separately together

Beatrix Kiddo wrote:Response deleted. Too sleepy and too blabbering.

seven wrote:dh and i spend practically all our time together these days. we both go to work together. sometimes meet for lunch. 3 times in 2 weeks one of which was the july 4th week, so only 4 days. we come home together. then we spend evening with just each other. we also spend weekend together. we haven't met friends or done anything fun past few wknds.

i also noticed we fight a lot these days. my friend thinks its because we spend wayy too much time together.. could that be it ?
she's like go 15-20 min after and take a different train. we cannot not go together or we pay twice for parking. 

how much is too much ? how much time do you guys spend with your spouse before you start fighting ?

Beatrix Kiddo wrote:Oh well. Could not sleep so played a bit. 

Who is Reba. 

I maybe be wrong judging based on just two examples, but you seem to be doing too much thinking for both and planning for both; consulting him, and then finally adjusting yourself for him. You are bound to get frustrated. I would say, step back and let him be the one taking the initiatives sometimes if not all the times. 

More when I am more cool and collected in the morning. Right now I need to turn off the frikking AC and open the windows. It's not working even at 76.

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

seven wrote:dh and i spend practically all our time together these days. we both go to work together. sometimes meet for lunch. 3 times in 2 weeks one of which was the july 4th week, so only 4 days. we come home together. then we spend evening with just each other. we also spend weekend together. we haven't met friends or done anything fun past few wknds.

i also noticed we fight a lot these days. my friend thinks its because we spend wayy too much time together.. could that be it ?
she's like go 15-20 min after and take a different train. we cannot not go together or we pay twice for parking. 

how much is too much ? how much time do you guys spend with your spouse before you start fighting ?

There is the "keyword".  You did not do anything FUN during weekends bcz you spent all your time with your dh?  you gave the reason yourself. So stay away from him and have FUN together during weekends.

If men are grumpy 90% of the time it is only ONE thing....You have been having "headache, back ache, PMS, postMS, etc...etc.." on too many days....

You are getting into the Indianess part of your marriage....

seven wrote:

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

seven wrote:dh and i spend practically all our time together these days. we both go to work together. sometimes meet for lunch. 3 times in 2 weeks one of which was the july 4th week, so only 4 days. we come home together. then we spend evening with just each other. we also spend weekend together. we haven't met friends or done anything fun past few wknds.

i also noticed we fight a lot these days. my friend thinks its because we spend wayy too much time together.. could that be it ?
she's like go 15-20 min after and take a different train. we cannot not go together or we pay twice for parking. 

how much is too much ? how much time do you guys spend with your spouse before you start fighting ?

There is the "keyword".  You did not do anything FUN during weekends bcz you spent all your time with your dh?  you gave the reason yourself. So stay away from him and have FUN together during weekends.

If men are grumpy 90% of the time it is only ONE thing....You have been having "headache, back ache, PMS, postMS, etc...etc.." on too many days....

You are getting into the Indianess part of your marriage....

true. it was house hunting then football. our very good friends are moving to texas. another friend bought a house 50miles away from here and moved. everything is changing. 
now my marriage is getting old and indianness is kickin in. idk what that means though...the indianness.

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

seven wrote:dh and i spend practically all our time together these days. we both go to work together. sometimes meet for lunch. 3 times in 2 weeks one of which was the july 4th week, so only 4 days. we come home together. then we spend evening with just each other. we also spend weekend together. we haven't met friends or done anything fun past few wknds.

i also noticed we fight a lot these days. my friend thinks its because we spend wayy too much time together.. could that be it ?
she's like go 15-20 min after and take a different train. we cannot not go together or we pay twice for parking. 

how much is too much ? how much time do you guys spend with your spouse before you start fighting ?

There is the "keyword".  You did not do anything FUN during weekends bcz you spent all your time with your dh?  you gave the reason yourself. So stay away from him and have FUN together during weekends.

If men are grumpy 90% of the time it is only ONE thing....You have been having "headache, back ache, PMS, postMS, etc...etc.." on too many days....

You are getting into the Indianess part of your marriage....

seven wrote:
i should have understood he doesn't wanna go when he didn't respond on the group. but he should have told me that when i called to ask. when he says yes on my behalf, i dont back off. 

seven wrote:
i guess i am just upset and that's why saying all bad things about him. he is doing his part for moving. today he called and finalized movers and got the locks rekeyed, called and confirmed with pandit ji. i'll go make up now

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

seven wrote:

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

seven wrote:dh and i spend practically all our time together these days. we both go to work together. sometimes meet for lunch. 3 times in 2 weeks one of which was the july 4th week, so only 4 days. we come home together. then we spend evening with just each other. we also spend weekend together. we haven't met friends or done anything fun past few wknds.

i also noticed we fight a lot these days. my friend thinks its because we spend wayy too much time together.. could that be it ?
she's like go 15-20 min after and take a different train. we cannot not go together or we pay twice for parking. 

how much is too much ? how much time do you guys spend with your spouse before you start fighting ?

