The professor and his young wife

by Rishi Thu Jan 03, 2013 7:14 pm

He was 31, just started working as an assistant professor of computer science in that state university in the west coast. A soft spoken man but not all that good looking though. He took the usual path the desis do when they get a job after finishing their Ph.D. He went home, married a woman from a wealthy family in his community. She was 19, had just finished her B.A in history from Stella Maris college. Absloutely stunning looks, an exquisite Bharathanatyam dancer. She was full of energy. A bright woman, she made use of the tution waiver the university provided because her husband worked there. She aced the calculus, physics and computer science courses.

One day, the professor took me to his house for dinner. She was there. The man went outside, brought in the mail the postman had stuffed in the mailbox. He opened a particular letter and started reading it. The wife protested. It was a letter her father had written to his daughter. But the professor did not listen. He went ahead and read it anyway. And started talking about what his father-in-law had communicated to his daughter. He did not even care about my presence. I thought the man had crossed the line. Something told me that the marriage would not sustain.

I heard recently that after a few years into marriage and a couple of babies, the woman started having an affair with a graduate student from India. And after that she broke up with her husband and married a white American.

by bw Thu Jan 03, 2013 8:47 pm

aced calculus, physics and computer science? with a BA in history?

beautiful, vivacious, and a BN dancer as well?

by Guest Thu Jan 03, 2013 8:49 pm

bw wrote:aced calculus, physics and computer science? with a BA in history?

beautiful, vivacious, and a BN dancer as well?

she was the it girl.

by Merlot Daruwala Thu Jan 03, 2013 8:59 pm

Rishi wrote:He was 31, just started working as an assistant professor of computer science in that state university in the west coast. A soft spoken man but not all that good looking though. He took the usual path the desis do when they get a job after finishing their Ph.D. He went home, married a woman from a wealthy family in his community. She was 19, had just finished her B.A in history from Stella Maris college. Absloutely stunning looks, an exquisite Bharathanatyam dancer. She was full of energy. A bright woman, she made use of the tution waiver the university provided because her husband worked there. She aced the calculus, physics and computer science courses.

One day, the professor took me to his house for dinner. She was there. The man went outside, brought in the mail the postman had stuffed in the mailbox. He opened a particular letter and started reading it. The wife protested. It was a letter her father had written to his daughter. But the professor did not listen. He went ahead and read it anyway. And started talking about what his father-in-law had communicated to his daughter. He did not even care about my presence. I thought the man had crossed the line. Something told me that the marriage would not sustain.

I heard recently that after a few years into marriage and a couple of babies, the woman started having an affair with a graduate student from India. And after that she broke up with her husband and married a white American.

Takeaways from Unkil's story:
1. Not-so-good-looking assistant professors should go for ordinary looking, mediocre women within their own community
2. When reading out Appa's letter to daughter, NSGLAP should have cared for Rishi Unkil's presence
3. Energetic, bright women with stunning looks and BN talents should be prohibited from contact with grad students and white Americans.

by Guest Thu Jan 03, 2013 9:02 pm

what about the 12 year age gap?

by Guest Thu Jan 03, 2013 9:05 pm

Vidya Bagchi wrote:what about the 12 year age gap?

Tut tut. That rickety chair you are sitting on is about to collapse under your ample weight. Time to get off it.

by Merlot Daruwala Thu Jan 03, 2013 9:13 pm

Vidya Bagchi wrote:what about the 12 year age gap?

No, the age gap is fine, completely in line with what Manu prescribed. After all, the wife has to be young and energetic enough to take care of the prof in his old age. The prof's error was in exposing this energetic, stunning, brilliant young thing to Rishi Unkil, grad students and white Americans.

by bw Thu Jan 03, 2013 10:58 pm

oh, by the way, did the asst prof become an associate prof? or did he languish his career away?

by Rishi Thu Jan 03, 2013 11:21 pm

What I witnessed happened more than 20 years ago.

The guy is a tenured professor. Keeps winning awards for distinguished service etc. Has published a lot of papers.

He is from a tribe from a famous hill station. I remember he and his then-wife performing in a party a dance routine of the tribe they belonged to.

