Re: jokes thread (english, hindi, tamil telugu etc.)

[Guest]

oh :p i never heard that before.

pg711 and wife were trying to set up a new password to their computer.
pg711, "Put 'MYPENIS' " and the wife fell on the ground laughing cause on screen was error, "Error. Not long enough."

[artood2]

oh :p i never heard that before.

pg711 and wife were trying to set up a new password to their computer.
pg711, "Put 'MYPENIS' " and the wife fell on the ground laughing cause on screen was error, "Error. Not long enough."

I had not heard the other one before. Good one.

[Guest]

oh :p i never heard that before.

pg711 and wife were trying to set up a new password to their computer.
pg711, "Put 'MYPENIS' " and the wife fell on the ground laughing cause on screen was error, "Error. Not long enough."

I had not heard the other one before. Good one.

and then dumb profile comes to the rescue.. "pg dude! go for MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofy",
wife : "why? "
dumb profile, " bcz it says minimum 8 characters

[artood2]

A local United Way office realized that the organization had never received a donation from the town's most successful lawyer. The person in charge of contributions called him to persuade him to contribute.

"Our research shows that out of a yearly income of at least $500,000, you give not a penny to charity. Wouldn't you like to give back to the community in some way?"

The lawyer mulled this over for a moment and replied, "First, did your research also show that my mother is dying after a long illness, and has medical bills that are several times her annual income?"

Embarrassed, the United Way rep mumbled, "Um ... no."

The lawyer interrupts, "or that my brother, a disabled veteran, is blind and confined to a wheelchair?"

The stricken United Way rep began to stammer out an apology, but was interrupted again.

"or that my sister's husband died in a traffic accident," the lawyer's voice rising in indignation, "leaving her penniless with three children?!"

The humiliated United Way rep, completely beaten, said simply, "I had no idea..."

On a roll, the lawyer cut him off once again, "So if I don't give any money to them, why should I give any to you?"

[Guest]

Ek Ladki ki 5 Crore ki lottery nikli.
Boss ne socha achanak bataya to ladki khushi se mar sakti hai.
Usne Pappu ko ye kaam saunpa ki aise batao ki wo khushi se mar na jaaye.
Pappu ne ja ke us Ladki ko bola -- farz karo aap ka 5 Crore ka Inaam nikle to kya karogi?
Ladki: Aap ke saamne 'nangi' ho jaaungi...
Aap meri chut me apna lund dalna jitni baar chaho...
Mai aapka lund chusungi...Aap mere boobs chusna meri gaand bhi maar lena...
Aur jaise tumara man kare waise karna...
Or aadha inaam bhi tumhe de dungi.

Bhen ka lauda Pappu hi khushi se mar gaya...

[Another Brick]

LOL!

[Guest]

Toddy public toilet me betha tha achanak use sath wale toilet se awaz aai : Kya haal hai?.... Toddy ghabra kr bola: Thik hun... Phir awaz aai : Kya kr rahe ho?... Toddy: betha hun... Phir awaz aai: Main aa jaun?... Toddy or ghabra k bola : Ni ni main busy hun... Phir awaz aai : Acha yaar main tumhain baad me call krta hun. Abi koi ullu ka patha sath wale toilet se meri har baat ka jawab de raha hai..

[Mr. T]

Ek Ladki ki 5 Crore ki lottery nikli.
Boss ne socha achanak bataya to ladki khushi se mar sakti hai.
Usne Pappu ko ye kaam saunpa ki aise batao ki wo khushi se mar na jaaye.
Pappu ne ja ke us Ladki ko bola -- farz karo aap ka 5 Crore ka Inaam nikle to kya karogi?
Ladki: Aap ke saamne 'nangi' ho jaaungi...
Aap meri chut me apna lund dalna jitni baar chaho...
Mai aapka lund chusungi...Aap mere boobs chusna meri gaand bhi maar lena...
Aur jaise tumara man kare waise karna...
Or aadha inaam bhi tumhe de dungi.

Bhen ka lauda Pappu hi khushi se mar gaya...

[Guest]

LOL this one is great.

--------------------------

the T Series "mata ka jagran" album version of bhag d k bose (sung by narendra chanchal):



"mata mujhse boli, yeh shakti hai meri...
Uspe zindagani, Bhakti hai teri...
Mata ki sharan mein...
Naa aaya to lagega tujhko shraaap...
shraaaaaaap...
shrrraaaaaaaaaaaap...
Laga BHOG TEEKEY BHOG TEEKEY BHOG TEEKEY BHOG....