There is the "keyword".  You did not do anything FUN during weekends bcz you spent all your time with your dh?  you gave the reason yourself. So stay away from him and have FUN together during weekends.

If men are grumpy 90% of the time it is only ONE thing....You have been having "headache, back ache, PMS, postMS, etc...etc.." on too many days....

You are getting into the Indianess part of your marriage....

true. it was house hunting then football. our very good friends are moving to texas. another friend bought a house 50miles away from here and moved. everything is changing. 
now my marriage is getting old and indianness is kickin in. idk what that means though...the indianness.

Indianess  = = With the shine, newness, fancy gone, you are resigned to the routine and look at marriage as some kind of a duty and chalthe hai.

seven wrote:

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

seven wrote:

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

seven wrote:dh and i spend practically all our time together these days. we both go to work together. sometimes meet for lunch. 3 times in 2 weeks one of which was the july 4th week, so only 4 days. we come home together. then we spend evening with just each other. we also spend weekend together. we haven't met friends or done anything fun past few wknds.

i also noticed we fight a lot these days. my friend thinks its because we spend wayy too much time together.. could that be it ?
she's like go 15-20 min after and take a different train. we cannot not go together or we pay twice for parking. 

how much is too much ? how much time do you guys spend with your spouse before you start fighting ?

There is the "keyword".  You did not do anything FUN during weekends bcz you spent all your time with your dh?  you gave the reason yourself. So stay away from him and have FUN together during weekends.

If men are grumpy 90% of the time it is only ONE thing....You have been having "headache, back ache, PMS, postMS, etc...etc.." on too many days....

You are getting into the Indianess part of your marriage....

true. it was house hunting then football. our very good friends are moving to texas. another friend bought a house 50miles away from here and moved. everything is changing. 
now my marriage is getting old and indianness is kickin in. idk what that means though...the indianness.

Indianess  = = With the shine, newness, fancy gone, you are resigned to the routine and look at marriage as some kind of a duty and chalthe hai.

Sigh. Maybe. I don't like it. Will think of something to fix it.

Beatrix Kiddo wrote:

seven wrote:
i should have understood he doesn't wanna go when he didn't respond on the group. but he should have told me that when i called to ask. when he says yes on my behalf, i dont back off. 

See that's what I meant. Your words, 'should have understood', 'called to ask', 'when he says yes on my behalf, i don't back back off'.

Makes me think you are the one doing it all to keep it a teamwork and adjusting. ok, maybe not 'all', but from this case it looks like it. I am thinking how to change the approach. Maybe call/text him next time in a sitchy like this and say - "hey this sounds like a good idea, will save the cooking too, I think we should go (or I want to go)". Then take it from his response. But do not be in a rush to respond to the friends.

seven wrote:
i guess i am just upset and that's why saying all bad things about him. he is doing his part for moving. today he called and finalized movers and got the locks rekeyed, called and confirmed with pandit ji. i'll go make up now

hope it all worked out

Aside, which one of you initiates the 'let's make up'? The one who is wrong and feeling guilty, or the one who can't take the stress any more. With xh and me, I used to be too ghatiya about it. Rarely said sorry, and got more mad when he would say, 'chalo I said sorry, now you say sorry too'. Kyon bhai, what did I do wrong. haha anyway. Sometimes I knew I screwed up bad. Would be obvious from his cold wall. That's when I would make up. But my style of saying sorry would be - teasing more - dancing around - gale padna. *sigh* Post marriage. He sulks, but I don't give a peace offering. I just behave well and slightly gingerly. But no peace offering. Would be self-destructive to do that. Roothe ho to baithe raho apne ghar mein...

Propagandhi711 wrote:

seven wrote:

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

seven wrote:

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

There is the "keyword".  You did not do anything FUN during weekends bcz you spent all your time with your dh?  you gave the reason yourself. So stay away from him and have FUN together during weekends.

If men are grumpy 90% of the time it is only ONE thing....You have been having "headache, back ache, PMS, postMS, etc...etc.." on too many days....

You are getting into the Indianess part of your marriage....

true. it was house hunting then football. our very good friends are moving to texas. another friend bought a house 50miles away from here and moved. everything is changing. 
now my marriage is getting old and indianness is kickin in. idk what that means though...the indianness.

Indianess  = = With the shine, newness, fancy gone, you are resigned to the routine and look at marriage as some kind of a duty and chalthe hai.

Sigh. Maybe. I don't like it. Will think of something to fix it.

you need to rekindle the fire in your relationship by doing something new. for instance: prostate massage during oral sex

seven wrote:

Propagandhi711 wrote:

seven wrote:

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

seven wrote:
true. it was house hunting then football. our very good friends are moving to texas. another friend bought a house 50miles away from here and moved. everything is changing. 
now my marriage is getting old and indianness is kickin in. idk what that means though...the indianness.

