Re: jokes thread (english, hindi, tamil telugu etc.)

[harharmahadev]

Teacher to Student: how many planets are there?
Student: mars,venus,jupiter.
Teacher: Aur batao?!
Student : Bas sab badiya, aap sunao!

[Guest]

Teacher to Student: how many planets are there?
Student: mars,venus,jupiter.
Teacher: Aur batao?!
Student : Bas sab badiya, aap sunao!

[Guest]

Khatarnaak Dosti:

Main ghar der se pahuncha tho Dad ne pucha: "Kahan tha tu?"
Maine kaha: "Friend k yahan tha."
Dad ne mere hi saamne mere 10 doston ko call kiya.
...4 ne kaha: "Haan Uncle, Yahin par tha."
2 ne kaha: "Abhi just nikla hai."
3 ne kaha: "Yahin hai Uncle, Padh raha hai, Phone du kya?"
1 ne tho hadh hi kar di, kaha: "Haan Papa bolo kya hua"...!!!
X_X=)).
(Abb bolo har ek frend jaroori hota hai):p=))

[Guest]

ye joke suna hua hai kinnu aunty. reading it a second time made me cry.

[Rekz]

Khatarnaak Dosti:

Main ghar der se pahuncha tho Dad ne pucha: "Kahan tha tu?"
Maine kaha: "Friend k yahan tha."
Dad ne mere hi saamne mere 10 doston ko call kiya.
...4 ne kaha: "Haan Uncle, Yahin par tha."
2 ne kaha: "Abhi just nikla hai."
3 ne kaha: "Yahin hai Uncle, Padh raha hai, Phone du kya?"
1 ne tho hadh hi kar di, kaha: "Haan Papa bolo kya hua"...!!!
X_X=)).
(Abb bolo har ek frend jaroori hota hai):p=))

[Guest]

ye joke suna hua hai kinnu aunty. reading it a second time made me cry.

Need a Kleenex, SS uncle?

[Guest]

Rekz, how do you put that pic (avatar?) that's above your handle name?

[Guest]

kinuu aunty, click "profile" at the top of your page. then click the tab "avatar" till you see something like this:



then click "browse" to upload your image. you are so dumb (joke!).

[Guest]

Got it. Thnx.

[artood2]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-14646532



The top 10 festival funnies were judged to be:

1) Nick Helm: "I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves."

2) Tim Vine: "Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels."

3) Hannibal Buress: "People say 'I'm taking it one day at a time'. You know what? So is everybody. That's how time works."

4) Tim Key: "Drive-Thru McDonalds was more expensive than I thought... once you've hired the car..."

5) Matt Kirshen: "I was playing chess with my friend and he said, 'Let's make this interesting'. So we stopped playing chess."

6) Sarah Millican: "My mother told me, you don't have to put anything in your mouth you don't want to. Then she made me eat broccoli, which felt like double standards."

7) Alan Sharp: "I was in a band which we called The Prevention, because we hoped people would say we were better than The Cure."

Mark Watson: "Someone asked me recently - what would I rather give up, food or sex. Neither! I'm not falling for that one again, wife."

9) Andrew Lawrence: "I admire these phone hackers. I think they have a lot of patience. I can't even be bothered to check my OWN voicemails."

10) DeAnne Smith: "My friend died doing what he loved ... Heroin."

[charvaka]

Was this a PJ contest? Or did they have a total of just 10 entries to rank-order?

[artood2]

Was this a PJ contest? Or did they have a total of just 10 entries to rank-order?

This is Brit sense of humour.

[.|Sublime|.]

Was this a PJ contest? Or did they have a total of just 10 entries to rank-order?

This is Brit sense of humour.

are you saying that carvaka does not have a sense of humor?

these look like bits from stand up comedy.

[artood2]

That is stand up comedy. too many questions for jokes. There should be a rule for this thread. No queries allowed.

[Another Brick]

why congress would have been happy if hazare was a married man -

"where do you think you are going?"
"why are you fasting? why you are fasting alone? maine itni mehnat se sattu ke paranthe banaye hai."
"i don't like your friend kejriwal. don't spend too much time with him."
"and who is that dian with short hair with you? are you sleeping with her? hey bhagwan mere to bhaag phuT gaye."
"pay the electricity bill first, mr gandhi II. then think about the lokpal bill."
"first fix the faucet and then fix the country. bade aayen country ko sudharne wale."
"i asked you to bring babloo a cricket cap. you forgot that and you are wearing this cap like a child. apni umr to dekho jara."