[Guest]

aurat 2nd floor se banana wale ko dekh
kar pochti hai ‘kela kaisey dega?’
banana wala -- mem sahab 8 me 12
aurat -- 7 (sath ) me 13 (tera) lungi
deta hai to upar aaja...

[Another Brick]

aurat 2nd floor se banana wale ko dekh
kar pochti hai ‘kela kaisey dega?’
banana wala -- mem sahab 8 me 12
aurat -- 7 (sath ) me 13 (tera) lungi
deta hai to upar aaja...

LOL!

[artood2]

Some good one there. Good job 7, HK!

[Guest]

I came across a very funny letter to IRS but am afraid ppl will respond with tl;dr if i posted it here

so i'll wait to come across another 2 liner joke to post.

[Guest]

post it away shaven.

[Guest]

Sardars are back!!

Marwadi: How many apples can u eat on empty stomach?
Sardar: I can eat 6 apples.

Marwadi: Wrong, U can eat only 1 apple on an empty stomach, coz wen you eat 2nd that's not on an empty stomach.

Sardar: super joke yaar I'll tell this to my friend.

Then sardar went to his friend !

Sardar: How many apple can you eat on an empty stomach?

Sardar's friend: I can eat 10.

Sardar: Hut yaar, 6 bolta to mast joke sunata.

[Guest]

a tintumon joke. (tintumon is the sms sensation of kerala).

tintumon was asked to write a signboard for the traffic near the school gate. he wrote, "please don't kill students, wait for teachers."

[Guest]

teacher - tintumon, what's your native place?
tintumon - czechoslovakia
teacher - ok, spell that
tintumon (after a pause) -- ha ha, i fooled you! i'm from GOA.

[Guest]

I came across a very funny letter to IRS but am afraid ppl will respond with tl;dr if i posted it here

so i'll wait to come across another 2 liner joke to post.

shaven - thanks for that completely useless post! jeez...

[Guest]

teacher - tintumon, what's your native place?
tintumon - czechoslovakia
teacher - ok, spell that
tintumon (after a pause) -- ha ha, i fooled you! i'm from GOA.

:frown: I have posted this as a surd joke. I wonder now what was the original one. I have a feeling neither. Losing faith in humanity now.

[Guest]

lol.

[Guest]

post it away shaven.

here we go...



This is purported to be a real letter submitted to the IRS in the midst
of last year's weird and bizarre denial of dependents, exemptions, and
credits. The letter speaks for itself.

----------------------------------------


Dear Sirs:


I am responding to your letter denying the deduction for two of the
three dependents I claimed on my 1994 Federal Tax return. Thank you.


I have questioned whether these are my children or not for years. They
are evil and expensive. It's only fair that since they are minors and
not my responsibility that the government (who evidently is taxing me
more to care for these waifs) knows something about them and what to
expect over the next year. You may apply next year to reassign them to
me and reinstate the deduction. This year they are yours!

The oldest, Kristen, is now 17. She is brilliant. Ask her! I suggest
you put her to work in your office where she can answer people's
questions about their returns. While she has no formal training, it has
not seemed to hamper her knowledge of any other subject you can name.
Taxes should be a breeze; next year she is going to college. I think
it's wonderful that you will now be responsible for that little
expense. While you mull that over keep in mind that she has a truck.
It doesn't run at the moment, so you have the immediate decision of
appropriating some Department of Defense funds to fix the vehicle or
getting up early to drive her to school. Kristen also has a boyfriend.
Oh joy. While she possesses all of the wisdom of the universe, her
alleged mother and I have felt it best to occasionally remind her of
the virtues of abstinence, and in the face of overwhelming passion,
safe sex. This is always uncomfortable and I am quite relieved you will
be handling this in the future. May I suggest that you reinstate
Joycelyn Elders, who had a rather good handle on the problem.

Patrick is 14. I've had my suspicions about this one. His eyes are a
little close together for normal people. He may be a tax examiner
himself one day if you do not incarcerate him first. In February I was
awakened at three in the morning by a police officer who was bringing
Pat home. He and his friends were TP'ing houses. In the future would
you like him delivered to the local IRS office or to Ogden, UT? Kids
at 14 will do almost anything on a dare. His hair is purple. Permanent
dye, temporary dye, what's the big deal? Learn to deal with it. You'll
have plenty of time as he is sitting out a few days of school after
instigating a food fight. I'll take care of filing your phone number
with the vice principal. Oh yes, he and all of his friends have raging
hormones. This is the house of testosterone and it will be much more
peaceful when he lives in your home. DO NOT leave any of them
unsupervised with girls, explosives, inflammables, inflatables,
vehicles, or telephones. (I'm sure that you will find telephones a
source of unimaginable amusement, and be sure to lock out the 900 and
976 numbers!).

