from the south asian web site,

http://mylifeisdesi.com/stories.html

where "desi" teenagers post short messages, most often about the conflicts they experience between the "desi" lives they lead at home and their american school environments:

"Today I realized, whenever my family travels, we use the little disposable cups they leave in hotel rooms for coffee as our lotas. MLID" -- by hehe (woman)

"Today, my roommates asked me why I keep a watering pot next to the toilet. I explained to them what its used for and now they think I'm weird. Should have just used a water bottle instead. MLID." -- Garam Masala (man)

the second post was probably from a college freshman.

nearly all the posts start with "today" and end with "MLID" (my life is desi). many are laced with humour and benign self-criticism. the situations they refer to constantly remind me of Our Bollywood Darlin, who was the one who pointed me to this site.

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:from the south asian web site,

http://mylifeisdesi.com/stories.html

nearly all the posts start with "today" and end with "MLID" (my life is desi). many are laced with humour and benign self-criticism. the situations they refer to constantly remind me of Our Bollywood Darlin, who was the one who pointed me to this site.

Hehe. You welcome. Well, as a mom and aunt of abd teens, I come across such sites and videos all the time. Gotta admit, most of them are funny.

Seems to be a copycat of the *fml.com (* = University name) !

Being desi, probably a higher percentage of "stories" are fictitious at the MLID site, with embellishments for attention- and vote- getting.

atcg wrote:Seems to be a copycat of the *fml.com (* = University name) !

Being desi, probably a higher percentage of "stories" are fictitious at the MLID site, with embellishments for attention- and vote- getting.

Why ... you think all the stories on fml.com are real.

You know those firangs..their stories are so effed up... but desis have to make $hit up..

"Today, my family went to Burger King. My dad said "cock no ass". I desperately tried to explain to the horrified cashier that he meant "coke and no ice". MLID"

You see what i'm saying...?!!!!

is this supposed to be funny? it's not very funny. it just reads like someone trying very hard to be funny.

many posts are about being embarrassed by the strange ways of their parents, which they don't recognize until they're in middle or high school. here's one:

"My mom used to send me to elementary school in a salwaar kameez. I thought it was normal. MLID."

-- bruah! (woman)

more:

"One day my mom told me to wash the dishes. After I was done I went to her and said 'You didn't even say Thank You.' She slapped me and said 'Do we look like a white family to you?' MLID"

on a career decision:

"Today I told my parents that there is no way in hell that I am going to medical school and that I want to do, God forbid, mathematics. My parents told me I'm a disgrace. MLID."

-- jlakhanpal (man)

-"Anything other than an A (grade) is not acceptable."
-"Stop being so desi, mom."

kinnera wrote:-"Anything other than an A (grade) is not acceptable."
-"Stop being so desi, mom."

missed the irony in the previous post about the "disgrace" of majoring in mathematics instead of going to medical school?

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:on a career decision:

"Today I told my parents that there is no way in hell that I am going to medical school and that I want to do, God forbid, mathematics. My parents told me I'm a disgrace. MLID."

-- jlakhanpal (man)

In India...parents consider their kids a failure unless they get into engineering, medical (they understand it is too expensive and difficult, and hence forgiven if not admitted), or accountant.

Now, should someone end up doing something else, the sin can be wiped out by doing an Yem Bee Aaa.

But, in the US, it is medicine or nothing.

Today, in our hotel, we drank water from the $3.50 hotel water bottle. Then, filled it up in the bathroom, and tightened it really hard. We didn't get billed for it. MLID

Smart desis.

A great idea!

Why did'nt I think of this before?

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:on a career decision:

"Today I told my parents that there is no way in hell that I am going to medical school and that I want to do, God forbid, mathematics. My parents told me I'm a disgrace. MLID."