In addition to Master's degree she has in computer science, I bet she must have an MBA from a good school. Twenty years ago, she was working for a famous company making printers and calculators. Must be in a high executive position now. She is really very bright and energetic and ambitious.

I have one more story of a desi sucker whose wife walked out on him.

by Kris Thu Jan 03, 2013 11:25 pm

Merlot Daruwala wrote:
Rishi wrote:He was 31, just started working as an assistant professor of computer science in that state university in the west coast. A soft spoken man but not all that good looking though. He took the usual path the desis do when they get a job after finishing their Ph.D. He went home, married a woman from a wealthy family in his community. She was 19, had just finished her B.A in history from Stella Maris college. Absloutely stunning looks, an exquisite Bharathanatyam dancer. She was full of energy. A bright woman, she made use of the tution waiver the university provided because her husband worked there. She aced the calculus, physics and computer science courses.

One day, the professor took me to his house for dinner. She was there. The man went outside, brought in the mail the postman had stuffed in the mailbox. He opened a particular letter and started reading it. The wife protested. It was a letter her father had written to his daughter. But the professor did not listen. He went ahead and read it anyway. And started talking about what his father-in-law had communicated to his daughter. He did not even care about my presence. I thought the man had crossed the line. Something told me that the marriage would not sustain.

I heard recently that after a few years into marriage and a couple of babies, the woman started having an affair with a graduate student from India. And after that she broke up with her husband and married a white American.

Takeaways from Unkil's story:
1. Not-so-good-looking assistant professors should go for ordinary looking, mediocre women within their own community
2. When reading out Appa's letter to daughter, NSGLAP should have cared for Rishi Unkil's presence
3. Energetic, bright women with stunning looks and BN talents should be prohibited from contact with grad students and white Americans.

4. Tuition waivers breed immorality.
5. Those inclined toward becoming History majors can still do grad work in physics and math. America can rest easy that all those liberal arts majors of today can yet turn into the tech superstars of tomorrow. India and China better watch out.

by Guest Thu Jan 03, 2013 11:28 pm

Kris wrote:
Merlot Daruwala wrote:
Rishi wrote:He was 31, just started working as an assistant professor of computer science in that state university in the west coast. A soft spoken man but not all that good looking though. He took the usual path the desis do when they get a job after finishing their Ph.D. He went home, married a woman from a wealthy family in his community. She was 19, had just finished her B.A in history from Stella Maris college. Absloutely stunning looks, an exquisite Bharathanatyam dancer. She was full of energy. A bright woman, she made use of the tution waiver the university provided because her husband worked there. She aced the calculus, physics and computer science courses.

One day, the professor took me to his house for dinner. She was there. The man went outside, brought in the mail the postman had stuffed in the mailbox. He opened a particular letter and started reading it. The wife protested. It was a letter her father had written to his daughter. But the professor did not listen. He went ahead and read it anyway. And started talking about what his father-in-law had communicated to his daughter. He did not even care about my presence. I thought the man had crossed the line. Something told me that the marriage would not sustain.

I heard recently that after a few years into marriage and a couple of babies, the woman started having an affair with a graduate student from India. And after that she broke up with her husband and married a white American.

Takeaways from Unkil's story:
1. Not-so-good-looking assistant professors should go for ordinary looking, mediocre women within their own community
2. When reading out Appa's letter to daughter, NSGLAP should have cared for Rishi Unkil's presence
3. Energetic, bright women with stunning looks and BN talents should be prohibited from contact with grad students and white Americans.

4. Tuition waivers breed immorality.
5. Those inclined toward becoming History majors can still do grad work in physics and math. America can rest easy that all those liberal arts majors of today can yet turn into the tech superstars of tomorrow. India and China better watch out.

She probably did her undergrad in comp science in the U.S. Also, she may have joined NIIT or some other such computer institute while doing her BA in India.

by Guest Thu Jan 03, 2013 11:28 pm

the more i hear such stories, the more i think it is america. had the same couple lived in india, they would have still been lovingly together. there is something about this country. screws up the best of the couples. there was this divorced chinese woman who had first told me the same about her first marriage and divorce.

by Rishi Thu Jan 03, 2013 11:31 pm

She was doing undergraduate degree in computer science. The story happened in 80s.

