Church ladies with computers (and typing skills):

by indophile Tue Jun 11, 2013 8:11 am

Church Ladies With computers-
They're Back!
Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies
with computers. These sentences (with all the BLOOPERS) actually appeared in
church bulletins or were announced in church services:
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The
Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.
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The
sermon this morning: Jesus Walks on the Water.
The
sermon tonight: Searching for Jesus.
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Ladies,
don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not
worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
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Remember
in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is
hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.
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Don't
let worry kill you off - let the Church help.
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Miss
Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure
to the congregation.
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For
those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery
downstairs.
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Next
Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can
get.
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Irving
Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a
friendship that began in their school days.
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A
bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will
follow.
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At
the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come
early and listen to our choir practice.
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Eight
new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new
members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
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Scouts
are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds
will be used to cripple children.
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The
church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious
hostility..
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Potluck
supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
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The
ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen
in the basement on Friday afternoon.
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This
evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the
Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
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Ladies
Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM . All ladies are invited
to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. is done.
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The
pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him
their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low
Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back
door.
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The
eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement
Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
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Weight
Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church.
Please
use large double door at the side entrance.
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The
Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last
Sunday:"I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."