changes

by Guest Sun Oct 14, 2012 7:14 pm

how do you handle life, when the very way you had looked at yourself has changed. you had set out to be something, be somewhere, get somewhere. you worked hard at it, very very hard. you give it your all. and then it fails. it's finished, it's gone. you are not able to hold the one thing you ever dreamed of ever since you began dreaming. your identity was it, and now it's not. the 'others' you had looked with detachment all your life. you never ever thought you would be them. but now you are 'them'. you are 40, and you are supposed to reinvent yourself. how?

by truthbetold Sun Oct 14, 2012 8:36 pm

Rare are people like Bill gates who can set goals and get there by mid forties. It is great to have the problem of resetting goals if you are google's founders. But most of us have to realign our goals with time and reality. Lincoln was not for complete abolition of slavery before he got elected. He evolved into that position by circumstances and how he reacted to them. He became a great president by reacting to the world around him. If he set the goal of becoming a great president he would have ended up as first Nixon. Refocus and work with what you got.

by Maria S Sun Oct 14, 2012 9:14 pm

Natalia Romanova wrote:
how do you handle life, when the very way you had looked at yourself has changed. you had set out to be something, be somewhere, get somewhere. you worked hard at it, very very hard. you give it your all. and then it fails. it's finished, it's gone. you are not able to hold the one thing you ever dreamed of ever since you began dreaming. your identity was it, and now it's not. the 'others' you had looked with detachment all your life. you never ever thought you would be them. but now you are 'them'. you are 40, and you are supposed to reinvent yourself. how?

This is not an original thought- if you fall 8 times and you still get up the nineth time and try again..you are still something, somewhere and can get somewhere.

It's not easy..but losses are part of life..some we recover from quickly, some we never do..but, we keep going and learn it's not the end of the world.

We are all "them"- can be "them" (whether we acknowledge it or not) one serious illness, one major stumble/mistake..we have to start all over again, and the sooner we realize this..the better off we are.

*As long as one has the "core-them" >parents, spouse, children, true friends..even a few in that group by one's side..we can make it. Who cares about anyone else? Well, if one does..one puts unnecessary burden to "impress" anyone- who really does not have to be impressed. No need to burden oneself with artificial deadlines..like by 40, 50, 60 either, imo.

Can tell you..everyday is a battle, another new chance to reinvent ourselves..but, can't tell you how to do it..you have to figure that out, and can.

GN Tracy and tomorrow is almost here!

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Sun Oct 14, 2012 9:24 pm

Natalia Romanova wrote:
how do you handle life, when the very way you had looked at yourself has changed. you had set out to be something, be somewhere, get somewhere. you worked hard at it, very very hard. you give it your all. and then it fails. it's finished, it's gone. you are not able to hold the one thing you ever dreamed of ever since you began dreaming. your identity was it, and now it's not. the 'others' you had looked with detachment all your life. you never ever thought you would be them. but now you are 'them'. you are 40, and you are supposed to reinvent yourself. how?

Set long term goals, and decide on intermittent milestones. Work on achieving each milestone one at step at a time - while being flexible to change tactics and approaches.

You don't reinvent but you adjust and modify your approaches, reshuffle priorities, and keep life moving - still not forgetting your long term goals.

by Guest Sun Oct 14, 2012 9:49 pm

thanks all for words of support... am not gonna make any personal goals for myself. whatever happens will happen. yeah, goals for kids, sure. that's all i got for now. this failure will always sting though. it changed my complete life and all my interactions.

by FluteHolder Sun Oct 14, 2012 10:09 pm

Thiru Kural Verse 1023: When a man declares he will advance his family, God Himself will wrap His robes and lead the way.

I happen to see a programme where a couplet of Kural no 1023 was explained by legendary scholar Solomon Pappaiah. For some reason I feel it is appropriate. In this he explains the determination of a couple who started a cooking spices manufacturing unit around 1973 with just 10k INR. Now they employ so many people mostly handicapped by giving them good livelihood/medical care etc and helping charity and they pay tax of INR 100 Crores to govt. So much success for hard work /determination.