She had never seen a computer before she came to America.

by Kris Thu Jan 03, 2013 11:34 pm

Vidya Bagchi wrote:the more i hear such stories, the more i think it is america. had the same couple lived in india, they would have been still lovingly together. there is something about this country. screws up the best of the couples. there was this divorced chinese woman who had first told me the same about her first marriage and divorce.

>>>Seriously, there could be something to this, but you may be talking of an Indian 20 years back though. The same kind of stresses probably exist now in India as well. The urban Indian is "catching up" . The one mitigating circumstance there may be the presence of the extended family/ community which still provides a cushion to the stress.

Happy New Year.

by bw Thu Jan 03, 2013 11:34 pm

Rishi wrote:She was doing undergraduate degree in computer science. The story happened in 80s.

She had never seen a computer before she came to America.

did the prof feel used by her? seems like she used to him to her ticket to US of A and then dumped him.

by Guest Thu Jan 03, 2013 11:36 pm

HNY Kris

BW, she had kids too... cannot be using him.

by artood2 Thu Jan 03, 2013 11:37 pm

Kris wrote:
Vidya Bagchi wrote:the more i hear such stories, the more i think it is america. had the same couple lived in india, they would have been still lovingly together. there is something about this country. screws up the best of the couples. there was this divorced chinese woman who had first told me the same about her first marriage and divorce.

>>>Seriously, there could be something to this, but you may be talking of an Indian 20 years back though. The same kind of stresses probably exist now in India as well. The urban Indian is "catching up" . The one mitigating circumstance there may be the presence of the extended family/ community which still provides a cushion to the stress.

Happy New Year.

The urban India has really "caught up" in terms of divorce rate.

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Thu Jan 03, 2013 11:38 pm

Rishi wrote:What I witnessed happened more than 20 years ago.

The guy is a tenured professor. Keeps winning awards for distinguished service etc. Has published a lot of papers.

He is from a tribe from a famous hill station. I remember he and his then-wife performing in a party a dance routine of the tribe they belonged to.

In addition to Master's degree she has in computer science, I bet she must have an MBA from a good school. Twenty years ago, she was working for a famous company making printers and calculators. Must be in a high executive position now. She is really very bright and energetic and ambitious.

I have one more story of a desi sucker whose wife walked out on him.

Name the caste of the girl. That is the key to understanding this story. "tribe" "dance", Bharatnatyam" and "wealthy family" all dont blend in well.

So the caste question is the key.

by bw Thu Jan 03, 2013 11:40 pm

am still having trouble believing that a BA history girl aced physics, calculus AND comp sci courses.

makes me wonder why she chose BA history in india - any interesting story there, rishi?

by Guest Thu Jan 03, 2013 11:44 pm

20 years ago was 1992... for sure there were computer courses available then. and stress factors in india were on a rise, at least in big cities with all those high earning, forever travelling MBA couples.

by Guest Thu Jan 03, 2013 11:46 pm

wait... even I was 19 in 1992. That woman is as old as me or maybe a couple of years older. Rishi met them 20 years ago, doesn't mean she was 19 then... or was she? not clear from the story.

by Merlot Daruwala Thu Jan 03, 2013 11:46 pm

Vidya Bagchi wrote:HNY Kris

BW, she had kids too... cannot be using him.

Yeah. 19 yrs was too early to get married. She discovered her true "self" (probly on Sulekha) and decided she'd outgrown her starter husband.

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Thu Jan 03, 2013 11:48 pm

Vidya Bagchi wrote:wait... even I was 19 in 1992. That woman is as old as me.

She should be around 39...

hm....makes me wonder if she is on CH and if not bay be she can be invited here....and Bittu will be only too happy to interrogate her.

(Maulana Rashmunullah can discuss Akbar/Aurangazeb with her).

by bw Thu Jan 03, 2013 11:48 pm

Vidya Bagchi wrote:HNY Kris

BW, she had kids too... cannot be using him.

she was playing her role - until the right opportunity cropped up.

by Guest Thu Jan 03, 2013 11:53 pm

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:
Vidya Bagchi wrote:wait... even I was 19 in 1992. That woman is as old as me.

