No Ilayaraja but...

>>> Now I got it.

You are the one who is posting under the handle KV.

Looks like you are a NI who was born and brought up in TN.

Vidya Bagchi wrote:

>>>VB, Nice to see you. Hope all is well.

>>Didn't mean to suggest the person in the pic is you. That would be a major transformation.

Kris wrote:>>Didn't mean to suggest the person in the pic is you. That would be a major transformation.

quite true. about 10 pounds lost. or more?

Kris wrote:>>Didn't mean to suggest the person in the pic is you. That would be a major transformation.

yeah.. what's with the hair color ? and for someone from NJ, both hands in pockets in late fall...

lol @ HK and GK ...
 
All is well here Kris. Am doing fine. Managed to nag XH enough to land a decent job that has shitty pay. But hey, something is better than nothing. Even I get paid peanuts.
 
Other than that, he has moved in and we are starting to tolerate each other again. Surprisingly, we talk a lot these days. We actually sit and talk. Sometimes he pours me 4 sips of red wine, and we talk. All our weekends are now planned together. Of course I am avoiding any kinda "real" vacationing coz it would mean vacationing with him and that's still a little *ugh* for me.
 
I have learned that I have a lot more patience now than I did earlier. Also, I am better able to think out and verbalize exactly what bothers me about him. Also, I have mastered that no-nonsense tone. I just say anything in that teacher-tone, and he seems to understand it right away. Likewise, when he points out a mistake in me, I seem to either understand it, or deflect it, or simply back out. Actually, now that I know exactly what pisses him off, I go out of my comfort zone to not even let him find a mistake with me. e.g., when I know he is about to come back, I view the house from his eyes and quickly clean up things that I know will set off his mood. And hence, no more fightings.
 
Or even if there is a fight, we are able to handle it so far. I am also no longer ashamed of talking him down in public. Earlier I was all about - "oh no we should act as ONE UNIT, can't have others see us splitting". None of that any more. The other day, we were to leave a party by 6:45 pm. It was 6:43 pm and he showed no signs of moving away from the group where he was the star speaker giving gyan about NRIs in Edison. I said calmly from the other room, 'XH, sonny wants to stay here for the night. If you want, you can stay here too, and daughter and I will go home'. 6:48 pm, we were driving out of the driveway. Whatever sulking and bickering he had to do, he did in the car, but I was able to explain where I was coming from, and he seemed to not only understand but made the rest of the evening go exactly how I had wanted.
 
I am not the only one who seems to have learned lessons. He is learning too. I guess the biggest lesson he has learned is, 'if vidya is going to cook bland daal-sabzi-roti day in and day out, and if I wanna spice up my cuisine without paying exorbitantly to restaurants, then I must cook it myself'. Earlier, all he knew was to boil eggs. I am proud to announce and I now live with a master chef who has cooked many many awesome things like biryani, chinese fried rice, varieties of salads and chicken dishes, pasta, bread seasonings, and so on. The fun continues, the kids love it, the kids' mom loves it too, although she still fights to keep up her own daal-sabzi-roti routine too. Basically, everybody wins in this healthy competetion.
 
Guess we are slowly evolving to settle into the famous old model of great albeit sexless marriage raising kids together. The twist being, we are divorced!!! However, unless one of us ends up in a hospital and the other won't be able to demand any spousal privileges, I think who cares about the technicality of marriage record.
 
I have a new next-door neighbor, and 2 months ago I had told her that I am divorced and that my ex comes in only sometimes. Now they see XH day in and day out. With all of us going out together, or him dropping kids to the bus. They must be so damn confused. The other day she came to the house and I didn't even introduce her to XH while he was cooking in the kitchen. I simply didn't know what to tell her who he was. But we later laughed together with some sort of shared kinky pleasure that the neighbor must be thinking that I now have kept a 'doosra aadmi' in my house.
 
Anyway, my other BIG accomplishment - I no longer have jiggly arms. Yessir. My daughter misses them. She was so used to flicking my forearms and see them jiggle. All muscles there, baby. Lean muscles, not the bulky kind ewww. I now have to work on my HUGE belly and tone up the rest. Unfortunately, not much drop in the weight, working on that too.
 
TL;DR version - all is well in Vidya land.

