You are not special

by Guest Sat Jun 09, 2012 9:52 am

Social media was buzzing about a Boston-area high school teacher's blunt commencement speech that told students they "are not special."

Wellesley High English teacher David McCullough Jr. told graduates "You are not special. You are not exceptional," quoting empirical evidence:

"Across the country no fewer than 3.2 million seniors are graduating about now from more than 37,000 high schools. That's 37,000 valedictorians ... 37,000 class presidents ... 92,000 harmonizing altos ... 340,000 swaggering jocks ... 2,185,967 pairs of Uggs," he said in the speech published in the Boston Herald.

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/high-school-graduation-speaker-tells-students-not-special-145709954.html

by MulaiAzhagi Sat Jun 09, 2012 9:57 am

He is absolutely correct.

Unfortunately, the world is full of a$$holes who think they are a gift from GOD.

by Guest Sat Jun 09, 2012 10:08 am

just finished hearing the whole speech. Really good. All points up!

by Maria S Sat Jun 09, 2012 10:51 am

It's a very good message-perhaps for this audience, it's most appropriate. I especially like the part where he says..paraphrasing "love with urgency" and encourages them to lead purpose-driven lives.

*However, knowing the power of words (literal)- working with people in crisis and on the brink, I also think "You are not special"..may not work with ALL people/student audiences.

I was just thinking about the many commencements which I have attended in High Schools- so many students who somehow graduated with high GPAs from poor homes, broken homes, one parent or no parent..a grandparent, uncle or aunt, sibling..who took on the role of caregiver..and the child did not hear- never heard - "you are special".."you are a gift of God who can do marvelous and extraordinary things- to make a meaningful difference"..and it means a lot to them, when they hear it- it validates the good things they do- adds"value"..and it boosts their morale.

There is no question that words are powerful, and to be used carefully and wisely, as much as possible, imo.

by Petrichor Sat Jun 09, 2012 10:58 am

Maria, Context is key. Wellesley, MA has a very high median income and 80% White upper middle-class kids. The references to YOLO and such, indicates certain personality types in that school. The archetypical 'cynical English teacher' is always a crowd favorite, esp. among blase high schoolers sporting hoodies and Hollisters. It's a whole NE'ern thing, I think.

by Maria S Sat Jun 09, 2012 11:04 am

Context is absolutely key.

*Think Indians (majority) in the US..fall in the very high median income..this may apply to Indians too, and they can relate to this message.

I live in the other end of the spectrum..areas of low median incomes and all the challenges which come with it.

by Guest Sat Jun 09, 2012 11:06 am

A sensible speech. I'll have my son watch it.

by MaxEntropy_Man Sat Jun 09, 2012 11:27 am

i think kids from a town filled with MIT professors, boston venture capitalists, and pharma industry execs will love this message.

by Guest Sat Jun 09, 2012 11:44 am

Maria S wrote:Context is absolutely key.

*Think Indians (majority) in the US..fall in the very high median income..this may apply to Indians too, and they can relate to this message.

Yeah Maria, I can relate very much to that speech. As a mother, I pumped the same stuff into my kids too throughout their childhood-that they are special, nay, extraordinary and waay above the rest. And they are Indian, so yes of course they got good genes, the high intelligence gene! If only they can match their intelligence with hard work, they can achieve great things, be on the top, yada yada...
While it boosted their self-esteem and upped their confidence, it also made them somewhat overconfident and snobbish (esp the younger one). Time to bring him back to the ground, slowly and steadily. It was fine until he was a child, but when going into this wide world after high school, he got to have some reality check.

That's what the speaker was also trying to do and that's a very appropriate high school commencement speech, imo.

by Kris Sat Jun 09, 2012 11:49 am

kinnera wrote:
Maria S wrote:Context is absolutely key.

*Think Indians (majority) in the US..fall in the very high median income..this may apply to Indians too, and they can relate to this message.

Yeah Maria, I can relate very much to that speech. As a mother, I pumped the same stuff into my kids too throughout their childhood-that they are special, nay, extraordinary and waay above the rest. And they are Indian, so yes of course they got good genes, the high intelligence gene! If only they can match their intelligence with hard work, they can achieve great things, be on the top, yada yada...
While it boosted their self-esteem and upped their confidence, it also made them somewhat overconfident and snobbish (esp the younger one). Time to bring him back to the ground, slowly and steadily. It was fine until he was a child, but when going into this wide world after high school, he got to have some reality check.

