independent married people; a dream

by seven Sat Oct 03, 2015 12:39 pm

Sridevi likes to wear short skirts. she's outgoing and makes friends easily. Anil doesn't like attention sridevi gets from his friends and others. they fight all the time about her short skirt or work friends.

he likes to eat chicken and it's her strong desire that he gave it up. they fight about it all the time.

how can people stop others from doing what they want to do. it's just so unfair. it boils my blood.

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Sat Oct 03, 2015 12:48 pm

well... stop wearing mini-skirts as he stopped eating chicken (is he allowed to eat Beef?)

by seven Sat Oct 03, 2015 12:51 pm

No. Why can't people just let others do what they want even if they don't like it. It's called respecting other people's choices.
Lectures on respect n honor can take a hike.

by confuzzled dude Sat Oct 03, 2015 1:45 pm

seven wrote:No. Why can't people just let others do what they want even if they don't like it. It's called respecting other people's choices.
Lectures on respect n honor can take a hike.

Because he/she thinks owns the other person.

by Kris Sat Oct 03, 2015 6:28 pm

seven wrote:Sridevi likes to wear short skirts. she's outgoing and makes friends easily. Anil doesn't like attention sridevi gets from his friends and others. they fight all the time about her short skirt or work friends.

he likes to eat chicken and it's her strong desire that he gave it up. they fight about it all the time.

how can people stop others from doing what they want to do. it's just so unfair. it boils my blood.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sridevi#/media/File:Sridevi,_Boney_Kapoor_at_Esha_Deol%27s_wedding_reception_02.jpg

I think it is of utmost importance that they listen to each other. As I told you in the other thread about Simran/Sherry, people don't have strong opinions without a reason Smile

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Sat Oct 03, 2015 6:40 pm

Kris wrote:
seven wrote:Sridevi likes to wear short skirts. she's outgoing and makes friends easily. Anil doesn't like attention sridevi gets from his friends and others. they fight all the time about her short skirt or work friends.

he likes to eat chicken and it's her strong desire that he gave it up. they fight about it all the time.

how can people stop others from doing what they want to do. it's just so unfair. it boils my blood.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sridevi#/media/File:Sridevi,_Boney_Kapoor_at_Esha_Deol%27s_wedding_reception_02.jpg

I think it is of utmost importance that they listen to each other. As I told you in the other thread about Simran/Sherry, people don't have strong opinions without a reason

hey...now u know why i hv a strong opinion on every issue... Razz

by seven Sat Oct 03, 2015 6:54 pm

Sure. Strong reason being Anil being insecure. He should join a gym and quit being insecure n imposing his wishes on sridevi.

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Sat Oct 03, 2015 7:22 pm

seven wrote:Sure. Strong reason being Anil being insecure. He should join a gym and quit being insecure n imposing his wishes on sridevi.

I hope Sridevi also practices what she preaches and stop interfering in Anil's life by asking him not to eat Non-veg, beef or chicken.

by truthbetold Sat Oct 03, 2015 8:15 pm

Anil may be concerned that short skirts attract wrong kind of attention and put Sri devi in harm's way or earn her a slut image with in their social and family circles. Is that a logical reason for Anil to suggest a change in attire?

by swapna Sat Oct 03, 2015 10:09 pm

seven wrote:Sridevi likes to wear short skirts. she's outgoing and makes friends easily. Anil doesn't like attention sridevi gets from his friends and others. they fight all the time about her short skirt or work friends.

he likes to eat chicken and it's her strong desire that he gave it up. they fight about it all the time.

how can people stop others from doing what they want to do. it's just so unfair. it boils my blood.

I see. are anil and sridevi friends of yours?

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Sat Oct 03, 2015 10:37 pm

swapna wrote:
seven wrote:Sridevi likes to wear short skirts. she's outgoing and makes friends easily. Anil doesn't like attention sridevi gets from his friends and others. they fight all the time about her short skirt or work friends.

he likes to eat chicken and it's her strong desire that he gave it up. they fight about it all the time.

how can people stop others from doing what they want to do. it's just so unfair. it boils my blood.
I see. are anil and sridevi friends of yours?

Highly and absolutely irrelevant question.

by swapna Sun Oct 04, 2015 12:22 am

seven wrote:Sridevi likes to wear short skirts. she's outgoing and makes friends easily.

why does your friend like to wear short skirts? her husband doesn't wear short skirts, does he? in that case, why does she? is she trying to attract other men?

by seven Sun Oct 04, 2015 1:05 am

truthbetold wrote:Anil may be concerned that short skirts attract wrong kind of attention and put Sri devi in harm's way or earn her a slut image with in their social and family circles. Is that a logical reason for Anil to suggest a change in attire?

