The challenges of marrying outside your class

Madison didn’t have an easy childhood. As a kid, her house was always in disrepair. Her parents couldn’t consistently afford electricity or indoor plumbing, never mind fancy appliances and wall hangings. Madison’s classmates made fun of her shabby surroundings. Some even refused to play with her.

Even after graduating from college, marrying and settling into a middle-class life, Madison couldn’t shake her insecurity about her home. She read design magazines and blogs obsessively, poring over the latest trends in closet organization and wall colors. She redecorated frequently and was rarely confident in her choices — when she redid her kitchen, she considered more than 200 faucets.

Her husband, Evan, hated how much Madison (their names, like all names in this piece, have been changed as a condition for my interviews) spent on furniture and gadgets they didn’t need. He couldn’t understand her fixation. Why would he? Evan grew up with middle-class parents, in the kind of house Madison was so desperate to re-create.

Studies show that couples argue more about money than about sex, chores or spending time together. For partners who marry across class lines, however, money isn’t just something to fight about. In researching my book about inter-class couples, I found that the financial stability of the spouses’ childhoods shaped their marriages in many ways, contributing to clashes about leisure time, home maintenance and even how to talk through their feelings. These pairs were middle class by the time I met them, but their different backgrounds still caused problems.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/for-richer-or-poorer-the-challenges-of-marrying-outside-your-class/2015/03/26/cd7ccf72-ccac-11e4-8a46-b1dc9be5a8ff_story.html?hpid=z7

Didn't read the article, but got reminded of a story. When I had just moved to the US, specifically NY, we were directed by parental units to meet up some folks from back home that they knew and seek 'advice'. One of them was this couple who lived very close to my university, so XH called up (we weren't married then), and the husband invited us for tea.

Background. Both were medicos. Both were from the same caste and same city, however she was from a rich established business house of the city and he was from a middle/lower middle class family, however a brilliant guy, and hence the arranged match. He was 6-7 years older to her I think. More on caste. They were maheshwaris, who consider themselves the best among baniyas, even a notch above marwaris.  Thambis are nothing compared to a snobbish Rajashthani, if you ask me, they can bring anyone to tears if they get to it. She was a batchmath of some relatives of mine, while he was known to us through my dad. Association was close enough.

So we go there, he is there, she is running late, both had hectic lives, and they had a live-in elderly gujju couple for help with little kids, food, etc. We talked, nice stuff. Mostly he talks, but we were warned beforehand that he was very social and she wasn't. She walks in and out of the kitchen, which was in the view of the family room, to help prepare, etc.

Then came the items. Among them there was a plate full of good looking pakodas. We are asked to take some. He asks if there is any chutney coming with it. She said it was all finished. Okay. He then asks for ketchup. She goes, 'pakaodas are meant to be eaten with chutneys, who eats them with ketchup? That's not the right way'. He replied, 'well, if chutney is not there, ketchup will do, and we have the hot sauce (or something) ketchup. So bring that'. She refused. Repeated that pakodas are meant to be eaten with chutney, or nothing else. Argument got heated up. She made it quite clear that ketchup with pakoda was a lowbrow move, among other subtle insults (to everything related to him) that she had been doing through the evening.

He then asked us if we .wanted ketchup. I had already begun eating. I didn't want the fight to escalate, so I said, 'Pakodas are tasting great as is, I don't need anything with it'. But XH being XH, can't have anything plain, and hates snooty peeps, said, 'Yeah ketchup will work for me'. I tried elbowing him, but it didn't work.

This emboldened the husband. He began demanding for it. I think he made the move of getting up to get it himself. At that point, she got up all pisssed, stomped to the kitchen, brought the ketchup bottle, put it down on the table hard, and left the room stomping her feet. Didn't see her the rest of the evening. He explained she had done a night shift or something, so is tired.

Wish they were equally snooty, or equally chilled, or atleast kept chutney in the house when inviting someone for pakodas.

