Re: Small Town Blues

by Rekz Mon Apr 15, 2013 6:19 am

mainstreet wrote:I have the small town blues. Any suggestions on what I can do to get out of this depression?

Start posting on the postivies of the town u live in....else plan for babies Smile

by Guest Mon Apr 15, 2013 9:21 am

Merlot Daruwala wrote:
Propagandhi711 wrote:Detective bidya got it. This troll's nothing more than ole Lena. She always appears with an uppity troll with cosmopolitan, fois gras and gober gas thrown into the mix for her outlandish stories and rapidly descends into childish fights only to leaves in a huff badly bruised

Nah, can't be Persepolis. She was dating a gora, if I remember correctly. Even if it turned out that he was a bearded non-IT/non-lawyer loser type more interested in malodorous, sweaty social arts hussies, I still can't see her marrying a desi workoholic medicine-man. This would indeed be a very steep fall if indeed it's Perse.

That gora was four years ago. I believe her last here was in 2009 as Petra. And at that time too she was looking to walk out, and I remember vague complains about living in a country home with rats and sounds of critters, etc., and not enough time spent with each other coz of busy schedules of both.

by MaxEntropy_Man Mon Apr 15, 2013 9:28 am

was the white guy before or after the asian guy (known to one and all on sulekha as wei hung lo) who i thought was the beau in the virginia highlands phase?

by Guest Mon Apr 15, 2013 9:33 am

MaxEntropy_Man wrote:was the white guy before or after the asian guy (known to one and all on sulekha as wei hung lo) who i thought was the beau in the virginia highlands phase?

i was about to say this. i bet DH is asian. dinner's gonna be flied lice once again.

by gone Mon Apr 15, 2013 10:33 am

I'm really disappointed that with the exception of one or two women who understand, most of you are mocking my problems.

When I said I lived in cities that had the United Nations and World Bank, that was a figure of speech. What I meant is those cities were truly diverse.. When I think of diversity, I think people from around the world, I think international, global, every nationality, race, ethnicity, religion, food, culture at your finger tips. Mixed couples, mixed children.

Here, everyone is black or white for the most part. Everyone sticks to their own race. I don't see any mixed couples or any mixed children. Everyone is Baptist. If you are Hindu, Catholic, or Jewish, you need to be "saved" from an eternity in hell. People will try to save (read: convert) you. They don't even know what Buddhist is. If you're Muslim or an atheist, you are beyond saving. Usually it's not a good idea to announce that you're a Muslim or agnostic/atheist.

by Guest Mon Apr 15, 2013 10:40 am

i am sure there must be at least one bihari sardar in your town. surely you exaggerate, no?

by gone Mon Apr 15, 2013 10:41 am

Positives of this town. Let's see. I have a lot of free time to read, cook, and hit the gym. I went to the shooting range with DH and we both learned to use different types of guns and I discovered I have a damn good aim. We both became gun owners...have to have a gun in rural America at home and in the car. The nearest neighbors are a mile away and calling 9-1-1 means a 20-minute wait, so everyone is self-reliant here when it comes to arming themselves even though it is safe for the most part.

by gone Mon Apr 15, 2013 10:42 am

Bihar sardarji? Nope. Lots of Patels here.

by Hellsangel Mon Apr 15, 2013 10:44 am

mainstreet wrote:Positives of this town. Let's see. I have a lot of free time to read, cook, and hit the gym. I went to the shooting range with DH and we both learned to use different types of guns and I discovered I have a damn good aim. We both became gun owners...have to have a gun in rural America at home and in the car. The nearest neighbors are a mile away and calling 9-1-1 means a 20-minute wait, so everyone is self-reliant here when it comes to arming themselves even though it is safe for the most part.

Riiiiiiight.

by southindian Mon Apr 15, 2013 10:49 am

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:i am sure there must be at least one bihari sardar in your town. surely you exaggerate, no?

