Marrying a modern woman

Has anyone married a very modern desi woman? Let me give you some background about myself. I got married to my ex-wife before the age of 25, was married for 10 years and divorced at 35 because of many problems. We have a son we share custody. She keeps him most of the time and I get him home two weekends of the month.

For the first two years after my divorce, I spiralled into a severe depression and coped by immersing myself into work. After seeing a therapist for almost a year, I was able to come to accept my divorce and grieved enough to move on. Two years of introspection also made me realize what I did wrong and I have resolved to be a much better husband in my next marriage. At the age of 37, I put up my profile on many websites such as Shaadi.com etc and started talking to and meeting women. It was challenging to find someone who was right for me. I spent many long weekends flying to cities in other states only to reject the lady or be rejected by her. Most women in their twenties were looking for a never married. In their thirties, they were losing their looks or they were divorced. The divorced women without children did not seem interested in me and I did not feel any chemistry with the ones with children. Suddenly, I was looking at the prospect of being alone for the rest of my life.

Then at age 39, I was contacted online by a 41 years old Indian lady who was raised in the U.S. She is never married, she has had about half a dozen relationships in the last 20 years of which some are with whites and I did not think it would work with someone older than me because I want children. I was lonely and she is quite beautiful, so I went out with her. She turned out to be a very nice person. Warm, compassionate, very good nature, good physical compatibility and she has maintained her body and looks well enough to look like she is ten years younger than her age. The only problem is her past. Before her, I was with my ex-wife for ten years who was my first love but she is never married and has had many long relationships. Half a dozen relationships is not too many to her but it is a lot to me.

Another problem is she does not want any children at her age but my parents are eager for me to have a child and even I am eager because I don't get to see my son much. I was wondering if any divorced desis have faxed such similar problems with finding the right match and how you resolved the problem.

divorcedguy wrote:Has anyone married a very modern desi woman? Let me give you some background about myself. I got married to my ex-wife before the age of 25, was married for 10 years and divorced at 35 because of many problems. We have a son we share custody. She keeps him most of the time and I get him home two weekends of the month.

For the first two years after my divorce, I spiralled into a severe depression and coped by immersing myself into work. After seeing a therapist for almost a year, I was able to come to accept my divorce and grieved enough to move on. Two years of introspection also made me realize what I did wrong and I have resolved to be a much better husband in my next marriage. At the age of 37, I put up my profile on many websites such as Shaadi.com etc and started talking to and meeting women. It was challenging to find someone who was right for me. I spent many long weekends flying to cities in other states only to reject the lady or be rejected by her. Most women in their twenties were looking for a never married. In their thirties, they were losing their looks or they were divorced. The divorced women without children did not seem interested in me and I did not feel any chemistry with the ones with children. Suddenly, I was looking at the prospect of being alone for the rest of my life.

Then at age 39, I was contacted online by a 41 years old Indian lady who was raised in the U.S. She is never married, she has had about half a dozen relationships in the last 20 years of which some are with whites and I did not think it would work with someone older than me because I want children. I was lonely and she is quite beautiful, so I went out with her. She turned out to be a very nice person. Warm, compassionate, very good nature, good physical compatibility and she has maintained her body and looks well enough to look like she is ten years younger than her age. The only problem is her past. Before her, I was with my ex-wife for ten years who was my first love but she is never married and has had many long relationships. Half a dozen relationships is not too many to her but it is a lot to me.

Another problem is she does not want any children at her age but my parents are eager for me to have a child and even I am eager because I don't get to see my son much. I was wondering if any divorced desis have faxed such similar problems with finding the right match and how you resolved the problem.

There's a woman here who says she's in the same league as you are and also writes stories. If the two of you get together, both can give birth to a fine novel.

I would have to say no because I have a very nice girlfriend Only problem is I was married to a very traditional lady for ten years and now I am with a very modern one. I am in between somewhere.

southindian wrote:

There's a woman here who says she's in the same league as you are and also writes stories. If the two of you get together, both can give birth to a fine novel.

troll or not, dg sounds like someone I knew recently, but he's older and already married now. *phew*

I am very much unmarried and not the guy you know.

hello rishi

Wouldn't any marriageable desi woman today be modern by definition? I doubt if there are any ancient desi women still breathing, and available for marriage too.