-- jlakhanpal (man)

i think it is truly the very very liberal indian parent who is totally cool with any major a kid chooses. most of us have that line drawn somewhere. a mathematics major wouldn't cause me any heartburn whatsoever, but if i had to be brutally honest, if my kid came up to me and said she wanted to be a theater or music major it would give me some non-negligible heartburn. and it's not that i am not self aware that i have this problem, and i also know the reasons for it well. i don't want her to choose as her primary profession, one in which the path to some basic and reasonable material well being is incredibly difficult with no guarantees of any kind. having said that if i found that she was truly passionate about something, i'd swallow my concerns and do whatever i can to help her succeed. were you totally and completely ok with anything they chose to do?

I do not think it is a matter of being liberal or conservative. It is a sensible thing to do. If your kid's heart is set on theater or drama, why persuade him or her to study something else?


Two scenarios

1. Lakshmi wants to major in drama. Dad lets her have her wish. She graduates with a perfect 4.0 GPA because she really loves what she is doing. She minors in Economics as well. She works as a theater critic. Does not make that much money, decides to change her field. She applies to Harvard. Gets accepted because of her high GPA and GMAT scores. Graduates from Harvard with an MBA. Gets a job managing Kennedy center in Washington DC.

2. Ritu wants to major in drama. Her dad says no. She studies Engineering to please her dad. Graduates with a 2.2 GPA. Curses her dad for her poor performance in school. She cannot get a campus job interview. Goes to a psychiatrist for couselling.

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:

kinnera wrote:-"Anything other than an A (grade) is not acceptable."
-"Stop being so desi, mom."

missed the irony in the previous post about the "disgrace" of majoring in mathematics instead of going to medical school?

did i quote that mathematics post of yours?

[quote="Jeremiah Mburuburu"]from the south asian web site,

http://mylifeisdesi.com/stories.html

where "desi" teenagers post short messages, most often about the conflicts they experience between the "desi" lives they lead at home and their american school environments:

"Today I realized, whenever my family travels, we use the little disposable cups they leave in hotel rooms for coffee as our lotas. MLID" -- by hehe (woman)

[i]"Today, my roommates asked me why I keep a watering pot next to the toilet. I explained to them what its used for and now they think I'm weird. Should have just used a water bottle insted"

What is this fascination with toilet related issues?

Here, psssttt...

India is the only country where there is a museum for toilets. OLID

We refer to our daughter's friend Megan as Meghana. OLID

atcg wrote:We refer to our daughter's friend Megan as Meghana. OLID

what is OLID?

Tracy Whitney wrote:what is OLID?

An alternative name for this forum. As in: "Our longest discussion topic is food. Our second longest discussion topic is a dead despot. Our third longest discussion topic is random jokes. OLID."

PS: The key word in all this is our.

MaxEntropy_Man wrote:

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:on a career decision:

"Today I told my parents that there is no way in hell that I am going to medical school and that I want to do, God forbid, mathematics. My parents told me I'm a disgrace. MLID."

-- jlakhanpal (man)

if i found that she was truly passionate about something, i'd swallow my concerns and do whatever i can to help her succeed. were you totally and completely ok with anything they chose to do?

i did not think that i had any choice but to swallow my concerns and support my children, having first made sure that they knew the risks they were taking.

he knew what he wanted, and it's highly unconventional. she didn't want to choose a major bcs she was so hungry for knowledge, and wanted to learn everything. she was at the right place for doing so. i talked with her for hours, not to convince her to choose any particular field, but only to listen and help her define herself better.

i had no doubts about her; she would do well in whatever she chose. when she finally did, she didn't ask for my approval, and i didn't expect to give any. what she chose was a mild surprise. both are at universities that are ranked #1 in the u.s. in their respective fields, but his material wellbeing is far less certain than hers.

we're still not worried. we're less concerned about material wellbeing than leading interesting and fulfilling lives. i'm not advising anyone else to adopt our point of view.

someone asked me a few months ago if i could recommend a good school of fine arts in the u.s., esp for sculpture. i suggested risd (the rhode island school of design), cooper union for the advancement of arts and science in nyc, and yale university.

the student is a girl, she's at iit-m, and she's brilliant, but can't get herself excited about engineering. apparently, her parents are well off, and fortunately for her, they're open to unconventional alternatives.

