Re: jokes thread (english, hindi, tamil telugu etc.)

[artood2]

Gabbar to Samba : Gande
Samba: tu Ganda..tera baap ganda....tera khandaan ganda!!!
Gabbar: abbe saale!!! GUN DE GUN!!!

https://such.forumotion.com/t419p300-jokes-thread-english-hindi-tamil-telugu-et-al#34189

[Guest]

Husband throwing darts at his wife's photo and not even a single one hitting the target.
From another room wife asks the Husband: Honey what are you doing?
Husband : Missing you!!

Santa (to doctor): Doctorji...subah se bahut headache ho raha hai!
Doctor: Kya tum sharaab peete ho?
Santa: Haan...par mere liye chota peg banana.

[harharmahadev]

News on Pak TV:
"Water & presence of Whales & Sharks found on Moon by Pakistani Satellite".

News on BBC:
"Satellite launched by Pakistan found in Arabian Sea."

[Guest]

News on Pak TV:
"Water & presence of Whales & Sharks found on Moon by Pakistani Satellite".

News on BBC:
"Satellite launched by Pakistan found in Arabian Sea."

[Guest]

A Canadian salesman checked into a futuristic hotel in Tokyo Japan .
...
Realizing he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises.

'I'm afraid not, sir,' the clerk told him apologetically, 'but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes.'

Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15.00, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his life.

Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, 'Manicures, $20.00'.

'Why not?' thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured.

The next machine had a sign that read, 'This Machine Provides a Service Men Need When Away from Their Wives, 50 Cents.'

The salesman looked both ways, put fifty cents in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation stuck his manhood into the opening. When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out. Fifteen seconds later it shut off.
.

With trembling hands, the salesman was able to withdraw his tender unit......which now had a button sewn neatly on the end.

[Guest]

Indian wife sanskaro wali hoti hai.
Woh sabke samne apne pati ko "Abey Gadhe" nahi kehti.
Isliye short mein kehti hai, ....," A.G. sunte ho

[Bittu]

Ladka: Tumko khana banana aata hai?
Ladki: Nahi, lekin banana khana aata hai.
Ladka: Weekend pe temple wedding kar lete hain!

[Bittu]

Indian wife sanskaro wali hoti hai.
Woh sabke samne apne pati ko "Abey Gadhe" nahi kehti.
Isliye short mein kehti hai, ....," A.G. sunte ho

[Guest]

"Inflation is when we pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut we used to get for five dollars when we had hair."

[harharmahadev]

Phone baja : Tring..Trng......Trng..Trng!!!
1St:Hello Prakash hai.?
2nd:Nhi hai.
1st: . . . . . . . . . . . Nhi hai toh MOMBATTI jala le ho jayega. . . . :p

[Guest]

LOL!!

[Guest]

good one. At the end of that iim video, this was one of the suggested ones. The last clip in this video is the funniest:

[Guest]

MUNNA BHAI : Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai


CIRCUIT : Bhai, gaadi hai.


MUNNA BHAI : Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai?

CIRCUIT : Bole toh, simple hai bhai, Ox mane Bael, Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole toh Baelgaadi.

[chameli]

funny one

aru cambridge bole toh ..

webcam aur camel ke beech mein ka setu

[Guest]

1st dost: yaar main aisa kya karoon jis se teri shaadi ke baad main teri biwi ko movie le ke jaun aur tu gussa bhi na ho..

2nd dost: tu meri shadi apni behen se karwa de

[Bittu]

What do ducks say?- quack quack!
What do cats say?-meow meow!

What do dogs say? - honey i swear she was just a friend!

[Guest]

what do you call a dead butterfly? moth. :p

[Guest]

[Guest]

ox - kya bolti tu
cow - kya mein bolun
ox - sun
cow - suna
ox - aati kya gaushala?
cow - kya karun aake mein gaushala?
ox - sar hilayengey, ghaas chabayengey, gobar felayengey aur kya...

[Guest]

[Guest]

lol kinns. laughter is infectious.

[Bittu]

ox - kya bolti tu
cow - kya mein bolun
ox - sun
cow - suna
ox - aati kya gaushala?
cow - kya karun aake mein gaushala?
ox - sar hilayengey, ghaas chabayengey, gobar felayengey aur kya...

awesome, loved it!

[Bittu]

Love letter frm Punjaban to Punjabi:
O mere dil de chain, tere piche kutte pain,
Tu luteya mere dil da chain, rabb kare tenu keede pain,
Tere nain bade nashile, jive jharu de tille,
Tu mere dil vich eddan vasea, jive chikad vich saand fasea,
Jane jigar jane tamana, edhar aa terian lattan panna.