Merlot Daruwala wrote:Wouldn't any marriageable desi woman today be modern by definition? I doubt if there are any ancient desi women still breathing, and available for marriage too.

or somebody has a grandma fetish.

I don't understand why her past should be of concern to you. As long as she doesn't carry the baggage from the past, it should be fine. Past is past. Focus on the present. She seems like a fine lady.

As for her unwillingness to have children and you wanting them..that's a problem. The solution is to convince her to have kid/kids.

Good luck!

divorcedguy wrote:Has anyone married a very modern desi woman?

Nope! Being a "Modern" woman I often (well, not so often) do get thoughts of marrying another "Very" modern woman but till date it has remained only as a thought.

Ekadasi wrote:

divorcedguy wrote:Has anyone married a very modern desi woman?

Nope! Being a "Modern" woman I often (well, not so often) do get thoughts of marrying another "Very" modern woman but till date it has remained only as a thought.

Whole new modern meaning for VaLLi Thirumanam.

I cannot convince her to have our children. At the age of almost 43, she has no interest in changing diapers in her forties and having a teenager in the house in her sixties. I see her point but I am under pressure from my parents to give them a grandchild.

By modern I mean high mileage or too many relationships in her past.

don't u have other siblings who can give ur parents a grandchild? besides, why arent they satisfied with the one u have with ur ex-wife?

if you're an only child then you're screwed. you'll have to kill ur affection for this 43 yr old woman, buy a young wife from bangaldesh or some other place they sell women and be shravan kumar to ur parents.

OR, you could ask them to have another kid and raise HIM to give them the grandchild.

Lol. Maybe the troll forgot a son was mentioned in the OP.

Vidya Bagchi wrote:Lol. Maybe the troll forgot a son was mentioned in the OP.

amateurs i tell ya

I have a son but he lives in another state and I have to drive four hours just to see him on alternate weekends. He has bonded with my ex-wife's new husband and calls him dad. I am completely missing out on my own son's childhood.

divorcedguy wrote:I have a son but he lives in another state and I have to drive four hours just to see him on alternate weekends. He has bonded with my ex-wife's new husband and calls him dad. I am completely missing out on my own son's childhood.

Did you move away four hours or did your ex wife?

divorcedguy wrote:By modern I mean high mileage or too many relationships in her past.

you need to measure the tread depth. was there a LOT of rubber burnt already? skid marks?

divorcedguy wrote:I cannot convince her to have our children. At the age of almost 43, she has no interest in changing diapers in her forties and having a teenager in the house in her sixties. I see her point but I am under pressure from my parents to give them a grandchild.

Yeah. At the age of 43 she will have to go thru a lot of fertility treatments to conceive and even with all those odd; if at all she did - she will blow up after giving birth and all those harmones induced will show their real colors. Just saying...so seems to know her limitations and don't try to convince her. Try convincing your parents...

divorcedguy wrote:I have a son but he lives in another state and I have to drive four hours just to see him on alternate weekends. He has bonded with my ex-wife's new husband and calls him dad. I am completely missing out on my own son's childhood.

then you shouldn't have said its for ur parents that u wanna have more kids.

anyway. marry sm1 young. leave the pretty 43 yr alone.

in the OP post, you said you were 39 and she's 41. Has it been two years since you met her?

I think arranged marriage may be best for you. Why not have your parents look for a suitable bride? An educated small town girl in her 30s who is never married and never in a relationship may suit you the best.

nenu wrote:in the OP post, you said you were 39 and she's 41. Has it been two years since you met her?

I think arranged marriage may be best for you. Why not have your parents look for a suitable bride? An educated small town girl in her 30s who is never married and never in a relationship may suit you the best.

Yes and pliss to expect to be dumped after a decade.

Ekadasi wrote:

nenu wrote:in the OP post, you said you were 39 and she's 41. Has it been two years since you met her?