We met them again a month later, in that too they ended up fighting, thanks again to XH (another story for another time). We never went to meet them again. Many years later we came across in a social event. He recognized us and talked to us. She walked past us. My relative asked her about me, she had no memory of us. Luckily for us, my relative didn't mention chutney ketchup to help her remember, lol. (Yes, this story has been told to many people).

this stupid man should've helped his wife in the kitchen.

by the way, very nice writing. flows easily.

Beatrix Kiddo wrote:Didn't read the article, but got reminded of a story. When I had just moved to the US, specifically NY, we were directed by parental units to meet up some folks from back home that they knew and seek 'advice'. One of them was this couple who lived very close to my university, so XH called up (we weren't married then), and the husband invited us for tea.

Background. Both were medicos. Both were from the same caste and same city, however she was from a rich established business house of the city and he was from a middle/lower middle class family, however a brilliant guy, and hence the arranged match. He was 6-7 years older to her I think. More on caste. They were maheshwaris, who consider themselves the best among baniyas, even a notch above marwaris.  Thambis are nothing compared to a snobbish Rajashthani, if you ask me, they can bring anyone to tears if they get to it. She was a batchmath of some relatives of mine, while he was known to us through my dad. Association was close enough.

So we go there, he is there, she is running late, both had hectic lives, and they had a live-in elderly gujju couple for help with little kids, food, etc. We talked, nice stuff. Mostly he talks, but we were warned beforehand that he was very social and she wasn't. She walks in and out of the kitchen, which was in the view of the family room, to help prepare, etc.

Then came the items. Among them there was a plate full of good looking pakodas. We are asked to take some. He asks if there is any chutney coming with it. She said it was all finished. Okay. He then asks for ketchup. She goes, 'pakaodas are meant to be eaten with chutneys, who eats them with ketchup? That's not the right way'. He replied, 'well, if chutney is not there, ketchup will do, and we have the hot sauce (or something) ketchup. So bring that'. She refused. Repeated that pakodas are meant to be eaten with chutney, or nothing else. Argument got heated up. She made it quite clear that ketchup with pakoda was a lowbrow move, among other subtle insults (to everything related to him) that she had been doing through the evening.

He then asked us if we .wanted ketchup. I had already begun eating. I didn't want the fight to escalate, so I said, 'Pakodas are tasting great as is, I don't need anything with it'. But XH being XH, can't have anything plain, and hates snooty peeps, said, 'Yeah ketchup will work for me'. I tried elbowing him, but it didn't work.

This emboldened the husband. He began demanding for it. I think he made the move of getting up to get it himself. At that point, she got up all pisssed, stomped to the kitchen, brought the ketchup bottle, put it down on the table hard, and left the room stomping her feet. Didn't see her the rest of the evening. He explained she had done a night shift or something, so is tired.

Wish they were equally snooty, or equally chilled, or atleast kept chutney in the house when inviting someone for pakodas.

We met them again a month later, in that too they ended up fighting, thanks again to XH (another story for another time). We never went to meet them again. Many years later we came across in a social event. He recognized us and talked to us. She walked past us. My relative asked her about me, she had no memory of us. Luckily for us, my relative didn't mention chutney ketchup to help her remember, lol. (Yes, this story has been told to many people).

This seems like a personal preference than a class related tradition/habit.

pravalika nanda wrote:by the way, very nice writing. flows easily.

Much like ketsup or not Chutney...

Beatrix Kiddo wrote: Repeated that pakodas are meant to be eaten with chutney, or nothing else. Argument got heated up. She made it quite clear that ketchup with pakoda was a lowbrow move, among other subtle insults (to everything related to him) that she had been doing through the evening.

He then asked us if we .wanted ketchup. I had already begun eating. I didn't want the fight to escalate, so I said, 'Pakodas are tasting great as is, I don't need anything with it'. But XH being XH, can't have anything plain, and hates snooty peeps, said, 'Yeah ketchup will work for me'. I tried elbowing him, but it didn't work.

