Bald man problem for the Jewish American Princess

by Rishi Thu Mar 21, 2013 11:43 pm

Dear Prudence,
I am a 31-year-old American Jewish woman who has been studying veterinary medicine and working in London for the past several years. I am ready to start a family. I recently ended a casual relationship with a man I desperately loved, but who wasn’t ready to commit. Enter David, a tall, blue-eyed Jewish doctor I would be proud to introduce to my family (the antithesis of the dark, hipster man I still think about). David is sweet and kind and everything I could ask for, on paper. We are a couple of months in and he wants to meet my mom, but I'm scared my family will love him so much I will be pressured into marrying him. Here’s my problem: He's bald. When we have sex it just sometimes feels like I'm banging an infant or grandpa and I get weirded out. I have never imagined being with a bald man for the rest of my life. I'd also like him to work out more than he does—I’m a workout junkie. All superficial things, but isn't passion and attraction an essential ingredient to a happy relationship? How do I improve a man without demoralizing his ego? How do I get past the baldness without resorting to asking him to wear a hat?
—Self-professed JAP

Dear Self,
I despise the Jewish American Princess stereotype, but in your case, you deserve the crown and scepter. Out of nowhere, just as you feel your egg timer ticking, comes a tall, kind, blue-eyed Jewish doctor who’s crazy about you. I’m ready to plotz! But you want to kick him out of bed because of a weak follicular showing. Surely you know that one day, no matter how much you can bench press, your breasts will deflate. I sincerely hope that your husband—if you find one—won’t complain that he feels as if he’s having sex with his grandmother. Look around, this is the heyday of the hairless male head. There are even men who can grow plenty of the stuff who prefer to have a shiny pate. It may be that your doctor isn’t the guy for you—it is awfully soon for him to be pushing to meet your mother. And even though you’ve already decided to start banging him, I agree mutual attraction is a must. But the entire relationship is hopeless if your only question is how to improve him. If you want to dump this apparent gem because he lacks hair, then Jewish mothers all over London should be kvelling because he’s available. I hope you had some religious education. If so, before you act precipitously, consider what Slate’s David Plotz discovered when he blogged the Hebrew Bible: “God loves a cue-ball, baby!”
—Prudie

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/dear_prudence/2013/03/dear_prudence_my_birth_mother_wants_nothing_to_do_with_me.html