MaxEntropy_Man wrote:

Jeremiah
Mburuburu wrote:on a career decision:

"Today I told my parents that there is no way in hell that I am going
to medical school and that I want to do, God forbid, mathematics. My parents
told me I'm a disgrace. MLID."

-- jlakhanpal (man)

i think it is truly the very very liberal indian parent who is totally cool
with any major a kid chooses. most of us have that line drawn somewhere. a
mathematics major wouldn't cause me any heartburn whatsoever, but if i had to be
brutally honest, if my kid came up to me and said she wanted to be a theater or
music major it would give me some non-negligible heartburn. and it's not that i
am not self aware that i have this problem, and i also know the reasons for it
well. i don't want her to choose as her primary profession, one in which the
path to some basic and reasonable material well being is incredibly difficult
with no guarantees of any kind. having said that if i found that she was truly
passionate about something, i'd swallow my concerns and do whatever i can to
help her succeed. were you totally and completely ok with anything they chose
to do?

It's got nothing to do with being liberal or not. The point is , if your
child is failing in his career when he is a grown up- there is
absolutely nothing you can do as a parent. I want to share that not
doing a
professional degree is the biggest regret of my life. I consider myself
very
intelligent, but a wrong early career choice has ruined my whole career
trajectory and I had to work extra hard to make as much money as my
peers.
My parents urged that I prepare for the JEE, CATs and medical exams.
They even
put me in a coaching class to get an MBA after a later stage, but I
ignored all
their requests. I will give you three examples.

Ex 1: A student has thirst for knowledge. Doesn't want to take the beaten path.
While all his friends are appearing for AIIMS exams, he chooses to do BSc
Chemistry. Does an MSc and then a PhD and then a Post Doc from abroad. Makes a
second mistake of choosing a 'what-hes-passionate-about', but niche field-
Nuclear Chemistry. Total time since XII 3+2+6+4. Fifteen (15) years of just specializing
in Chemistry post highschool. No Academic jobs abroad so comes back to India.
Working in a college teaching Chemistry to uninterested college kids for Rs
10,000 a month. (Thats $200 a month). Looks for jobs, no jobs. Even more
difficult to enter academia in India. So left with no choice but to do a 2nd
post doc in India. As you can imagine, doing science in India turned out to be
a very frustrating nightmare of an experience (will spare you the
details). Finally settling for any odd-job related to science, willing to do
anything as long as it pays him at least 50K INR a month. He is 35.

Ex 2: A student has thirst for knowledge. Doesn't want to take the beaten path.
She is not good at Math so does not even think of doing Engg. While all her friends
are appearing for AIIMS exams, she chooses to do BSc. Then an MSc. Due to
personal/marriage/relationship kind of issues she is unable to do a PhD. She is
smarter than most PhDs in her workplace. She as trained many postdocs. She is
very intelligent. But where is she now? Has to constantly accept jobs
that are far less than her caliber.

Ex 3: A friend who took music as a major in India, was bright enough to get a
scholarship to study at Berklee School of Music (one of the best in the
country). Is brilliant, is 35 and makes USD 50 K a year.


I will NEVER let my kids make the mistake I made. I will not let them get
influenced by movies like 3-idiots. I will warn them repeatedly of all the
hardships they will have to go through by choosing a non-conventional career. I
will run an exhaustive list of all the poor, starving, artists, singers, poets,
painters, writers, musicians, and scientists I know. I will tell them exactly
how much salary these people make at every stage and age in their career.
I will also show as an example all the doctors, engineers, architects, IITian,
MBAs, CAs friends I have. I will tell them like you rightly pointed, that that
just being "passionate" about a non-conventional career is not
enough. They have to absolutely make sure that they are nothing but the best. I
will tell them that you can be a mediocre doctor or an engineer and still lead
a more than comfortable life. But there are no 'mediocre' in arts and sciences.
You are either outstanding, or you perish. If you are passionate about
journalism, you need to be a Prnaoy Roy, if you passionate about painting you
need to an MF Hussain, if you are passionate about playing Sarod, you need to
be Amjad Ali Khan, if you are passionate about bollywood choreography you need
to be Shamak Dawar or a Farah Khan, and if passionate about Chemistry then you
need to be a Venkatraman Ramakrishnan or at least a highflying scientist at
Harvard or one of honchos at a top pharma company.