This emboldened the husband. He began demanding for it. I think he made the move of getting up to get it himself. At that point, she got up all pisssed, stomped to the kitchen, brought the ketchup bottle, put it down on the table hard, and left the room stomping her feet. Didn't see her the rest of the evening. He explained she had done a night shift or something, so is tired.

Wish they were equally snooty, or equally chilled, or atleast kept chutney in the house when inviting someone for pakodas.

We met them again a month later, in that too they ended up fighting, thanks again to XH (another story for another time). We never went to meet them again. Many years later we came across in a social event. He recognized us and talked to us. She walked past us. My relative asked her about me, she had no memory of us. Luckily for us, my relative didn't mention chutney ketchup to help her remember, lol. (Yes, this story has been told to many people).

I know when it comes to eating, you have no class...err.. you see no class...hm...let us just say, you will eat anything in any way....

Moral: Carry a few pickles in a plastic bag whenever you visit any house. Then demand Pakodas saying you brought pickles with you already.

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:
I know when it comes to eating, you have no class...err.. you see no class...hm...let us just say, you will eat anything in any way....

lol... sorta true. the other day we were all talking, and I think trying to correct older about something. she says to her dad, 'so what?! we all have our faults and problems. I have this problem, you have [that] problem, and mommy has eating problems'. XH was like, 'what? mommy doesn't have an eating problem'. (Poor guy, he tries to defend me as much as possible). Older asserted, 'Yes she does. She eats her emotions'. XH said, 'no no, she is just eccentric'. So ya, this wasn't going any good. Older continued, 'She would be sitting with her laptop there, and you can put a dead frog next to her, and 5 minutes later, she will start picking on that too. She might complain about bad taste, but she will eat it anyway'. The way she said it, doing my impression, it was too funny to feel offended lol.

Beatrix Kiddo wrote:Didn't read the article, but got reminded of a story. When I had just moved to the US, specifically NY, we were directed by parental units to meet up some folks from back home that they knew and seek 'advice'. One of them was this couple who lived very close to my university, so XH called up (we weren't married then), and the husband invited us for tea.

Background. Both were medicos. Both were from the same caste and same city, however she was from a rich established business house of the city and he was from a middle/lower middle class family, however a brilliant guy, and hence the arranged match. He was 6-7 years older to her I think. More on caste. They were maheshwaris, who consider themselves the best among baniyas, even a notch above marwaris.  Thambis are nothing compared to a snobbish Rajashthani, if you ask me, they can bring anyone to tears if they get to it. She was a batchmath of some relatives of mine, while he was known to us through my dad. Association was close enough.

So we go there, he is there, she is running late, both had hectic lives, and they had a live-in elderly gujju couple for help with little kids, food, etc. We talked, nice stuff. Mostly he talks, but we were warned beforehand that he was very social and she wasn't. She walks in and out of the kitchen, which was in the view of the family room, to help prepare, etc.

Then came the items. Among them there was a plate full of good looking pakodas. We are asked to take some. He asks if there is any chutney coming with it. She said it was all finished. Okay. He then asks for ketchup. She goes, 'pakaodas are meant to be eaten with chutneys, who eats them with ketchup? That's not the right way'. He replied, 'well, if chutney is not there, ketchup will do, and we have the hot sauce (or something) ketchup. So bring that'. She refused. Repeated that pakodas are meant to be eaten with chutney, or nothing else. Argument got heated up. She made it quite clear that ketchup with pakoda was a lowbrow move, among other subtle insults (to everything related to him) that she had been doing through the evening.

He then asked us if we .wanted ketchup. I had already begun eating. I didn't want the fight to escalate, so I said, 'Pakodas are tasting great as is, I don't need anything with it'. But XH being XH, can't have anything plain, and hates snooty peeps, said, 'Yeah ketchup will work for me'. I tried elbowing him, but it didn't work.

