Kermit the Frog & Chicken Little - A SUCH Episode

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Kermit the Frog & Chicken Little - A SUCH Episode

Post by goodcitizn on Tue Oct 06, 2015 8:39 am

"Tchaa ... bah ...  hmph …tchaa!"  Such boisterous sounds of displeasure didn’t erupt from a silverback gorilla in the deep jungles of Congo; instead, blustering through the tranquility of a northern Texas restaurant, they came from a shocked, repulsed and agitated customer who was closely scrutinizing a picture on the menu. The maitre d’ arrived, as maitre d’s of concerned citizenry often do, to zero in on the problem. 

A fellow of letters having the aura of a disturbed mathematical genius, whom an FBI profiler might authenticate as being a twin of the Unabomber, was pointing his accusatory finger at a pictured dish of frog legs. 

“This is the 7358th time I have yelled. Is this cruel, scary and ugly dish your culinary symbolism for good taste? Is this fried mess of severed frog legs with ripped open testes, sperm ducts and bloody tendons worthy of reverence as an appetizer? Do you also encourage your children to adore this ghastly, abhorrent dish and force them to lick their plates clean after snacking on it?” 

A professorial patron at the adjoining table posed a curious question. 

“Do you object to the picture of mangled frog legs on the menu or are you of the notion that frog legs can’t be divine to some taste buds?” 

Serpents when toyed with hiss as a rule; and this one, the King Cobra, hissed like a train engine letting off pent up steam. 

“Did I say object? I said shock, loathing and pig vomit. I object to the word object. That kind of insidious cleverness will sully your reputation in Texas, Ohio, Denmark and the Island of Bora Bora, and no matter how many rinse cycles you put it through, it will never come out unsoiled.” 

The maitre d’ cleared his throat to help. “Sir, Mr. Pouter …” 

“It’s not Mr. Pouter,” the cobra hissed again. “The name is Mr. Poulter – Pouter with an L – a surname derived from an ancestry of chicken farmers who were into both poultry and poetry.”
 
An Akbarian voice rang across the aisle with a question. 

“As for good taste, how do you interpret a plucked chicken – a young rooster robbed of its plumage – with its beak, claws and butt clamped on to a rod and roasted in open flame in the most cruel, ugly and hateful way to be served as barbecued chicken? Is that representative of superior taste over fried frog legs?” 

“A great question”, the maitre d’ concurred. After all, the man had spent his boyhood halcyon days in a setting reverberating with a lot of clucking and cock-a-doodle-doos. Cruelty was cruelty regardless of whether it was administered on the leaping kind or the flying kind. 

“An entirely irrelevant question,” retorted the Unabomber Twin. 

“I beg to disagree, sir. If you flip over to the next page on the menu, you’d see the picture of Capon Shish Kabob. Since you hail from a heritage of fowl-raisers, you ought to know that capon is a young rooster that gets castrated to improve the quality of its flesh. Think of the agony it must have endured whenever an amorous hen that wanted to get laid asked him out on a date and he had to fake a headache just to skip out of it. As though that was not punishment enough, he then gets butchered into pieces to be pierced through a skewer, marinated in hot sauce and spices, and broiled to become this revered consumable. Where is divinity in that, sir?” 

“The subject you raise is irrelevant. I only saw the gruesome picture of a fried frog shredded limb to limb. I have given you an earful already. I see no minced bird on this page to comment on. I am rankled by the abuse heaped on these polliwogs and that’s as far as I choose to go. I have no desire to discuss chickens, ducklings, goslings or any other ding-a-lings.”
 
Heads were turning and ears were perking up in the restaurant. One such head and two such ears belonged to a swami who was rumored to meditate on politics under a weeping willow. And it was his turn to chime in. 

“Now that you mention ding-a-lings, what do you say about them stoning camels to death? They pray to the west, yet hate the westerners. How ironic! Are those camels dying such gruesome deaths less significant compared to the frogs that are dissected in high school labs? What do you say about those who stone homosexual roosters and hens accused of infidelity?” 

“Irrelevant and irrelevant to both questions,” came the reply. 

“With all due respect, sir, you sound like a guilty party on the witness stand taking the Fifth on every incisive question,” observed the maitre d’. 

“Stop whining,” was the reprimand. 

As the fracas continued, several people engaged in muffled discourses on the topic of frogs and chickens. A frequenter of the joint who had been accused of being a rotund canine of the fairer sex had choice words to say about the man whom she felt was an alumnus of the School of Frogwarts. A confizzled customer felt that comparison between frogs and chickens was valid since, for every Modi, there was an equal and opposite Sonia. Had only Facts Be Faced been present, it was surmised, he would have unearthed the fact that one X does not algebra make. And a dentist, the Tooth-Seeker, mused randomly that frogmen were the Seekers and chicken men were the Followers. 