Have you met a Tamil Sardar? Tamil Sardars are best of both worlds, slurping rasam and giving northindian tips to southindians at the same time.

by Propagandhi711 Mon Apr 15, 2013 10:49 am

Merlot Daruwala wrote:
Propagandhi711 wrote:Detective bidya got it. This troll's nothing more than ole Lena. She always appears with an uppity troll with cosmopolitan, fois gras and gober gas thrown into the mix for her outlandish stories and rapidly descends into childish fights only to leaves in a huff badly bruised

Nah, can't be Persepolis. She was dating a gora, if I remember correctly. Even if it turned out that he was a bearded non-IT/non-lawyer loser type more interested in malodorous, sweaty social arts hussies, I still can't see her marrying a desi workoholic medicine-man. This would indeed be a very steep fall if indeed it's Perse.

you forget that she's a compulsive liar

by gone Mon Apr 15, 2013 10:55 am

I'll admit that in spite of having nothing, the people in this town will give you the shirt off their back. They're extremely courteous and helpful.

by doofus_maximus Mon Apr 15, 2013 10:57 am

MaxEntropy_Man wrote:
nenu wrote:
truthbetold wrote:What is a cold town? A town in colderregions of usa or a town whose people are not friendly?
For people of indian origin, metropolitan areas are easier to adjust. Most metros have small towns around it. If travel time permits a 30 min drive, a small town with good school, decent real estate, and may be a small ethnic crowd. You can get city life any with an hours drive.
However not all jobs in usa are located in metros. Give your partner a chance to search for the right opportunity.

By cold i meant the towns with subzero temperatures for the most part of the year. Apart from the small town blues, one would have to deal with the cold temperature and dark day blues too. The small town that i lived in was in Michigan and my cousin, who I mentioned above, lived in Utah.

Right now I live in the suburbs of a big city. Yeah, traffic is a problem at certain times on some roads. And that's ok. I prefer to live with this inconvenience rather than rotting in a small town in michigan.

utah is gorgeous with majestic mountains and opportunities for a lot of hiking, skiing, and outdoorsy stuff. it has five national parks. no state but california has that many. and salt lake city these days has a sizable indian community. it even has a hindu temple. unless your cousin lived outside salt lake, i can't imagine why she'd complain.

i can understand michigan being sub-optimal.

Depends on where in MI she lived. Ann Arbor and surrounding areas are fantastic to live and raise a family. Schools, culture, people are all top-notch and was rated highly in several surveys. Weather is a problem, but it is a problem in every place in the Northeast/Midwest.

by gone Mon Apr 15, 2013 11:01 am

Another positive: I used to hate country music but now I like it. Since my choices on the radio are 1. Ultra-conservative Christian radio and 2. Country, I listen to country music in my car. Now I actually enjoy Kenny Chesney, Brad Paisley, Blake Shelton, and Jason Aldean.

by gone Mon Apr 15, 2013 11:03 am

Most of all, I love Johnny Cash! I didn't even know who Johnny Cash was until I moved here.

by doofus_maximus Mon Apr 15, 2013 11:04 am

mainstreet wrote:Nenu: my marriage is really strained right now, but my husband is vaguely aware of this...talking isn't going to help. I'm going to pack up and move one of these days. It's action that's going to make him sit up and really notice how terribly unhappy I am in this town. He can follow me if he really misses me or find someone else. I may live in a nice house that's 5,000 sq. ft, but I hate it. I miss living in a small house in the city with sidewalks and a short walk to the train station. I may drive a really nice car but I hate driving. We may have money in the bank but there's nothing to spend it on here. I need a stimulating career, friends, diversity (about 50% white and about 50% black with less than 1% Hispanic and desi is not true diversity), I lived in cities that had the United Nations, World Bank, embassies representing every country in the world. I had Korean breakfast, Ethiopian lunch, and Vietnamese dinner on any given day. There is one restaurant in this town that serves fried chicken, collard greens, and black-eyed peas for lunch and dinner.

ahem ahem..troll.
Trolleshwari/trolleshwar. You can name the big city where you used to live as NYC/DC/wherever.

by doofus_maximus Mon Apr 15, 2013 11:13 am

Propagandhi711 wrote:Detective bidya got it. This troll's nothing more than ole Lena. She always appears with an uppity troll with cosmopolitan, fois gras and gober gas thrown into the mix for her outlandish stories and rapidly descends into childish fights only to leaves in a huff badly bruised

nice... made me expel air out of my nostrils.

by doofus_maximus Mon Apr 15, 2013 11:16 am

mainstreet wrote:Oh please! There's nothing wrong with someone who loves to socialize, wear makeup, perfume (not overpowering at all), dress up, and look pretty. Get off your nerdy horse. My husband likes a woman who likes to talk and interact a lot with others. Besides, I also bring other things to our marriage. Vivaciousness, a sense of humor, warmth, intimacy, and a damn good cook.