This emboldened the husband. He began demanding for it. I think he made the move of getting up to get it himself. At that point, she got up all pisssed, stomped to the kitchen, brought the ketchup bottle, put it down on the table hard, and left the room stomping her feet. Didn't see her the rest of the evening. He explained she had done a night shift or something, so is tired.

Wish they were equally snooty, or equally chilled, or atleast kept chutney in the house when inviting someone for pakodas.

We met them again a month later, in that too they ended up fighting, thanks again to XH (another story for another time). We never went to meet them again. Many years later we came across in a social event. He recognized us and talked to us. She walked past us. My relative asked her about me, she had no memory of us. Luckily for us, my relative didn't mention chutney ketchup to help her remember, lol. (Yes, this story has been told to many people).

'pakaodas are meant to be eaten with chutneys, who eats them with ketchup?



>>>To which he should have said, 'men who don't have wives who have the foresight to whip up fries often to go with the ketchup. They have to find substitutes for the fries'

Kris wrote:

Beatrix Kiddo wrote:Didn't read the article, but got reminded of a story. When I had just moved to the US, specifically NY, we were directed by parental units to meet up some folks from back home that they knew and seek 'advice'. One of them was this couple who lived very close to my university, so XH called up (we weren't married then), and the husband invited us for tea.

Background. Both were medicos. Both were from the same caste and same city, however she was from a rich established business house of the city and he was from a middle/lower middle class family, however a brilliant guy, and hence the arranged match. He was 6-7 years older to her I think. More on caste. They were maheshwaris, who consider themselves the best among baniyas, even a notch above marwaris.  Thambis are nothing compared to a snobbish Rajashthani, if you ask me, they can bring anyone to tears if they get to it. She was a batchmath of some relatives of mine, while he was known to us through my dad. Association was close enough.

So we go there, he is there, she is running late, both had hectic lives, and they had a live-in elderly gujju couple for help with little kids, food, etc. We talked, nice stuff. Mostly he talks, but we were warned beforehand that he was very social and she wasn't. She walks in and out of the kitchen, which was in the view of the family room, to help prepare, etc.

Then came the items. Among them there was a plate full of good looking pakodas. We are asked to take some. He asks if there is any chutney coming with it. She said it was all finished. Okay. He then asks for ketchup. She goes, 'pakaodas are meant to be eaten with chutneys, who eats them with ketchup? That's not the right way'. He replied, 'well, if chutney is not there, ketchup will do, and we have the hot sauce (or something) ketchup. So bring that'. She refused. Repeated that pakodas are meant to be eaten with chutney, or nothing else. Argument got heated up. She made it quite clear that ketchup with pakoda was a lowbrow move, among other subtle insults (to everything related to him) that she had been doing through the evening.

He then asked us if we .wanted ketchup. I had already begun eating. I didn't want the fight to escalate, so I said, 'Pakodas are tasting great as is, I don't need anything with it'. But XH being XH, can't have anything plain, and hates snooty peeps, said, 'Yeah ketchup will work for me'. I tried elbowing him, but it didn't work.

This emboldened the husband. He began demanding for it. I think he made the move of getting up to get it himself. At that point, she got up all pisssed, stomped to the kitchen, brought the ketchup bottle, put it down on the table hard, and left the room stomping her feet. Didn't see her the rest of the evening. He explained she had done a night shift or something, so is tired.

Wish they were equally snooty, or equally chilled, or atleast kept chutney in the house when inviting someone for pakodas.

We met them again a month later, in that too they ended up fighting, thanks again to XH (another story for another time). We never went to meet them again. Many years later we came across in a social event. He recognized us and talked to us. She walked past us. My relative asked her about me, she had no memory of us. Luckily for us, my relative didn't mention chutney ketchup to help her remember, lol. (Yes, this story has been told to many people).