Vidya Bagchi wrote:lol @ HK and GK ...
 ....
Or even if there is a fight, we are able to handle it so far. I am also no longer ashamed of talking him down in public. Earlier I was all about - "oh no we should act as ONE UNIT, can't have others see us splitting". None of that any more. The other day, we were to leave a party by 6:45 pm. It was 6:43 pm and he showed no signs of moving away from the group where he was the star speaker giving gyan about NRIs in Edison. I said calmly from the other room, 'XH, sonny wants to stay here for the night. If you want, you can stay here too, and daughter and I will go home'. 6:48 pm, we were driving out of the driveway. Whatever sulking and bickering he had to do, he did in the car, but I was able to explain where I was coming from, and he seemed to not only understand but made the rest of the evening go exactly how I had wanted.
 

Well....guess the compass is pointing at opposite direction looking from my angle.

I do everything myself and dont depend on "ANY WOMAN"...

well, the result is I have been arguing with my insurance agent on some policy that I and my wife are still together and not separated. Somewhere, the agent was convinced that 2 policies - auto/home, bank accounts/premiums, etc..etc.. that we are separate. Now I am having a hard time proving that we are still married.

And, I told the agenti "hey..I wish but I am not that lucky. I have been cursed for life" had to make a conference call between the agenti and my wife who is on a train in India somewhere to somewhere (hey...independent you know), who then yelled at the agenti... I am sure the people in that train compartment would have decided that she is separated as well...

I have learnt a lesson.... women dont deserve equal rights because they dont know how to handle it with responsibility, and they really need leather (rather chain-belt) belt treatment.

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

Vidya Bagchi wrote:lol @ HK and GK ...
 ....
Or even if there is a fight, we are able to handle it so far. I am also no longer ashamed of talking him down in public. Earlier I was all about - "oh no we should act as ONE UNIT, can't have others see us splitting". None of that any more. The other day, we were to leave a party by 6:45 pm. It was 6:43 pm and he showed no signs of moving away from the group where he was the star speaker giving gyan about NRIs in Edison. I said calmly from the other room, 'XH, sonny wants to stay here for the night. If you want, you can stay here too, and daughter and I will go home'. 6:48 pm, we were driving out of the driveway. Whatever sulking and bickering he had to do, he did in the car, but I was able to explain where I was coming from, and he seemed to not only understand but made the rest of the evening go exactly how I had wanted.
 

Well....guess the compass is pointing at opposite direction looking from my angle.

I do everything myself and dont depend on "ANY WOMAN"...

well, the result is I have been arguing with my insurance agent on some policy that I and my wife are still together and not separated. Somewhere, the agent was convinced that 2 policies - auto/home, bank accounts/premiums, etc..etc.. that we are separate.  Now I am having a hard time proving that we are still married.

And, I told the agenti "hey..I wish but I am not that lucky. I have been cursed for life"  had to make a conference call between the agenti and my wife who is on a train in India somewhere to somewhere (hey...independent you know), who then yelled at the agenti... I am sure the people in that train compartment would have decided that she is separated as well...

I have learnt a lesson.... women dont deserve equal rights because they dont know how to handle it with responsibility, and they really need leather (rather chain-belt) belt treatment.

aiyaiyO saamiyaraE ! clearly your marathadi is not under the shades of bodhimaram- perhaps toddy tree   

Vidya Bagchi wrote:lol @ HK and GK ...
 
All is well here Kris. Am doing fine. Managed to nag XH enough to land a decent job that has shitty pay. But hey, something is better than nothing. Even I get paid peanuts.
 
Other than that, he has moved in and we are starting to tolerate each other again. Surprisingly, we talk a lot these days. We actually sit and talk. Sometimes he pours me 4 sips of red wine, and we talk. All our weekends are now planned together. Of course I am avoiding any kinda "real" vacationing coz it would mean vacationing with him and that's still a little *ugh* for me.
 
I have learned that I have a lot more patience now than I did earlier. Also, I am better able to think out and verbalize exactly what bothers me about him. Also, I have mastered that no-nonsense tone. I just say anything in that teacher-tone, and he seems to understand it right away. Likewise, when he points out a mistake in me, I seem to either understand it, or deflect it, or simply back out. Actually, now that I know exactly what pisses him off, I go out of my comfort zone to not even let him find a mistake with me. e.g., when I know he is about to come back, I view the house from his eyes and quickly clean up things that I know will set off his mood. And hence, no more fightings.
 
