Moral Dilemma

by Guest Wed Mar 28, 2012 6:04 pm

Suppose you are a married man with two kids. it was an arranged marriage and while you may have respect for your wife you definitely do not love her.
you then fall completely in love with someone very beautiful. Not only is there a special chemistry but you believe there is a special bonding. the beautiful woman reciprocates your feelings and wishes to marry you. Or perhaps you had asked her, in the heat of the moment, to marry you and she has agreed.

What would you do next? Let us assume that your two children are very young when all this occurs. Say 5-10 years old.

by Guest Wed Mar 28, 2012 6:07 pm

The question came to mind after i recently learned of Mona Kapoor's demise. Mona Kapoor was the first wife of Boney Kapoor. He had divorced her, after having two children with her, to marry Sridevi. Mona Kapoor died of cancer.

by Guest Wed Mar 28, 2012 6:12 pm

omg, she died?

by Guest Wed Mar 28, 2012 6:13 pm

Tracy Whitney wrote:omg, she died?

yes. just google for mona kapoor

by artood2 Wed Mar 28, 2012 6:26 pm

Oh use the goood old Dharam Paji method: Convert.

by Guest Wed Mar 28, 2012 6:28 pm

artood2 wrote:Oh use the goood old Dharam Paji method: Convert.

but what if sridevi had refused to be the second wife.

by Guest Wed Mar 28, 2012 6:29 pm

Rashmun wrote:
artood2 wrote:Oh use the goood old Dharam Paji method: Convert.

but what if sridevi had refused to be the second wife.

She was the second wife expert. She was also illegal second wife of Mithun. Only he didn't make the mistake of calling a temple wedding as official.

disclaimer: I like sridevi.

by Guest Wed Mar 28, 2012 6:39 pm

Wow, Sridevi was a bit older than Mona. Not like he went looking for younger girl he could get coz of his money. Must be real emotions involved that are still going strong, seemingly.

Kids are very resilient, learn to adapt and are happy if they get love and attention from bother the parents anyway. They are the first ones to smell it out if the parents are together just for their sake. God knows which is a better situation. Maybe varies for everyone.

by Guest Wed Mar 28, 2012 7:13 pm

if he wants to do the easy thing, he shud stay married to his wife who(m)(?) he respects but not love

but if he wants to do the right thing then he shud divorce the wife and marry his soulmate, the new girl.

that way he is giving his wife a chance to meet her SM too and kids like tracy rightly said, will be better off with truly happy parents (even if they are not together). To become loving and giving adults, they need to grow up in a healthy loving envt.

maybe they shud watch KANK and listen to Big B's dialogue with rani murakhji

by Nila Wed Mar 28, 2012 7:40 pm

Yes, he should dump his wife and marry his sm. We have only one life to live!

P.S: I wish the H finds his SM Razz

by Guest Wed Mar 28, 2012 8:08 pm

Sasthi wrote:

P.S: I wish the H finds his SM

LOL.

P.S.
I'm sure upps is wishing the same. Razz

by Guest Wed Mar 28, 2012 8:14 pm

seven wrote:

that way he is giving his wife a chance to meet her SM too

was reading her interview. Guess she did find someone too, but wasn't interested in a relationship. It's sad to read how she was suddenly pitted against an actress like sridevi, and advised to lose weight (this touches a nerve, of course). But what to do. There are some roads that you must take to get somewhere (or to get out of somewhere).

by Guest Wed Mar 28, 2012 8:35 pm

Marry the woman you love, instead of compromising in the current marriage. If the wife is strong and practical, she'll move on and find her own happiness. The kids will be fine and will understand as long as there is no bitterness in the breakup and they get abundant love from both the parents.