'pakaodas are meant to be eaten with chutneys, who eats them with ketchup?



>>>To which he should have said, 'men who don't have wives who have the foresight to whip up fries often to go with the ketchup. They have to find substitutes for the fries'

yep, this argument came up too. she had no answer to that. he said let me offer the next best option, she said 'nope, not done'.

confuzzled dude wrote:

Madison didn’t have an easy childhood. As a kid, her house was always in disrepair. Her parents couldn’t consistently afford electricity or indoor plumbing, never mind fancy appliances and wall hangings. Madison’s classmates made fun of her shabby surroundings. Some even refused to play with her.

>>>I don't blame the other kids for not wanting to play with her. I wouldn't go to a house where there were no indoor restrooms or toilet bowls that would flush sometimes and not flush at other times.

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

Beatrix Kiddo wrote: Repeated that pakodas are meant to be eaten with chutney, or nothing else. Argument got heated up. She made it quite clear that ketchup with pakoda was a lowbrow move, among other subtle insults (to everything related to him) that she had been doing through the evening.

He then asked us if we .wanted ketchup. I had already begun eating. I didn't want the fight to escalate, so I said, 'Pakodas are tasting great as is, I don't need anything with it'. But XH being XH, can't have anything plain, and hates snooty peeps, said, 'Yeah ketchup will work for me'. I tried elbowing him, but it didn't work.

This emboldened the husband. He began demanding for it. I think he made the move of getting up to get it himself. At that point, she got up all pisssed, stomped to the kitchen, brought the ketchup bottle, put it down on the table hard, and left the room stomping her feet. Didn't see her the rest of the evening. He explained she had done a night shift or something, so is tired.

Wish they were equally snooty, or equally chilled, or atleast kept chutney in the house when inviting someone for pakodas.

We met them again a month later, in that too they ended up fighting, thanks again to XH (another story for another time). We never went to meet them again. Many years later we came across in a social event. He recognized us and talked to us. She walked past us. My relative asked her about me, she had no memory of us. Luckily for us, my relative didn't mention chutney ketchup to help her remember, lol. (Yes, this story has been told to many people).

I know when it comes to eating, you have no class...err.. you see no class...hm...let us just say, you will eat anything in any way....

Moral: Carry a few pickles in a plastic bag whenever you visit any house.  Then demand Pakodas saying you brought pickles with you already.

>>>Get away from folks like this as quickly as you can. Seriously, these types of arguments are often a sign of some other underlying conflict. In this case , the pakora thing may be a manifestation of it. It puts the guests in an awkward position.

Kris wrote:

confuzzled dude wrote:

Madison didn’t have an easy childhood. As a kid, her house was always in disrepair. Her parents couldn’t consistently afford electricity or indoor plumbing, never mind fancy appliances and wall hangings. Madison’s classmates made fun of her shabby surroundings. Some even refused to play with her.

>>>I don't blame the other kids for not wanting to play with her. I wouldn't go to a house where there were no indoor restrooms or toilet bowls that would flush sometimes and not flush at other times.

no such issues there... played with the people in a small development behind our house. Good people, just small houses and very basic style of living. Would play all day with them, typical tire race, sitauliya, kabaddi, gilli-danda, cycling, garba, etc. Peeing was optional, either use their bathroom, or just find an open corner anywhere, or run home, who cared. Have done cow-dung over their aangan with them, and was a rangoli helper; ran after cows to pick up 'fresh' hot gobar with them; eaten roti with raw onion or garlic (mom badly wanted to disown me whenever I came home smelling like that lol), or roti with salt (refused green chilli though); in evenings their moms would wash all the girls' feet, hands and faces, and put powder bindi on their faces and oil in their hair, so I would also get into that lineup of girls, have come home many times in that getup much to the amusement of my older siblings. Helped them deliver their female dog once (as in was a scared watcher 15 feet away), that was scary.