The issue I'm trying to highlight here is people's unreasonability in imposing their norms on their SOs.
How can you stop someone from doing what you know they want to do.

How do you deal with such unfairness. I know what I would do. I'd do what I want to do. The controlling SO will have to deal with it. No one should have to kill their desires or restrict themselves for others.

For example, tbt, if Anil asked sridevi to quit her job n stay at home bcz raising kids is a great responsibility n *her* responsibility, knowing very well that sridevi loves to go out n work more than staying home.

Or if sridevi checked Anil's phone, questioned texts from girls he studied with. Insisted he stops hanging out with his friends, not let him spend money on his mom/sis/bro...family.

Making your SOs life difficult by not letting them do things that make them happy. That is the issue I'm talking about.

by FluteHolder Sun Oct 04, 2015 2:32 am

by Kris Sun Oct 04, 2015 2:52 am

seven wrote:Sure. Strong reason being Anil being insecure. He should join a gym and quit being insecure n imposing his wishes on sridevi.

>>>You didn't see the pic (the one to which I posted the link). Did you? The entire male population on the planet may protest that SriDevi in a miniskirt. Smile

On a serious note, there is not info here. It is of course possible these are real people you know and the Anil you know may well be insecure. In that case, I would be curious to know their age bracket Smile

. If you are talking on a hypothetical basis, it is possible there are other reasons. For instance, he may think miniskirts are unflattering on her and doesn't want to state that explicitly. She may be a vegetarian repulsed by meat in her home or that he is gorging on unhealthy KFC meals. As TBT points out, he/she may also think that the other's position may not go well in their social circles. In general, when you are in a marriage or a serious relationship, there is no such thing as total freedom, but people work out compromises as a work-around on these pet peeves and save the arrows for bigger battles.

by truthbetold Sun Oct 04, 2015 6:13 am

Seven,

As Kris pointed out marriage or any union of two people requires some compromise and some loss of individuality. (just like two tires on motor cycles, they have to work in tandem to keep the cycle moving).

The role of men and women in a marriage is evolving even in so called advanced societies such as USA. India is still a male dominated society with men enjoying too much free service ( hot coffee 5 or six times a day to your chair - Here I make my own coffee very day). So no point in starting there. In USA, you probably see a variety of relationships. I have seen extremes such as both spouses live like room mates who share few things in life to sati savitri. But extremes make up small percentage of totals.

Best tool is honest and open communication. Expect the dialogue to go on for several sessions. Allow partner time to rethink. Avoid hostility and bitterness in case of disagreement. Such attitude solidifies the other partner defenses shutting down paths for slow and evolutionary change. Think in terms of months and years instead of days and weeks.

Change is possible but needs effort and it takes time.

by swapna Sun Oct 04, 2015 10:57 am

it is possible that anil finds a sridevi in a miniskirt aesthetically unappealing, and therefore does not want her to wear miniskirts. just now, I saw a photograph of her; she's a large woman with the large, robust legs and thighs of a hardworking, farmer's wife in a rural society.

does that mean that anil may force sridevi to stop wearing miniskirts? I don't think he should or can, but he may be trying to persuade her.

will he succeed? it's possible, because he may be in a persuasive position, for they are married to each other, and each wants something from the other, including love and emotional support.

neither you nor anyone else knows what exactly sridevi and anil want and what their negotiating positions are. what surely seems odd, unintelligent, and tasteless is that you are so concerned with the private lives of distant strangers.

by Guest Sun Oct 04, 2015 11:06 am

swapna wrote:it is possible that anil finds a sridevi in a miniskirt aesthetically unappealing, and therefore does not want her to wear miniskirts. just now, I saw a photograph of her; she's a large woman with the large, robust legs and thighs of a hardworking, farmer's wife in a rural society.

does that mean that anil may force sridevi to stop wearing miniskirts? I don't think he should or can, but he may be trying to persuade her.

will he succeed? it's possible, because he may be in a persuasive position, for they are married to each other, and each wants something from the other, including love and emotional support.

neither you nor anyone else knows what exactly sridevi and anil want and what their negotiating positions are. what surely seems odd, unintelligent, and tasteless is that you are so concerned with the private lives of distant strangers.

do you write all this purposely to bait people to come and remind you of the irony of it?

by swapna Sun Oct 04, 2015 11:22 am

Beatrix Kiddo wrote:
swapna wrote:it is possible that anil finds a sridevi in a miniskirt aesthetically unappealing, and therefore does not want her to wear miniskirts. just now, I saw a photograph of her; she's a large woman with the large, robust legs and thighs of a hardworking, farmer's wife in a rural society.

does that mean that anil may force sridevi to stop wearing miniskirts? I don't think he should or can, but he may be trying to persuade her.

will he succeed? it's possible, because he may be in a persuasive position, for they are married to each other, and each wants something from the other, including love and emotional support.