Or even if there is a fight, we are able to handle it so far. I am also no longer ashamed of talking him down in public. Earlier I was all about - "oh no we should act as ONE UNIT, can't have others see us splitting". None of that any more. The other day, we were to leave a party by 6:45 pm. It was 6:43 pm and he showed no signs of moving away from the group where he was the star speaker giving gyan about NRIs in Edison. I said calmly from the other room, 'XH, sonny wants to stay here for the night. If you want, you can stay here too, and daughter and I will go home'. 6:48 pm, we were driving out of the driveway. Whatever sulking and bickering he had to do, he did in the car, but I was able to explain where I was coming from, and he seemed to not only understand but made the rest of the evening go exactly how I had wanted.
 
I am not the only one who seems to have learned lessons. He is learning too. I guess the biggest lesson he has learned is, 'if vidya is going to cook bland daal-sabzi-roti day in and day out, and if I wanna spice up my cuisine without paying exorbitantly to restaurants, then I must cook it myself'. Earlier, all he knew was to boil eggs. I am proud to announce and I now live with a master chef who has cooked many many awesome things like biryani, chinese fried rice, varieties of salads and chicken dishes, pasta, bread seasonings, and so on. The fun continues, the kids love it, the kids' mom loves it too, although she still fights to keep up her own daal-sabzi-roti routine too. Basically, everybody wins in this healthy competetion.
 
Guess we are slowly evolving to settle into the famous old model of great albeit sexless marriage raising kids together. The twist being, we are divorced!!! However, unless one of us ends up in a hospital and the other won't be able to demand any spousal privileges, I think who cares about the technicality of marriage record.
 
I have a new next-door neighbor, and 2 months ago I had told her that I am divorced and that my ex comes in only sometimes. Now they see XH day in and day out. With all of us going out together, or him dropping kids to the bus. They must be so damn confused. The other day she came to the house and I didn't even introduce her to XH while he was cooking in the kitchen. I simply didn't know what to tell her who he was. But we later laughed together with some sort of shared kinky pleasure that the neighbor must be thinking that I now have kept a 'doosra aadmi' in my house.
 
Anyway, my other BIG accomplishment - I no longer have jiggly arms. Yessir. My daughter misses them. She was so used to flicking my forearms and see them jiggle. All muscles there, baby. Lean muscles, not the bulky kind ewww. I now have to work on my HUGE belly and tone up the rest. Unfortunately, not much drop in the weight, working on that too.
 
TL;DR version - all is well in Vidya land.

this is indeed good news! i'll give your post a +1 vote. wish times to come prove to be even better for for the VB family! i am glad your xh is working again.

today i cooked myself an elaborate cinnamon omelette with tomatoes, onions and cheese. it is not the first time i have done it but i enjoyed it so much today that i have decided to start cooking my own lunch or dinner (not everyday). it is great time pass (i am a retired guy) and a pleasurable experience (not cleaning up though, which i won't). i think i would have a rocking time in jail -- cooking, gardening and mingling with inmates. as a sign board in patna railway station says, train ka bhada free, pakde gaye to khana free.

correction: biceps, not forearms. Forearms still jiggle. Aiyo, what's the exercise for that.

Vidya Bagchi wrote:lol @ HK and GK ...
 
All is well here Kris. Am doing fine. Managed to nag XH enough to land a decent job that has shitty pay. But hey, something is better than nothing. Even I get paid peanuts.
 
Other than that, he has moved in and we are starting to tolerate each other again. Surprisingly, we talk a lot these days. We actually sit and talk. Sometimes he pours me 4 sips of red wine, and we talk. All our weekends are now planned together. Of course I am avoiding any kinda "real" vacationing coz it would mean vacationing with him and that's still a little *ugh* for me.
 
I have learned that I have a lot more patience now than I did earlier. Also, I am better able to think out and verbalize exactly what bothers me about him. Also, I have mastered that no-nonsense tone. I just say anything in that teacher-tone, and he seems to understand it right away. Likewise, when he points out a mistake in me, I seem to either understand it, or deflect it, or simply back out. Actually, now that I know exactly what pisses him off, I go out of my comfort zone to not even let him find a mistake with me. e.g., when I know he is about to come back, I view the house from his eyes and quickly clean up things that I know will set off his mood. And hence, no more fightings.
 