That's what the speaker was also trying to do and that's a very appropriate high school commencement speech, imo.

>>>>Yeah, the excessive self-congratulatory behavior and exaggerated feedback has become the bane of suburban america. The guy is right on the money.

by Kris Sat Jun 09, 2012 11:53 am

kinnera wrote:
Maria S wrote:Context is absolutely key.

*Think Indians (majority) in the US..fall in the very high median income..this may apply to Indians too, and they can relate to this message.

. And they are Indian, so yes of course they got good genes, the high intelligence gene! If only they can match their intelligence with hard work, they can achieve great things, be on the top, yada yada...

.

>>>>Okay, you are taking a big gamble on this one. What if he has been lurking on this forum? Smile

by Guest Sat Jun 09, 2012 12:10 pm

Kris wrote:
kinnera wrote:
Maria S wrote:Context is absolutely key.

*Think Indians (majority) in the US..fall in the very high median income..this may apply to Indians too, and they can relate to this message.

Yeah Maria, I can relate very much to that speech. As a mother, I pumped the same stuff into my kids too throughout their childhood-that they are special, nay, extraordinary and waay above the rest. And they are Indian, so yes of course they got good genes, the high intelligence gene! If only they can match their intelligence with hard work, they can achieve great things, be on the top, yada yada...
While it boosted their self-esteem and upped their confidence, it also made them somewhat overconfident and snobbish (esp the younger one). Time to bring him back to the ground, slowly and steadily. It was fine until he was a child, but when going into this wide world after high school, he got to have some reality check.

That's what the speaker was also trying to do and that's a very appropriate high school commencement speech, imo.

>>>>Yeah, the excessive self-congratulatory behavior and exaggerated feedback has become the bane of suburban america. The guy is right on the money.

Guilty, but not too ashamed of it.

Smile

by Guest Sat Jun 09, 2012 12:11 pm

Kris wrote:
kinnera wrote:
Maria S wrote:Context is absolutely key.

*Think Indians (majority) in the US..fall in the very high median income..this may apply to Indians too, and they can relate to this message.

. And they are Indian, so yes of course they got good genes, the high intelligence gene! If only they can match their intelligence with hard work, they can achieve great things, be on the top, yada yada...

.

>>>>Okay, you are taking a big gamble on this one. What if he has been lurking on this forum?

Will let him read only your posts, no one else's. Wink

by Kris Sat Jun 09, 2012 12:44 pm

kinnera wrote:
Kris wrote:
kinnera wrote:
Maria S wrote:Context is absolutely key.

*Think Indians (majority) in the US..fall in the very high median income..this may apply to Indians too, and they can relate to this message.

. And they are Indian, so yes of course they got good genes, the high intelligence gene! If only they can match their intelligence with hard work, they can achieve great things, be on the top, yada yada...

.

>>>>Okay, you are taking a big gamble on this one. What if he has been lurking on this forum?

Will let him read only your posts, no one else's.

>>>> You really don't want to give him this kinda ammo, Kinn. Take my word for it. Smile

by Guest Sat Jun 09, 2012 12:51 pm

Kris wrote:
kinnera wrote:
Kris wrote:[quote="kinnera"
. And they are Indian, so yes of course they got good genes, the high intelligence gene! If only they can match their intelligence with hard work, they can achieve great things, be on the top, yada yada...

.

>>>>Okay, you are taking a big gamble on this one. What if he has been lurking on this forum?

Will let him read only your posts, no one else's.

>>>> You really don't want to give him this kinda ammo, Kinn. Take my word for it. Smile

[/quote]

LOL! Nah! It's all good. Take my for for it. Smile

by Kris Sat Jun 09, 2012 12:56 pm

kinnera wrote:
Kris wrote:
kinnera wrote:
Maria S wrote:Context is absolutely key.

*Think Indians (majority) in the US..fall in the very high median income..this may apply to Indians too, and they can relate to this message.

Yeah Maria, I can relate very much to that speech. As a mother, I pumped the same stuff into my kids too throughout their childhood-that they are special, nay, extraordinary and waay above the rest. And they are Indian, so yes of course they got good genes, the high intelligence gene! If only they can match their intelligence with hard work, they can achieve great things, be on the top, yada yada...
While it boosted their self-esteem and upped their confidence, it also made them somewhat overconfident and snobbish (esp the younger one). Time to bring him back to the ground, slowly and steadily. It was fine until he was a child, but when going into this wide world after high school, he got to have some reality check.

That's what the speaker was also trying to do and that's a very appropriate high school commencement speech, imo.