I think arranged marriage may be best for you. Why not have your parents look for a suitable bride? An educated small town girl in her 30s who is never married and never in a relationship may suit you the best.

Yes and pliss to expect to be dumped after a decade.

Lol! may not even take a decade long.

nenu wrote:in the OP post, you said you were 39 and she's 41. Has it been two years since you met her?

I think arranged marriage may be best for you. Why not have your parents look for a suitable bride? An educated small town girl in her 30s who is never married and never in a relationship may suit you the best.

** no educated woman will marry this monkey. if a woman in her thirties and above tells you she's never been in a rlnsp you have to ask yourself is she has some peronality disorder or asperger's or smtg.

divorcedguy wrote:Has anyone married a very modern desi woman? Let me give you some background about myself. I got married to my ex-wife before the age of 25, was married for 10 years and divorced at 35 because of many problems. We have a son we share custody. She keeps him most of the time and I get him home two weekends of the month.

For the first two years after my divorce, I spiralled into a severe depression and coped by immersing myself into work. After seeing a therapist for almost a year, I was able to come to accept my divorce and grieved enough to move on. Two years of introspection also made me realize what I did wrong and I have resolved to be a much better husband in my next marriage. At the age of 37, I put up my profile on many websites such as Shaadi.com etc and started talking to and meeting women. It was challenging to find someone who was right for me. I spent many long weekends flying to cities in other states only to reject the lady or be rejected by her. Most women in their twenties were looking for a never married. In their thirties, they were losing their looks or they were divorced. The divorced women without children did not seem interested in me and I did not feel any chemistry with the ones with children. Suddenly, I was looking at the prospect of being alone for the rest of my life.

Then at age 39, I was contacted online by a 41 years old Indian lady who was raised in the U.S. She is never married, she has had about half a dozen relationships in the last 20 years of which some are with whites and I did not think it would work with someone older than me because I want children. I was lonely and she is quite beautiful, so I went out with her. She turned out to be a very nice person. Warm, compassionate, very good nature, good physical compatibility and she has maintained her body and looks well enough to look like she is ten years younger than her age. The only problem is her past. Before her, I was with my ex-wife for ten years who was my first love but she is never married and has had many long relationships. Half a dozen relationships is not too many to her but it is a lot to me.

Another problem is she does not want any children at her age but my parents are eager for me to have a child and even I am eager because I don't get to see my son much. I was wondering if any divorced desis have faxed such similar problems with finding the right match and how you resolved the problem.

** why don't you take your sorry ass back to the village and find someone within a five-mile radius of your birthplace to marry? this woman is too good for you. oh, by the way, every woman has a strong desire to be a mother, this one just doesn't like you enough. also, who pays for dinner when you guys go out on a date? do you split or does she pay?

pravalika nanda wrote:

divorcedguy wrote:Has anyone married a very modern desi woman? Let me give you some background about myself. I got married to my ex-wife before the age of 25, was married for 10 years and divorced at 35 because of many problems. We have a son we share custody. She keeps him most of the time and I get him home two weekends of the month.

For the first two years after my divorce, I spiralled into a severe depression and coped by immersing myself into work. After seeing a therapist for almost a year, I was able to come to accept my divorce and grieved enough to move on. Two years of introspection also made me realize what I did wrong and I have resolved to be a much better husband in my next marriage. At the age of 37, I put up my profile on many websites such as Shaadi.com etc and started talking to and meeting women. It was challenging to find someone who was right for me. I spent many long weekends flying to cities in other states only to reject the lady or be rejected by her. Most women in their twenties were looking for a never married. In their thirties, they were losing their looks or they were divorced. The divorced women without children did not seem interested in me and I did not feel any chemistry with the ones with children. Suddenly, I was looking at the prospect of being alone for the rest of my life.

Then at age 39, I was contacted online by a 41 years old Indian lady who was raised in the U.S. She is never married, she has had about half a dozen relationships in the last 20 years of which some are with whites and I did not think it would work with someone older than me because I want children. I was lonely and she is quite beautiful, so I went out with her. She turned out to be a very nice person. Warm, compassionate, very good nature, good physical compatibility and she has maintained her body and looks well enough to look like she is ten years younger than her age. The only problem is her past. Before her, I was with my ex-wife for ten years who was my first love but she is never married and has had many long relationships. Half a dozen relationships is not too many to her but it is a lot to me.