She should be around 39...

hm....makes me wonder if she is on CH and if not bay be she can be invited here....and Bittu will be only too happy to interrogate her.

(Maulana Rashmunullah can discuss Akbar/Aurangazeb with her).

Uppili the Poopili, the champion pooper, sits on his "throne" and takes another dump.

by Rishi Thu Jan 03, 2013 11:55 pm

BW,

She was from a wealthy family. There was no need for her to slog and do medicine or engineering. May be she wanted to just take it easy, enjoy life and get married to prince charming. But when she got here , she realized what she is capable of.

Only in India, there is the mindset that dumb kids end up doing majors like history, political science etc.

Studying liberal arts involves critical thinking and writing. After all Harvard is the mother of all liberal arts colleges.

by Jeremiah Mburuburu Thu Jan 03, 2013 11:56 pm

bw wrote:did he languish his career away?

"languish" his career?

by Rishi Thu Jan 03, 2013 11:57 pm

Actually more than 20 years ago. It was 1982 to be precise.

by Guest Fri Jan 04, 2013 12:01 am

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:
Rishi wrote:What I witnessed happened more than 20 years ago.

The guy is a tenured professor. Keeps winning awards for distinguished service etc. Has published a lot of papers.

He is from a tribe from a famous hill station. I remember he and his then-wife performing in a party a dance routine of the tribe they belonged to.

In addition to Master's degree she has in computer science, I bet she must have an MBA from a good school. Twenty years ago, she was working for a famous company making printers and calculators. Must be in a high executive position now. She is really very bright and energetic and ambitious.

I have one more story of a desi sucker whose wife walked out on him.

Name the caste of the girl. That is the key to understanding this story. "tribe" "dance", Bharatnatyam" and "wealthy family" all dont blend in well.

So the caste question is the key.

Uppili the Poopili the champion pooper lets loose a blooper.

by artood2 Fri Jan 04, 2013 12:02 am

Rishi wrote:BW,

She was from a wealthy family. There was no need for her to slog and do medicine or engineering. May be she wanted to just take it easy, enjoy life and get married to prince charming. But when she got here , she realized what she is capable of.

Only in India, there is the mindset that dumb kids end up doing majors like history, political science etc.

Studying liberal arts involves critical thinking and writing. After all Harvard is the mother of all liberal arts colleges.

You mean to say you can just pick up university level Physics and Calculus just like that?

by bw Fri Jan 04, 2013 12:03 am

Rishi wrote:BW,

She was from a wealthy family. There was no need for her to slog and do medicine or engineering. May be she wanted to just take it easy, enjoy life and get married to prince charming. But when she got here , she realized what she is capable of.

Only in India, there is the mindset that dumb kids end up doing majors like history, political science etc.

Studying liberal arts involves critical thinking and writing. After all Harvard is the mother of all liberal arts colleges.

why would she study history is she had no interest in it? if she was truly interested in it, shdn't she have pursued it further in the US? doing MS comp sci seems like a very opportunistic move by her. easier to find lucrative jobs with that. no true love for the subject etc.

by Guest Fri Jan 04, 2013 12:03 am

Rishi wrote:Actually more than 20 years ago. It was 1982 to be precise.

hmm, so she's about 50 now.

Well, in the end, she lived her life. And as long as she is happy now, she made a success out of it. Hopefully, so did her ex-husband... whatever happened to the indian grad guy she dated first? He got away with a lot too, kick-starting a mess, without really stepping into any mess.

by Rishi Fri Jan 04, 2013 12:08 am

artood2 wrote:
Rishi wrote:BW,

She was from a wealthy family. There was no need for her to slog and do medicine or engineering. May be she wanted to just take it easy, enjoy life and get married to prince charming. But when she got here , she realized what she is capable of.

Only in India, there is the mindset that dumb kids end up doing majors like history, political science etc.

Studying liberal arts involves critical thinking and writing. After all Harvard is the mother of all liberal arts colleges.

You mean to say you can just pick up university level Physics and Calculus just like that?