>>>>Yeah, the excessive self-congratulatory behavior and exaggerated feedback has become the bane of suburban america. The guy is right on the money.

Guilty, but not too ashamed of it.

>>>No, I meant as a syndrome across the country among middle- upper middle class youth. The schools cater to it in a big way too.
I have been trying to figure out how to counter this. When they do something genuinely deserving of praise, I let them know that. Otherwise, I hold back. I also push them on their tougher subjects and tell them that the idea is to do your best, even if you don't come out with flying colors and sometimes, you are going to do things you don't particularly care for. Kind of a character building experiment.

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Sat Jun 09, 2012 1:13 pm

Kris wrote:
>>>No, I meant as a syndrome across the country among middle- upper middle class youth. The schools cater to it in a big way too.
I have been trying to figure out how to counter this. When they do something genuinely deserving of praise, I let them know that. Otherwise, I hold back. I also push them on their tougher subjects and tell them that the idea is to do your best, even if you don't come out with flying colors and sometimes, you are going to do things you don't particularly care for. Kind of a character building experiment.

My company participates/helps/guides the senior students in their design class at a local high school. I went there to give them an overview on how to go about a project. as part of that I gave a typical SaamiYaar Sermon.... "start early... consult and work with others and help each other. Unlike your parents, people in the world will not help you instantly. Actually, no one will care unless you take initiative. you are just one of the 100 such students who call them....blah blah...(you get the picture).

The class teacher was shyt scared of student reaction and did not like what I said. Naturally, I was not called for the next 2 or 3 years. The society has been brainwashed from KG with the "self-esteem" and "unique and special" psycho crap for the last 30 years. It is beginning to change. I hear less and less about students and kids being termed "customers."

In a nutshell, a brief speech to today's kids

by Petrichor Sat Jun 09, 2012 1:15 pm

Things I obsess about:

1. Error Analysis
2. Quiet Confidence in work
3. Consistency of results
4. Indira Gandhi's words about "Prayers on their lips" when the army went into Golden temple - however false it might have been, its good advice for the mental state to taking exams and standardized tests
5. Originality of work
6. Time management

by Kris Sat Jun 09, 2012 1:30 pm

I hear less and less about students and kids being termed "customers."

>>>> This is a scary thought, but probably summarizes the prevalent atttitude in some ways. "Give the customer what he wants", "the customer is always right"...etc etc and you see where this idiocy is leading. Hopefully, it is changing..

by Petrichor Sat Jun 09, 2012 3:05 pm

Of course, the best in my mind is still

http://publicnoises.blogspot.com/2009/05/david-foster-wallace-kenyon.html

As you read, listen to the speech in the following youtube segments:

by Petrichor Sat Jun 09, 2012 3:35 pm

To learn more about David Wallace

http://www.newyorker.com/reporting/2009/03/09/090309fa_fact_max

by MulaiAzhagi Sat Jun 09, 2012 4:19 pm

At Amherst, he was soon drawn to math and philosophy. He relished the “special sort of buzz” that they provided, as he later told McCaffery: “These moments appeared in proof-completions, or maybe algorithms

His family was surprised by his return. “We didn’t press him,” his mother says. “We figured if he wanted to talk about it he’d talk about it.” For a short time, he drove a school bus. He also found a psychiatrist and began taking antidepressants. During this time, he traced his breakdown to his not really wanting to be a philosopher.

*****Many years later *****

Wallace had decided that writing was not worth the risk to his mental health. He applied and was accepted as a graduate student in philosophy at Harvard. Philosophy was the only thing that had meant as much to him as writing. It, too, could trigger epiphanies. Harvard had offered him a scholarship, and academia would give him a more stable life, with health insurance.

====> When he was a freshman, he was drawn to philosophy. Then he quits college, tells his psychiatrist he does not like philosophy anymore. And then goes back to school to study creative writing.

And then after a string of failures as a writer, enrolls at Harvard as a graduate student in philosophy!

This is what happens when you are given too many choices in life.

by Petrichor Sat Jun 09, 2012 4:56 pm

>>This is what happens when you are given too many choices in life.

