choices

i have a real question that i would like thoughtful answers to:

i'm going to be 33yrs old when i finish my training and i can train further in a 4-yr specialty i like after working for a year. i will be 38yrs old when i finish. until that time i will get a stipend ranging from 60k in the early years to 80k in the last two years (before taxes). that is too little money for the city i work in but i can adjust.

the specialty i like is competitive and physically and emotionally demanding. i will have to work all the time and study when i am not. i will have to stand all the time and sleep when i am standing.

i worry that if i am to go out into the world at the age of 38 i will not know how to get a mortgage to buy a house, how to get a real good job, negotiate for a better paycheck, do my taxes right, in case i have kids i may not know what to do with them. you know, be a total chump when it comes to life's real things.

i feel so cocooned in my world and i feel that if i spend more time with my books and projects (96% of which will never see daylight and just get nipped in the bud) and procedures and other things i do..which i love to do, and i can express this best in my language, i feel a tripthi when i work but yet none of this will make me streetsmart. in fact, all the responsibility may weigh me down, my professors in this field are always serious and they never go home and all their wives have left them. i worry that i don't know what the best stocks are or what the latest cool electronic gadgets are. i don't read books other than whatever is related to work.

i also don't get to practice yoga or play tennis, i sometimes walk on the treadmill.

i see all these beautiful women around and if i just finish whatever i'm doing now and not specialize i will make enough money to eat organic food all the time and have the time to go the gym twice a week and do yoga and shop and even try to be in a relationship and read the paper. but you know it's always going to linger there in the back of mind...

right now i'm at my heaviest and i've not had time to shop so i'm wearing all these old clothes from last year and i have a lot of acne just from all the training i've got so far. however, now is also the time to make an impassioned speech to my director about my interest in this specialty and take steps to secure a position in that field.

so is it better to get out into the world now and become street-smart and savvy and be well put together and comfortably work in your field or is it worth it to struggle more to learn something new and difficult amidst the sharks yet be naive about the world at 38?

what do you think? what wold you do?

i'm not sure i understand the one or the other nature of the q. perhaps it's because i don't understand the nature of your work.

Pretty much every person who works in a highly-skilled job is "cocooned" to an extent in their own specialty. You may be over-emphasizing that effect, and assuming that you will be "not street-smart" just by continuing to focus on your chosen field. The typical 9-to-5 worker won't know more about how to take care of their car or house than you. Pursuing your passion and attaining professional satisfaction and fulfillment -- what you call tripthi -- won't necessarily preclude acquiring the basic level of everyday knowledge you will need to manage your life. You can easily get professional help when it comes to the finer points of doing your taxes, getting a mortgage, buying a house or managing your investments, and many people with 9-to-5 jobs lack those skills too. If it costs a little more for the professional help, you will also be in a better position to afford that than if you didn't pursue the higher level of specialization.

You are not spending time on "street-smart" things because you don't find them worth your time that can be better spent on more stimulating activities closer to your field. When it is actually time to do something that you really want to, like say buying a house, you will spend time on it and learn quickly enough how to go about it and where to get professional help.

pravalika nanda wrote:

right now i'm at my heaviest

It wouldn't be nice if you fit into a negative size dress, Janice!

PN, here's what you should do:

1. Train in the 4-yr specialty. Be 38 when you're done, no worries.
2. Have a good job, enjoy your career.
3. Don't worry about mortgages or stocks. FAs are a dime-a-dozen and they'll do all this trivial shyt for you.
4. Stay solo. Hook up with fuck buddies from time to time. Enjoy your career.
5. Forget about having your own kids. If you really want to be a parent, adopt. Or just get a dog really.
6. Ju welcum.

xoxo, Bittu

In general, workaholics/studyholics like young doctors are type-A and excel in everything they touch. For example, they may be able to challenge and defeat Chinese colleagues from "lesser" disciplines in table tennis, tennis; read the latest anime, manga and other superhero comics; find time to zip through turnpikes in 1000+cc bikes and do sky diving for fun. They are also the type to have reached the pinnacle of practical intelligence - an ability that I simply call "zoom in/zoom out" that lets them keep abreast of current affairs and know enough terminology about dodd-frank to pose smart questions at formal dinners with finance types. In short, they can do their professional work, excel in it, while at the same time managing the Rumsfeldian "unknowable unknowns" in other fields of practical life.