Absloutely!

May be her husband helped her.

Here is the situation. She and her husband lived near campus. She did not have to work to support herself. All the school expenses was taken care of. All she had to do was go to classes, do the homework and study. If she needed assistance with math or anything, there were always graduate teaching assistants on the campus who were paid to help undergraduate students.

She was intelligent. And she worked hard and methodically.

by Rishi Fri Jan 04, 2013 12:10 am

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:
Rishi wrote:What I witnessed happened more than 20 years ago.

The guy is a tenured professor. Keeps winning awards for distinguished service etc. Has published a lot of papers.

He is from a tribe from a famous hill station. I remember he and his then-wife performing in a party a dance routine of the tribe they belonged to.

In addition to Master's degree she has in computer science, I bet she must have an MBA from a good school. Twenty years ago, she was working for a famous company making printers and calculators. Must be in a high executive position now. She is really very bright and energetic and ambitious.

I have one more story of a desi sucker whose wife walked out on him.

Name the caste of the girl. That is the key to understanding this story. "tribe" "dance", Bharatnatyam" and "wealthy family" all dont blend in well.

So the caste question is the key.

Baduga.

by Kris Fri Jan 04, 2013 12:12 am

Vidya Bagchi wrote:
Rishi wrote:Actually more than 20 years ago. It was 1982 to be precise.

hmm, so she's about 50 now.

Well, in the end, she lived her life. And as long as she is happy now, she made a success out of it. Hopefully, so did her ex-husband... whatever happened to the indian grad guy she dated first? He got away with a lot too, kick-starting a mess, without really stepping into any mess.

>>> And what was in the letter the husband read?

by Guest Fri Jan 04, 2013 12:12 am

bw wrote:
Rishi wrote:BW,

She was from a wealthy family. There was no need for her to slog and do medicine or engineering. May be she wanted to just take it easy, enjoy life and get married to prince charming. But when she got here , she realized what she is capable of.

Only in India, there is the mindset that dumb kids end up doing majors like history, political science etc.

Studying liberal arts involves critical thinking and writing. After all Harvard is the mother of all liberal arts colleges.

why would she study history is she had no interest in it? if she was truly interested in it, shdn't she have pursued it further in the US? doing MS comp sci seems like a very opportunistic move by her. easier to find lucrative jobs with that. no true love for the subject etc.

maybe she wasn't motivated back then. or fam atmosphere. one of my bff's in highschool (Math) was super smart. And hard working. The kind who would have breezed through IIT had she tried. But her fam had made it clear that they won't be able to find a higher qualified groom than her, if she did anything more than a BCom, ofcourse am talking about marrying within the same community. So she chilled after 12th. Did BCom, and those comp courses until they found a groom for her. She was the type, who worked extra hard at becoming the perfect bride, wife, and DIL. Nothing was ever casual for her. She is not the type to sit quiet, so she did a lot in arts and music after marriage, which were also her true passions, along with helping husband with business, and eventually owning a a part of the biz unit.

Now, had she got married some uni. professor, and come here at that age, and shown proper channels, I am sure she would have picked up university level anything, and aced in it. Maybe started from undergrad level up. At 19, you are still pretty young to start at the undergrad level.

by bw Fri Jan 04, 2013 12:13 am

Rishi wrote:
artood2 wrote:
Rishi wrote:BW,

She was from a wealthy family. There was no need for her to slog and do medicine or engineering. May be she wanted to just take it easy, enjoy life and get married to prince charming. But when she got here , she realized what she is capable of.

Only in India, there is the mindset that dumb kids end up doing majors like history, political science etc.

Studying liberal arts involves critical thinking and writing. After all Harvard is the mother of all liberal arts colleges.

You mean to say you can just pick up university level Physics and Calculus just like that?

Absloutely!

May be her husband helped her.

Here is the situation. She and her husband lived near campus. She did not have to work to support herself. All the school expenses was taken care of. All she had to do was go to classes, do the homework and study. If she needed assistance with math or anything, there were always graduate teaching assistants on the campus who were paid to help undergraduate students.