[Guest]

Love letter frm Punjaban to Punjabi:
O mere dil de chain, tere piche kutte pain,
Tu luteya mere dil da chain, rabb kare tenu keede pain,
Tere nain bade nashile, jive jharu de tille,
Tu mere dil vich eddan vasea, jive chikad vich saand fasea,
Jane jigar jane tamana, edhar aa terian lattan panna.

That's a bouncer for me.



Here's one from my FB

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
The mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait'."
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!"

[Bittu]

YOGA for stress removal:

Table par whisky ki bottle, namkin aur glass rakhein... Chair par baithein.
Whisky ko glass mei dalen., Halke se sip lein. Namkeen khayein! Phir sip lein.
Is kriya ko 7 baar dohrayein.

Sar pichhe jhukaen, Dono hath sar ke picche rakhein,

Aankhe dhire se band karte hue bolein "Maa Chudaye Duniya"!!!

[Bittu]

Delhi girl vs. Delhi boy: https://i.imgur.com/xFwh0.jpg

[Guest]

delhi boy pakka DPS ka hai!

[Guest]

[Bittu]

Smart time management: https://i.imgur.com/ICpgm.png

[Guest]

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[Guest]

[Guest]

[Guest]

[Bittu]

Potty aur cricket mein kya similarity hai?

Dhoni yahaan bhi hai...dhoni wahaan bhi hai

[Another Brick]

hahaha @ dhoni joke

[Guest]

[Guest]

[Maria S]

HK,

Reminds me of what a friend told me..her mother is new to the world of texting..and is all into it..so, when the friend found something funny she replied as you often do.."LOL"..her mother became offended and asked her "why are you calling me Little Old Lady?"

[Guest]

LOL.

elsewhere i have read LOL means "lots of love." so if your friend's mother dies, hug him and say LOL.

and, of course, lol = man holding his hands up.

[Maria S]

That's cute!

Hmm..is the man holding his hands up before or after he got an eyeful?

Ok..no one has to die for me to say this:

LOL HK and take care!

[Another Brick]

mallya had piles of cash. then he lost all the cash and all that remains now is piles. that's king-fissure for you.

[Guest]

[harharmahadev]

Once Patel goes to masjid for the first time along with friend Akbar.

Akbar goes Allah hu Akbar..Allah hu Akbar

Patel bhai goes Allah hu Jigness Patel!

(you need to understand Gujju to get it!)

[Guest]

[harharmahadev]

ho-hum joke!

[Guest]

ok. try this:

money can't buy happiness, but it pays for the internet, which is pretty much the same thing. :p

(i got a few more in line if you are still not laughing)

[Guest]

ok, for you tailor-made harharmahadev.

dost ko "loda" kaho ya "lode ko "dost" kaho, koi farak nahi padta.

kyunki dono hamari khushi ke liye waqt par khade ho jate hain.

hans mat lode!

[harharmahadev]

ok, for you tailor-made harharmahadev.

dost ko "loda" kaho ya "lode ko "dost" kaho, koi farak nahi padta.

kyunki dono hamari khushi ke liye waqt par khade ho jate hain.

hans mat lode!

Okay...this one is much better...you are redeeming yourself.

[Guest]

A
man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he
thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach
her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.

The
Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could
perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. Here's
what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and
in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not,
go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."

That evening, the wife was in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in
the den. He said to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what
happens." Then in a normal tone he asked, 'Honey, what's for dinner?" No
response…
So the husband moved closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet
from his wife and repeated, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no
response…

Next he moved into the dining room where he was about
20 feet from his wife and asked, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again no
response…

So, he walked up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinnnnnner?" Again there is no response…

So, he walked right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"

"Ralph, she said, "For the FIFTH time I’m telling you its CHICKEN!"

[Rekz]

A
man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he
thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach
her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.

The
Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could
perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. Here's
what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and
in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not,
go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."

That evening, the wife was in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in
the den. He said to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what
happens." Then in a normal tone he asked, 'Honey, what's for dinner?" No
response…
So the husband moved closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet
from his wife and repeated, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no
response…

Next he moved into the dining room where he was about
20 feet from his wife and asked, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again no
response…

So, he walked up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinnnnnner?" Again there is no response…

So, he walked right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"

"Ralph, she said, "For the FIFTH time I’m telling you its CHICKEN!"

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