Kris wrote:

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

Beatrix Kiddo wrote: Repeated that pakodas are meant to be eaten with chutney, or nothing else. Argument got heated up. She made it quite clear that ketchup with pakoda was a lowbrow move, among other subtle insults (to everything related to him) that she had been doing through the evening.

He then asked us if we .wanted ketchup. I had already begun eating. I didn't want the fight to escalate, so I said, 'Pakodas are tasting great as is, I don't need anything with it'. But XH being XH, can't have anything plain, and hates snooty peeps, said, 'Yeah ketchup will work for me'. I tried elbowing him, but it didn't work.

This emboldened the husband. He began demanding for it. I think he made the move of getting up to get it himself. At that point, she got up all pisssed, stomped to the kitchen, brought the ketchup bottle, put it down on the table hard, and left the room stomping her feet. Didn't see her the rest of the evening. He explained she had done a night shift or something, so is tired.

Wish they were equally snooty, or equally chilled, or atleast kept chutney in the house when inviting someone for pakodas.

We met them again a month later, in that too they ended up fighting, thanks again to XH (another story for another time). We never went to meet them again. Many years later we came across in a social event. He recognized us and talked to us. She walked past us. My relative asked her about me, she had no memory of us. Luckily for us, my relative didn't mention chutney ketchup to help her remember, lol. (Yes, this story has been told to many people).

I know when it comes to eating, you have no class...err.. you see no class...hm...let us just say, you will eat anything in any way....

Moral: Carry a few pickles in a plastic bag whenever you visit any house.  Then demand Pakodas saying you brought pickles with you already.

>>>Get away from folks like this as quickly as you can. Seriously, these types of arguments are often a sign of some other underlying conflict. In this case , the pakora thing may be a manifestation of it. It puts the guests in an awkward position.

My Dear Pakora Swami:

Is it the Pakora leading to the conflict or the conflict leading to the Pakora?

Shed us your wisdom.

Beatrix Kiddo wrote:

Kris wrote:

confuzzled dude wrote:

Madison didn’t have an easy childhood. As a kid, her house was always in disrepair. Her parents couldn’t consistently afford electricity or indoor plumbing, never mind fancy appliances and wall hangings. Madison’s classmates made fun of her shabby surroundings. Some even refused to play with her.

>>>I don't blame the other kids for not wanting to play with her. I wouldn't go to a house where there were no indoor restrooms or toilet bowls that would flush sometimes and not flush at other times.

no such issues there... played with the people in a small development behind our house. Good people, just small houses and very basic style of living. Would play all day with them, typical tire race, sitauliya, kabaddi, gilli-danda, cycling, garba, etc. Peeing was optional, either use their bathroom, or just find an open corner anywhere, or run home, who cared. Have done cow-dung over their aangan with them, and was a rangoli helper; ran after cows to pick up 'fresh' hot gobar with them; eaten roti with raw onion or garlic (mom badly wanted to disown me whenever I came home smelling like that lol), or roti with salt (refused green chilli though); in evenings their moms would wash all the girls' feet, hands and faces, and put powder bindi on their faces and oil in their hair, so I would also get into that lineup of girls, have come home many times in that getup much to the amusement of my older siblings. Helped them deliver their female dog once (as in was a scared watcher 15 feet away), that was scary.

>>>I am no classist (despite my -ahem! - "public" school education -it was up to maybe a $2 fee a year in high school). However, I draw the line at restrooms. No clean restrooms, no can do. 

P.S. Ahh, tire races-- still remember those from when I was 8 or 9. Kabaddi till 1oth garde. Gilli stayed with me much longer. The last Gilli game I played was a few months before I came to the US. I distinctly remember the other participant being Badri. A girl who was on her way to music class turned to Badri and said she would 'slipper' him. I have no idea why. Badri became a lawyer. Maybe she had a premonition about that. 

P.P.S> Wait, garba was a game?