Heather is an alien. She slid through a time warp and appeared quite by
magic one year. I'm sure this one is yours. She is 10 going on 21. She
came from a bad trip in the sixties. She wears tie-dyed clothes, beads,
sandals, and hair that looks like Tiny Tim's. Fortunately you will be
raising my taxes to help offset the pinch of her remedial reading
courses. Hooked On Phonics is expensive so the schools dropped it. Good
news! You can buy it yourself for half the amount of the deduction that
you are denying! It's quite obvious that we were terrible parents (ask
the other two) so they have helped raise this one to a new level of
terror. She cannot speak English. Most people under twenty understand
the curious patois she fashioned out of valley girls/boys in the
hood/reggae/yuppie/political doublespeak. I don't. The school sends her
to a speech pathologist who has her roll her R's. It added a refreshing
Mexican/Irish touch to her voice. She wears hats backwards, pants baggy
and wants one of her ears pierced four more times. There is a
fascination with tattoos that worries me but I am sure that you can
handle it. Bring a truck when you come to get her, as she sort of
"nests" in her room and I think that it would be easier to move the
entire thing than find out what it is really made of.

You denied two of the three exemptions so it is only fair you get to
pick which two you will take. I prefer that you take the youngest. I
still go bankrupt with Kristen's college but then I am free! If you
take the two oldest. then I still have time for counseling before
Heather becomes a teenager. If you take the two girls then I won't
feel so bad about putting Patrick in a military academy. Please let me
know of your decision as soon as possible as I have already increased
the withholding on my W-4 to cover the $395 in additional tax and to
make a down payment on an airplane.

Yours Truly,
Bob

[Guest]

Sardars are back!!

Marwadi: How many apples can u eat on empty stomach?
Sardar: I can eat 6 apples.

Marwadi: Wrong, U can eat only 1 apple on an empty stomach, coz wen you eat 2nd that's not on an empty stomach.

Sardar: super joke yaar I'll tell this to my friend.

Then sardar went to his friend !

Sardar: How many apple can you eat on an empty stomach?

Sardar's friend: I can eat 10.

Sardar: Hut yaar, 6 bolta to mast joke sunata.

LOL good one:))

[Guest]

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when Steven, a tall, exceptionally handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.

This seasoned yet playful heartthrob noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As any man would.) Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00.. On one condition..."

Flabbergasted but intrigued, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply and passionately into his eyes, barely concealing her anticipation and excitement, and slowly and meaningfully said....
"Clean my house."





for the guy whose wife is going to her mom's for a week.

watever u do dont go to a bar and say this.

[Guest]

maybe some of you have heard this before but for the rest of you,




A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."


The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

"She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be an Obama Democrat."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."

[charvaka]

maybe some of you have heard this before but for the rest of you,




A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."


The man consulted his portable GPS and replied, "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above ground elevation of 2,346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude.

"She rolled her eyes and said, "You must be an Obama Democrat."

"I am," replied the man. "How did you know?"

"Well," answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct. But I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me."

The man smiled and responded, "You must be a Republican."

"I am," replied the balloonist. "How did you know?"

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."

LOL... this is an old joke about consultants and executives. I didn't realize it applies so well to the American political system right now!

[Guest]

pehli baar jija shaadi ke baad sasural aaya.

biwi ki choti behen khidki se dekh ke boli -- lo aa gaya behenchod!

[Guest]

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are
going. You've risen to where you are due to a large quantity of hot air.
You made a promise you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to
solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in
before we met, but somehow, now it's my fault."

LOL!

[Rekz]

A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when Steven, a tall, exceptionally handsome, extremely sexy, middle-aged man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes off him.

This seasoned yet playful heartthrob noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward her. (As any man would.) Before she could offer her apologies for staring so rudely, he leaned over and whispered to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $20.00.. On one condition..."

Flabbergasted but intrigued, the woman asked what the condition was. The man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words."

The woman considered his proposition for a moment, and then slowly removed $20 bill from her purse, which she pressed into the man's hand along with her address. She looked deeply and passionately into his eyes, barely concealing her anticipation and excitement, and slowly and meaningfully said....
"Clean my house."





for the guy whose wife is going to her mom's for a week.

watever u do dont go to a bar and say this.

From what i see on various discussions which happened over the weekend,guess all wives have gone for maication leaving their INTJ patidevs to give company to Rashmun on kaapihouse...I have huge responsibility on my shoulders to kick start BBB posts:)

[Guest]

A naked & drunken woman boards a cab in London. The driver of the cab keeps staring at her and does not start the cab.
Woman: Haven't you seen a naked woman before?
Driver: Cool down. I am not staring at you. I am just wondering where you have kept the money to pay me?

