The "right" way to 'do' things: From America's third-best university.

Jessie and Vic have been flirting all semester, and agree to meet at a party. After dancing closely together for a while, Vic proposes going to one of their rooms and Jessie agrees. On the walk to Jessie’s room, they send a few texts, letting Vic’s friends know not to worry and asking Jessie’s roommate to please sleep somewhere else. Once in the room, they begin touching. Each is interested in hearing what the other wants, and each is paying attention to the other’s signals. They reach and sustain clear agreement upon mutually desired sexual activities.
This is consensual sex: Vic and Jessie reached positive, voluntary, unambiguous agreement to engage in sexual conduct together.

Sidney and Harper are dating. On several occasions they are physically intimate, but within limits set by Sidney, who is opposed to having sex at this stage of their relationship. One night, when they are being intimate within their mutually agreed upon boundaries, Harper begins to cross them. Sidney expresses concern, but Harper is encouraging, saying “it will be okay just this once.” Sidney replies “we shouldn’t do this,” but continues to touch Harper in an intimate way. As Harper initiates sex, Sidney says “this is a bad idea” and begins to cry, but embraces Harper and the two proceed to have sex.
Initial consent was followed by ambiguity. Sidney’s acquiescence to sex was accompanied by too much dismay to constitute unambiguous agreement, especially given Sidney’s longstanding prior refusal to engage in sex. The UWC penalty would likely fall in the range of probation to suspension.

Alexis and Riley are studying together in Riley’s room. During a break in their studying, they rub each other’s shoulders. Alexis then introduces some intimate touching. Riley moves closer and says “Okay, but I don’t want to go too far – we still have a lot of work to do.” Alexis continues to touch Riley in an intimate way. Riley willingly agrees to some contact, but mostly sets boundaries. Alexis jokes that they deserve to have sex as a reward for their hard work studying; Riley laughs. After their studying is done, Alexis suggests again that they should have sex. Riley responds they should probably get some sleep but continues to touch Alexis. After a few more minutes, Alexis asks once more. Riley pauses, then says okay and pulls Alexis closer. They have sex.
This is consensual sex. Despite initial hesitation, the ultimate agreement to have sex was voluntary and unambiguous. There is no violation of the sexual misconduct policy. The UWC would likely counsel Alexis about the inappropriateness of sexual pressure, and recommend SHARE’s sensitivity training program.
Morgan and Kai are friends who begin dancing and kissing at a party. They are both drunk, although not to the point of incapacitation. Together they decide to go to Kai’s room. They undress each other and begin touching each other. Morgan moves as if to engage in oral sex and looks up at Kai questioningly. Kai nods in agreement and Morgan proceeds. Subsequently, without pausing to check for further agreement, Kai begins to perform oral sex on Morgan. Morgan lies still for a few minutes, then moves away, saying it is late and they should sleep.
There was initial agreement, but the bounds of that agreement were not clear. Kai may have thought that Morgan had consented to reciprocal oral sex, but took no steps to obtain unambiguous agreement. The UWC penalty would likely be a reprimand.

Vidya Bagchi wrote:dupe post.

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

Vidya Bagchi wrote:dupe post.

Of course...I could see some ordinary ingleesh mistakes that could not have passed  Yale officials.

FluteHolder wrote:http://gawker.com/how-to-have-sex-at-yale-1307498752

Yale University, America's sex palace, has issued a memo that attempts to clarify what constitutes "consensual" and "nonconsensual" sex. Immature readers may find this memo's hypothetical scenarios "hilarious," or even "ROFLMAO." Allow us to make things more clear.
The memo, which we highly recommend reading aloud at your next party, describes eight different made-up sexual encounters, and then clarifies whether or not those encounters were permissible, by Yale Sex Rules. A few ABSOLUTELY REAL examples, from this memo, which was composed by adminstrators at America's third-best university. First, the "right" way to do things:

Sidney and Harper are dating. On several occasions they are physically intimate, but within limits set by Sidney, who is opposed to having sex at this stage of their relationship. One night, when they are being intimate within their mutually agreed upon boundaries, Harper begins to cross them. Sidney expresses concern, but Harper is encouraging, saying “it will be okay just this once.” Sidney replies “we shouldn’t do this,” but continues to touch Harper in an intimate way. As Harper initiates sex, Sidney says “this is a bad idea” and begins to cry, but embraces Harper and the two proceed to have sex.
Initial consent was followed by ambiguity. Sidney’s acquiescence to sex was accompanied by too much dismay to constitute unambiguous agreement, especially given Sidney’s longstanding prior refusal to engage in sex. The UWC penalty would likely fall in the range of probation to suspension.