Ole Lena alert...

by gone Mon Apr 15, 2013 11:24 am

Final positive: my husband and I took some nice vacations in the last couple of years. We would have taken nice vacations even if we lived in the city. However, these seemed specially nice because I was so anxious to get away from this place.

by doofus_maximus Mon Apr 15, 2013 11:27 am

mainstreet wrote:Most of all, I love Johnny Cash! I didn't even know who Johnny Cash was until I moved here.

How could you.. him being the musician of choice for all those backwoods/boondocky type simpletons.

by gone Mon Apr 15, 2013 11:28 am

Maria S: any suggestions from the resident psychiatrist on how to cure my small town blues? The social isolation, the lack of any career opportunities, the total dependence on my husband for every little bit of happiness and sanity.

by confuzzled dude Mon Apr 15, 2013 11:45 am

mainstreet wrote:Maria S: any suggestions from the resident psychiatrist on how to cure my small town blues? The social isolation, the lack of any career opportunities, the total dependence on my husband for every little bit of happiness and sanity.

Your other handle does not start with Propa, does it?

by gone Mon Apr 15, 2013 11:50 am

Wow! Confused Dude seems paranoid. I don't get why people go around slinging their paranoia, accusations about trolls, and why this NI-SI debate pops up every few hours. It's very rude and inappropriate.

by gone Mon Apr 15, 2013 11:52 am

You can think whatever you want but please don't hijack my thread with your inappropriate comments.

by gone Mon Apr 15, 2013 12:23 pm

Actually, a lot of people like Johnny Cash. Not just rednecks. He's in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Country music has become very diverse too. There is a very popular black singer who is big in the country music world: Darius Rucker. You should listen to his songs like "Alright" and "Wagon Wheel." He'll blow you away.

There is also one big Catholic country singer (instead of the usual Baptist, Methodist, or mainstream Protestant) who is Australian instead of American: Keith Urban.

by Merlot Daruwala Mon Apr 15, 2013 12:25 pm

Lady, this thread has run its course. Time to start a new discussion.

by Propagandhi711 Mon Apr 15, 2013 12:26 pm

FARTTTTTAAAAAAA

by doofus_maximus Mon Apr 15, 2013 12:27 pm

mainstreet wrote:Actually, a lot of people like Johnny Cash. Not just rednecks. He's in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. Country music has become very diverse too. There is a very popular black singer who is big in the country music world: Darius Rucker. You should listen to his songs like "Alright" and "Wagon Wheel." He'll blow you away.

There is also one big Catholic country singer (instead of the usual Baptist, Methodist, or mainstream Protestant) who is Australian instead of American: Keith Urban.

good that you are getting a needed education on country singers' religion, casteuu, ward number and gothram from the folks in rural america.

by Nila Mon Apr 15, 2013 1:13 pm

I think it's the right time for you to have kids.

I can relate to you but in a different way - have been in a big city with no car, no friends...were posting on CH, a food blog, a music blog, was on H4 visa, no cc for about 5 years. I had plenty of time: was super fit, eating healthy, became a good cook, learnt skills and got certifications and come to think of it - not bad at all.

Believe that this will change and pursue your interests.

by gone Mon Apr 15, 2013 4:29 pm

Thanks, Nila. Never experienced life without a credit card for 5 minutes, so can't imagine how you did without for 5 years. I feel bad for what you must have been through.

Would love to believe that this will change, however believing isn't enough. I have to take action. I have already been out of the job market for about two years. Kids and a few more years of staying in this "shithole of America" will pretty much make all my years of education and work experience worth nothing. I know a recession isn't the best time to leave a husband, move all by myself to a large city, and look for a job. However, on the bright side, I have my education and somewhat recent work experience, plenty of my own savings in the bank, generous financial support from affluent parents who will stand by me no matter what, and a husband who will starve to death, have no fresh laundry, and no one to come home to...so I think he'll ultimately follow me.

by Nila Mon Apr 15, 2013 4:50 pm

Yep. May be I was in my earliest 20s new to the country and with a kid...I was able to manage. Also the Texas weather wasn't very encouraging either. Later I moved here (CA) and H followed.

With so much of a support...what are you waiting for? I am certain he will follow you.

by Propagandhi711 Mon Apr 15, 2013 4:59 pm

mainstreet wrote:Thanks, Nila. Never experienced life without a credit card for 5 minutes, so can't imagine how you did without for 5 years. I feel bad for what you must have been through.

