Re: jokes thread (english, hindi, tamil telugu etc.)

[artood2]

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dachshund along for company. One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost.

So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having him for lunch. The dachshund thinks, "OK, I'm in deep trouble now!" Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here." Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That dachshund nearly had me." Meanwhile, a monkey, who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes.

But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine." Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet ... and, just when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says..................

"Where's that darn monkey? Sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."

[artood2]

Two Christians were lost in the Sahara desert. One is David, the other is Michael. They were dying of hunger and thirst when they suddenly came upon an oasis, with what looked like an emirate of a mosque in the middle.

David said to Michael : "Look, let's pretend we are Muslims, otherwise we'll not get any food or drink. I am going to call myself Mohammed."

Michael refused to change his name, he said : "My name is Michael, and I will not pretend to be other than but what I am...Michael."

The Imam of the mosque received both well and asked about their names.

David said : "My name is Mohammed."

Michael said : "My name is Michael."

The Imam turned to the helpers of the mosque and said : "Please bring some food and water for Michael only."

Then he turned to the other and said: "Well Mohammed, Ramzan Mubarak!"

[artood2]

Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother' s house.
Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.
When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.
"Johnny wait until we say our prayer."
"I don't have to," The boy replied.
"Of course, you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer, before eating, at our house."
"That's our house," Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook."

[artood2]

There was once a great actor, who had a problem. He could no longer remember his lines. Finally after many years he finds a theater where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.
The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line, you must walk on to the stage carrying a rose, you must hold the rose with just one finger and your thumb to your nose, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'"
The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he's practicing his line over and over again. Finally the time came.
The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and with great passion delivered the line; "Ah, the sweet aroma of my
mistress."
The theater erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!
"You bloody fool!" he cried, "You have ruined me!"
The actor was bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?"
He asked. "No!" the director screamed, "You forgot the bloody rose!"

[Guest]

There was once a great actor, who had a problem. He could no longer remember his lines. Finally after many years he finds a theater where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.
The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line, you must walk on to the stage carrying a rose, you must hold the rose with just one finger and your thumb to your nose, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'"
The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he's practicing his line over and over again. Finally the time came.
The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and with great passion delivered the line; "Ah, the sweet aroma of my
mistress."
The theater erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!
"You bloody fool!" he cried, "You have ruined me!"
The actor was bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?"
He asked. "No!" the director screamed, "You forgot the bloody rose!"

Hmm? He just sniffed without a rose and said "Ah, sweet.....". Why is it such a gaffe? What am I missing?

[harharmahadev]

A teacher in class...

Students.. batao.. saamne ke AAM ke pedh pe Sitaphal kitne hain??

Pappu : 12

Teacher : Kaise??\

Pappu : Kyuki aaj maine mere tiffin mein poha laya hain!

[Hellsangel]

A teacher in class...

Students.. batao.. saamne ke AAM ke pedh pe Sitaphal kitne hain??

Pappu : 12

Teacher : Kaise??\

Pappu : Kyuki aaj maine mere tiffin mein poha laya hain!

You deleted your comment!

[Guest]

how could he do that? where is admin? this site is spooky!

[Guest]

in fact the problem indophile is complaining about -- i experienced it too. i did have that "someone else has made a post" warning but i "saved" and i saw my post posted. i quoted my own post in another post immediately thereafter (i had had a change of mind). i saw both posts in the thread. i went away. came back later. the parent post was gone and my post (that quoted the parent post) was there but now it seemed to quote something that no longer existed. i'll find that thread and provide a link here.

[Guest]

i can't search for the link. this site has a cut-off too for history. if you click on any user and his stats and "find (user's) posts," then the maximum pages the site generates for you is 8. all posts older than the 8 pages get cut-off.

but, i must clarify, that i have not experienced the problem (that i state in the post above) again. those were my first few days here. either i was drunk or it was a threshold i needed to cross to post successfully after the "another message has been posted" scenario.

[CroMagnon]

in fact the problem indophile is complaining about -- i experienced it too. i did have that "someone else has made a post" warning but i "saved" and i saw my post posted. i quoted my own post in another post immediately thereafter (i had had a change of mind). i saw both posts in the thread. i went away. came back later. the parent post was gone and my post (that quoted the parent post) was there but now it seemed to quote something that no longer existed. i'll find that thread and provide a link here.

Charvaka's nightmare might have come true. I think the tech savvy CEO is behind all this. Soon all posts will be deleted and our microwaves will be nuked.

[Guest]

this is going to be sensational news on old ch tomorrow. like nextdude said in old CH, osama died, jayalaitha won, sai baba died, kanimozhi got jailed but all sulekha CH has been talking about is who is the killer? tomorrow this will be headlines.