Another problem is she does not want any children at her age but my parents are eager for me to have a child and even I am eager because I don't get to see my son much. I was wondering if any divorced desis have faxed such similar problems with finding the right match and how you resolved the problem.

** why don't you take your sorry ass back to the village and find someone within a five-mile radius of your birthplace to marry? this woman is too good for you. oh, by the way, every woman has a strong desire to be a mother, this one just doesn't like you enough. also, who pays for dinner when you guys go out on a date? do you split or does she pay?

ahem, bitter much?

I now think paying is a big issue. I didn't know that. I usually go easy and split, or at least offer to split. If I ever date again (secret laughter-that-ends-in-a-cry), I will make sure I NEVER pay. Will see how that one goes.

Propagandhi711 wrote:

pravalika nanda wrote:

divorcedguy wrote:Has anyone married a very modern desi woman? Let me give you some background about myself. I got married to my ex-wife before the age of 25, was married for 10 years and divorced at 35 because of many problems. We have a son we share custody. She keeps him most of the time and I get him home two weekends of the month.

For the first two years after my divorce, I spiralled into a severe depression and coped by immersing myself into work. After seeing a therapist for almost a year, I was able to come to accept my divorce and grieved enough to move on. Two years of introspection also made me realize what I did wrong and I have resolved to be a much better husband in my next marriage. At the age of 37, I put up my profile on many websites such as Shaadi.com etc and started talking to and meeting women. It was challenging to find someone who was right for me. I spent many long weekends flying to cities in other states only to reject the lady or be rejected by her. Most women in their twenties were looking for a never married. In their thirties, they were losing their looks or they were divorced. The divorced women without children did not seem interested in me and I did not feel any chemistry with the ones with children. Suddenly, I was looking at the prospect of being alone for the rest of my life.

Then at age 39, I was contacted online by a 41 years old Indian lady who was raised in the U.S. She is never married, she has had about half a dozen relationships in the last 20 years of which some are with whites and I did not think it would work with someone older than me because I want children. I was lonely and she is quite beautiful, so I went out with her. She turned out to be a very nice person. Warm, compassionate, very good nature, good physical compatibility and she has maintained her body and looks well enough to look like she is ten years younger than her age. The only problem is her past. Before her, I was with my ex-wife for ten years who was my first love but she is never married and has had many long relationships. Half a dozen relationships is not too many to her but it is a lot to me.

Another problem is she does not want any children at her age but my parents are eager for me to have a child and even I am eager because I don't get to see my son much. I was wondering if any divorced desis have faxed such similar problems with finding the right match and how you resolved the problem.

** why don't you take your sorry ass back to the village and find someone within a five-mile radius of your birthplace to marry? this woman is too good for you. oh, by the way, every woman has a strong desire to be a mother, this one just doesn't like you enough. also, who pays for dinner when you guys go out on a date? do you split or does she pay?

ahem, bitter much?

** ahem, i'm not bitter. i'm not in my 40s. i'd never consider a divorced guy, those people clearly do not respect or value marriage. i'm also smart enough to see through an idiot like this one in the blink of an eye.
** propa, do you pay for dinner? do you hold the door? do you pay for the concert? just curious.

Pravalika,

If a desi man does not feel comfortable with all the dating business and does not want to marry a woman who had been in a previous relationship, it is perfectly OK.

It is also OK to go home and marry a woman from your village.

You have to know who you are and what you really want.

The problem is quite a few desi men who want to be different from other desis end up making bad choices and screw up their lives.

Madam please calm down. Just because my marriage failed does not mean I don't respect or value marriage. I tried to make my marriage work but it did not. When two people are incompatible, it is nobody's fault. They are not right for each other but may work out fine married to someone else.

err? interesting thread. interesting responses. life is interesting for some, i can see.