Moral (for the US banks) : Assess the repayment capacity before enjoying exposure.

[MaxEntropy_Man]

this thread.

[Guest]

this thread.

so max, is it chidambaram or madurai at your home?

[MaxEntropy_Man]

rashshu is that q supposed to mean something? i don't understand.

[Guest]

A naked & drunken woman boards a cab in London. The driver of the cab keeps staring at her and does not start the cab.
Woman: Haven't you seen a naked woman before?
Driver: Cool down. I am not staring at you. I am just wondering where you have kept the money to pay me?

Moral (for the US banks) : Assess the repayment capacity before enjoying exposure.

[Guest]

rashshu is that q supposed to mean something? i don't understand.

'is it chidambaram or madurai at home' refers to who is the dominant
partner in the household--the husband or the wife. if you would have
said 'madurai' it would mean your wife is the dominant partner, while if
you would have said 'chidambaram' it would mean you are the dominant
partner. since in the nataraja temple at chidambaram, shiva dominates; while at the meenakshi temple in madurai, Parvati dominates.

anyways, in retrospect, this is too a personal question--though i asked it in jest--and so please ignore it.

[Guest]

main chup rahungi.

[charvaka]

main chup rahungi.

kyon? aakhir kyon?!?

[Guest]

promise kiya tha.

[Another Brick]

A na**d & drunken woman boards a cab in London. The driver of the cab keeps staring at her and does not start the cab.
Woman: Haven't you seen a na**d woman before?
Driver: Cool down. I am not staring at you. I am just wondering where you have kept the money to pay me?

Moral (for the US banks) : Assess the repayment capacity before enjoying exposure.

hahaha. i will think about revising your rating (underweight) when i am in a philanthropic mood, shaven. i will think about it but may or may not act on it.

[Guest]

hahaha. i will think about revising your rating (underweight) when i am in a philanthropic mood, shaven. i will think about it but may or may not act on it.

another prick,

[Guest]

[harharmahadev]

A Newly Weded Girl On Phone: Maa, toDay we Had a Fight....

Mothr: Oh Dear,
Pati Patni Me Dis Hapens Sumtyms..

Girl:Ok I Undrstand Par Ab LAASH Ka Kya Karu...?

[Another Brick]

Amitabh Bachchan - Welcome to Kaun Banega Crorepati, Mallika ji. Here's your first question for INR 50,000. What is the color of your zipples?

Mallika ji - I'd like to take the audience poll.

Amitabh Bachchan -

[Guest]

American Life Style:

Daughter - Sorry dad I got married yesterday. Forgot to invite you...

Dad - It's OK baby. but....
.
.
.
.
.
.
...don't forget next time.

[Another Brick]

Journo - Mr PM, what are your views on the 2G scam?

Mr PM - I only know two Gs. Madam Sonia G and our great leader Rahul G. What scam?

[Another Brick]

Q - if the opposite of "pro" is "con," what is the opposite of "progress?"

[Miss.Blah]

Dear Anna, thanks for diverting the public attention away from the Test series- M.S. Dhoni

[Guest]

Q. Why did Congress withdraw 25 paise coins from the economy?

A. In se ek anna nahin sabhalta, chaar anna kaise sambhlega?

[Guest]

Lady teacher to Pappu> Woh kya hai jo cow ke paas 4 aur mere pas 2 hai?
Pappu> madam leg
Ma'm> woh kya hai jo tumhare pant me hai aur mere peticoat me nahi.
Pappu> pocket.
Ma'm> woh kya hai jo din me lene ke bajay rat ko bistar par lete hain?
Pappu> neend
Ma'm> woh kya hai jo ladki 1st time karwane par chillati hai
Pappu> kaan me chhed
Ma'm> wo kya jab aadha jane par dard hota hai par pura jane par maja aata hai
Pappu> Hatho me kangan

Nivedan hai ki kripya aap bhi Pappu ki tarah apni niyat saaf rakkhen.

[Guest]

Sibal ki car se "puppy" mara gaya..
Sibal 2 driver - iske malik ka pata karo..
Jab driver wapis ayaa to uske gale me ful-malaen thi..
Sibal: ye kya hai?
Driver: Sir logon ne meri puri baat hi nahi suni or khushi me haar pehna diya...mein to sirf ye kaha ki...me sibal ka driver hun, kutte ka baccha mar gaya hai.

[Another Brick]

hahaha @ pappu joke.

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