[ढीकम टांटिया]

like nextdude said in old CH, osama died, jayalaitha won, sai baba died, kanimozhi got jailed but all sulekha CH has been talking about is who is the killer?

LOL.

Kripamaya thinks Sulekha itself is behind the killings and it is their way of forcing people out and killing the forum. This must be the most retarded statement ever made on Sulekha CH.

[artood2]

There was once a great actor, who had a problem. He could no longer remember his lines. Finally after many years he finds a theater where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.
The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line, you must walk on to the stage carrying a rose, you must hold the rose with just one finger and your thumb to your nose, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'"
The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he's practicing his line over and over again. Finally the time came.
The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and with great passion delivered the line; "Ah, the sweet aroma of my
mistress."
The theater erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!
"You bloody fool!" he cried, "You have ruined me!"
The actor was bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?"
He asked. "No!" the director screamed, "You forgot the bloody rose!"

Hmm? He just sniffed without a rose and said "Ah, sweet.....". Why is it such a gaffe? What am I missing?

hmm... A guy moving around sniffing a finger and saying "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress..."

[Guest]

There was once a great actor, who had a problem. He could no longer remember his lines. Finally after many years he finds a theater where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.
The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line, you must walk on to the stage carrying a rose, you must hold the rose with just one finger and your thumb to your nose, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'"
The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he's practicing his line over and over again. Finally the time came.
The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and with great passion delivered the line; "Ah, the sweet aroma of my
mistress."
The theater erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!
"You bloody fool!" he cried, "You have ruined me!"
The actor was bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?"
He asked. "No!" the director screamed, "You forgot the bloody rose!"

Hmm? He just sniffed without a rose and said "Ah, sweet.....". Why is it such a gaffe? What am I missing?

hmm... A guy moving around sniffing a finger and saying "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress..."

Now that you describe it like this, I can how it could be a gaffe of himalayan proportions. Sorry, I am dumb, senile etc.

[Guest]

lol X 10 at your two jokes artood2 (dachshund and christians)

rabri devi - dahi jamane ko english me kya bolun?
laloo - the milk was sleeping n the nightwa and early in the morning it becomes tightwa.

[Guest]

united we stand, divided we fall.

hindi translation:

sanghatan mein shaktee hai, akele me phat tee hai.

[Guest]

[harharmahadev]

A teacher in class...

Students.. batao.. saamne ke AAM ke pedh pe Sitaphal kitne hain??

Pappu : 12

Teacher : Kaise??\

Pappu : Kyuki aaj maine mere tiffin mein poha laya hain!

You deleted your comment!

Yes I did....didn't want to hurt feelings.

[Guest]

A YOUNG MAN WAS SPENDING THE NIGHT AT THE APARTMENT OF A MARRIED COUPLE OF HIS ACQUAINTANCE. SINCE THEY HAD NO COUCH, THE COUPLE DECIDED TO SHARE THEIR BED WITH THE GUEST, AND THEY ALL RETIRED EARLY.

IT WASN'T LONG AFTERWARDS THAT THE WIFE WHISPERED IN THE YOUNG MAN'S EAR, "PULL A HAIR FROM MY HUSBAND'S BUTT: IF HE'S ASLEEP WE CAN MAKE LOVE."

THE YOUNG MAN DID AS INSTRUCTED, AND AFTER GETTING NO RESPONSE FROM THE HUSBAND, HE PROCEEDED TO MAKE LOVE WITH THE WIFE. NOT FEELING COMPLETELY SATISFIED, THE WIFE PROCEEDED TO PROPOSE THE SAME COURSE OF ACTION A SECOND TIME, AND LATER A THIRD TIME, AND THE YOUNG MAN WAS ONLY TOO HAPPY TO OBLIGE.

FINALLY THE HUSBAND ROLLED OVER AND SAID WEARILY "LISTEN, IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT YOU'RE HAVING SEX WITH MY WIFE IN THE SAME BED AS ME, BUT DO YOU HAVE TO USE MY BUTT AS A SCOREBOARD?"

[Guest]

[Another Brick]

is there a youtube vid there? can't see.

[Guest]

oops, yes there is. i have to be more conscious of the fact that many can't access youtube from work.

[Guest]

aasman me kaali ghata chayii hai
aaj fir gharwali se maar khayii hai
dil to karta hai sudhar jaun
magar padosan aaj fir bheeg kar aayii hai

[Guest]

chuha hathi se: 2 din ke lye apni biwi ka bra dena
hathi (hans ke): kyun? apni biwi ko pehnayega?
chuha: nahi, beti ki shadi hai. tent lagana hai. ladies alag, gents alag.

