to get their feedback on her specific concerns. Hopefully, that will help her make an informed decision.

MaxEntropy_Man wrote:all NJ kids hate rutgers. i don't know why. it's an excellent school. friend of mine has the same problem with his kids. this must be the "ghar ka murgi dal barabar" syndrome.  MA also has the same problem with kids boycotting UMass in favor of distant schools that are only marginally better. but the problem is more acute in NJ because IMO for most fields, rutgers is much better than UMass.

Kris wrote:

Meghna Mathur wrote:i had signed up for campus tours of the distant university, but at that time she had changed her mind about it as it was a party school, and she wasn't interested in that. then she got talking to some students there and just recently got interested again. The one that's closer, we did go there, and she was pretty happy that day, although she was saying then too that as per her research there isn't too much diversity in that school.  

this particular group has bullied her a lot over her entire school time. she's fine with most of the girls, but boys, na-ah. she does try though. tries every year. she's most miserable in classes that has this group in the majority. i try telling her they will be better in college most likely. Both XH and I have good friends from this group, and we give counter examples, but she tries to tell me that there is much more intolerance in her generation than it was in ours. God knows how much weight there is to that. 

my other worry is, that if she's shunned by the top majority, she'll mingle with the next one, and i see some probs with that. 

no, i won't play the game of narrowing down on the ethnicity. That's why i am not publicly posting the reasons why they treat her bad and why she finds issues with them in return. Doesn't matter if the reasons are justified or not, except that that's what her experience has been, and she's apprehensive.

TW,

You are correct. My observation is that high school here (as in India) is a bunch of the same classmates thrown together for the most part for the duration of the school years. The university experience is with a much, much wider pool of students from multiple backgrounds. So, even if there is cliquishness, it is bound to not affect you very much. 

As Kinnera says, wait for the decision from the second school and do the site visit. In the meantime, have her reach out to students in the first school, friends or friends of friends etc., to get their feedback on her specific concerns. Hopefully, that will help her make an informed decision.

Meghna Mathur wrote:

MaxEntropy_Man wrote:all NJ kids hate rutgers. i don't know why. it's an excellent school. friend of mine has the same problem with his kids. this must be the "ghar ka murgi dal barabar" syndrome.  MA also has the same problem with kids boycotting UMass in favor of distant schools that are only marginally better. but the problem is more acute in NJ because IMO for most fields, rutgers is much better than UMass.

yep. many of her classmates didn't even bother applying.

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

Meghna Mathur wrote:

MaxEntropy_Man wrote:all NJ kids hate rutgers. i don't know why. it's an excellent school. friend of mine has the same problem with his kids. this must be the "ghar ka murgi dal barabar" syndrome.  MA also has the same problem with kids boycotting UMass in favor of distant schools that are only marginally better. but the problem is more acute in NJ because IMO for most fields, rutgers is much better than UMass.

yep. many of her classmates didn't even bother applying.

There is a perceptible view among ABCDs and Chinkus that by going to local state schools, they will be branded as losers.

MaxEntropy_Man wrote:

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

Meghna Mathur wrote:

MaxEntropy_Man wrote:all NJ kids hate rutgers. i don't know why. it's an excellent school. friend of mine has the same problem with his kids. this must be the "ghar ka murgi dal barabar" syndrome.  MA also has the same problem with kids boycotting UMass in favor of distant schools that are only marginally better. but the problem is more acute in NJ because IMO for most fields, rutgers is much better than UMass.

yep. many of her classmates didn't even bother applying.

There is a perceptible view among ABCDs and Chinkus that by going to local state schools, they will be branded as losers.

bingo! only exception is the UCal system and cal desi kids.

MaxEntropy_Man wrote:we toured UCSD campus and loved it. very good for bio related stuff.

MaxEntropy_Man wrote:and to a certain extent uwisc and uminn, but those desi populations are too sparse.

MaxEntropy_Man wrote:and to a certain extent uwisc and uminn, but those desi populations are too sparse.

garam-kuta wrote:i think tbt is onto something here. that is the only thing that makes some sense. especially in NJ. other demographics like blacks generally will not be the majority crowd in many universities.

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

Meghna Mathur wrote:

MaxEntropy_Man wrote:all NJ kids hate rutgers. i don't know why. it's an excellent school. friend of mine has the same problem with his kids. this must be the "ghar ka murgi dal barabar" syndrome.  MA also has the same problem with kids boycotting UMass in favor of distant schools that are only marginally better. but the problem is more acute in NJ because IMO for most fields, rutgers is much better than UMass.

yep. many of her classmates didn't even bother applying.

There is a perceptible view among ABCDs and Chinkus that by going to local state schools, they will be branded as losers.

swapna wrote:

Meghna Mathur wrote:So what's the hesitation? Too many students of a certain ethnicity slash religion slash gender that you have had issues with all your life. 

too many aa - "kallu" in northpeepal's language - boys? or muslims? I didn't know that there was any such place. 

btw, yale is far more socially, culturally, and politically liberal than princeton. regardless, harvard's undergraduate programs don't match the other two's.

I estimate 20% of yale's student body to be jewish. 

it's interesting that sam yaar and kinnamma seem to know exactly which ethnic group you're referring to. so "desi" na.

swapna wrote:I suspect that nj students don't want to attend rutgers for much the same reason thst ma students don't want to attend umass: they want to live far away from mummmy-ji and dadddy-ji. 

like you, they too are human beings; they want independence, freedom from close monitoring and control; freedom to make decisions on majors and.courses, to choose friends, and to know people of the opposite sex. 

maybe they even want to know - omg! ayyo! naan enna thaan paNNuvaeno! - how it feels to fcuk!