[Merlot Daruwala]

[Propagandhi711]

why congress would have been happy if hazare was a married man -

"where do you think you are going?"
"why are you fasting? why you are fasting alone? maine itni mehnat se sattu ke paranthe banaye hai."
"i don't like your friend kejriwal. don't spend too much time with him."
"and who is that dian with short hair with you? are you sleeping with her? hey bhagwan mere to bhaag phuT gaye."
"pay the electricity bill first, mr gandhi II. then think about the lokpal bill."
"first fix the faucet and then fix the country. bade aayen country ko sudharne wale."
"i asked you to bring babloo a cricket cap. you forgot that and you are wearing this cap like a child. apni umr to dekho jara."

LOLLLLLL

[Guest]

That is stand up comedy. too many questions for jokes. There should be a rule for this thread. No queries allowed.

yea na lol why make a joke die twice

[Guest]

Teacher to Student: how many planets are there?
Student: mars,venus,jupiter.
Teacher: Aur batao?!
Student : Bas sab badiya, aap sunao!

funny joke about 'aur batao' syndrome )

[Guest]

A Newly Weded Girl On Phone: Maa, toDay we Had a Fight....

Mothr: Oh Dear,
Pati Patni Me Dis Hapens Sumtyms..

Girl:Ok I Undrstand Par Ab LAASH Ka Kya Karu...?

two funny jokes mahadev! way to go :-bd

[Another Brick]

santa - ye lo ji, yeh bees hazar mere account me jama kar do.

cashier - paaji, yeh to nakli note hai. yeh nahi chalenge. dusre leke aao.

santa - o ttteri.... main mere account me jama kar raha hoon. nakli ho ya asli. tujh ko us se kya matlab?

[Guest]

hahaha

[Bittu]

ek aadmi doctor ke paas jata hai aur bolta hai, "ek badi problem
hai..mein jab bhi sheeshe ko dekhta hoon, mera L khada ho jata hai".
Doctor bolta hai, "yeh koi beemari nahi, teri shakal hi choot jaisi
hai!"

[harharmahadev]

My society watchman drinks every night on duty.......
Reason: .
.
.
.
.
.
.
Instructions given to his Supervisor by the Secretary were ..."Security has to be always TIGHT....=)) !!

[harharmahadev]

ek aadmi doctor ke paas jata hai aur bolta hai, "ek badi problem
hai..mein jab bhi sheeshe ko dekhta hoon, mera L khada ho jata hai".
Doctor bolta hai, "yeh koi beemari nahi, teri shakal hi choot jaisi
hai!"

[Guest]

Bunty and Pinky were alone in a car.
Pinky: aaj main tumhe woh jagah dikhaungi jahan par mujhe polio ka injection laga tha.
Bunty: **very excited at this min**

Pinky: woh dekho Kamla Hospital

Bunty:



7:

[Another Brick]

hahaha, shaven.

[Another Brick]

a couple of questions to indian women

1) what are your thoughts on sleeping with a total stranger?

Answer - Yuck. Eww. Gross. Unthinkable. Never. Ghar me ma, bahen nahi hai kya tere, saale?

2) What are your thoughts on arranged marriages?

Answer - Yeah. Totally. What's there to think about? Winner.

[Guest]

ek aadmi ko raste me patthar mila. us par likha tha, "isse palat do, tum kuch ban jaoge." jaise hi usne palta, dusri taraf likha tha, "mubarak ho! tum chutiya ban gaye!"

--------------------------

madam ki 3 panty kho gayeen to usne apni naukrani pe ilzam lagaya.

naukrani ro ro ke boli -- sahib, aap to kuch boliye na, aapko to pata hai mein kuch nahin pehntee.

[Another Brick]

hahaha

Wife - dinner's ready
Husband - most commendable, sweet old thing. what are my choices?
Wife - yes and no.

[Bittu]

ek aadmi ko raste me patthar mila. us par likha tha, "isse palat do, tum kuch ban jaoge." jaise hi usne palta, dusri taraf likha tha, "mubarak ho! tum chutiya ban gaye!"

lol good one

[harharmahadev]

ek aadmi ko raste me patthar mila. us par likha tha, "isse palat do, tum kuch ban jaoge." jaise hi usne palta, dusri taraf likha tha, "mubarak ho! tum chutiya ban gaye!"

--------------------------

madam ki 3 panty kho gayeen to usne apni naukrani pe ilzam lagaya.

naukrani ro ro ke boli -- sahib, aap to kuch boliye na, aapko to pata hai mein kuch nahin pehntee.

rofl

[Guest]

a few jokes in a time of economic gloom.

