Tendulkar hit by mid-life crisis

by garam_kuta Tue Mar 20, 2012 9:06 am

Tendulkar hit by mid-life crisis

Batsman's behaviour turns erratic after reaching milestone

R Rajkumar

March 20, 2012

Not only is Sachin Tendulkar supposedly batting with more freedom after
finally achieving the long-awaited milestone of a hundred hundreds, he
appears to have taken his new-found lease on life off the pitch as well,
in ways that some observers warn resembles a mid-life crisis.

Tendulkar was recently sighted at a tattoo parlour in one of Dhaka's
largest malls. "I feel like a new man," he said, clapping his hands and
addressing no one in particular. "It's like this huge weight has been
lifted off my chest, and now I get to tattoo it."

Then, despite none in the assembled crowd of mostly horrified teenagers
requesting him to do anything of the sort, Tendulkar removed his
Metallica t-shirt to reveal the tattoo of what appeared to be a
screaming eagle astride a flaming comet from hell on his freshly waxed
chest. Tendulkar revealed the design had been suggested to him by new
best friend Virat Kohli.

"Yeah it's true, we've become, like, BFFs [Best Friends Forever] ever
since Sachin-sir got his hundredth hundred," said a slightly bemused
Kohli, who was on an adjacent table getting a tattoo of Virat Kohli
across his back ("Look, I just wanted to get something that inspired
me").

"I told you not to call me Sachin-sir," said Tendulkar, playfully
wagging a finger at Kohli. "I just want to be thought of as a regular
guy, as the average multimillionaire boy next door. Obviously, 'sir'
will not do. I'd rather be called… well, why don't you tell them,
Virat."

"'Sach-Dawg'," muttered Kohli, looking away. "He wants me to call him 'Sach-Dawg'."

"Oh, are you looking at my hair?" Tendulkar squealed at a frightened
girl. "Well, thank you for noticing, and, why, yes, I did get it permed
yesterday, and today we're getting it highlighted, isn't that right,
Virat?" There was no response from Kohli, who appeared to be wincing in
pain.

Meanwhile back at the team hotel, Tendulkar's wife was seen enquiring after her husband's whereabouts.

"I just don't know what's come over him," she said. "He's been acting
so strange of late. I hope he and Virat aren't getting into any more
trouble. Just last night they were caught by stadium security spreading
superglue on the toilet seats of the opposition dressing room. He's
acting like a ten-year-old. It's like he's Virat's age all of a
sudden."

The Indian team management is said to have made a request to the BCCI to
rope in the services of renowned sports psychologist Rudi Webster, who,
among other things, has in the recent past helped the Kolkata Knight
Riders' players overcome the crushing reality of having to explain to
people they respect that Shah Rukh Khan owns their team.

"It's quite possible that Sachin's in shock," said Webster. "The
pressure of getting the hundred built up to such a degree that, when it
finally came, its impact upon his psyche has made him act out in ways
that are otherwise safely suppressed.

"The best way to deal with someone like this is to humour him until it subsides."

Tendulkar was last seen running up to the Pakistan players while they
were at dinner and sledging them for hours on end, in an apparent
attempt to purge his system of more than two decades worth of pent-up
invective.

R Rajkumar tweets here

All quotes and "facts" in this article are made up, but you knew that already, didn't you?

PS- Matter of fact, I would love to watch him do all these - I 'memeber a picture when everyone in the team sitting on the bench, all their faces turned almost 90 degrees to watch a bony arse walking by, except Sachin who was deeply contemplating.