Alexis and Riley are studying together in Riley’s room. During a break in their studying, they rub each other’s shoulders. Alexis then introduces some intimate touching. Riley moves closer and says “Okay, but I don’t want to go too far – we still have a lot of work to do.” Alexis continues to touch Riley in an intimate way. Riley willingly agrees to some contact, but mostly sets boundaries. Alexis jokes that they deserve to have sex as a reward for their hard work studying; Riley laughs. After their studying is done, Alexis suggests again that they should have sex. Riley responds they should probably get some sleep but continues to touch Alexis. After a few more minutes, Alexis asks once more. Riley pauses, then says okay and pulls Alexis closer. They have sex.
This is consensual sex. Despite initial hesitation, the ultimate agreement to have sex was voluntary and unambiguous. There is no violation of the sexual misconduct policy. The UWC would likely counsel Alexis about the inappropriateness of sexual pressure, and recommend SHARE’s sensitivity training program.
Morgan and Kai are friends who begin dancing and kissing at a party. They are both drunk, although not to the point of incapacitation. Together they decide to go to Kai’s room. They undress each other and begin touching each other. Morgan moves as if to engage in oral sex and looks up at Kai questioningly. Kai nods in agreement and Morgan proceeds. Subsequently, without pausing to check for further agreement, Kai begins to perform oral sex on Morgan. Morgan lies still for a few minutes, then moves away, saying it is late and they should sleep.
There was initial agreement, but the bounds of that agreement were not clear. Kai may have thought that Morgan had consented to reciprocal oral sex, but took no steps to obtain unambiguous agreement. The UWC penalty would likely be a reprimand.

wow, men will be scared to have sex. but yeah this kind of stuff is useful so they know not to physically overwhelm their partner and bed and be more aware of the boundaries and adhere to them.  Situation 1 of 3 is probably common or at least where a lot of problems arise. If you don't want it you gotta be pretty clear, like don't cry, pick up your clothes and leave.

Discuss

Rishi wrote:Pravalika,

Your response shows that you are the modern Indian woman we all have been waiting for, Not only that you do not mince words when confronting the truth of the matter. Unlike some desi women, you are not a hypocrite. You demand equal space with men in any debate or discussion and face facts as they are.

It is high time Indian women come out and openly discuss about sex and discard the 'shy, innocent village bumpkin' role their men has forced them to play.

So I would strongly urge girls in India regardless of their background to do the following:

1. Discard saris and start wearing shirts and jeans.
2. Learn to use profane language. Boldly confront the eve teaser. Tell him "who the hell do you think you are motherfucker?  I am not interested in getting fucked by a loser like you.
3. Learn to use physical violence. Carry a knife and even a gun. Use them if you have to against any roadside romeos.
4. Hindu women should stop wearing Mangalasutra.
5. Hindu women also should stop falling at the feet of men. There is no reason to pay respect to men because of their age especially when many of them are likely to be wife-beaters, fellows who paw their servant maids, drunkards and assholes who sexually harass women at their workplace and finally morons who visit prostitutes.
 
These are only initial steps. We can keep improvising on them as long as we are willing to be imaginative and relentless towards seeking a solution for India's ills.

It is only a start towards the continual process of transformation of India into a modern and exemplary nation.

Kudos to you Pravalika. Keep up the good work.

seven wrote:@ rishi

instead of asking women to become crude and foul mouthed, why don't you urge the young men of india to learn to respect women?
women cannot win in physical violence and there is no two way about it. confronting eve teasers and engaging with them is foolish. it will not stop them from harassing you and others next time. it's like throwing stone in dirt...
avoiding them is the smartest thing to do. calling them loser will not magically make them realize they are losers.

Wgaram_kuta wrote:

seven wrote:@ rishi

instead of asking women to become crude and foul mouthed, why don't you urge the young men of india to learn to respect women?
women cannot win in physical violence and there is no two way about it. confronting eve teasers and engaging with them is foolish. it will not stop them from harassing you and others next time. it's like throwing stone in dirt...
avoiding them is the smartest thing to do. calling them loser will not magically make them realize they are losers.

Translocate the NRA and make it exclusive for women ?

Rishi wrote:At this rate, she is fast getting out of range of most women...already she is already out of my "acceptable" range..

>>> Saamiyaar,

What do you mean when you say she is out of your "acceptable" range" ?

Please explain.