Please look around you to see thousands of examples of why parents were right,
at least in this regard. Around the same time I was busy rebelling against my
parents for forcing me to take medical exams, they also warned me against
getting a tatto. And I did, on my fore arm and neck. And just like the
the wrong career choice I made back in college (as back then I thought that was
my calling), I realize how almost irreparable this damage is.

My point is, with this 'newage soft parenting' thing, we are underestimating
the huge damage our kids’ choices about their "passion" and
"calling" can have on their life. And they are pretty much
irreparable. The only thing that can set this straight is perhaps doing an MBA
in your middleage or something, but then that is such a humongous waste
of all of their time during their youth they could have devoted to having a
real career.

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:

MaxEntropy_Man wrote:

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:on a career decision:

"Today I told my parents that there is no way in hell that I am going to medical school and that I want to do, God forbid, mathematics. My parents told me I'm a disgrace. MLID."

-- jlakhanpal (man)

if i found that she was truly passionate about something, i'd swallow my concerns and do whatever i can to help her succeed. were you totally and completely ok with anything they chose to do?

i did not think that i had any choice but to swallow my concerns and support my children, having first made sure that they knew the risks they were taking.

he knew what he wanted, and it's highly unconventional. she didn't want to choose a major bcs she was so hungry for knowledge, and wanted to learn everything. she was at the right place for doing so. i talked with her for hours, not to convince her to choose any particular field, but only to listen and help her define herself better.

i had no doubts about her; she would do well in whatever she chose. when she finally did, she didn't ask for my approval, and i didn't expect to give any. what she chose was a mild surprise. both are at universities that are ranked #1 in the u.s. in their respective fields, but his material wellbeing is far less certain than hers.

we're still not worried. we're less concerned about material wellbeing than leading interesting and fulfilling lives. i'm not advising anyone else to adopt our point of view.

thanks for sharing! we are almost like you. it's important to us that they lead interesting and fulfilling lives, but we also don't want to minimize the importance of material wellbeing. i'm hoping the two will not be in conflict.

MaxEntropy_Man wrote:

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:on a career decision:

"Today I told my parents that there is no way in hell that I am going to medical school and that I want to do, God forbid, mathematics. My parents told me I'm a disgrace. MLID."

-- jlakhanpal (man)

i think it is truly the very very liberal indian parent who is totally cool with any major a kid chooses. most of us have that line drawn somewhere. a mathematics major wouldn't cause me any heartburn whatsoever, but if i had to be brutally honest, if my kid came up to me and said she wanted to be a theater or music major it would give me some non-negligible heartburn. and it's not that i am not self aware that i have this problem, and i also know the reasons for it well. i don't want her to choose as her primary profession, one in which the path to some basic and reasonable material well being is incredibly difficult with no guarantees of any kind. having said that if i found that she was truly passionate about something, i'd swallow my concerns and do whatever i can to help her succeed. were you totally and completely ok with anything they chose to do?

These are far and few like that M Night Shyamalan. A few cases I have come across in real life came from quite an open minded educated families.

I agree with what Kumar said. Btw, ppl change and their passions could change with time too. On an average, a college student in US changes his/her choice of major 2.5 times before he/she graduates. If a child chooses an unconventional path which doesn't pay well coz it's his/her passion and finds him/herself disliking it after a few yrs, he/she is doomed. It's better to choose a good career path and pursue the passion later.

My younger son at one point expressed that he's passionate about becoming a chef. He was even pretty adamant abt it. He is very intelligent and has the capability to do well in science, math and finance related fields. So why choose an unconventional path of becoming a chef? We told him strictly that he's not going to even think abt it. Told him that if he's so passionate abt cooking, he can pursue it as a hobby, not as a profession. Case closed.