neither you nor anyone else knows what exactly sridevi and anil want and what their negotiating positions are. what surely seems odd, unintelligent, and tasteless is that you are so concerned with the private lives of distant strangers.

do you write all this purposely to bait people to come and remind you of the irony of it?

my post seems to have hit you hard. I hadn't intended it to. perhaps you will consider doing something enjoyable or useful today.

by seven Sun Oct 04, 2015 3:59 pm

let's not get fixated on the example. The point is some people impose their wishes on others and sometimes it can be against the other person's will.
Or maybe let's use the example. If she wants to dress in a short skirt, she has every right to do so. if he thinks she dresses like a slut, it's again her choice, her body. and how dare he!
If she married him knowing he likes chicken, she shouldn't force him to give up now.

Just know that your SO is an individual with their own likes/dislikes/dreams/wishes. There are things you do that they don't approve of too. Stopping someone from doing what they want to do is hitlerish.

Marriage/any committed relationship should not mean you have to give up on your happiness because other person can't deal with it.

Different people react differently to such demands. Their reaction is key to their happiness. if they entertain such impositions because they think they are that other wheel tbt mentions above, they are creating a very difficult unhappy future for themselves.

Asking your SO to not do what they want to do or you'll be upset should not be a wheel-stopper thing.

@tbt - i agree marriage/union does mean some loss of individuality. I'm all for the compromise both partners have to make in order for their relationship to work. I'm saying that feeling of compromise should come from the person making the compromise. Not imposed on them by their SO.
Both partners should consider their SOs feelings before doing something. If they don't or if after comparing their SOs feelings towards chicken Vs their desire to eat one, they decide to eat chicken, they shouldn't be forced to not eat it.

by southindian Sun Oct 04, 2015 7:40 pm

swapna wrote:it is possible that anil finds a sridevi in a miniskirt aesthetically unappealing, and therefore does not want her to wear miniskirts. just now, I saw a photograph of her; she's a large woman with the large, robust legs and thighs of a hardworking, farmer's wife in a rural society.

does that mean that anil may force sridevi to stop wearing miniskirts? I don't think he should or can, but he may be trying to persuade her.

will he succeed? it's possible, because he may be in a persuasive position, for they are married to each other, and each wants something from the other, including love and emotional support.

neither you nor anyone else knows what exactly sridevi and anil want and what their negotiating positions are. what surely seems odd, unintelligent, and tasteless is that you are so concerned with the private lives of distant strangers.

Look who is talking. LOL

Thomas, hope you are felling better. Do you realize you do the same here all the time. Odd... isn't it.

by bw Sun Oct 04, 2015 8:19 pm

who is this sridevi? the actress or just a random name?

by swapna Sun Oct 04, 2015 10:14 pm

you wasted the valuable time of our expert political analyst, sooth-be-sold, by your obfuscation and prevarication. you should have openly stated that your post partum disgruntlement was due to mr seven's unhelpfulness in taking care of the baby.

I would certainly have stayed away, and let uppiliamma and the other obstetricians and wet nurses of ch provide you the necessary midwifery. these matronly beings of ch, nearly all of them middle-aged, balding men, would have gladly changed, cleaned, bathed, and breast-fed - hahaha, bimaru brie comes readily to mind - both the baby and you.

there is, of course, a rather easy way for each partner in a marriage to achieve nearly total independence from each other and still stay married, but that requires that one - male or female - liberate oneself from the hegemony of the typical, indian parent

i shall discuss that possibility, should the opportunity arise, instead of encroaching on our resident obgyns' sacred territory.

my best to new mothers and new babies.

by garam_kuta Sun Oct 04, 2015 10:56 pm

.....matronly beings of ch, nearly all of them middle-aged, balding men....

balding where? both sides of the head or just at the back? tells great deal about the unkil, you know Wink

by Seva Lamberdar Mon Oct 05, 2015 8:31 am

seven wrote:Sridevi likes to wear short skirts. she's outgoing and makes friends easily. Anil doesn't like attention sridevi gets from his friends and others. they fight all the time about her short skirt or work friends.

he likes to eat chicken and it's her strong desire that he gave it up. they fight about it all the time.

how can people stop others from doing what they want to do. it's just so unfair. it boils my blood.

Why are Anil and Sridevi fighting about what she likes to wear etc.? What should matter is what her husband thinks about this?

by Propagandhi711 Mon Oct 05, 2015 9:00 am

swapna wrote:
there is, of course, a rather easy way for each partner in a marriage to achieve nearly total independence from each other and still stay married, but that requires that one - male or female - liberate oneself from the hegemony of the typical, indian parent

those are wise words borne out of personal experience I presume, didnt roshni leave you and move to OC, california with the loafer-slacker and double D cups back in early 90s?

by pravalika nanda Mon Oct 05, 2015 9:48 am

bw wrote:who is this sridevi? the actress or just a random name?

