Driving in India ... a forward ... funny !

For the benefit of every Tom, Dick and Harry visiting India and daring to drive on Indian roads, I am offering a few friendly tips for survival.
They are applicable to every place in India except Bihar, where life outside a vehicle is only marginally safer.

Indian road rules broadly operate within the domain of karma where you do your best and leave the results to your insurance company.
The tips are as follows:

Do we drive on the left or right side of the road?
The answer is "both".
Basically you start on the left of the road, unless it is occupied.
In that case, go to the right, unless that is also occupied.
You,then proceed by occupying the next available gap, as in chess.
Just trust your instincts, ascertain the direction, and proceed.
Adherence to road rules leads to much misery and occasional fatality.
Most drivers don't drive, but just aim their vehicles in the intended direction.
Don't get discouraged or underestimate yourself except for a belief in reincarnation.
The other drivers are no better
.

Don't stop at pedestrian crossings just because some fool wants to cross the road.
You may do so only if you enjoy being rammed in the back.
Pedestrians have been strictly instructed to cross only when traffic is moving slowly or has come to a dead stop because some minister is in town.
Still some idiot may try to wade across but then, let us not talk ill of the dead.

Blowing your horn is not an intended warning as in some countries.
We honk to express joy, resentment, frustration, romance and bare lust (two brisk blasts), or merely mobilize a dozing cow in the middle of the road.

Keep informative books, girlie mags. in the glove compartment.
You may read them during traffic jams, while awaiting the chief minister's motorcade, or waiting for the monsoon waters to recede when over ground traffic meets underground drainage.

Occasionally you might see what looks like a UFO with blinking coloured lights and weird sounds emanating from within.
This is an illuminated bus, full of happy pilgrims singing bhajans.
These pilgrims go at breakneck speed, seeking contact with the Almighty and often meeting with success.

Auto-rickshaw drivers labour under the illusion they are the Ben Hurs of the 20th century and believe they are also licensed to kill.
These three-wheeled vehicles work on an external combustion engine that runs on a mixture of kerosene oil and creosote.
This triangular vehicle carries iron rods, gas cylinders or passengers three times its weight and dimension, at an unspecified fare.
Their ability to weave in and out of chaotic traffic is really quite amazing.
The only thing more amazing than this is the fact they attract fare paying passengers.

One-way Street: Don't stick to the literal meaning and proceed in one direction.
In metaphysical terms, it means that you cannot proceed in two directions at once.
So drive as you like, in reverse throughout if you are the fussy type.
Rash and fast driving in residential areas has been prevented by providing a "speed breaker"; two for each house.

These mounds, incidentally, cover the water and drainage pipes for that residence and are left untarred for easy identification by the Corporation, should they want to recover the pipe for year-end accounting.

Night driving on Indian roads can be an exhilarating experience (for those with the mental makeup of Genghis Khan).
In a way, it is like playing Russian roulette, because you do not know who amongst the drivers is souped-up.
What looks like premature dawn on the horizon turns out to be a truck attempting a land speed record.
On encountering it, just pull partly into the field adjoining the road until the phenomenon passes.
Our roads do not have hard shoulders, but occasional boulders.
The only dim thing in the truck is the driver and with the pegs of illicit alcohol he has had at the last stop, his total cerebral functions are virtually zero.
Truck drivers are the James Bonds of India, and are licensed to kill.
Often you may encounter a single powerful beam of light about six feet above the ground. This is not a super motorbike, but a truck approaching you with a single light on, usually the left one.
It could be the right one, but never get too close to investigate.
You may prove your point posthumously.
Of course, all this occurs at night, on the trunk roads.
During the daytime, trucks are more visible and less of a hazard.
Only, you will often observe that the cleaner who sits next to the driver, will project his hand and wave hysterically.
This is definitely not to be construed as a signal for a left turn.
The waving is just an impulsive action physical relief on a hot day.

If, after all this, you still want to drive in India, have your lessons between 8 pm and 11 am-when the local constabulary have gone home and the citizen is
then free to enjoy the 'FREEDOM OF SPEED' enshrined in our constitution.

Having said all this, isn't it true that the accident rate and related deaths are less in India compared to US or other European countries!!? ?

looks like you uppilified this old old piece that has been around since the internets were born.

whatever

I found it funny and hence I posted it oh omniscient and all powerful one

Chameli,

Driving (or traveling as a passenger) in India is certainly an exhilarating experience..a joy ride, if one has nothing much to do and a lot of time..and frustrating, only when one is in a hurry to be somewhere on time!

In Chennai, the autorides are something! I don't know how the drivers do it..but, it's almost like they are taking on the buses and huge lorries head on (!) and screech to a halt/or swing by literally inches from them. I pray a lot too.. an autodriver once me.."Madam, the way you were calling out..thought the Lord would be here any moment!" with a wink and laughter ! Since then- I just pray silently! The cab/car drivers are the best current political and movie commentators..just have to ask them one question..that's it, never a dull moment!

Maria

thanks for sharing ur experiences here

Once I was in a cab with a driver who was high on something not alcohol I know

at a stop light he rammed right into the back of another cab. Neither driver got out to examine the damages .I was worried for my cabbie's health

Light turned green he dropped me where I wanted to go .then curled up in the cab and went off to sleep .Good he decided to sleep it off .

cute looking too he was

sigh

Propagandhi711 wrote:looks like you uppilified this old old piece that has been around since the internets were born.

Yeah right

not cool at all of you to say so ..but whats in a name

a zero by any other name is just as rotten