Indianess  = = With the shine, newness, fancy gone, you are resigned to the routine and look at marriage as some kind of a duty and chalthe hai.

Sigh. Maybe. I don't like it. Will think of something to fix it.

you need to rekindle the fire in your relationship by doing something new. for instance: prostate massage during oral sex

You don't even know why we fought. Only Tracy read before I deleted my shikayti post aka my rant.

Propagandhi711 wrote:

seven wrote:

Propagandhi711 wrote:

seven wrote:

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

Indianess  = = With the shine, newness, fancy gone, you are resigned to the routine and look at marriage as some kind of a duty and chalthe hai.

Sigh. Maybe. I don't like it. Will think of something to fix it.

you need to rekindle the fire in your relationship by doing something new. for instance: prostate massage during oral sex

You don't even know why we fought. Only Tracy read before I deleted my shikayti post aka my rant.

the doctor doesnt need to know where you fell, only that your leg is broken and needs to be fixed

seven wrote:

Propagandhi711 wrote:

seven wrote:

Propagandhi711 wrote:

seven wrote:

Sigh. Maybe. I don't like it. Will think of something to fix it.

you need to rekindle the fire in your relationship by doing something new. for instance: prostate massage during oral sex

You don't even know why we fought. Only Tracy read before I deleted my shikayti post aka my rant.

the doctor doesnt need to know where you fell, only that your leg is broken and needs to be fixed

Then maybe this isn't a case of broken leg but umm very vague symptom of something that doctor needs more details on before deciding the treatment. It could be nothing. You are acting like kaiser doctors who start writing prescription as you start to tell them the symptoms.
I go to Palo Alto medical foundation  

seven wrote:

Beatrix Kiddo wrote:Oh well. Could not sleep so played a bit. 

Who is Reba. 

I maybe be wrong judging based on just two examples, but you seem to be doing too much thinking for both and planning for both; consulting him, and then finally adjusting yourself for him. You are bound to get frustrated. I would say, step back and let him be the one taking the initiatives sometimes if not all the times. 

More when I am more cool and collected in the morning. Right now I need to turn off the frikking AC and open the windows. It's not working even at 76.

she is a 40 y/o divorce person who lives next door to her xh and his new wife. a little different but the part about her that's like you is she's friends with her xh and totally cool not being his wife. 

you're right. i should have understood he doesn't wanna go when he didn't respond on the group. but he should have told me that when i called to ask. when he says yes on my behalf, i dont back off. 
i guess i am just upset and that's why saying all bad things about him. he is doing his part for moving. today he called and finalized movers and got the locks rekeyed, called and confirmed with pandit ji. i'll go make up now

sweet dreams

seven wrote:

Beatrix Kiddo wrote:

seven wrote:
i should have understood he doesn't wanna go when he didn't respond on the group. but he should have told me that when i called to ask. when he says yes on my behalf, i dont back off. 

See that's what I meant. Your words, 'should have understood', 'called to ask', 'when he says yes on my behalf, i don't back back off'.

Makes me think you are the one doing it all to keep it a teamwork and adjusting. ok, maybe not 'all', but from this case it looks like it. I am thinking how to change the approach. Maybe call/text him next time in a sitchy like this and say - "hey this sounds like a good idea, will save the cooking too, I think we should go (or I want to go)". Then take it from his response. But do not be in a rush to respond to the friends.

seven wrote:
i guess i am just upset and that's why saying all bad things about him. he is doing his part for moving. today he called and finalized movers and got the locks rekeyed, called and confirmed with pandit ji. i'll go make up now

hope it all worked out

Aside, which one of you initiates the 'let's make up'? The one who is wrong and feeling guilty, or the one who can't take the stress any more. With xh and me, I used to be too ghatiya about it. Rarely said sorry, and got more mad when he would say, 'chalo I said sorry, now you say sorry too'. Kyon bhai, what did I do wrong. haha anyway. Sometimes I knew I screwed up bad. Would be obvious from his cold wall. That's when I would make up. But my style of saying sorry would be - teasing more - dancing around - gale padna. *sigh* Post marriage. He sulks, but I don't give a peace offering. I just behave well and slightly gingerly. But no peace offering. Would be self-destructive to do that. Roothe ho to baithe raho apne ghar mein...

We do make up after but I realized we are fighting/arguing a lot and it started when it us longer than expected to find our house. Had we closed by May, we could have gone on vacation someplace. I'm still upset about it.
You are Leo and so is my DH. I think you guys have tough time saying sorry when you're wrong. I say sorry first mostly. You're right, it's bcz I can't take the stress for too long. Le de ke 2 log hain Ghar mein Aur hum bhi baat na Karein to kaise chalega
He says sorry first too when it's really big fight and I'm hurt and he knows I'm not going to start the peace process.

Beatrix Kiddo wrote:

ohhh zodiac sign par attack, again. maybe they should form a leo-spouse-peedit support group or something. if xh and i were still married, we both would have joined it lol.