Re: jokes thread (english, hindi, tamil telugu etc.)

[Guest]

LMAOOOOOO kinns. reverse swing.

[Guest]

a wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.

And she was upset. 'You are a disrespectful pig!' she cried. 'How dare
you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm
leaving you. I want a divorce right away!'

And the husband replied, 'Hang on just a minute love, so at least I can tell you what happened.'

'Go ahead,' she sobbed,' but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!'

And the husband began -- 'Well, I was getting into the car to drive
home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down
and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the
car.

I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days.

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I
made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're
afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she
was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I
threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the
designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because
you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste.

I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't
wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at
the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair
the same.'

The husband took a quick breath and continued -
'She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her
to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said,
'Please .....Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?

[Guest]

lol

[Guest]

[Guest]

[Bittu]

Husband to wife: Your cooking is pathetic despite you watching so many cooking shows!

Wife: You watch a ton of porn...did I ever complain?

[Guest]

Husband to wife: Your cooking is pathetic despite you watching so many cooking shows!

Wife: You watch a ton of porn...did I ever complain?

Didn't know that TMB watches so many cooking shows bittu.

(K running for cover)

[Guest]

Ek bahot purani Ambassdor car ki nilaami ho rahi thi..
1 lakh...2 lakh...3 lakh
Santa shocked: is khatare mein aisa kya hai?
Seller: iske 15 accidents ho chuke hain
aur har baar sirf biwi hi mari hai

Santa: 10 lakh:cheers:

[Guest]

ek porn joke:

An old married couple was at home watching TV.

The husband had the remote and was switching back
and forth between a fishing channel and the porn channel.

The wife became more and more annoyed and finally said:
"For god's sake! Leave it on the porn channel. You already know how to fish!"

Ek Santa joke:

Lady: Time kitna hua hai?
Santa: Bra Panties.
Lady: Time poocha hai Nonsense.
Santa: Time hi to bataya hai 12.35

Aur ek bonus joke:

Biology teacher:
Ager ladki ko Asthma attack aaye to use der tak apne honto se sans do..

Stud: wo to thik hai, Lekin aisa kya kre ke usey Asthma attack aaye?

[Bittu]

Good ones kin

7 better luck next time

[Guest]

*Did this happen to you any time, trace?


Jill was invited out for a night with the girls.

She told her husband that she would be home by midnight, "I promise!"

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easy. Around

3 AM, a bit worse for wear, she headed for home.

Just as she got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and

cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing her husband would probably wake up, she "cuckooed" another 9 times.

Jill was really proud of herself for coming up with such a quick-witted

solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him. (Even when
totally smashed she knew 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals 12

cuckoos = MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning Jill's husband asked, "What time you got in?" Jill told him

"midnight". He didn't seem concerned at all. Whew! Got away with that one!

Then he said, "We need a new cuckoo clock."

When she asked him why he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three

times, then it said, "Oh Shit." cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat,

cuckooed another 3 times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, then tripped over

the coffee table and farted."

[Bittu]

Thanks kin. This one reminded me of the time I first got into this country and heard this joke in the dorms. Feeling so nostalgic right now, THANKS TO YOUR JOKE! <3

[Guest]

lol

[Petrichor]

>the cuckoo clock in the hall started up

I like how the clock "cuckoo"ed - right in line with the wife's actions.

[Bittu]

[Guest]

Lady on phone..

Lady: Hi Sir, I want to meet and talk to you. You are the father of one of my Kids.

Man Stunnd,

Omg! Are yoy Riya?
No

Anu?
No


Pari?
No

Jasi?
No

Lady in confusion!!

"No sir, I am the class teacher of your son."


Disclaimer/note: not my fault if anyone heard it before and get nostalgic abt it, the joke i.e

[Guest]

lol kinns. good one!

[Guest]

Huzeeeee!! Long time no see. How are you?