I wish I could translate what this great scholar says but couldnot. For those who can understand enjoy! Smile

[url] http://www.moviesonlinetv.net/2012/10/thirukural-kathai-13-10-2012-solomon.html[/url]

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Sun Oct 14, 2012 10:44 pm

FluteHolder wrote:Thiru Kural Verse 1023: When a man declares he will advance his family, God Himself will wrap His robes and lead the way.

I happen to see a programme where a couplet of Kural no 1023 was explained by legendary scholar Solomon Pappaiah. For some reason I feel it is appropriate. In this he explains the determination of a couple who started a cooking spices manufacturing unit around 1973 with just 10k INR. Now they employ so many people mostly handicapped by giving them good livelihood/medical care etc and helping charity and they pay tax of INR 100 Crores to govt. So much success for hard work /determination.

I wish I could translate what this great scholar says but couldnot. For those who can understand enjoy!

[url] http://www.moviesonlinetv.net/2012/10/thirukural-kathai-13-10-2012-solomon.html[/url]

Agree... I faced some serious challenges in my life some years back... and did not take the usual decision that 99 others would have naturally, instinctively, and realistically would have taken. I took the oddball decision simply for the sake of family, and looking back...looks like I was right.

Sum total of one's success is Unity. If you lose in one aspect, you will make it up with bigger gains in other aspects.

by Kris Mon Oct 15, 2012 2:41 am

Natalia Romanova wrote:
how do you handle life, when the very way you had looked at yourself has changed. you had set out to be something, be somewhere, get somewhere. you worked hard at it, very very hard. you give it your all. and then it fails. it's finished, it's gone. you are not able to hold the one thing you ever dreamed of ever since you began dreaming. your identity was it, and now it's not. the 'others' you had looked with detachment all your life. you never ever thought you would be them. but now you are 'them'. you are 40, and you are supposed to reinvent yourself. how?

>>>First off, recognize that this happens to most people who set goals, even to those who doggedly pursue them to the ends of the earth and end up failing. Believe me on this.

Now, here are some things that may help you think strategically.

1) Figure out the things that were the positives in this (not how it turned out). There was persistence, application of some skills, etc. Now, remember these are strengths. These can be applied elsewhere. Just look for those projects. Eventually, they will come your way.In the book 'In search of excellence', one of the chapters is titled 'A Bias for Action'. It starts out with a few quotes. One that is stuck in my mind is 'Ready, Fire, Aim!'. In other words, you can plan only so much, at some point you have to fire. You may not hit the target that time, but you now have a reference point from where the bullet hit. Now, re-focus and fire again.

2) An analogy I read a long time ago: A tree is sometimes struck by a force like lightning and a big branch gets destroyed forever. That doesn't stop the tree from growing in other ways and it often does in weird, but wonderful ways. Here is your chance to grow.

3) Remember the famous line from Tennyson: 'it is better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all'. It doesn't apply just to human relationships. It also applies to other passions we may have. Congratulate yourself on having had the courage to commit, to try. Life doesn't belong to those who sit on the sidelines. It belongs to those who have the courage to jump in there and play.

4) Time heals all wounds.

Best,

Kris

by Bittu Mon Oct 15, 2012 8:16 am

What Kris said +1

by Guest Mon Oct 15, 2012 9:19 am

Thanks Kris, TBT, M, Sami, Bitts and others on chat. These words help a lot. More than you may know.

by Guest Mon Oct 15, 2012 11:25 am

Natalia Romanova wrote:Thanks Kris, TBT, M, Sami, Bitts and others on chat. These words help a lot. More than you may know.

at least you have two healthy, working kidneys. (i'm sorry but that is the only perspective i've been looking at life from for the last few days.)

{{nats}} you will overcome this period of self-doubt and loss. you are intelligent, sensitive and funny. you have inner strengths that will help you overcome. be strong nats.

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