Dharmendra, Bonney kapoor, Krishna (mahesh babu's dad) all did it. Amitabh and Chiranjeevi couldn't. Chiranjeevi and Sridevi were in love at one point and he almost left his wife and kids for her. He confessed to that later.

by MaxEntropy_Man Wed Mar 28, 2012 8:54 pm

people of science are so much more interesting and probably libertine than these bollywood cinema folk. schrodinger lived with his wife and mistress. he was too liberal for even liberal cambridge.

by chameli Wed Mar 28, 2012 9:28 pm

It was wrong for Boney Kapoor to leave his ist wife to marry actress sridevi

you all are getting carried away with this love vs arranged marriage scenario plus the fact that she is a famous actress

she was pregnant before she married Boney therefore she has an illegitimate ist child by definition

never mind that she married him later

it was an arranged first marriage for him you say

....so what ? Partners fall in love after arranged marriages.

Or should every woman who has had an arranged marriage be looking over her shoulder in case her husband's first love comes along to claim him ?

bah

they were married for 15 yrs along comes miss hot shot ..

Who knows if it was a soul mate deal, a weakness of the flesh or if sirdevi married him on the rebound . Boney is a very powerful man in Bollywood .she needed him more than he needed her ..it was a marriage of convenience for her .

Children dont adjust and its never easy for them

they are often victims of divorce themselves later in life .

bah!

by MaxEntropy_Man Wed Mar 28, 2012 9:36 pm

hahahaha; boney kapoor; cough splutter. hahahahaha. what kinda of a first name is boney?

by chameli Wed Mar 28, 2012 9:41 pm

i agree

the name Boney is hilarious Smile

Punjabis like Bengalis have these cutesy 1st names that stick throughout life

by MaxEntropy_Man Wed Mar 28, 2012 9:42 pm

hahaha, out of curiosity i googled boney k. boney k isn't boney at all. in fact he has a lot of lard on his boneys. hahaha, boney k.

by chameli Wed Mar 28, 2012 9:47 pm

max

he is a big broad man yes

that spelling would be bony not boney

now" boney " has another meaning .

I as a girl should not be telling u what it i

s he must have a big one ha ha ha ha

by MaxEntropy_Man Wed Mar 28, 2012 9:49 pm

chameli wrote:i agree

the name Boney is hilarious

Punjabis like Bengalis have these cutesy 1st names that stick throughout life

maybe boney was really boney when he was little, and the doctor finding him to be undernourished advised mrs.kapoor to feed little sonny boney properly. and mrs. k taking the doctor's advice went a bit overboard with the aloo parathas and samosas.

boney k looks like he digs into the starches a little too freely.

by Impedimenta Wed Mar 28, 2012 9:51 pm

Rashmun wrote:The question came to mind after i recently learned of Mona Kapoor's demise. Mona Kapoor was the first wife of Boney Kapoor. He had divorced her, after having two children with her, to marry Sridevi. Mona Kapoor died of cancer.

sridevi = south indian AKA non hindian

hence, everything is fair in the life of a southern indian damsel. that is my take on this whole thing. like?

by chameli Wed Mar 28, 2012 9:58 pm

impy ,

what's up with you hot SI women ? first there's Hema Malini and then Sridevi

something in the rassam surely ?

their affairs with married man cannot be condoned

they should be put across the lap and given 100 phatkas

then only their nautanki jhatkas will subside

by chameli Wed Mar 28, 2012 10:02 pm

once again max anything associated with the bone is spelt as "bony "

not "boney "

anything to do with a "boner" is spelt as boney

(this .... since u didnt laugh to my earlier reference to boney )

by MaxEntropy_Man Wed Mar 28, 2012 10:08 pm

boney is a variant of bony.

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/boney
http://www.merriam-webster.com/medical/boney

i got what you said earlier, but didn't comment or laugh because i didn't find it particularly funny. references to something sexual doesn't automatically induce paroxysms of laughter in my constitution. you'll have to be actually funny to elicit laughter.

by Kris Wed Mar 28, 2012 10:20 pm

Rashmun wrote:Suppose you are a married man with two kids. it was an arranged marriage and while you may have respect for your wife you definitely do not love her.
you then fall completely in love with someone very beautiful. Not only is there a special chemistry but you believe there is a special bonding. the beautiful woman reciprocates your feelings and wishes to marry you. Or perhaps you had asked her, in the heat of the moment, to marry you and she has agreed.

What would you do next? Let us assume that your two children are very young when all this occurs. Say 5-10 years old.