Then Shaggy Labrador pointed out from his research into folklore that frogs were once a menace afflicting humanity with herpes; consequently, snakes were bribed with gallons of milk for killing them. Soon the housefly population exploded without enough frogs to shoot their tongues out in devouring them. That led to the creation of the super power hero, Kermit the Frog, who could bench-press a chubby hippopotamus. Likewise chickens caused havoc spreading chicken guinea and foxes were summoned to deplete them. Soon there weren’t enough roosters to awaken lethargic farmers in the mornings and agriculture took a nosedive. As a result, a bird of speed and stamina was created – the Chicken Little – to allow chickens to thrive and multiply. Worship is nothing but a response to good marketing. The Akbarian concurred with theories of his own of totems in the shape of leaping lizards and crowing cockerels. 

“Hahaha,” guffawed, the Irrelevant Man. “Kermit is a nuclear-powered croaker capable of power-lifting a colony of hippopotami. Eating its legs is sure to turn a Hariharan into a Hercules. What an irrational, primitive and superstitious bunch of imbeciles!” 

“Pardon me, sir, there is a parallel case you seem to overlook, one that involves Chicken Little in a carefully orchestrated marketing scheme. How an awkward low-flier that would have trouble reaching the top of a coconut tree could fly all the way to the moon to hoist the banner of KFC is beyond belief. Yet the claim is that consuming a bucketful of chicken wings is enough to give one the speed of a racehorse. Preposterous, primitive and irrational, don’t you think?” 

“You are a craven hypocrite. Didn’t you attend Tyson College of Chicken Chopping? Were you not sent to Colonel Sanders Culinary Academy? Were you not a resident of Cornish Hen Cove where you crooned a tune or two with chicken coopers? You were besieged by chickens, yet you defend frogs. Is toady duty being performed here?” 

“So what if I was swimming in a pool teeming with chickens, sir? Does that mean I have to stay inaccessible to anything resembling logic and common sense like you? I find the gory treatment of frogs and chickens equally sickening whereas you have your blinders on and refuse to see anything ghastly or nauseating outside of filleted and fragmented frogs. The minute you chastised the frog leg fanciers, you opened the door for people to come back to you criticizing the chicken wing enthusiasts.” 

“I opened no such doors. All my doors are shut and triple-bolted like Jack Nicholson’s in As Good As IT Gets.” 

The Shaded Tree Swami intervened. “Are you suggesting that you don’t go into any of the KFC outlets scattered across the country to crunch on a bucket of chicken wings?” 

“I have driven around one from time to time but haven’t gone in even to attend any party there. Nor do I have any picture of Chicken Little or Donald Duck hanging in my house. I get agitated at the very sight of bloody, tormented flesh. I am a vegetarian gravitating towards being a vegan.” 

“Being agitated by mangled meat makes you an agitarian, not a vegetarian, sir,” the maitre d’ quipped. “You have lost the argument fair and square.” 

“No such thing. I can make you insert your tail between your legs, and stew in your own gravitational juices, hahaha!” 

A girl, wearing the lucky number 7 on her T-shirt, chipped in. “No, you lost the argument. Judgment in favor of the head waiter.” 

“You are wrong, woman. Even then the credit should go to the Akbarian for opening the door and not challenging me.” 

A Prop Man approached him with the picture of a spectacled ass and asked if he would be so kind as to autograph his portrait. Upon being ignored, his choice words were: “Here’s wishing you get run over by a bus full of chickens and die!” 

Precisely at the moment a loud siren could be heard from outside with the screeching of tires of an ambulance. Two men wearing white lab coats rushed into the restaurant searching feverishly for someone in the crowd. One of them, spotting the maitre d’, asked: 

“Did you see a man here with blue pencils, a thesaurus and an Oxford English Dictionary?” 

“He was here a minute ago, sir.” 

“Did he act like a contumacious curmudgeon?” 

“You couldn’t have said two truer words, sir.” 

“Was he unfunny?” 

“Lethally, sir.” 

“We had him bound in a straight jacket at the asylum. He did a Houdini on us and escaped. Any idea where he might be heading?” 

“Try the Ergonomics Emporium, sir.” 

“Thanks. Could you hurry and get us an order of frog legs as well as a bucket of chicken wings to go?”

“Right away, sir.”

The TV program thus ended after announcing that another episode of SUCH would be telecast in the coming weeks.
 
The roomful of muppet characters - Fozzie Bear, Rowlf the dog, Rizzo the rat, Bobo the bear, Pepe the king prawn, Sam Eagle, the Swedish Chef and so on - who were watching the program on TV applauded.

Kermit: (laughing) SUCH characters are worse than us.

Miss Piggy: (chuckling) It’s a zoo, I tell ya.

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Re: Kermit the Frog & Chicken Little - A SUCH Episode

Post by Guest on Tue Oct 06, 2015 8:47 am

LOL! *this time stay -- don't leave*

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Re: Kermit the Frog & Chicken Little - A SUCH Episode

Post by Guest on Tue Oct 06, 2015 9:18 am

lol hilarious recapture of that thread, even though I didn't read that one in its entirety!

loved my character too Very Happy

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Re: Kermit the Frog & Chicken Little - A SUCH Episode

Post by Guest on Tue Oct 06, 2015 9:35 am

Beatrix Kiddo wrote:lol hilarious recapture of that thread, even though I didn't read that one in its entirety!

loved my character too Very Happy
which one was you? i identified saamiyar, props, rashmun and seven. i could not identify swapna. did he appear? he should have considering his notoriety in such!