She was intelligent. And she worked hard and methodically.

scheming woman, i say! poor husband got her a tuition waiver (is that true? spouses of profs get waivers just like that?) tutored her, funded her etc. and she walks away on him after getting her degree. yeah, two kids in the fray as well. i am with the poor prof on this one.

by Guest Fri Jan 04, 2013 12:15 am

bw wrote:
Rishi wrote:
artood2 wrote:
Rishi wrote:BW,

She was from a wealthy family. There was no need for her to slog and do medicine or engineering. May be she wanted to just take it easy, enjoy life and get married to prince charming. But when she got here , she realized what she is capable of.

Only in India, there is the mindset that dumb kids end up doing majors like history, political science etc.

Studying liberal arts involves critical thinking and writing. After all Harvard is the mother of all liberal arts colleges.

You mean to say you can just pick up university level Physics and Calculus just like that?

Absloutely!

May be her husband helped her.

Here is the situation. She and her husband lived near campus. She did not have to work to support herself. All the school expenses was taken care of. All she had to do was go to classes, do the homework and study. If she needed assistance with math or anything, there were always graduate teaching assistants on the campus who were paid to help undergraduate students.

She was intelligent. And she worked hard and methodically.

scheming woman, i say! poor husband got her a tuition waiver (is that true? spouses of profs get waivers just like that?) tutored her, funded her etc. and she walks away on him after getting her degree. yeah, two kids in the fray as well. i am with the poor prof on this one.

We don't know the full story. What if he beat her on a regular basis for example?

by Kris Fri Jan 04, 2013 12:16 am

Rishi wrote:
artood2 wrote:
Rishi wrote:BW,

She was from a wealthy family. There was no need for her to slog and do medicine or engineering. May be she wanted to just take it easy, enjoy life and get married to prince charming. But when she got here , she realized what she is capable of.

Only in India, there is the mindset that dumb kids end up doing majors like history, political science etc.

Studying liberal arts involves critical thinking and writing. After all Harvard is the mother of all liberal arts colleges.

You mean to say you can just pick up university level Physics and Calculus just like that?

Absloutely!

May be her husband helped her.

Here is the situation. She and her husband lived near campus. She did not have to work to support herself. All the school expenses was taken care of. All she had to do was go to classes, do the homework and study. If she needed assistance with math or anything, there were always graduate teaching assistants on the campus who were paid to help undergraduate students.

She was intelligent. And she worked hard and methodically.

>>>>Oh, what a fall was there!

by bw Fri Jan 04, 2013 12:18 am

Rashmun wrote:
bw wrote:
Rishi wrote:
artood2 wrote:
Rishi wrote:BW,

She was from a wealthy family. There was no need for her to slog and do medicine or engineering. May be she wanted to just take it easy, enjoy life and get married to prince charming. But when she got here , she realized what she is capable of.

Only in India, there is the mindset that dumb kids end up doing majors like history, political science etc.

Studying liberal arts involves critical thinking and writing. After all Harvard is the mother of all liberal arts colleges.

You mean to say you can just pick up university level Physics and Calculus just like that?

Absloutely!

May be her husband helped her.

Here is the situation. She and her husband lived near campus. She did not have to work to support herself. All the school expenses was taken care of. All she had to do was go to classes, do the homework and study. If she needed assistance with math or anything, there were always graduate teaching assistants on the campus who were paid to help undergraduate students.

She was intelligent. And she worked hard and methodically.

scheming woman, i say! poor husband got her a tuition waiver (is that true? spouses of profs get waivers just like that?) tutored her, funded her etc. and she walks away on him after getting her degree. yeah, two kids in the fray as well. i am with the poor prof on this one.

We don't know the full story. What if he beat her on a regular basis for example?

all we know so far is that the man read a letter from her father to rishi. let us not assume things. he has been very supportive of her otherwise.

by Kris Fri Jan 04, 2013 12:19 am

bw wrote:
Rishi wrote:
artood2 wrote:
Rishi wrote:BW,

She was from a wealthy family. There was no need for her to slog and do medicine or engineering. May be she wanted to just take it easy, enjoy life and get married to prince charming. But when she got here , she realized what she is capable of.

Only in India, there is the mindset that dumb kids end up doing majors like history, political science etc.