>>>I would hate to be in this guy's position. I couldn't do it. From the thread, I gather this is the Sridevi life story. Hope the kids got over it.

by chameli Wed Mar 28, 2012 10:25 pm

then u should have arrived at that conclusion urself...but u didnt

instead u went on and on about his fatness and aloo parathas

had to insert that dig hadn't you ?

u goofed at the spelling ...admit it

finally..... you have the constitution of a dudzo

by Guest Wed Mar 28, 2012 11:17 pm

chameli wrote:It was wrong for Boney Kapoor to leave his ist wife to marry actress sridevi

you all are getting carried away with this love vs arranged marriage scenario plus the fact that she is a famous actress

she was pregnant before she married Boney therefore she has an illegitimate ist child by definition

never mind that she married him later

it was an arranged first marriage for him you say

....so what ? Partners fall in love after arranged marriages.

Or should every woman who has had an arranged marriage be looking over her shoulder in case her husband's first love comes along to claim him ?

bah

they were married for 15 yrs along comes miss hot shot ..

Who knows if it was a soul mate deal, a weakness of the flesh or if sirdevi married him on the rebound . Boney is a very powerful man in Bollywood .she needed him more than he needed her ..it was a marriage of convenience for her .

Children dont adjust and its never easy for them

they are often victims of divorce themselves later in life .

bah!

I was responding to rashmun's post.

by Rekz Thu Mar 29, 2012 12:44 am

Many yrs ago met Anil & Boney Kapoor at a NGO show...Boney was this tall handsome guy..(he looked better than Anil to me).Look at him now...

Men like Boney Kapoor lead a very unhappy & emotionally drained life.

Kya soulmate BS...Just not worth it...

Resisting various temptations(which includes soul searching,daaru,money,material & all such maya) in life and sacrificing pleasure for loved ones is what will give true happiness when one get's old...It's extremely tough to be good & honest in all walks in life...That's the challenge!! Our choices defines us..

Men like Boney Kapoor irrespective of all his success and fame is a BIG FAIL in life according to me...He caused tremendous sadness to his wife and kids...yes may be they all moved on in life...but can't deny he is one of the biggest reason for Mona Kapoor's untimely death.

<<<What would you do next? Let us assume that your two children are very young when all this occurs. Say 5-10 years old. <<< -Rashmun.

Control your feelings...Say NO to the beauty...get back home..hug ur moti (wife) and take ur cute kids for swimming...during weekends drink few pegs to forget ur gham lost love and live on humming "jeena isi ka naam hai"...

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Thu Mar 29, 2012 1:06 am

Tracy Whitney wrote:
Sasthi wrote:

P.S: I wish the H finds his SM

LOL.

P.S.
I'm sure upps is wishing the same.

I am quite sure your P.S. went right over her head...

by MaxEntropy_Man Thu Mar 29, 2012 9:41 am

hahaha. maybe his folks should have named him bonny kapoor.

by Propagandhi711 Thu Mar 29, 2012 10:18 am

MaxEntropy_Man wrote:people of science are so much more interesting and probably libertine than these bollywood cinema folk. schrodinger lived with his wife and mistress. he was too liberal for even liberal cambridge.

which one was the cat?

by Guest Thu Mar 29, 2012 10:39 am

one way to handle the situation is to reject your love and revert to your wife. a second way is to leave your wife for your love. the third way is to keep both women. The following video shows Helen, Salim Khan's second wife, being given an award by the three sons from his first wife.

by chameli Thu Mar 29, 2012 10:45 am

rekzu ,

i love what you wrote ....bilkul sahi hain Smile

wonder what SUch women would say if it happened to them

easy to spout off sentiments Sad

from afar

by chameli Thu Mar 29, 2012 10:49 am

rashmun,

what if the ist wife Mona was happy with her marriage .what if she was forced to step aside

what if they were both happy together untl this "bhains" showed up ?

I hear Mithun chakravorty almost married the woman .so she was a marriage breaker

Salim khan and his multiple wives dilemma is another story altogether

by Guest Thu Mar 29, 2012 11:01 am

chameli wrote:rashmun,

what if the ist wife Mona was happy with her marriage .what if she was forced to step aside

what if they were both happy together untl this "bhains" showed up ?