[Guest]

ah, i'm doing good. enjoying bachelor's life while wife and kids are in bangalore -- older appeared for his karnataka joint entrance today; did well. these exams last a grueling 6 hours! you are not in chat. i might drop in later. this getting a kid into a good college is like getting a daughter married. i hope he scores well in boards and finds a seat in NUS or NTU, singapore. their requirements are very high but he says he aced the board exams. let's see. problem is these new generation kids are so seedha sadha and not gandus like us. what to do.

[Guest]

i meant gandu like me not "us."

[Guest]

e'time my kid says she aced a test, i take that with a bora of salt. marks kuchh aur hee aate hai. and then it goes, 'i made a silly mistake in the first question and the following 6 questions depended on that, hence all got wrong'. Jeez! Hopefully she gets better at 'self' assessment by the time she's in 12th.

[Guest]

LOL tw; story of my life!

[Kris]

ah, i'm doing good. enjoying bachelor's life while wife and kids are in bangalore -- older appeared for his karnataka joint entrance today; did well. these exams last a grueling 6 hours! you are not in chat. i might drop in later. this getting a kid into a good college is like getting a daughter married. i hope he scores well in boards and finds a seat in NUS or NTU, singapore. their requirements are very high but he says he aced the board exams. let's see. problem is these new generation kids are so seedha sadha and not gandus like us. what to do.

>>>Hey, my son has applied to NTU as well. Don't know if he will get in. He seems very lukewarm about the idea even if he does get in. I am trying to tell him there is an exchange program where he can come back to the US for a year or so. My thinking is the exposure to Asia would be good at this stage and he can come back and do grad work in the US. Let's see. Do you know if there is a big american student presence on this campus? That would increase his comfort level.

[Guest]

Do you know if there is a big american student presence on this [NTU] campus? That would increase his comfort level.

i really wouldn't know but since it is among the highly rated colleges and because we are globally a multi-cultural society, i would not be surprised to hear that many students in NTU are from the usa.

[Guest]

ah, i'm doing good. enjoying bachelor's life while wife and kids are in bangalore -- older appeared for his karnataka joint entrance today; did well. these exams last a grueling 6 hours! you are not in chat. i might drop in later. this getting a kid into a good college is like getting a daughter married. i hope he scores well in boards and finds a seat in NUS or NTU, singapore. their requirements are very high but he says he aced the board exams. let's see. problem is these new generation kids are so seedha sadha and not gandus like us. what to do.

you bet@getting a kid into a good college is like getting a daughter married, esp in India where the competition is so high! He seems like a bright kid. Hope he gets into a good college.

Be thankful that our kiddos are not like us when we were their age .

[Guest]

Be thankful that our kiddos are not like us when we were their age .

lol.

[Guest]

Santa and Preeto in court getting a divorce. The problem was who should get custody of the child.

Preeto jumped up and said: 'Your Honor. I brought the child into the world with pain and labour. She should be in my custody."

The judge turns to Santa and says ' What do you have to say in your defence?

Santa sat for a while contemplating then slowly rose. 'Your Honor. If I
put a five rupees in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out.. whose
Pepsi is it ...the machine's or mine?

Preeto replied : "Judge
sahab...bartan mera...dudh bhi mera...aur usme dahi jamane ke liye 2
boonde daalne se dahi bana toh phir wo dahi kiska..? mera ya do boond
dalne vale ka"

Santa replied : "Typewriter mein kagaz maine
dala, keys daba-daba kar mehnat maine ki, fir chithi kiski? typewriter ki
ya meri? "

Judge(tired after listening to these
arguments):..."Santa, agar tu chithi haath se hi likh leta to yahan par
custody ki naubat hi na aati"

[Guest]

lol kinns

[Guest]

arz hai...

hathi to camel: ye tere boobs teri peeth pe kyun hain?
camel: chal be bhosdike, jinke chehre pe lund latka ho, un logon se to mein baat bhi nahi karta

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science stream follows newton's 3rd law of motion:

pehle tum science lo, baad me science tumhari lega

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you will definitely succeed in life if you follow all the advice you give to others.

