Her MIL problem

Thou Shalt Not Sleep With My Son


  
In a live chat, Prudie counsels a woman who receives death stares from her mother-in-law the morning after sex.
By Emily Yoffe



Emily Yoffe 
Q. MIL Hates It When I Make Love to Her Son: My elderly MIL moved in with us after suffering chronic health problems. Since she came to live with us, I noticed she treats me with hostility every time I am intimate with my husband. Each "morning after" she will either refuse to look at me, make unnecessarily biting comments, or just glare at me when she thinks I'm not looking. I thought I was imagining it but after several months of living together, this is definitely the reason why. I've become paranoid about making love and we are very careful about being quiet—almost to the point of silence—but it hasn't helped. I feel terrible asking my sick MIL to move out because of this, and I'm too embarrassed to have a discussion with her. Is there any solution to our problem?

A: Your situation gave me the strong feeling that I would prefer to be in the situation of a previous letter writer, whose mother-in-law was poisoning her. What you describe is intolerable and a perfect illustration of the maxim, "No good deed goes unpunished." I'm almost always in favor of having a clear and direct conversation about an interpersonal problem. But you're right, there's really no way to say, "Dottie, when Larry and I make love, I notice the next day you're extremely hostile to me. I've tried being more quiet, but it doesn't help. Let's figure out how to deal with this." I'm actually having a hard time imagining feeling amorous in such circumstances, so I admire you and your husband for being able to be intimate. All of you are living in such close quarters that even without this problem, over the long haul you surely are going to want relief and privacy. You don't say this living situation is until your mother-in-law gets back on her feet. "Chronic health problems" sounds rather ominous. So if this is permanent, you either develop a thick enough skin that you can ignore and laugh off her behavior, or you realize this isn't working out and it's time to find a different living situation for her. Since you say you've become paranoid about your love-making, that seems like a pretty decent sign that it's time for mom to move on. That doesn't mean you toss your mother-in-law into the street, but that you and your husband explore all the potential options. You could hire a social worker to help you sort through this. If you want to keep her living with you, perhaps it's possible that you could all move to a place that has a mother-in-law suite, one that you make sure is thoroughly sound-proofed.

Simple solution:

hook up the MIL with some guy. She will be just fine...and spend most of the time with the guy elsewhere. also, the DIL can return the behavior after her MIL's cardiac exercise with her "BOYfriend"

Rishi wrote:Thou Shalt Not Sleep With My Son


  
In a live chat, Prudie counsels a woman who receives death stares from her mother-in-law the morning after sex.
By Emily Yoffe



Emily Yoffe 
Q. MIL Hates It When I Make Love to Her Son: My elderly MIL moved in with us after suffering chronic health problems. Since she came to live with us, I noticed she treats me with hostility every time I am intimate with my husband. Each "morning after" she will either refuse to look at me, make unnecessarily biting comments, or just glare at me when she thinks I'm not looking. I thought I was imagining it but after several months of living together, this is definitely the reason why. I've become paranoid about making love and we are very careful about being quiet—almost to the point of silence—but it hasn't helped. I feel terrible asking my sick MIL to move out because of this, and I'm too embarrassed to have a discussion with her. Is there any solution to our problem?

A: Your situation gave me the strong feeling that I would prefer to be in the situation of a previous letter writer, whose mother-in-law was poisoning her. What you describe is intolerable and a perfect illustration of the maxim, "No good deed goes unpunished." I'm almost always in favor of having a clear and direct conversation about an interpersonal problem. But you're right, there's really no way to say, "Dottie, when Larry and I make love, I notice the next day you're extremely hostile to me. I've tried being more quiet, but it doesn't help. Let's figure out how to deal with this." I'm actually having a hard time imagining feeling amorous in such circumstances, so I admire you and your husband for being able to be intimate. All of you are living in such close quarters that even without this problem, over the long haul you surely are going to want relief and privacy. You don't say this living situation is until your mother-in-law gets back on her feet. "Chronic health problems" sounds rather ominous. So if this is permanent, you either develop a thick enough skin that you can ignore and laugh off her behavior, or you realize this isn't working out and it's time to find a different living situation for her. Since you say you've become paranoid about your love-making, that seems like a pretty decent sign that it's time for mom to move on. That doesn't mean you toss your mother-in-law into the street, but that you and your husband explore all the potential options. You could hire a social worker to help you sort through this. If you want to keep her living with you, perhaps it's possible that you could all move to a place that has a mother-in-law suite, one that you make sure is thoroughly sound-proofed.

>>>The Counselor is missing the boat here. She should be advising the woman on how to monetize this MIL-DIL conflict. Hindi serial meet reality TV. Voila!