Studying liberal arts involves critical thinking and writing. After all Harvard is the mother of all liberal arts colleges.

You mean to say you can just pick up university level Physics and Calculus just like that?

Absloutely!

May be her husband helped her.

Here is the situation. She and her husband lived near campus. She did not have to work to support herself. All the school expenses was taken care of. All she had to do was go to classes, do the homework and study. If she needed assistance with math or anything, there were always graduate teaching assistants on the campus who were paid to help undergraduate students.

She was intelligent. And she worked hard and methodically.

scheming woman, i say! poor husband got her a tuition waiver (is that true? spouses of profs get waivers just like that?) tutored her, funded her etc. and she walks away on him after getting her degree. yeah, two kids in the fray as well. i am with the poor prof on this one.

>>>> I am with the white american on this one- saddled with someone else's kids and a gold-digger for a wife.

by Guest Fri Jan 04, 2013 12:19 am

Kris wrote:
Rishi wrote:
artood2 wrote:
Rishi wrote:BW,

She was from a wealthy family. There was no need for her to slog and do medicine or engineering. May be she wanted to just take it easy, enjoy life and get married to prince charming. But when she got here , she realized what she is capable of.

Only in India, there is the mindset that dumb kids end up doing majors like history, political science etc.

Studying liberal arts involves critical thinking and writing. After all Harvard is the mother of all liberal arts colleges.

You mean to say you can just pick up university level Physics and Calculus just like that?

Absloutely!

May be her husband helped her.

Here is the situation. She and her husband lived near campus. She did not have to work to support herself. All the school expenses was taken care of. All she had to do was go to classes, do the homework and study. If she needed assistance with math or anything, there were always graduate teaching assistants on the campus who were paid to help undergraduate students.

She was intelligent. And she worked hard and methodically.

>>>>Oh, what a fall was there!

aha, THAT's what happened. I get it now.

by MaxEntropy_Man Fri Jan 04, 2013 12:21 am

Vidya Bagchi wrote:the more i hear such stories, the more i think it is america. had the same couple lived in india, they would have still been lovingly together. there is something about this country. screws up the best of the couples. there was this divorced chinese woman who had first told me the same about her first marriage and divorce.

my twenty or so years of living here leads me to a different conclusion. americans are more honest about their marriages and are willing to walk out of a failed marriage. indians by contrast are socially conditioned not to part ways and hang on to meaningless marriages forever and ever.

by Guest Fri Jan 04, 2013 12:24 am

Kris wrote:
bw wrote:
Rishi wrote:
artood2 wrote:
Rishi wrote:BW,

She was from a wealthy family. There was no need for her to slog and do medicine or engineering. May be she wanted to just take it easy, enjoy life and get married to prince charming. But when she got here , she realized what she is capable of.

Only in India, there is the mindset that dumb kids end up doing majors like history, political science etc.

Studying liberal arts involves critical thinking and writing. After all Harvard is the mother of all liberal arts colleges.

You mean to say you can just pick up university level Physics and Calculus just like that?

Absloutely!

May be her husband helped her.

Here is the situation. She and her husband lived near campus. She did not have to work to support herself. All the school expenses was taken care of. All she had to do was go to classes, do the homework and study. If she needed assistance with math or anything, there were always graduate teaching assistants on the campus who were paid to help undergraduate students.

She was intelligent. And she worked hard and methodically.

scheming woman, i say! poor husband got her a tuition waiver (is that true? spouses of profs get waivers just like that?) tutored her, funded her etc. and she walks away on him after getting her degree. yeah, two kids in the fray as well. i am with the poor prof on this one.

>>>> I am with the white american on this one- saddled with someone else's kids and a gold-digger for a wife.

Sorry to say but, I am with her. At least in the first half of her story. Am assuming she may have agonized before leaving him. In case he left her coz of her affair with the Indian grad, then the poor thing was dumped by that beau too. Dunno what the white american does for a living, but seeing her success, maybe he is in it for money.

by bw Fri Jan 04, 2013 1:11 am

Kris wrote:
bw wrote:
Rishi wrote:
artood2 wrote:
Rishi wrote:BW,

She was from a wealthy family. There was no need for her to slog and do medicine or engineering. May be she wanted to just take it easy, enjoy life and get married to prince charming. But when she got here , she realized what she is capable of.