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

Kris wrote:

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

Beatrix Kiddo wrote: Repeated that pakodas are meant to be eaten with chutney, or nothing else. Argument got heated up. She made it quite clear that ketchup with pakoda was a lowbrow move, among other subtle insults (to everything related to him) that she had been doing through the evening.

He then asked us if we .wanted ketchup. I had already begun eating. I didn't want the fight to escalate, so I said, 'Pakodas are tasting great as is, I don't need anything with it'. But XH being XH, can't have anything plain, and hates snooty peeps, said, 'Yeah ketchup will work for me'. I tried elbowing him, but it didn't work.

This emboldened the husband. He began demanding for it. I think he made the move of getting up to get it himself. At that point, she got up all pisssed, stomped to the kitchen, brought the ketchup bottle, put it down on the table hard, and left the room stomping her feet. Didn't see her the rest of the evening. He explained she had done a night shift or something, so is tired.

Wish they were equally snooty, or equally chilled, or atleast kept chutney in the house when inviting someone for pakodas.

We met them again a month later, in that too they ended up fighting, thanks again to XH (another story for another time). We never went to meet them again. Many years later we came across in a social event. He recognized us and talked to us. She walked past us. My relative asked her about me, she had no memory of us. Luckily for us, my relative didn't mention chutney ketchup to help her remember, lol. (Yes, this story has been told to many people).

I know when it comes to eating, you have no class...err.. you see no class...hm...let us just say, you will eat anything in any way....

Moral: Carry a few pickles in a plastic bag whenever you visit any house.  Then demand Pakodas saying you brought pickles with you already.

>>>Get away from folks like this as quickly as you can. Seriously, these types of arguments are often a sign of some other underlying conflict. In this case , the pakora thing may be a manifestation of it. It puts the guests in an awkward position.

My Dear Pakora Swami:

Is it the Pakora leading to the conflict or the conflict leading to the Pakora?

Shed us your wisdom.

>>>If she was having a blow-up over the pakora/ketchup snafu, that ain't the first argument they have had. Just a guess..

Kris wrote:
>>>Get away from folks like this as quickly as you can. Seriously, these types of arguments are often a sign of some other underlying conflict. In this case , the pakora thing may be a manifestation of it. It puts the guests in an awkward position.

Agreed, especially XH, as that doctor husband comes across as a male chauvinist, else he could've moved his tushie to the kitchen rather than continuing the argument.

it was not about him being a chauvinist and demanding it from her. she wasn't letting him get it either once the argument started. he could have just gotten up quietly in the beginning and got it ...  but what began as a simple comment escalated into both of them getting entangled in trying to get the other agree with them.

Beatrix Kiddo wrote:it was not about him being a chauvinist and demanding it from her. she wasn't letting him get it either once the argument started. he could have just gotten up quietly in the beginning and got it ...  but what began as a simple comment escalated into both of them getting entangled in trying to get the other agree with them.

I know I was just kidding but the fact that she served pakora herself not the house help tells me that this may not be a class issue.

confuzzled dude wrote:

Beatrix Kiddo wrote:it was not about him being a chauvinist and demanding it from her. she wasn't letting him get it either once the argument started. he could have just gotten up quietly in the beginning and got it ...  but what began as a simple comment escalated into both of them getting entangled in trying to get the other agree with them.

I know I was just kidding but the fact that she served pakora herself not the house help tells me that this may not be a class issue.

she got the ketchup, not the other items...

it did sound like a class issue. she was horrified by the idea of serving guests ketchup, as if it was something to look down upon and insulting; and she mocked the idea of anyone even suggesting to relish ketchup with pakoda. would rather serve pakoda with other masala/chilli/achar, that she had kept there. they both lived in certain parts of their city with different eating styles, so that came up in the conversation too. He was merely talking about giving us an alternative and let us pick and make us comfortable, while she thought it was insulting to even do that (i.e. to even think that we will be fine with ketchup + pakoda).