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Re: Kermit the Frog & Chicken Little - A SUCH Episode

Post by Guest on Tue Oct 06, 2015 9:41 am

brie wrote:
Beatrix Kiddo wrote:lol hilarious recapture of that thread, even though I didn't read that one in its entirety!

loved my character too Very Happy
which one was you? i identified saamiyar, props, rashmun and seven. i could not identify swapna. did he appear? he should have considering his notoriety in such!

As the fracas continued, several people engaged in muffled discourses on the topic of frogs and chickens. A frequenter of the joint who had been accused of being a rotund canine of the fairer sex had choice words to say about the man whom she felt was an alumnus of the School of Frogwarts.

ref: http://such.forumotion.com/t33490-tamil-girl-raped-by-2-bihari-youth-in-tamil-nadu#205554

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Re: Kermit the Frog & Chicken Little - A SUCH Episode

Post by Guest on Tue Oct 06, 2015 9:44 am

Beatrix Kiddo wrote:
brie wrote:
Beatrix Kiddo wrote:lol hilarious recapture of that thread, even though I didn't read that one in its entirety!

loved my character too Very Happy
which one was you? i identified saamiyar, props, rashmun and seven. i could not identify swapna. did he appear? he should have considering his notoriety in such!

As the fracas continued, several people engaged in muffled discourses on the topic of frogs and chickens. A frequenter of the joint who had been accused of being a rotund canine of the fairer sex had choice words to say about the man whom she felt was an alumnus of the School of Frogwarts.

ref: http://such.forumotion.com/t33490-tamil-girl-raped-by-2-bihari-youth-in-tamil-nadu#205554
oh! so in which thread were you accused of being a rotund canine of the fairer sex? dineshan wants to know!

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Re: Kermit the Frog & Chicken Little - A SUCH Episode

Post by Guest on Tue Oct 06, 2015 9:52 am

brie wrote:
Beatrix Kiddo wrote:
brie wrote:
Beatrix Kiddo wrote:lol hilarious recapture of that thread, even though I didn't read that one in its entirety!

loved my character too Very Happy
which one was you? i identified saamiyar, props, rashmun and seven. i could not identify swapna. did he appear? he should have considering his notoriety in such!

As the fracas continued, several people engaged in muffled discourses on the topic of frogs and chickens. A frequenter of the joint who had been accused of being a rotund canine of the fairer sex had choice words to say about the man whom she felt was an alumnus of the School of Frogwarts.

ref: http://such.forumotion.com/t33490-tamil-girl-raped-by-2-bihari-youth-in-tamil-nadu#205554
oh! so in which thread were you accused of being a rotund canine of the fairer sex? dineshan wants to know!

lol I think this one:

http://such.forumotion.com/t33160-dear-swapna#204034
swapna wrote:being a equipped with The Thing between the thighs doesn't compensate for your being a corpulent female canine.

and others:
http://such.forumotion.com/t33251-thank-god#204376

http://such.forumotion.com/t33160-dear-swapna#203973

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Re: Kermit the Frog & Chicken Little - A SUCH Episode

Post by Guest on Tue Oct 06, 2015 10:00 am

Beatrix Kiddo wrote:
brie wrote:
Beatrix Kiddo wrote:
brie wrote:
Beatrix Kiddo wrote:lol hilarious recapture of that thread, even though I didn't read that one in its entirety!

loved my character too Very Happy
which one was you? i identified saamiyar, props, rashmun and seven. i could not identify swapna. did he appear? he should have considering his notoriety in such!

As the fracas continued, several people engaged in muffled discourses on the topic of frogs and chickens. A frequenter of the joint who had been accused of being a rotund canine of the fairer sex had choice words to say about the man whom she felt was an alumnus of the School of Frogwarts.

ref: http://such.forumotion.com/t33490-tamil-girl-raped-by-2-bihari-youth-in-tamil-nadu#205554
oh! so in which thread were you accused of being a rotund canine of the fairer sex? dineshan wants to know!

lol I think this one:

http://such.forumotion.com/t33160-dear-swapna#204034
swapna wrote:being a equipped with The Thing between the thighs doesn't compensate for your being a corpulent female canine.

and others:
http://such.forumotion.com/t33251-thank-god#204376

http://such.forumotion.com/t33160-dear-swapna#203973
Oooooooooooooooo!

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Re: Kermit the Frog & Chicken Little - A SUCH Episode

Post by Merlot Daruwala on Tue Oct 06, 2015 11:40 am

lol!

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Re: Kermit the Frog & Chicken Little - A SUCH Episode

Post by seven on Tue Oct 06, 2015 10:23 pm

hahahahaha very funny GC

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Re: Kermit the Frog & Chicken Little - A SUCH Episode

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