[Guest]

dude unmohan & medamji

[Guest]

*it's been raining nonstop for the last 7 days*

FACT ABOUT RAIN

in USA, after rain, the water disappears in 5 mins.

in INDIA, after rain, the road disappears in 5 mins.

in KOLKATA, anyone venturing out during or after rain, disappears in 5 seconds!

[FreeStyle]

lol they r hilarious

[Guest]

yaad hai tumhe wo school ke din?
hum kitna khelte the
class me baatein karte the
jhgadte the
haste the
rote the
nahi yaad?

kaise yaad hoga hum ek school me kahan padte the.

[Guest]

ek student ne mba form bhadte hua paas khade chowkidar se poocha -- kaisa hai ye college?
chowkidar - bahut bhadiya hai, humne khud mba yahin se kiya hai.

[Guest]

ek baccha machar apni pehli udaan bhar kar ghar aaya. uski ma ne poocha -- kaisa raha beta? macchar bola -- bahut hi bhadiyan, sab hath taaliyan de rahe the!

[Guest]

ek student ne mba form bhadte hua paas khade chowkidar se poocha -- kaisa hai ye college?
chowkidar - bahut bhadiya hai, humne khud mba yahin se kiya hai.

[Guest]

Chintu : Papa main itna bada kab ho jaunga jab mummy ko bina batae kahin jaa saku?

Papa: Beta itna bada to main bhi nahi hua abhi tak!!

[Propagandhi711]

one pathetic attempt to prove that women can be funny detected, ironically reinforcing the original accusation.

[Guest]

ek baccha machar apni pehli udaan bhar kar ghar aaya. uski ma ne poocha -- kaisa raha beta? macchar bola -- bahut hi bhadiyan, sab hath taaliyan de rahe the!

cute

[Guest]

tank u tank u tank u.

huzefa kapasi: what is noun?
nutmeg: to arz kiya hai,
kutta bhi apni gali me hota hai king...
huzefa kapasi: wah! wah!
nutmeg: to, kutta bhi apni gali me hota hai king,
noun is the name of a person, place or thing!

[Guest]

Test post from android

[Guest]

*eesh content*

Sex in Sanskrit: Ooperam Chumam, Golam Chusam, Golam Dabam puchuk puchuk....Taangam kholam, Lingam Daalam, Mazaam Avaavam, dhuchuk dhuchuk...

[Guest]

Kash aisi Grlfrnd mile jo kahe-

Udas Q rehte ho tanha SHAM ki tarah..


Udas Q rehte ho tanha SHAM ki tarah.


Aao mere boobs Choos lo dashehri AAM ki tarh.

[Guest]

Kash aisi Grlfrnd mile jo kahe-

Udas Q rehte ho tanha SHAM ki tarah..


Udas Q rehte ho tanha SHAM ki tarah.


Aao mere boobs Choos lo dashehri AAM ki tarh.

eesh.

[Guest]

*eesh content*

Sex in Sanskrit: Ooperam Chumam, Golam Chusam, Golam Dabam puchuk puchuk....Taangam kholam, Lingam Daalam, Mazaam Avaavam, dhuchuk dhuchuk...

double eesh.

[Guest]

Statutory Disclaimer:

The jokes copy pasted and, or forwarded and, or translated and, or posted do not reflect the views and, or opinions of the poster and, or the owners of the handle posting them.

[Rekz]

Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother' s house.
Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.
When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.
"Johnny wait until we say our prayer."
"I don't have to," The boy replied.
"Of course, you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer, before eating, at our house."
"That's our house," Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook."

[Guest]

Arz kiya hai...
tuhaar chehraa moti samaan...
tuhaar chehraa moti samaan...

moti hamaar kutte ka naam....

[Guest]

Arz kiya hai...
tuhaar chehraa moti samaan...
tuhaar chehraa moti samaan...

moti hamaar kutte ka naam....

eesh.

[Guest]

Rajnikanth's dog's house
has a signboard on it,

saying
.....
.
...
.

.
.
.
.
.

"MAALIK SE SAAVDHAAN" :

[Guest]

Ramu- Maa main KBC se bol raha hun, mere Pitaji ka kya naam hai??

Maa- sawal kitne ka hai?

Ramu- 1000 Rs ka

Maa- Quit kar de, 1000 Rs le kar ghar chala aa nahin to ghar me kalesh ho jayega.

[FreeStyle]

Arz kiya hai...
tuhaar chehraa moti samaan...
tuhaar chehraa moti samaan...

moti hamaar kutte ka naam....

lol nice one

[Guest]

Santaji ka interview

Boss: tumhara janam kaha hua tha?
Santa: thiruvananthapuram mein.
Boss: Spelling batao.
Santa: Mazak kar raha hoon. Goa mein hua tha.

[Guest]

LOL

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