Bush & Obama were sitting in a bar.
Bush to a guy: We are planning for World War III
Guy: Really! What's gonna happen?
Bush: Well, this time we are going to kill 140 million Pakistanis & Angelina Jolie
Guy: Angelina jolie? Huh? But why...?
Bush turns to obama & winks : I told you, no one would worry about 140 million pakistanis. :-)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ek Raja shikar par gya.
Usne ek hirni dekhi.
Hirni ka nam 'TERI' tha.

Raja ne usko goli mar di.
TERI zakhmi ho gai or tadapne lagi,

Raja jaldi se TERI ke paas gya lekin TERI ghode ke pairon ke niche aakar mar gayi

Ab
Sawal ye he ki

TERI kisne maari?

RAJA ne ya GHODE ne?

Jaldi bata...

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

teacher to bachon -- is table par tea kisne girayi? is sentence ko dilli ki bhasha me bolo
student -- kis behen ke lund ne table par apni maa chudwaii hai?

[Guest]

a few jokes in a time of economic gloom.

Bush & Obama were sitting in a bar.
Bush to a guy: We are planning for World War III
Guy: Really! What's gonna happen?
Bush: Well, this time we are going to kill 140 million Pakistanis & Angelina Jolie
Guy: Angelina jolie? Huh? But why...?
Bush turns to obama & winks : I told you, no one would worry about 140 million pakistanis. :-)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

LOL!

[Guest]

he he kinnu aunty. well, the next one is dedicated to you
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sardar to Wife-: Oye, tere boobs raton raat itne vadde kaise ho gaye?
Wife: Oh ji! tussi aaj phir daru pee ke gand chaat rahe ho...

[Guest]

Page 6's got a few funny ones!

[Bittu]

How I know my neighbor is definitely from India:

https://imgur.com/o7NH7

[Guest]

ASTRONOMER:
... rearrange the letters
MOON STARER

DESPERATION:
rearrange the letters
A ROPE ENDS IT

THE EYES:
rearrange the letters
THEY SEE

GEORGE BUSH:
rearrange the letters
HE BUGS GORE

THE MORSE CODE:
rearrange the letters
HERE COME DOTS

DORMITORY:
rearrange the letters
DIRTY ROOM

SLOT MACHINES:
rearrange the letters
CASH LOST IN ME

ANIMOSITY:
rearrange the letters
IS NO AMITY

ELECTION RESULTS:
rearrange the letters
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT

SNOOZE ALARMS:
rearrange the letters
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S

A DECIMAL POINT:
rearrange the letters:
I'M A DOT IN PLACE

THE EARTHQUAKES:
rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE

ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
rearrange the letters
TWELVE PLUS ONE

AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:

MOTHER-IN-LAW:
rearrange the letters
WOMAN HITLER

[harharmahadev]

Beemar Employee se uski biwi boli - Iss bar koi janwaro ke doctor kodikhao tabhi aap theek hoge…
Pati - Woh kyon ?
Biwi - Roz Subah Murge ki tarah jaldi uthh jate ho...
Ghode ki tarah bhag ke office chale jate ho...
Gadhe ki tarah dinbhar kaam karte ho...
Lomdi ki tarah idhar-udhar se information batorkar Report banate ho...
Bandar ki tarah boss ke ishare par nachte ho...
Ghar aakar pariwar per kutte ki tarah chillate ho,
aur fir Bhainse kitarah so jate ho.
Insaano ka doctor tumhe kya khakh thik kar payega..!!

[Guest]

https://www.facebook.com/#!/photo.php?fbid=227667710623297&set=a.101819159874820.2381.101817199875016&type=1&theater

[Guest]