Only in India, there is the mindset that dumb kids end up doing majors like history, political science etc.

Studying liberal arts involves critical thinking and writing. After all Harvard is the mother of all liberal arts colleges.

You mean to say you can just pick up university level Physics and Calculus just like that?

Absloutely!

May be her husband helped her.

Here is the situation. She and her husband lived near campus. She did not have to work to support herself. All the school expenses was taken care of. All she had to do was go to classes, do the homework and study. If she needed assistance with math or anything, there were always graduate teaching assistants on the campus who were paid to help undergraduate students.

She was intelligent. And she worked hard and methodically.

scheming woman, i say! poor husband got her a tuition waiver (is that true? spouses of profs get waivers just like that?) tutored her, funded her etc. and she walks away on him after getting her degree. yeah, two kids in the fray as well. i am with the poor prof on this one.

>>>> I am with the white american on this one- saddled with someone else's kids and a gold-digger for a wife.

wonder what happened to that poor grad student she mercilessly used.

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Fri Jan 04, 2013 1:16 am

MaxEntropy_Man wrote:
Vidya Bagchi wrote:the more i hear such stories, the more i think it is america. had the same couple lived in india, they would have still been lovingly together. there is something about this country. screws up the best of the couples. there was this divorced chinese woman who had first told me the same about her first marriage and divorce.

my twenty or so years of living here leads me to a different conclusion. americans are more honest about their marriages and are willing to walk out of a failed marriage. indians by contrast are socially conditioned not to part ways and hang on to meaningless marriages forever and ever.

Yes..I agree...but I have overwhelmingly noticed the kids from broken marriages - who are now grown up with kids themselves - are unhappy for that. I have heard many say that no marriage is perfect and they would have rather felt safe in an unhappy marriage - knowing there were 2 people providing safety and support to the kids (Sounds very much like Desi couple talk).

There is no universal agreeable solution. Either the couple put their happiness and peace ahead of the kids long term welfare or vice versa. Of course, everyone will live but no one can say which one is the better solution.

by Impedimenta Fri Jan 04, 2013 10:24 am

Rishi wrote:He was 31, just started working as an assistant professor of computer science in that state university in the west coast. A soft spoken man but not all that good looking though. He took the usual path the desis do when they get a job after finishing their Ph.D. He went home, married a woman from a wealthy family in his community. She was 19, had just finished her B.A in history from Stella Maris college. Absloutely stunning looks, an exquisite Bharathanatyam dancer. She was full of energy. A bright woman, she made use of the tution waiver the university provided because her husband worked there. She aced the calculus, physics and computer science courses.

One day, the professor took me to his house for dinner. She was there. The man went outside, brought in the mail the postman had stuffed in the mailbox. He opened a particular letter and started reading it. The wife protested. It was a letter her father had written to his daughter. But the professor did not listen. He went ahead and read it anyway. And started talking about what his father-in-law had communicated to his daughter. He did not even care about my presence. I thought the man had crossed the line. Something told me that the marriage would not sustain.

I heard recently that after a few years into marriage and a couple of babies, the woman started having an affair with a graduate student from India. And after that she broke up with her husband and married a white American.

are you sure you did not write the letter and pretended that it was from appa? Twisted Evil

why BN? why not CM? i ask, i say, i ask!

by Rishi Fri Jan 04, 2013 12:12 pm

Everyone missed the major point.

The letter was addressed to his wife. The professor had no business of opening and reading it. He did not respect her privacy. That was a harbinger of things to come.

I think the man was insecure. He might have suspected his wife must have complained to her father about him and he wanted to find out what his father-in-law's response was.

by Rishi Fri Jan 04, 2013 12:30 pm

Update

I did some google search.

Found out that she did not go beyond M.S in computer science.

She is a senior manager in one of the fortune 500 companies.

by Impedimenta Fri Jan 04, 2013 12:49 pm

so, this white guy she married, good bod on him? yes? no? maybe?

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