You're right...he should have been given one and only one choice: Technical Writer for the IRS, writing Instructions on filling up forms. Smile

I'm planning on reading Infinite Jest on a 13-hour plane trip.

by Guest Sun Jun 10, 2012 12:32 am

atcg wrote:Of course, the best in my mind is still

http://publicnoises.blogspot.com/2009/05/david-foster-wallace-kenyon.html

Thanks for posting this very interesting talk. By the way, as I understood it, "water" refers to our mental conditioning that we may not be consciously aware of. Is this how you understood it as well?

by Guest Sun Jun 10, 2012 9:04 am

blabberwock wrote:
atcg wrote:Of course, the best in my mind is still

http://publicnoises.blogspot.com/2009/05/david-foster-wallace-kenyon.html

Thanks for posting this very interesting talk. By the way, as I understood it, "water" refers to our mental conditioning that we may not be consciously aware of. Is this how you understood it as well?

I think "water" refers to the obvious things that we miss out because of our mental conditioning ('the default setting', as he calls it). He suggests being more aware and conscious of what goes on outside and inside of us.

PS: Thanks for the link, atcg.

by Maria S Sun Jun 10, 2012 9:39 am

"This is water."

"This is water."

______

It's a nice metaphor for consciousness-(mental state- awareness, condition)..I have heard it used in many places before..Medical, Philosophical and of course Religious..Biblical - "Living Water"..with many interpretations..mix of the human and divine..purely anatomical, physiological, and the psychological-abstract..

However, I find the second part to this- interpretation of what kind of body of water (consciousness) far more interesting..is it a little puddle, stagnated pond, free flowing river, rough waterfall..ocean etc. Have heard some great anecdotes and stories..how people interpret that in different ways!

by Guest Sun Jun 10, 2012 9:57 am

Maria S wrote:"This is water."

"This is water."

______

It's a nice metaphor for consciousness-(mental state- awareness, condition)..I have heard it used in many places before..Medical, Philosophical and of course Religious..Biblical - "Living Water"..with many interpretations..mix of the human and divine..purely anatomical, physiological, and the psychological-abstract..

I wanted to add that the 'conscious awareness' is water in my previous post, but thought that would be too heavy. Smile

Maria S wrote:
However, I find the second part to this- interpretation of what kind of body of water (consciousness) far more interesting..is it a little puddle, stagnated pond, free flowing river, rough waterfall..ocean etc. Have heard some great anecdotes and stories..how people interpret that in different ways!

LOL! That's the problem with metaphorizing the abstract with the concrete stuff Smile

.

by Maria S Sun Jun 10, 2012 10:03 am

Frankly, there is no choice..when it comes to dealing with the human mind (functional Brain) and have to find ways to reconcile that, if someone wants to help anyone with their state of mind..because there are too many unknowns.

Anyone who says they can perfectly understand the "functioning-individual human mind"- and there is nothing abstract about it, needs to be checked for their water:)

It is unpredictable and fascinating to see someone come alive- when you think nothing can be done..or someone who "under all the right concrete conditions- to thrive"..completely falls apart.

by Guest Sun Jun 10, 2012 10:18 am

Maria S wrote:Frankly, there is no choice..when it comes to dealing with the human mind (functional Brain) and have to find ways to reconcile that, if someone wants to help anyone with their state of mind..because there are too many unknowns.

Anyone who says they can perfectly understand the "functioning-individual human mind"- and there is nothing abstract about it, needs to be checked for their water:)

It is unpredictable and fascinating to see someone come alive- when you think nothing can be done..or someone who "under all the right concrete conditions- to thrive"..completely falls apart.

wait...before i write anything, i need to understand what you wrote. Smile

by Maria S Sun Jun 10, 2012 10:25 am

If you go a little deeper philosophically, consciousness is beyond a functioning human mind.

*I think there are levels of consciousness- with a physiological component.

Mind is nothing but a flow of constant thoughts.

*Sure- some are self-generated (internal), most are reactionary (response to external).

Awareness/consciousness is a simple state of being. You know what i mean?

*I think it's a "complex state of being" (many layers to the simple state).

You are quite articulate in the way you expressed your thoughts Kinnera, liked that!

Nice topic- discussion! May be we can continue at another time..have to continue with my Sunday chores.

Have a good day!

by Kris Sun Jun 10, 2012 12:08 pm

Maria S wrote:Frankly, there is no choice..when it comes to dealing with the human mind (functional Brain) and have to find ways to reconcile that, if someone wants to help anyone with their state of mind..because there are too many unknowns.

Anyone who says they can perfectly understand the "functioning-individual human mind"- and there is nothing abstract about it, needs to be checked for their water:)

It is unpredictable and fascinating to see someone come alive- when you think nothing can be done..or someone who "under all the right concrete conditions- to thrive"..completely falls apart.