Or even if there is a fight, we are able to handle it so far. I am also no longer ashamed of talking him down in public. Earlier I was all about - "oh no we should act as ONE UNIT, can't have others see us splitting". None of that any more. The other day, we were to leave a party by 6:45 pm. It was 6:43 pm and he showed no signs of moving away from the group where he was the star speaker giving gyan about NRIs in Edison. I said calmly from the other room, 'XH, sonny wants to stay here for the night. If you want, you can stay here too, and daughter and I will go home'. 6:48 pm, we were driving out of the driveway. Whatever sulking and bickering he had to do, he did in the car, but I was able to explain where I was coming from, and he seemed to not only understand but made the rest of the evening go exactly how I had wanted.
 
I am not the only one who seems to have learned lessons. He is learning too. I guess the biggest lesson he has learned is, 'if vidya is going to cook bland daal-sabzi-roti day in and day out, and if I wanna spice up my cuisine without paying exorbitantly to restaurants, then I must cook it myself'. Earlier, all he knew was to boil eggs. I am proud to announce and I now live with a master chef who has cooked many many awesome things like biryani, chinese fried rice, varieties of salads and chicken dishes, pasta, bread seasonings, and so on. The fun continues, the kids love it, the kids' mom loves it too, although she still fights to keep up her own daal-sabzi-roti routine too. Basically, everybody wins in this healthy competetion.
 
Guess we are slowly evolving to settle into the famous old model of great albeit sexless marriage raising kids together. The twist being, we are divorced!!! However, unless one of us ends up in a hospital and the other won't be able to demand any spousal privileges, I think who cares about the technicality of marriage record.
 
I have a new next-door neighbor, and 2 months ago I had told her that I am divorced and that my ex comes in only sometimes. Now they see XH day in and day out. With all of us going out together, or him dropping kids to the bus. They must be so damn confused. The other day she came to the house and I didn't even introduce her to XH while he was cooking in the kitchen. I simply didn't know what to tell her who he was. But we later laughed together with some sort of shared kinky pleasure that the neighbor must be thinking that I now have kept a 'doosra aadmi' in my house.
 
Anyway, my other BIG accomplishment - I no longer have jiggly arms. Yessir. My daughter misses them. She was so used to flicking my forearms and see them jiggle. All muscles there, baby. Lean muscles, not the bulky kind ewww. I now have to work on my HUGE belly and tone up the rest. Unfortunately, not much drop in the weight, working on that too.
 
TL;DR version - all is well in Vidya land.

I don't understand. What's keeping the sex out if everything else is fine?

He cooks, cleans, dines, takes care of the house, kids and also gets some wine occasionally. Why doesn't he get honey?

southindian wrote:

He cooks, cleans, dines, takes care of the house, kids and also gets some wine occasionally. Why doesn't he get honey?

It's not a priority. Gonna be a long road full of hurdles, before I could trust him to that level again, and I am sure he knows that. Just having a decent time right now, why mess it up. Se* comes with hazaar other complications and changes the whole dynamics. Not ready for that. Don't care for that actually. It also helps that my drive is completely gone. I am a dead dried frozen fish.

I guess this A R Rahman song will be apt soon . All the best!

Vidya Bagchi wrote:lol @ HK and GK ...
 
All is well here Kris. Am doing fine. Managed to nag XH enough to land a decent job that has shitty pay. But hey, something is better than nothing. Even I get paid peanuts.
 
Other than that, he has moved in and we are starting to tolerate each other again. Surprisingly, we talk a lot these days. We actually sit and talk. Sometimes he pours me 4 sips of red wine, and we talk. All our weekends are now planned together. Of course I am avoiding any kinda "real" vacationing coz it would mean vacationing with him and that's still a little *ugh* for me.
 
I have learned that I have a lot more patience now than I did earlier. Also, I am better able to think out and verbalize exactly what bothers me about him. Also, I have mastered that no-nonsense tone. I just say anything in that teacher-tone, and he seems to understand it right away. Likewise, when he points out a mistake in me, I seem to either understand it, or deflect it, or simply back out. Actually, now that I know exactly what pisses him off, I go out of my comfort zone to not even let him find a mistake with me. e.g., when I know he is about to come back, I view the house from his eyes and quickly clean up things that I know will set off his mood. And hence, no more fightings.
 
