Love or Blackmail

by seven Sun Jun 15, 2014 10:45 pm

This guy I know is the only child and his parents live in India. The guy has a great life here, his wife has a career here. His kid goes to school here and has his own friends/life. His parents visit them every year and life is good.

His parents live very close to his uncle's house. Uncle's son and daughter in law and kids live in the same neighborhood too. They visit my friend's parents (their tauji taiji ) pretty much every week.

All of a sudden the father of my friend starts to act all sentimental. Saying/doing things like no one cares about him. He'd say things like he's going to die soon and his only son wont be around during his last moments.

He'd not eat or sleep and sit in front of computer looking at their family pix slide show. Not talk to anyone properly. Be rude to people who are nice to him and say mean things. Hurt everyone's feelings. Fall ill (naturally bcz he's not sleeping or eating well).

Basically he forced his son to wind up everything here and go back to India. They now live with my friend and family in a flat away from their original house (where the rest of family is). This place is close to my friend's office and newer nicer etc.

I think his father was totally being a dash. Is this a problem with parents from 70s-80s or you guys think you'll be like them as well when your kids grow up ?

Am I being judgmental in calling them blackmailers?

by confuzzled dude Sun Jun 15, 2014 11:00 pm

seven wrote:Is this a problem with parents from 70s-80s or you guys think you'll be like them as well when your kids grow up ?

No & No (speaking on behalf of every SuCHer, of course) Smile

seven wrote:
Am I being judgmental in calling them blackmailers?

Yes

by seven Sun Jun 15, 2014 11:10 pm

confuzzled dude wrote:
seven wrote:Is this a problem with parents from 70s-80s or you guys think you'll be like them as well when your kids grow up ?
No & No (speaking on behalf of every SuCHer, of course)
seven wrote:
Am I being judgmental in calling them blackmailers?
Yes

What's no and no. Either this is a problem with parents from that era or it's a general problem with all parents regardless of what decade they are from.
Once we become parents, we become clingy and whiny. Super dependent emotionally and our whole world revolves around the kids. They can't have a life away from us. How is that not unfair ? It's blackmail. Not love.

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Sun Jun 15, 2014 11:11 pm

seven wrote:This guy I know is the only child and his parents live in India. The guy has a great life here, his wife has a career here. His kid goes to school here and has his own friends/life. His parents visit them every year and life is good.

I think his father was totally being a dash. Is this a problem with parents from 70s-80s or you guys think you'll be like them as well when your kids grow up ?

Am I being judgmental in calling them blackmailers?

As people get old, they realize they have to somewhat disassociate themselves. Then there are the rest whose possessiveness grows into brultal interference and with increasing insecurity (with the fear of death watching their friends die) become a hassle. The worse part s in many cases either the old man or old lady turns out to be a pain...

As they become older they tend to become like children expecting more and more attention.

by seven Sun Jun 15, 2014 11:17 pm

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:
seven wrote:This guy I know is the only child and his parents live in India. The guy has a great life here, his wife has a career here. His kid goes to school here and has his own friends/life. His parents visit them every year and life is good.

I think his father was totally being a dash. Is this a problem with parents from 70s-80s or you guys think you'll be like them as well when your kids grow up ?

Am I being judgmental in calling them blackmailers?

As people get old, they realize they have to somewhat disassociate themselves. Then there are the rest whose possessiveness grows into brultal interference and with increasing insecurity (with the fear of death watching their friends die) become a hassle. The worse part s in many cases either the old man or old lady turns out to be a pain...

As they become older they tend to become like children expecting more and more attention.

I agree with this. We have to treat them like children. They become cute too as they grow old, esp when they dont know how to use touchscreen or how to record using tvr :p

But when they start acting like difficult kids, i mean kids blackmail too. They know how to use their cuteness to win their parents' hearts and get them to do what they want. In this case i think the dad was blackmailing his son emotionally.

he's not even that old @ fear of dying.

by confuzzled dude Sun Jun 15, 2014 11:22 pm

seven wrote:
What's no and no. Either this is a problem with parents from that era or it's a general problem with all parents regardless of what decade they are from.

NO & NO to your questions.

seven wrote:
Either this is a problem with parents from that era or it's a general problem with all parents regardless of what decade they are from.

Neither. I wouldn't jump to such conclusions based on minute sample size.

seven wrote:
Once we become parents, we become clingy and whiny. Super dependent emotionally and our whole world revolves around the kids. They can't have a life away from us. How is that not unfair ? It's blackmail. Not love.

Who is we? What percentage of Desis in the US you think are forced to move back to India (because of their parents' persistent whining)

by seven Sun Jun 15, 2014 11:39 pm

confuzzled dude wrote:
seven wrote:
Once we become parents, we become clingy and whiny. Super dependent emotionally and our whole world revolves around the kids. They can't have a life away from us. How is that not unfair ? It's blackmail. Not love.
Who is we? What percentage of Desis in the US you think are forced to move back to India (because of their parents' persistent whining)

it's a patronizing 'we'. A polite substitute for 'you'.

by seven Sun Jun 15, 2014 11:43 pm

i just realized it was very insensitive to start this thread on father's day Sad

RIP thread :-|

by confuzzled dude Sun Jun 15, 2014 11:59 pm

seven wrote:i just realized it was very insensitive to start this thread on father's day

RIP thread :-|

Not really! probably perfect day to ask such tough questions..

by Kris Mon Jun 16, 2014 1:37 am

seven wrote:This guy I know is the only child and his parents live in India. The guy has a great life here, his wife has a career here. His kid goes to school here and has his own friends/life. His parents visit them every year and life is good.

His parents live very close to his uncle's house. Uncle's son and daughter in law and kids live in the same neighborhood too. They visit my friend's parents (their tauji taiji ) pretty much every week.

All of a sudden the father of my friend starts to act all sentimental. Saying/doing things like no one cares about him. He'd say things like he's going to die soon and his only son wont be around during his last moments.

He'd not eat or sleep and sit in front of computer looking at their family pix slide show. Not talk to anyone properly. Be rude to people who are nice to him and say mean things. Hurt everyone's feelings. Fall ill (naturally bcz he's not sleeping or eating well).

Basically he forced his son to wind up everything here and go back to India. They now live with my friend and family in a flat away from their original house (where the rest of family is). This place is close to my friend's office and newer nicer etc.

I think his father was totally being a dash. Is this a problem with parents from 70s-80s or you guys think you'll be like them as well when your kids grow up ?

Am I being judgmental in calling them blackmailers?

>>>It gets tougher when you are an only child. I would say if it worked out for your friend and his family, it is fine. Besides, doesn't he always the option to move back later?

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