So, take off the blinders, and indulge in your lust for life while keeping the Attending happy with jokes in the OR.

You can do it...

PN. somehow, your previous posts and this are not adding up. As in not fitting in, like a jigzaw should. but won't probe on that right now.

Street smartness is not a flip button that you will start learning if you go out on the street; and work and street smartness are not mutually exclusive. You sometimes need to be "street-smart" even at work to get those right projects, and please enough people to help you with them (edit: exceptions exist, but those people are probably less than 5% of the population).

Know your potential. Do an honest evaluation of where you can reach, and what all you really want and what you can live without. Then work on it accordingly. Maybe you will need to do this exercise every 2-3 years and change your course, but they are worth it.

Like my dad says, 'if you make mistakes after careful considerations, that's ok. It's the rash mistakes which are inexcusable'. Ok, he said when I made a wrong turn on a road when we were lost (he asked if I made a random turn, or did I put some thought behind it), but guess his advice applies everywhere.

so is it better to get out into the world now and become street-smart
and savvy and be well put together and comfortably work in your field or
is it worth it to struggle more to learn something new and difficult
amidst the sharks yet be naive about the world at 38?

I'd choose the second one.

Work and study all the time is a no no for me and sleeping while standing is a big NO. I for one don't read/write and that is a great gift to have without having to put some effort. I used to write the first 40 one word questions during the final exams coz 35 is the pass mark. I never read anything fully...seriously!! Out of 20 chapters I read mearly 4 important ones. My teachers had to watch me thru the exam so that I answer all the questions. I think you are a genius!

At the end of the day if you are happy reading and working that is what counts the most...the rest all mortgages, smartness and yada yada doesn't matter. Being a parent is an experience and you don't have to have your own to get one.

OMG you are so gifted to have the skills and you shouldn't let go. You can always buy some fancy gadgets for mortgages and there are always apps.

pravalika nanda wrote:i have a real question that i would like thoughtful answers to:

right now i'm at my heaviest

just how heavy are we talking here? heavy as in 120, 5-2 or have you turned into a sweaty betty 5-2, 220 and "full figured"?

I had to log in just for you. forget street smart. its for people who cannot study. finish up what you started. it will pay off, somehow. most importantly, are you a nallavar or kettavar? because "thripthi" comes intrinsically for nallavars. just saying.

pravalika nanda wrote:i have a real question ........?

what do you think? what wold you do?

>>>Rest assured that things like tax-filing and mortgage app. preparation are vastly over-rated "skills". Its a bit like fretting over "what happens when the lawn becomes overgrown?" You will find someone to do it for you. That being said, if the concern is also about your profession sucking up energy and time to the point where you can't do justice to a marriage or child-rearing, that is a call only you can make. Those can be very enriching experiences, but they involve trade-offs and are of course, subjective. The only thing I can say is maybe you need to look at this from a different perspective. It may not be all black or white in terms of having an interesting career. Is there a chance you can postpone your specialization time frame? Are there other specialties in your filed or even altogether different fields that may be of interest to you? They may not be the best fit, but could come close. Often we find passion in things that are widely divergent. Don't rule out serendipity. Good luck!

Propagandhi711 wrote:

pravalika nanda wrote:i have a real question that i would like thoughtful answers to:

right now i'm at my heaviest

just how heavy are we talking here? heavy as in 120, 5-2 or have you turned into a sweaty betty 5-2, 220 and "full figured"?

** heavy enough to steamroll you, baava.

Impedimenta wrote:I had to log in just for you. forget street smart. its for people who cannot study. finish up what you started. it will pay off, somehow. most importantly, are you a nallavar or kettavar? because "thripthi" comes intrinsically for nallavars. just saying.

** i got a tamil eelam link when i tried to look up these words - "kettavar" and "nallavar." why don't you tell me what they mean?

PN, if I were you - here's what I would do:

1. Focus completely on getting accepted into the 4-yr specialty. No half measures.

2. Don't walk on treadmill - RUN. I willed yourself onto the treadmill anyways.

3. The workplace-vending machine is my biggest enemy.

4. Ever 10-min window counts. If I can afford to spend just 10 mins on
something that interests me apart from work - so be it.

If I were you, I'd ask myself what would matter more to me at age 55, or 60. Would I look back with regret if I were super-successful academically, but perhaps without anyone to come home to at night? If my answer were a no, I'd go talk to the director right this minute!