Would love to believe that this will change, however believing isn't enough. I have to take action. I have already been out of the job market for about two years. Kids and a few more years of staying in this "shithole of America" will pretty much make all my years of education and work experience worth nothing. I know a recession isn't the best time to leave a husband, move all by myself to a large city, and look for a job. However, on the bright side, I have my education and somewhat recent work experience, plenty of my own savings in the bank, generous financial support from affluent parents who will stand by me no matter what, and a husband who will starve to death, have no fresh laundry, and no one to come home to...so I think he'll ultimately follow me.

in summary, you have a great life but want to leave mr fly lie. and ppl think this isnt a troll.

by gone Mon Apr 15, 2013 5:08 pm

I'm going to do it! I'm going to start shipping my best outfits and shoes to my mom and dad's house over the next two weeks. Then I'm going to start shipping all the other things I really want to keep (music, books, iPads). Then, I'm going to tell him I need a vacation and leave. I won't call it leaving. I'll call it an extended vacation that I don't feel like ending. He'll catch on real fast with an empty fridge and unwashed scrubs.

by seven Mon Apr 15, 2013 5:28 pm

wow..you're not even going to tell him you're leaving! imagine how confused he'll get when you don't come back from your vacation.

you should at least give him a chance to change his mind. you have not yet spoken to him directly about this. leaving like this cowardly.

by Nila Mon Apr 15, 2013 5:36 pm

Yep, you need to talk to him several (considerate) times before you decide on your own. When we were newly married I was so hell bent on taking care of his needs and his career and his dreams. I wouldn’t eat without him eating first. Wonder what happened to that "love" Now I get the phrase..."I love him but not in love with him" Razz

But, I cannot say that I am not completely out of love with him…I don’t hate him either – can’t decide.

Since your parents are in US and you should try visiting them when you get bored. What about your siblings? If they are here, visit them also often. Is yours arranged marriage?

by gone Mon Apr 15, 2013 5:36 pm

Nope. I don't want him to tell anyone I left him. I want him to tell everyone I'm taking a vacation. I'm not going to book a round trip, so how is he going to be confused about the return? I'm going to talk to him everyday like everything's great and I'm having a really good vacation. It's upto him to decide if he wants to join me on my extended vacation.

by gone Mon Apr 15, 2013 5:38 pm

No. No arranged marriage. Just need to live and work in a city. Visiting doesn't count.

by Nila Mon Apr 15, 2013 5:39 pm

mainstreet wrote:Nope. I don't want him to tell anyone I left him. I want him to tell everyone I'm taking a vacation. I'm not going to book a round trip, so how is he going to be confused about the return? I'm going to talk to him everyday like everything's great and I'm having a really good vacation. It's upto him to decide if he wants to join me on my extended vacation.

Don't you think you need to be honest in a relationship and any sort of manipulation might bring you temp solution but not a permanent one.

by truthbetold Mon Apr 15, 2013 5:42 pm

Mainstreet,
extended vacation is such a novel idea. Based on information provided by you, hubby will say on your 365th day of vacation, hey when are we going on our yearly vacation?

by gone Mon Apr 15, 2013 5:44 pm

Nope. Too much honesty=male bruised ego. No need to announce I'm leaving him. Just need a break from this town.

by truthbetold Mon Apr 15, 2013 5:48 pm

Nenu, nila, and seven provided different but down to earth practical suggestions.

Mainstreet,
Why not spend an hour going over those suggestions?

by seven Mon Apr 15, 2013 5:54 pm

when you first started talking, it felt like you wished you were in a big city but can't move/ dont wanna move bcz husband's work is in the small town etc.

you said he understands you're unhappy and tries to cheer you up. It felt like he understands but maybe not aware of how strongly you feel about leaving small town. So it seemed like talking to him in a no-nonsense tone will help you get his attention to the seriousness of your problem. ( and ofcoz i thought he'll pick you/your marriage over money and career).

now, it seems like you just hate small town. so much so that you're willing to not give ur marriage any chance or your husband a notice. But move to the big city like you were on a vacation.
Alsmost like you had made up your mind 2 days and 3 pages ago that you will move out. But you were just looking for approval from people on the internet.

Well now you got enough support. Happy Moving Out cheers

by truthbetold Mon Apr 15, 2013 6:55 pm

[
Alsmost like you had made up your mind 2 days and 3 pages ago that you will move out. But you were just looking for approval from people on the internet.

Well now you got enough support. Happy Moving Out cheers

[/quote]
seven,
that is a perfect summary of her posts.

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