I hear Mithun chakravorty almost married the woman .so she was a marriage breaker

Salim khan and his multiple wives dilemma is another story altogether

what if mona kapoor was happy (or at least content), but Boney Kapoor was not.
what if Mithun took advantage of Sridevi and all along had decided he would never leave yogeeta bali?
Sridevi had beauty and she had sufficient money of her own. there were so many men she could have married.
i think Boney Kapoor may have taken advantage of Sridevi's fragile emotional state following the botched brain operation on her mother.
Otherwise i can't imagine someone like Sridevi falling in love with someone as fat as Boney Kapoor.

by Maria S Thu Mar 29, 2012 11:04 am

Rashmun,

Fast forward..and there may be a fourth way this all plays out..get so fed up with the two women and decide to run away and become a monk, or find a third woman who is more pretty and more compatible *this moral dilemma and the three ways you describe to deal with it - are not uncommon at all..and neither is the fourth scenario!

It took Jahangir to continue looking for his special love until he found his famous "20th wife- Nur Jehan" as his real soulmate (Soulmates are overrated, imo!)

I would think breaking up a family has to be for an extraordinary reason (really abuse)..or for an extraordinary person..who is worth it! Sure some step parents are wonderful..but, they are rare exceptions. If a man is good enough for two (or more women) to willingly share him..more power and good luck to them all:D!

by chameli Thu Mar 29, 2012 11:09 am

rashmun,

leave his fatness .he is a powerful maker and breaker of Bollywood

a big time producer

aging actresses like sridevi need him for survival

yes he did support her during her moms left /right brain surgery in New York

they probably sued and got away with millions of dollars ..but she is a marriage breaker no two ways about it

and she will suffer for it

by Guest Thu Mar 29, 2012 11:10 am

Maria S wrote:Rashmun,

Fast forward..and there may be a fourth way this all plays out..get so fed up with the two women and decide to run away and become a monk, or find a third woman who is more pretty and more compatible *this moral dilemma and the three ways you describe to deal with it - are not uncommon at all..and neither is the fourth scenario!

It took Jahangir to continue looking for his special love until he found his famous "20th wife- Nur Jehan" as his real soulmate (Soulmates are overrated, imo!)

I would think breaking up a family has to be for an extraordinary reason (really abuse)..or for an extraordinary person..who is worth it! Sure some step parents are wonderful..but, they are rare exceptions. If a man is good enough for two (or more women) to willingly share him..more power and good luck to them all:D!

i think the standards of morality keep changing with the times. what was immoral in the past may not be so today, and what is immoral today may not be so in the future. incidentally, in Indian tradition, even a woman could have multiple husbands without any questions asked. for instance Draupadi.

by Guest Thu Mar 29, 2012 11:16 am

chameli wrote:rashmun,

leave his fatness .he is a powerful maker and breaker of Bollywood

a big time producer

aging actresses like sridevi need him for survival

yes he did support her during her moms left /right brain surgery in New York

they probably sued and got away with millions of dollars ..but she is a marriage breaker no two ways about it

and she will suffer for it

would you want to two people who are in an unhappy or incompatible marriage to stay together, no matter what?

by Maria S Thu Mar 29, 2012 11:18 am

Rashmun,

I agree.

Frankly, Morally- Monagamy is not for everyone- to force people to remain married when they are unhappy and make the other spouse miserable..is morally wrong, imo.

However- Legally..obviously Bigamy/Polygamy are against the law..and the laws affect lives..in real ways..so, the practical ways to deal with moral issues..makes it all complex.

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Thu Mar 29, 2012 11:27 am

Maria S wrote:Rashmun,

Fast forward..and there may be a fourth way this all plays out..get so fed up with the two women and decide to run away and become a monk, or find a third woman who is more pretty and more compatible *this moral dilemma and the three ways you describe to deal with it - are not uncommon at all..and neither is the fourth scenario!