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

These are far and few like that M Night Shyamalan. A few cases I have come across in real life came from quite an open minded educated families.

vijay iyer and rudresh mahanthappa are two other examples. in the case of the former, it was a much harder transition it seems and it was not because he sucked at physics but because both (physics and music) were twin interests and music won out in the end. at least that's how he puts it. mahanthappa seems to have made up his mind a lot earlier in high school.

i posted a longer iyer interview where he makes this point. i think it is germane to this discussion.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-RSlx0mVpQ

mahanthappa on career choice:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BJl-2wla0eY&feature=relmfu

more on the career choices (none?) of indians in america:

Today I was talking to my Dad. We were talking about University, and he said "You'll make good money as a medic.", but I said "I would rather enjoy what I do and earn less, than earn more and hate what I do." My Dad then laughed, and replied "Happiness is not important in life." WTF? MLID.

-- orango123 (woman)

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:more on the career choices (none?) of indians in america:

Today I was talking to my Dad. We were talking about University, and he said "You'll make good money as a medic.", but I said "I would rather enjoy what I do and earn less, than earn more and hate what I do." My Dad then laughed, and replied "Happiness is not important in life." WTF? MLID.

-- orango123 (woman)

A miscommunication. The dad probably meant that 'enjoying what you do' is not as important as earning good money.

His logic probably is that job is only a part of life, like 8 hrs a day. If you can make good money in that, you can enjoy the rest of your time doing what you love to do with all the money you earn rather than struggling to make money your entire life doing a job that doesn't pay you well, the one which you think is the only thing you enjoy in life.

PS: 'you' is generic.

convo y'day

daughter: I have decided. I want to become a MARINE BIOLOGIST.
dad: Thought you wanted to become an anesthesiologist. What's wrong with that?
daughter: Oh no. I don't want to get sued.

Natalia Romanova wrote:convo y'day

daughter: I have decided. I want to become a MARINE BIOLOGIST.
dad: Thought you wanted to become an anesthesiologist. What's wrong with that?
daughter: Oh no. I don't want to get sued.

LOL! The thing is, doctors and other health professionals take insurances that cover them well in case anyone sues them. And if they work for hospitals and other institutions, they are take care of by them.

It's the same as driving on the road. You could meet with an accident, injure someone and get sued too. But that doesn't prevent us from driving. We take the insurances to cover such eventualities.

Anyway, Marine biologist is a good one too. Nice profession! Actually Sonny Sr. also wanted to be an Anastesiologist when he was younger. His logic: Easiest profession! All you have to do is just knock people out and get paid good. He's so out of that misconception now .

kinns wrote:Easiest profession! All you have to do is just knock people out and get paid good.

Yeah, this is what she thought too. Until I explained her how important it is, and how easily it is to goof up in critical surgeries.

She also toyed with the idea of a psychiatrist. What fun to sit there and hear people tell their personal stories.

Natalia Romanova wrote:

kinns wrote:Easiest profession! All you have to do is just knock people out and get paid good.

She also toyed with the idea of a psychiatrist. What fun to sit there and hear people tell their personal stories.

LOL! It fits her personality well....and yours too . If it's not for the HIPPA rules, you mom and the psychiatrist daughter could spend day in and day out talking about the stories of her patients .

Natalia Romanova wrote:convo y'day

daughter: I have decided. I want to become a MARINE BIOLOGIST.
dad: Thought you wanted to become an anesthesiologist. What's wrong with that?
daughter: Oh no. I don't want to get sued.

>>>> Hmmm-- what's to say a Marine Biologist won't get sued? There are a lot of fishy lawyers out there, you know

Kris wrote:

Natalia Romanova wrote:convo y'day

daughter: I have decided. I want to become a MARINE BIOLOGIST.
dad: Thought you wanted to become an anesthesiologist. What's wrong with that?
daughter: Oh no. I don't want to get sued.