The girl's name is probably "Sheetal" but Seven was being inclusive and chose a Southern Indina name. As for the remainder of the content I haven't figured out yet what's going on. Somewhere I saw the word "hegemony" so maybe I'll get back to this later.

by seven Mon Oct 05, 2015 4:55 pm

Seva Lamberdar wrote:
seven wrote:Sridevi likes to wear short skirts. she's outgoing and makes friends easily. Anil doesn't like attention sridevi gets from his friends and others. they fight all the time about her short skirt or work friends.

he likes to eat chicken and it's her strong desire that he gave it up. they fight about it all the time.

how can people stop others from doing what they want to do. it's just so unfair. it boils my blood.
Why are Anil and Sridevi fighting about what she likes to wear etc.? What should matter is what her husband thinks about this?

Well seva I was trying to talk about how when some people try to impose their wishes on others, my blood boils. But somehow everyone is fixated on the examples I chose.

by seven Mon Oct 05, 2015 5:02 pm

bw wrote:who is this sridevi? the actress or just a random name?

Her real name is Sheetal. I changed it fir privacy reasons. She works for Zynga. She's Isa Arfen of the video game world.

So you see why Anil's objection is SO outrageous.

by Guest Mon Oct 05, 2015 7:02 pm

i know a couple like that… year after year the wife's hem line raised up and neck line plunged. super conservative/possessive husband… takes time, and eventually she learned that daily morning sex helps a lot of situations. thasall. people make their own choices and compromises. no one else can do much about it.

this is just one example. i have plenty more, but this is the one i recently talked about.

by seven Mon Oct 05, 2015 8:10 pm

Beatrix Kiddo wrote:i know a couple like that… year after year the wife's hem line raised up and neck line plunged. super conservative/possessive husband… takes time, and eventually she learned that daily morning sex helps a lot of situations. thasall. people make their own choices and compromises. no one else can do much about it.

this is just one example. i have plenty more, but this is the one i recently talked about.

Always wear high neck, full sleeve or full neck quarter sleeve tops with short skirts. That's like the basic abc of wearing short skirts.

You're not suggesting daily morning sex is the cure to controlling behavior in committed relationships, are you? If it's so easy then why haven't more people discovered it?

by Guest Mon Oct 05, 2015 8:26 pm

seven wrote:
Beatrix Kiddo wrote:i know a couple like that… year after year the wife's hem line raised up and neck line plunged. super conservative/possessive husband… takes time, and eventually she learned that daily morning sex helps a lot of situations. thasall. people make their own choices and compromises. no one else can do much about it.

this is just one example. i have plenty more, but this is the one i recently talked about.
Always wear high neck, full sleeve or full neck quarter sleeve tops with short skirts. That's like the basic abc of wearing short skirts.

You're not suggesting daily morning sex is the cure to controlling behavior in committed relationships, are you? If it's so easy then why haven't more people discovered it?

in general, over many years, the length of dresses became shorter, neckline lower, and shoulders turned into narrow straps and then went missing altogether… not ALL at the same time lol. she's not a slut.

That particular marriage evolved over time, even though what i said was in one simple line. Life is complicated, marriage even more. Those new patterns (I won't call it a cure) may have worked for that marriage based on what their social life is, how long they had been married, and what part sex played in their marriage, among many other variables. Definitely can't be a cure for all. I can already see one another couple i know in which the guy would turn around and call her manipulative if she decides to push him into sex everyday with the sole intention of letting her do what she wants.

Like I said, people make their own choices and compromises. For some, a dialog may work; for others, doing things slowly and peacefully works; and yet for others, you either fight or you walk out. There should be a willingness for it if you wanna make it together. You weigh out your feelings and options. The one thing I learned from my marriage is - doesn't matter if you are right or wrong if you are going to rub it in your own partner's face all the time. It's a marriage, not a contest. Independence, freedom, liberty, what not, are just the words of the self-righteous minds. Say them all you want, it won't help if you want to live and love together. You either embody the freedom and live it, and find the right person who values it; or you learn to slowly adjust, one step at a time, which the couple in my example did.

by bw Mon Oct 05, 2015 8:39 pm

seven wrote:
bw wrote:who is this sridevi? the actress or just a random name?

Her real name is Sheetal. I changed it fir privacy reasons. She works for Zynga. She's Isa Arfen of the video game world.

So you see why Anil's objection is SO outrageous.

zynga? isa arfen? pleading ignorance here.

hope she isn't wearing "clothes that are too young for her" (maugham used this to describe a character) and whenever i see an older woman wearing teenager-ish clothes, this expression comes to my mind.

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