************
Or, may be a FIFTH way: The woman could have converted and married another loving woman. Of course, same applies to Boney Kapoor ji also.
************

It took Jahangir to continue looking for his special love until he found his famous "20th wife- Nur Jehan" as his real soulmate (Soulmates are overrated, imo!)

Okieee....Now, this thread is set to run for the next 100 sessions.

by Propagandhi711 Thu Mar 29, 2012 11:27 am

Maria S wrote:Rashmun,

I agree.

Frankly, Morally- Monagamy is not for everyone- to force people to remain married when they are unhappy and make the other spouse miserable..is morally wrong, imo.

However- Legally..obviously Bigamy/Polygamy are against the law..and the laws affect lives..in real ways..so, the practical ways to deal with moral issues..makes it all complex.

there should be a court sanctioned process where a team of psychiatrists observe the person in question and certify whether his life would be better with multiple women. if he can get such a certificate, bigamy laws should be exempt for him. original wife should be given some restitution to alleviate pain and suffering or if she's being too uppity, caned lightly with a thin stick. just my two cents. sharia is the answer.

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Thu Mar 29, 2012 11:35 am

Propagandhi711 wrote: sharia is the answer.

Then there is no need for panel, committee or even any question of a man marrying multiple women - temporarily, permanently, or transitionally.

Allah and Mohammed are Man's best friends

by chameli Thu Mar 29, 2012 12:20 pm

rashmun,

this is not a case of two people being unhappy

im sure both were happy until the troll/moll came along

this is a example of a poor little rich girl grabbing what/who she can and of a debauched out of shape man trying to own her

by chameli Thu Mar 29, 2012 12:25 pm

maria,

when others get hurt in a decisionmade to suit selfish desires then that decision is no good

like rekz has stated beautifuly Mona kapoors death may have been hastened by her marriage break up .her children couldn't be happy with this new maddam of a step mother .

so all in all there is misery ..just so these two could marry

by the way they look totally unsuited for each other

it was a business proposal ..not a marriage

by Maria S Thu Mar 29, 2012 12:36 pm

Hello Chameli!

I don't know much about the Kapoor family to comment. Even if I knew, would be hard to judge. There is no question that the break up of a marriage/family is enormously stressful and can only have serious detrimental effects on a person who is ill.

by Nila Thu Mar 29, 2012 1:02 pm

chameli wrote:maria,

when others get hurt in a decisionmade to suit selfish desires then that decision is no good

~~He made her preg that means he didn't respect his wife and let her go? When you are emotionaly unpresent into your family - you better let the truth out and let it sink. All this..."Jeena....naaam hey!" doesn't work when you have someone in the side.

like rekz has stated beautifuly Mona kapoors death may have been hastened by her marriage break up .her children couldn't be happy with this new maddam of a step mother .

~~So, why are we assuming that her health would've been better if at all her marriage was intact. Does that also mean that those who are all happily married remain healthy and don't get cancer? BS!

so all in all there is misery ..just so these two could marry

~~Life in general is misery anyway.

by the way they look totally unsuited for each other

~~It is soley ur point of v.

it was a business proposal ..not a marriage

by Nila Thu Mar 29, 2012 1:05 pm

Tracy Whitney wrote:
Sasthi wrote:

P.S: I wish the H finds his SM

LOL.

P.S.
I'm sure upps is wishing the same.

Jesus Christ! Why do you have to bring Upps in the picuture! You evil wicked woman! Smile

by chameli Thu Mar 29, 2012 1:29 pm

sasthi ,

i am surprised at ur views

hope they have nothing to do with Sridevi being a prominent telugu star once .

we all want the best for our movie queens .they deserve no less ..but coveting anothers' husband for no real good reason other than "I want that toy he is mine " ..we should not encourage

Put urself in Mona Kapoors shoes

by chameli Thu Mar 29, 2012 1:31 pm

Maria S wrote:Hello Chameli!

I don't know much about the Kapoor family to comment. Even if I knew, would be hard to judge. There is no question that the break up of a marriage/family is enormously stressful and can only have serious detrimental effects on a person who is ill.

exactly maria i am glad to hear you say that

these are supposedly public figures and we have a right to somewhat judge them Smile

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