Rajni Mania…Rajnikanth was bragging to Amitabh Bachan one day, “You know, I know... everyone. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them. Tired of his boasting, Amitabh Bachan called his bluff, “OK, Rajini how about Tom Cruise?” “Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it” Rajini said.
So Rajini and Amitabh Bachan fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise’s door,
And sure enough, ...Tom Cruise shouts : “Thalaiva! Great to see you! You And your friends come right in and join me for lunch!”
…Although impressed, Amitabh Bachan is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise’s house, he tells Rajini that he thinks Rajini knowing Cruise was
Just lucky.
“No, no, just name anyone else” Rajini says
…”President Obama”, Amitabh Bachan quickly retorts
…”Yes”, Rajini says, “I know him.
And off they go. At the White House, Obama spots Rajini on the tour and motions him, saying, : “Rajini, what a surprise, I was just on my way
to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let’s have a cup of
coffee first and catch up”.
Well, Amitabh Bachan is much shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave the White House grounds, he implores him to
name anyone else.
“The Pope,” Amitabh Bachan replies
…”Sure!” says Rajini, “My folks are from Italy and I’ve known the Pope a long time”.
Rajini and Amitabh Bachan are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Rajini says, “This will never work. I can’t catch the Pope’s eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I’ll come out on the balcony with the Pope.”
And he disappears into the crowd headed toward the Vatican.. Sure enough, half an hour later Rajini emerges with the Pope on the balcony.
But by the time Rajini returns, he finds that Amitabh Bachan has had a
heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics.
Working his way to Amitabh Bachan’s side,
Rajini asks him, “What happened?”
Amitabh Bachan looks up and says,
“I was doing fine until u and the pope came out on the balcony and the Italian man next to me said,
“Who’s that on the balcony with Rajni?”

[Guest]

India holds a certain sense of mystery for the world outside its borders.
Read on to find how curious foreigners are about India and its ways or
rather read on to find out how dumb and ignorant they are about our beautiful
country. This was taken from a tourism blog where people could post queries
if they were planning on making a trip to India. ( well i dont blv these were real answers but they're funny nvrtheless)

Q : Does it ever get windy in India ? I have never seen it rain on
TV, how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
them die.

Q : Will I be able to see elephants in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Delhi to Goa - can I follow the railroad tracks? (
Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only three thousand kms, take lots of water.


Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in India? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs India ? Can you send me a list of them in
Delhi , Chennai, Calcutta and Bangalore?(UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in India ? (
USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
In-di-a is that big triangle in the middle of the Pacific & Indian Ocean
which does not.. oh forget it. ...... Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday
night in Goa . Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in India ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and
we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into India ? ( UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Indiana Pacers matches schedule? ( France )
A: Indiana is a state in the Unites States of...oh forget it. Sure,
the Indiana Pacers matches are played every Tues day night in Goa ,
straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Can I wear high heels in India ? ( UK )
A: You're a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Bangalore , and is milk available all
year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk
is illegal.


Q: Please send a list of all doctors in India who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All
Indian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good
pets.

Q: Do you have perfume in India ? ( France )
A: No, WE don't stink in India.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
tell me where I can sell it in India ? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in India ? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first
Q: Can I see Taj Mahal anytime? (Italy)
A: As long as you are not blind, you can see it anytime day and
night.

Q: Do you have Toilet paper? (USA)
A: No, we use sand paper. (we have different grades)

[Guest]

A hen lays an egg at Indo-Pak border.

Both countries start fighting over egg.

Finally Indian people say whoever kisses more women in other country will keep the egg. After short time, Pakistani people say ok.

Indians go to Pak and kiss 1000 women. Excited Pakis say its our turn now.

Funny Indian people say: Keep the egg.

[Guest]

[img:fa2b]https://such.forumotion.com/[/img]

[Guest]

DK: Does anyone know how to get a song out of your head.

I got one stuck in mine and I cant seem to get it out.

sCHolars: Hit your head

DK: Actually, I know it kinda sound stupid, but I already tried that

seven: (hmm that explains a lot)

[Guest]

DK: Does anyone know how to get a song out of your head.

I got one stuck in mine and I cant seem to get it out.

sCHolars: Hit your head

DK: Actually, I know it kinda sound stupid, but I already tried that

seven: (hmm that explains a lot)

Shaven, when will you stop copy-pasting bad jokes and LOLing yourself? BTW who's DK?

[Guest]

DK: Does anyone know how to get a song out of your head.

I got one stuck in mine and I cant seem to get it out.

sCHolars: Hit your head

DK: Actually, I know it kinda sound stupid, but I already tried that

seven: (hmm that explains a lot)

Shaven, when will you stop copy-pasting bad jokes and LOLing yourself? BTW who's DK?

who is shaven?

[Guest]

DK: Does anyone know how to get a song out of your head.

I got one stuck in mine and I cant seem to get it out.

sCHolars: Hit your head

DK: Actually, I know it kinda sound stupid, but I already tried that

seven: (hmm that explains a lot)

Shaven, when will you stop copy-pasting bad jokes and LOLing yourself? BTW who's DK?

who is shaven?

Ah...I get it now. How intelligent of you!

[Guest]

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=290203380993201&set=a.175413229138884.47090.175408635806010&type=1&theater

[.|Sublime|.]

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