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position of a husband is like a split AC. no matter how loud he is outside, inside the house he is designed to remain silent, cool & operated by a remote.

[Guest]

Lol Huz!

[Guest]

lol kinns. glad you liked them.

[Guest]

[Guest]

ramayana in tapori



ramayana in kanpuriya

[Guest]

soundcloud.com/rickjamesbiotch/go-the-f-k-to-sleep/

[Guest]

[Guest]

Lolll seven.

[Guest]

these announcements actually appeared in various church bulletins.


1. Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.
2. Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
4. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
5. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
6. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.
7. Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
8. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.
9. Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the Pastor in his study.
10. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come foreward and lay an egg on the alter.
11. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
12. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet will come foreward and do so.
13. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
14. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
15. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.

[Guest]

LOL, 7


One here:

While visiting India , George Bush is invited to tea with Abdul Kalam.
He asks Kalam what his leadership philosophy is. He says that, it is to
surround himself with intelligent people. Bush asks how he knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Kalam. "Allow me to demonstrate."
Bush watches as Kalam phones Manmohan Singh and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer
this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is
not your brother or sister. Who is it?"

Manmohan immediately responds, "It's me, Sir !"
"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Kalam.

He hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?" Bush nods: "Yes Mr. President.
Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!" Bush, upon returning to Washington,
decides he'd better put the Condoleeza Rice to the test.

Bush summons her to the White House and says, "Condoleeza, I wonder if you can answer
a question for me." "Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?" Bush poses the question:
"Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your
brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Rice was puzzled and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?" Bush agrees,
and Rice leaves. Rice immediately calls a meeting of senior senators, and they puzzle over
the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation,
Rice calls Colin Powell and explains the problem.

"Mr. Powell, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your
brother or your sister. Who is it?" Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."

Much relieved, Rice rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims,
"I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's our Colin Powell!"

And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, its Manmohan Singh!".

[Guest]

The Silent Generation are people born before 1946.
The Baby Boomers are people born between 1946 and 1959.
Generation X are people born between 1960 and 1989.
Generation Y are people born between 1990 and now.
Why do we call the last one generation Y?
I did not know, but a cartoonist explains it eloquently below...Learned something new today

[Guest]

It took me a li'l while to get it, esp the first part. Yeah, I am a mom too.

[Guest]

A judge working a double-homicide case tells the defendant, “You’re charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer.”

“You bastard!” yells a voice from the back of the courtroom.

“You’re also charged with killing your mother-in-law with a hammer,” says the judge.

“Bastard!” the same person yells.

The judge addresses the man sitting in the back of the courtroom.“Sir, one more outburst and I’ll charge you with contempt.”

“I’m sorry, Your Honor,” says the man. “But I’ve been this bastard’s neighbor for 10 years, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn’t have one.”

[Bittu]

It took me a li'l while to get it, esp the first part. Yeah, I am a mom too. :D

THIS one is not real...you do get that...ya?

[Bittu]

A judge working a double-homicide case tells the defendant, “You’re charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer.”

“You bastard!” yells a voice from the back of the courtroom.

“You’re also charged with killing your mother-in-law with a hammer,” says the judge.

“Bastard!” the same person yells.

The judge addresses the man sitting in the back of the courtroom.“Sir, one more outburst and I’ll charge you with contempt.”

“I’m sorry, Your Honor,” says the man. “But I’ve been this bastard’s neighbor for 10 years, and every time I asked to borrow a hammer, he said he didn’t have one.” :shock: :lol!:

I think we need to close this thread and start another one with the title "REALLY funny jokes"

[Guest]

It took me a li'l while to get it, esp the first part. Yeah, I am a mom too.

THIS one is not real...you do get that...ya?

Yeah right! You LOL'ed at it y'day in chat and said it's a good one. Now what? . Real or not, it's still lolable.

[Guest]

[Guest]

[Guest]

[Propagandhi711]

cant believe I read this junk thread for 12 mins. jeez

[Guest]

[Guest]

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