you be the judge

by Guest Sun Dec 08, 2013 4:12 pm

Two sets of parents, let's call the fathers as Dad 1 and Dad 2. Both are philanthropic and social and both have done a lot for each other over the years. Dad 2's sister is Dad 1's wife.

Dad 1's younger son (like his wife) is not social, and has snubbed or insulted Dad 2 and Dad 2's son on a number of occassions. Dad 1's older son (like his wife) otoh has helped dad 2's son a lot, and vice versa.

Both dads are travelling to the US to visit their sons, who all live in the US. Dad 1's younger son ask him to bring a lot of stuff for himself, which adds up to be a full bag. Dad 1 is full, dad 2 has room. Dad 1 and older son both ask Dad 2 to take the bag and give it to them in the US, since both were going to be driveable distance from Dad 1's older son. The younger son lived far away, but by the time Dad 1 goes to visit him he would have room in terms of domestic travel baggage.

Dad 2 refuses. To dad 1 he gives a lame excuse that their son lives in a small dwelling and has instructed them to travel very light. This was true. He tells (to others in the family), that if this bag was for other older son of dad 1, he would have taken it without batting an eyelid. But he has no love for younger son of Dad 1 after the way he snubbed him just recently.

This has the family split in 2.

Dad 2's side: High time dad 1's younger son start building his own karma and stop living off his dad's good will. At the age of 38, he can't continue to snub people all the time, and yet expect them to do stuff for him just coz his dad is too nice.

Dad 1's side: Doesn't matter how wrong the younger son is. This request was by the dad, not by the younger son, so Dad 2 should have honoured the requestor (dad 1), not the beneficiary (younger son).

what do u think?

by truthbetold Sun Dec 08, 2013 4:33 pm

Who is carrying the bag? Dad2. He can refuse the request to carry the bag for any reason of his choice.
Dad1 can make note and refuse a similar request in future.

By the way these families have way too much time on their hands and are way too melodramatic about obligations. If these sons are living in usa they seem to be refusing to learn from local culture. One cannot impose requests on other people. If you try to impose it is not a request anymore.

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Sun Dec 08, 2013 4:36 pm

once a couple have their own kids - that too past high school, the couple should deal on their own with any problem - my view.

Dad 2 is right, and Dad 1 is just as bad as te younger son. Instead of telling his own younger son to live with what he has, he was selfish enough to expect others to take care of his n his sons needs.

by Guest Sun Dec 08, 2013 5:03 pm

It's actually XH and I who are discussing this. I am on Dad 2's side, he is on Dad 1's side. This discussion been going on for 3 months. This is one topic when XH has not even 'agreed to disagree with me'.

We just crossed paths on stairs, and I said 'I am right'. He got agitated all over again, followed me to my room, said his 3-4 sentences, I shook my head. This one gonna raise its head every few weeks.

Daughter summarized it today for us: You two are such Leos. Neither of you will ever admit you are wrong.

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Sun Dec 08, 2013 5:12 pm

Tracy Whitney wrote:It's actually XH and I who are discussing this. I am on Dad 2's side, he is on Dad 1's side. This discussion been going on for 3 months. This is one topic when XH has not even 'agreed to disagree with me'.

We just crossed paths on stairs, and I said 'I am right'. He got agitated all over again, followed me to my room, said his 3-4 sentences, I shook my head. This one gonna raise its head every few weeks.

Daughter summarized it today for us: You two are such Leos. Neither of you will ever admit you are wrong.

AAhhhhhhh....such a loving couple.

by Guest Sun Dec 08, 2013 7:18 pm

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:
Tracy Whitney wrote:It's actually XH and I who are discussing this. I am on Dad 2's side, he is on Dad 1's side. This discussion been going on for 3 months. This is one topic when XH has not even 'agreed to disagree with me'.

We just crossed paths on stairs, and I said 'I am right'. He got agitated all over again, followed me to my room, said his 3-4 sentences, I shook my head. This one gonna raise its head every few weeks.

Daughter summarized it today for us: You two are such Leos. Neither of you will ever admit you are wrong.
AAhhhhhhh....such a loving couple.

Escalated to, 'I don't care if Dad 2 said no. I am more shocked that YOU are defending their shallowness. For last 20 years I have known you to have a bigger heart than that. you always said your motto is to forgive but not forget, and I have seen you embody that by forgiving people and giving them a second chance...'

me: 'Sir, considering what a big mess my own life is, I now have more respect for people who don't take nonsense from people who don't deserve it. I wish I could be like that, and you know what, to some extent I am doing that a lot more now'.

him (drama): I am sorry I pushed you to become that person.

by michelle2 Sun Dec 08, 2013 8:23 pm

If this is what marriage is like, it is not for me.

by Guest Sun Dec 08, 2013 8:28 pm

michelle2 wrote:If this is what marriage is like, it is not for me.

haha, i am not a good example of a typical marriage (or even of a typical divorce Sad

)

by michelle2 Sun Dec 08, 2013 8:55 pm

Tracy Whitney wrote:
michelle2 wrote:If this is what marriage is like, it is not for me.
haha, i am not a good example of a typical marriage (or even of a typical divorce )

I think you may be. From what I have heard and seen, Indian marriages seem to be a mixture of self-interest, interpersonal manipulations, and tensions among the members of two families. They are rarely about love, affection, fun, loyalty, devotion, or support between the two who married each other. I admit there is some loyalty and devotion, but those feelings seem to be one-sided, of the wife, towards the husband, mostly to fulfill societal expectations. All this disappoints and scares me.

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Sun Dec 08, 2013 9:23 pm

michelle2 wrote:
Tracy Whitney wrote:
michelle2 wrote:If this is what marriage is like, it is not for me.
haha, i am not a good example of a typical marriage (or even of a typical divorce )
I think you may be. From what I have heard and seen, Indian marriages seem to be a mixture of self-interest, interpersonal manipulations, and tensions among the members of two families. They are rarely about love, affection, fun, loyalty, devotion, or support between the two who married each other. I admit there is some loyalty and devotion, but those feelings seem to be one-sided, of the wife, towards the husband, mostly to fulfill societal expectations. All this disappoints and scares me.

This is utter sexism... I think "those feelings of loyalty and devotion seem to be one-sided, of the husband, towards the wife..."

Men are so loyal even if they have more than one wife and/or sidees.

by Sponsored content

you be the judge

you be the judge

Re: you be the judge

Re: you be the judge

Re: you be the judge

Re: you be the judge

Re: you be the judge

Re: you be the judge

Re: you be the judge

Re: you be the judge

Re: you be the judge

Re: you be the judge