>>>> Hmmm-- what's to say a Marine Biologist won't get sued? There are a lot of fishy lawyers out there, you know

You mean sharks?

Actually, I want to try out different sorts of low-paying or cash jobs. Always been a fantasy. Store-helper, manage a cart in a mall, work in shoprite/walmart/gas station, starbucks/McDonalds. Pizza delivery. Waiting tables. Office assistant. Anything with a lot of people interaction. Maybe 2 weeks each.

In grad school, I had had a month-long stint working in an admin office. No stress job. Very small scope and repetative. But would sit alone in my boss's office, and she would be out all day long. Hardly any people interaction other than talking to the cashiers if they made a mistake. Made 600 that month, my highest take-home monthly pay in the entire school period (not counting TA covering my tuition of course).

Guess when my unemp insurance gets over, and I still don't feel motivated to get an IT job, this is what I will do. I know, sounds crazy. But this thing has been on my bucket list for a while now.

this post is about cooking, sex, or communication:

"Today, I needed extra virgin olive oil for a dish I was making. I couldn't ask my dad to buy me some due to the awkwardness of saying 'virgin' to him. MLID."

-- Smileyz (woman)

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:this post is about cooking, sex, or communication:

"Today, I needed extra virgin olive oil for a dish I was making. I couldn't ask my dad to buy me some due to the awkwardness of saying 'virgin' to him. MLID."

-- Smileyz (woman)

Wonder what your kids would've written/thought about you had they lived with you during their teen years.

kinnera wrote:
Wonder what your kids would've written/thought about you had they lived with you during their teen years.

Mine mostly points me to one of the superwoman's videos, as an eye opener either about herself, or about us.....

https://www.youtube.com/user/IISuperwomanII

Cant find the one on parents she showed me last, will post it when I find it...

edit, found it



this one is funny too...

kinnera wrote:

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:this post is about cooking, sex, or communication:

"Today, I needed extra virgin olive oil for a dish I was making. I couldn't ask my dad to buy me some due to the awkwardness of saying 'virgin' to him. MLID."

-- Smileyz (woman)

Wonder what your kids would've written/thought about you had they lived with you during their teen years.

i'm sorry to have upset you; i didn't know that that had happened to you.

also, she has the signature 'hain' mastered perfectly now, thanks to these videos. She now says it more often than I do, lol.

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:

kinnera wrote:

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:this post is about cooking, sex, or communication:

"Today, I needed extra virgin olive oil for a dish I was making. I couldn't ask my dad to buy me some due to the awkwardness of saying 'virgin' to him. MLID."

-- Smileyz (woman)

Wonder what your kids would've written/thought about you had they lived with you during their teen years.

i'm sorry to have upset you; i didn't know that that had happened to you.

What happenef to me? What happens to me with my kids and vice versa is an open book here. I talk abt it all the time here. You talk abt your obsession abt what other teens say abt their parents.You seem to be going berserk with it.

kinnera wrote:

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:

kinnera wrote:

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:this post is about cooking, sex, or communication:

"Today, I needed extra virgin olive oil for a dish I was making. I couldn't ask my dad to buy me some due to the awkwardness of saying 'virgin' to him. MLID."

-- Smileyz (woman)

Wonder what your kids would've written/thought about you had they lived with you during their teen years.

i'm sorry to have upset you; i didn't know that that had happened to you.

What happenef to me? What happens to me with my kids and vice versa is an open book here. I talk abt it all the time here. You talk abt your obsession abt what other teens say abt their parents.You seem to be going berserk with it.

you are upset! the posters at mlid are writing about their parents, not about you. please try not to take this so personally.

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:
t.

you are upset! the posters at mlid are writing about their parents, not about you. please try not to take this so personally.[/quote]

Yeah yeah, your usual defence when you are cornered, 'you are upset, you're angry, you're taking it personally, etc etc." Cut the crap. Talk abt the cheap thrills you are getting from constantly talking abt what the kids talk abt THEIR parents.