Or even if there is a fight, we are able to handle it so far. I am also no longer ashamed of talking him down in public. Earlier I was all about - "oh no we should act as ONE UNIT, can't have others see us splitting". None of that any more. The other day, we were to leave a party by 6:45 pm. It was 6:43 pm and he showed no signs of moving away from the group where he was the star speaker giving gyan about NRIs in Edison. I said calmly from the other room, 'XH, sonny wants to stay here for the night. If you want, you can stay here too, and daughter and I will go home'. 6:48 pm, we were driving out of the driveway. Whatever sulking and bickering he had to do, he did in the car, but I was able to explain where I was coming from, and he seemed to not only understand but made the rest of the evening go exactly how I had wanted.
 
I am not the only one who seems to have learned lessons. He is learning too. I guess the biggest lesson he has learned is, 'if vidya is going to cook bland daal-sabzi-roti day in and day out, and if I wanna spice up my cuisine without paying exorbitantly to restaurants, then I must cook it myself'. Earlier, all he knew was to boil eggs. I am proud to announce and I now live with a master chef who has cooked many many awesome things like biryani, chinese fried rice, varieties of salads and chicken dishes, pasta, bread seasonings, and so on. The fun continues, the kids love it, the kids' mom loves it too, although she still fights to keep up her own daal-sabzi-roti routine too. Basically, everybody wins in this healthy competetion.
 
Guess we are slowly evolving to settle into the famous old model of great albeit sexless marriage raising kids together. The twist being, we are divorced!!! However, unless one of us ends up in a hospital and the other won't be able to demand any spousal privileges, I think who cares about the technicality of marriage record.
 
I have a new next-door neighbor, and 2 months ago I had told her that I am divorced and that my ex comes in only sometimes. Now they see XH day in and day out. With all of us going out together, or him dropping kids to the bus. They must be so damn confused. The other day she came to the house and I didn't even introduce her to XH while he was cooking in the kitchen. I simply didn't know what to tell her who he was. But we later laughed together with some sort of shared kinky pleasure that the neighbor must be thinking that I now have kept a 'doosra aadmi' in my house.
 
Anyway, my other BIG accomplishment - I no longer have jiggly arms. Yessir. My daughter misses them. She was so used to flicking my forearms and see them jiggle. All muscles there, baby. Lean muscles, not the bulky kind ewww. I now have to work on my HUGE belly and tone up the rest. Unfortunately, not much drop in the weight, working on that too.
 
TL;DR version - all is well in Vidya land.

So it was the elimination of the babysitter's job, that led to the divorce. As long as she was doing the cooking,cleaning etc, things were fine in the VB household and once the kids grew up and you didn't need a babysitter, all the issues came to to the surface.
Glad that things are improving and wish you good luck.

Vidya Bagchi wrote: It also helps that my drive is completely gone. I am a dead dried frozen fish.

ha ha!

Vidya Bagchi wrote:

southindian wrote:

He cooks, cleans, dines, takes care of the house, kids and also gets some wine occasionally. Why doesn't he get honey?

It's not a priority. Gonna be a long road full of hurdles, before I could trust him to that level again, and I am sure he knows that. Just having a decent time right now, why mess it up. Se* comes with hazaar other complications and changes the whole dynamics. Not ready for that. Don't care for that actually. It also helps that my drive is completely gone. I am a dead dried frozen fish.

>>>Bagchi, you overthink everything!

Kris wrote:

Vidya Bagchi wrote:

southindian wrote:

He cooks, cleans, dines, takes care of the house, kids and also gets some wine occasionally. Why doesn't he get honey?

It's not a priority. Gonna be a long road full of hurdles, before I could trust him to that level again, and I am sure he knows that. Just having a decent time right now, why mess it up. Se* comes with hazaar other complications and changes the whole dynamics. Not ready for that. Don't care for that actually. It also helps that my drive is completely gone. I am a dead dried frozen fish.

>>>Bagchi, you overthink everything!

Today's Gyan: Now I know why beautiful women are cursed not to think at all.

Vidya Bagchi wrote:

southindian wrote:

He cooks, cleans, dines, takes care of the house, kids and also gets some wine occasionally. Why doesn't he get honey?

It's not a priority. Gonna be a long road full of hurdles, before I could trust him to that level again, and I am sure he knows that. Just having a decent time right now, why mess it up. Se* comes with hazaar other complications and changes the whole dynamics. Not ready for that. Don't care for that actually. It also helps that my drive is completely gone. I am a dead dried frozen fish.

You guys take Hex way too seriously.

Take it easy,

@ vb- Vidya ki kahani mein itna saara twist phew!