>>>>All this makes my head hurt, Maria. All I know is, Maria for President! Maria for President! Yay!

by Petrichor Sun Jun 10, 2012 1:21 pm

blabberwock wrote:

Thanks for posting this very interesting talk. By the way, as I understood it, "water" refers to our mental conditioning that we may not be consciously aware of. Is this how you understood it as well?

To me 'Water' refers to the following:

1. "True, there are plenty of religious people who seem arrogant and certain of their own interpretations, too. They're probably even more repulsive than atheists, at least to most of us. But religious dogmatists' problem is exactly the same as the story's unbeliever: blind certainty, a close-mindedness that amounts to an imprisonment so total that the prisoner doesn't even know he's locked up."

2. "one part of what teaching me how to think is really supposed to mean. To be just a little less arrogant. To have just a little critical awareness about myself and my certainties. Because a huge percentage of the stuff that I tend to be automatically certain of is, it turns out, totally wrong and deluded."

3. " It means being conscious and aware enough to choose what you pay attention to and to choose how you construct meaning from experience. Because if you cannot exercise this kind of choice in adult life, you will be totally hosed. "

4. "Or I can choose to force myself to consider the likelihood that everyone else in the supermarket's checkout line is just as bored and frustrated as I am, and that some of these people probably have harder, more tedious and painful lives than I do."

5. "Not that that mystical stuff is necessarily true. The only thing that's capital-T True is that you get to decide how you're gonna try to see it.

This, I submit, is the freedom of a real education, of learning how to be well-adjusted. You get to consciously decide what has meaning and what doesn't. You get to decide what to worship."

6. "there is actually no such thing as atheism. There is no such thing as not worshipping. Everybody worships. The only choice we get is what to worship."

7. "The really important kind of freedom involves attention and awareness and discipline, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them over and over in myriad petty, unsexy ways every day.
That is real freedom. That is being educated, and understanding how to think. The alternative is unconsciousness, the default setting, the rat race, the constant gnawing sense of having had, and lost, some infinite thing."

It is unimaginably hard to do this, to stay conscious and alive in the adult world day in and day out.

by Maria S Sun Jun 10, 2012 9:29 pm

>>>>All this makes my head hurt, Maria. All I know is, Maria for President! Maria for President! Yay!

_______

It does? Good, you are normal:) If Neuropsychology was not ambiguous and frustrating, that would be weird. And I know the feeling..I stay away from things, topics and people who give me a headache! So, you know what to do!

President? thanks..but, no thanks! Would rather have other less glamorous titles which hold the real power, behind the scenes:)

by MaxEntropy_Man Mon Jun 11, 2012 12:15 pm

atcg wrote:

6. "there is actually no such thing as atheism.

i am not sure i understand this. what do you call a state of being in which one refuses to accept non-scientific explanations for things and phenomena for which scientific explanations do not currently exist?

by Petrichor Mon Jun 11, 2012 12:28 pm

MaxEntropy_Man wrote:
i am not sure i understand this. what do you call a state of being in which one refuses to accept non-scientific explanations for things and phenomena for which scientific explanations do not currently exist?

I think, he is referring to the general state of "faith" in something and "worship" of something....not necessarily just belief in God. In this, he questions if there are even two classes of people - Believers and non-believers/atheists. In general, he is advocating a little less certainty about both camps - to not be quick to dismiss the other camp, based on prima facie default beliefs.

Perhaps he is leaning towards a certain brand of agnosticism.

by MaxEntropy_Man Mon Jun 11, 2012 12:36 pm

i think the term atheist is too loaded for some folks. i like the DK term rationalist better despite its unsavory origins. i don't think true rationalists advocate for certainty but for a relentless push towards understanding based on science. there is a lot we don't know but it stems from the limitations of our current (rationally based) understanding. anyway discussions of this type often deteriorate to an impasse. it is my opinion that there is no common ground to be found. best to leave folks to their own beliefs or lack thereof.

by Petrichor Mon Jun 11, 2012 1:06 pm

MaxEntropy_Man wrote: best to leave folks to their own beliefs or lack thereof.

The only problem with that is, if 46% believe in creationism and it becomes part of the "Science" syllabus as an alternate "theory" Smile

These are slippery slopes of the belief spectrum and there are no easy solutions. In this case, he was called upon to give "advice" and that's what he attempted to do using his own personal beliefs as an anchor. His contempt for Ned Flanders-types is balanced out by his exhortation to not worship anything material but reserve that for some intangibles like JC, Yahweh etc.

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