But since you asked for an opinion, here goes mine (and its slightly different from the majority opinion here): Life is all about balance. It is quite possible to have a good professional life and a decent personal life, whatever one's definition of personal life may be. Right now, it seems like you are not giving your personal life a chance. Watching a good play, enjoying a quiet dinner with friends, and travelling may not be intellectually "hep", but when you think back, these are the moments you will remember from your life. You seem to have invested a lot of time in the academic part of your life so far. Why not give the personal front a leg up? If you dont do things, how will you know whether you enjoy them or no?

hi scountfinch. PN is my BFF, just wanted to mention that in here.

pravalika nanda wrote:

Propagandhi711 wrote:

pravalika nanda wrote:i have a real question that i would like thoughtful answers to:

right now i'm at my heaviest

just how heavy are we talking here? heavy as in 120, 5-2 or have you turned into a sweaty betty 5-2, 220 and "full figured"?

** heavy enough to steamroll you, baava.

you can roll me, steam me and dry clean me as long as you do something abt those acne/pimples**

** this offer only for under 140lbs please. increased the limit by 20lbs in deference to my advancing age.

Bittu wrote:PN, here's what you should do:

1. Train in the 4-yr specialty. Be 38 when you're done, no worries.
2. Have a good job, enjoy your career.
3. Don't worry about mortgages or stocks. FAs are a dime-a-dozen and they'll do all this trivial shyt for you.
4. Stay solo. Hook up with fuck buddies from time to time. Enjoy your career.
5. Forget about having your own kids. If you really want to be a parent, adopt. Or just get a dog really.
6. Ju welcum.

xoxo, Bittu

Listen to this guy. Wish some one had given this advice to me when I was young.

Impedimenta wrote:hi scountfinch. PN is my BFF, just wanted to mention that in here.

Ok..You sound miffed - could you tell me why? PN's post struck a chord with me coz some of my friends are going through something similar. Hence the reply.

scoutfinch wrote:

Impedimenta wrote:hi scountfinch. PN is my BFF, just wanted to mention that in here.

Ok..You sound miffed - could you tell me why? PN's post struck a chord with me coz some of my friends are going through something similar. Hence the reply.

PN is not her BFF! impedimenta has a quirky sense of humour.

btw, i like your advice but i also like bittu's advice and the two are poles apart. ultimately, i guess, it is the individual who is in the best position to judge what's right for him/her.

scoutfinch wrote:

Impedimenta wrote:hi scountfinch. PN is my BFF, just wanted to mention that in here.

Ok..You sound miffed - could you tell me why? PN's post struck a chord with me coz some of my friends are going through something similar. Hence the reply.

well, you now are my new BFF. i am telling you. new mornings, new relationships! life can't get better than this for me!

Impedimenta wrote:

scoutfinch wrote:

Impedimenta wrote:hi scountfinch. PN is my BFF, just wanted to mention that in here.

Ok..You sound miffed - could you tell me why? PN's post struck a chord with me coz some of my friends are going through something similar. Hence the reply.

well, you now are my new BFF. i am telling you. new mornings, new relationships! life can't get better than this for me!

cool I like your name - it sounds straight out of Asterix!

pravalika nanda wrote:i worry that if i am to go out into the world at the age of 38 i will not know how to get a mortgage to buy a house, how to get a real good job, negotiate for a better paycheck, do my taxes right, in case i have kids i may not know what to do with them. you know, be a total chump when it comes to life's real things.

Some people would consider that 33 is already too late to learn these things and your case is hopeless. But you now that 33 is not really hopeless and there is still time to learn these things. Correct? You will feel more or less the same at 38 also. You will feel equally like a chump and equally like you can still learn them.

If you don't know these things at 33, what makes you think that you will suddenly learn all these things in the next 5 years? I highly doubt that you will pick up these skills in the next few years if you give up on this whatever specialty. I highly doubt that all of a sudden you will take great care of yourself, get a model's figure, become smarter and more skilled than the average woman. If you have not done it so far, why will you do it in the next few years?

Often, people who say, I will do this, that and those other great things in the next few years, if their life situation is this way or that way, are usually functioning under illusion. They won't really get stuff done. The fact is, people who really do this, that and those other great things, get them done no matter what their life situation is.

So, don't function under illusions. Don't set yourself up with non-existent false choices. If you want to do something, just do it.

LOL @ SP's post.