abd desi christian arranged marriage

by Guest Fri Aug 16, 2013 9:11 pm

what?

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/family/2013/08/arranged_marriage_in_america_my_parents_moved_here_from_india_raised_me.single.html

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Fri Aug 16, 2013 9:35 pm

Vidya Bagchi wrote:what?

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/family/2013/08/arranged_marriage_in_america_my_parents_moved_here_from_india_raised_me.single.html

I showed the link to my wife... and her response "what are you trying to say..." Story of my Jatni... Razz

by Rishi Sat Aug 17, 2013 1:38 am

Debie Thomas, a Christian from India who is living in the United States had to meekly submit to her parent's wish. Whereas my cousin, a Tamil Brahmin in India had no choice than to go along with her daughter's wish to marry the Fillippino guy she met in the graduate school in America. The mother concealing her disappointment put on a brave front, invited the Fillippino guy to Chennai and had a Brahmin style wedding for her daughter. The Cathollic Parents of the groom refused to participate in the Hindu wedding.

I wonder what JM has to say about the article. He has always criticized the loveless nature of arranged marriages among the Hindus.

by garam_kuta Sat Aug 17, 2013 1:49 am

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:
Vidya Bagchi wrote:what?

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/family/2013/08/arranged_marriage_in_america_my_parents_moved_here_from_india_raised_me.single.html
I showed the link to my wife... and her response "what are you trying to say..." Story of my Jatni...

ROFL

but really.. are you sure didn't she mean wtf ?

by Guest Sat Aug 17, 2013 1:02 pm

Rishi wrote:Debie Thomas, a Christian from India who is living in the United States had to meekly submit to her parent's wish. ....

I wonder what JM has to say about the article. He has always criticized the loveless nature of arranged marriages among the Hindus.

Same thoughts here. And since she and her husband both agreed to this setup, they cannot be two isolated families within this community. The practice must be quite rampant.

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Sat Aug 17, 2013 3:22 pm

garam_kuta wrote:
Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:
Vidya Bagchi wrote:what?

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/family/2013/08/arranged_marriage_in_america_my_parents_moved_here_from_india_raised_me.single.html
I showed the link to my wife... and her response "what are you trying to say..." Story of my Jatni...
ROFL but really.. are you sure didn't she mean wtf ?

Since I showed her the link, she disappeared from my radar - no calling/txting/answering....and I thought she has decided to "Bagchi me" and set the process in motion....

...but the hope is short-lived...and we just talked.

by Kris Sat Aug 17, 2013 3:32 pm

Vidya Bagchi wrote:
Rishi wrote:Debie Thomas, a Christian from India who is living in the United States had to meekly submit to her parent's wish. ....

I wonder what JM has to say about the article. He has always criticized the loveless nature of arranged marriages among the Hindus.
Same thoughts here. And since she and her husband both agreed to this setup, they cannot be two isolated families within this community. The practice must be quite rampant.

>>>>VB,

The practice is very much the norm just as it has been in Hindu communities. If anything, I think there would be an even stronger imperative given the fact it is a minority community. Allowing the kids to find their own spouses would mean a high probability of intermarriage with the majority community, presumably one that does that sit well with the church or the community elders.

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Sat Aug 17, 2013 3:40 pm

Kris wrote:
Vidya Bagchi wrote:
Rishi wrote:Debie Thomas, a Christian from India who is living in the United States had to meekly submit to her parent's wish. ....

I wonder what JM has to say about the article. He has always criticized the loveless nature of arranged marriages among the Hindus.
Same thoughts here. And since she and her husband both agreed to this setup, they cannot be two isolated families within this community. The practice must be quite rampant.
>>>>VB,

The practice is very much the norm just as it has been in Hindu communities. If anything, I think there would be an even stronger imperative given the fact it is a minority community. Allowing the kids to find their own spouses would mean a high probability of intermarriage with the majority community, presumably one that does that sit well with the church or the community elders.

Story time:

An Indian christian son married a SL tamil Christian in US just in June. sort of arranged through Church dating connections. The father was hindu and refused to convert. Wife reluctantly became a PSeudo-hindu. But, bad blood over the years, enter Padre - > counseled that root cause is the religious conflict. Since they are in India it is better for father to become a Christian than the mother becoming a total hindu. Father capituates becomes a Christian and guess what...becomes a freak and fanatic now - more than the wife. The daughter is 400% Jesusite but 500 HINDU in culture and behavior...like what you would expect only in Tambrahmi families int he 60s. No party, no drinking, no looud talking, no lousy dressing... and this girl is a DIL material that any 60s and 70s parents would love to have.

So looks like that the old-style hindu culture is alive only among the Christians in America.

by Kris Sat Aug 17, 2013 4:00 pm

Vidya Bagchi wrote:what?

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/family/2013/08/arranged_marriage_in_america_my_parents_moved_here_from_india_raised_me.single.html

>>The author of this article seems capable of honesty with herself and a has a clear-eyed perspective, seeing the pluses and minuses of their situation. If she has been at this for 17 years, it looks like she has been able to navigate through her own feelings, maybe even some initial misgivings. I hope she puts that intellectual energy to work to see how she can enhance her marriage. One of the pitfalls of describing these scenarios (although she is not doing that deliberately) is not viewing them against the pitfalls of the alternative model. In the dating-->love---> marriage model, there is the very real danger of having to kiss a helluva lot of frogs before she gets to the prince and the prince may yet turn out to be a misfit, when mid-life crisis looms for both people. The constant need to work at it, with no social pressure to sustain it can take its toll too i.e. less energy for rearing children. I am strictly talking about the western model here. Indian marriages, no matter what kind, are never completely independent of the families, which has both pluses and minuses.

by confuzzled dude Sun Aug 18, 2013 2:46 am

She must have been raised by South Indian parents, North Indian upbringing would never result into this indecisive or feeble mind.

by Kris Sun Aug 18, 2013 3:46 am

confuzzled dude wrote:She must have been raised by South Indian parents, North Indian upbringing would never result into this indecisive or feeble mind.

>>>> The assessment seems quite healthy. I would attribute the objective and honest assessment of the pros and cons of her situation to her being American. An Indian perspective would have invoked god, fate etc.

by confuzzled dude Sun Aug 18, 2013 1:26 pm

Kris wrote:
confuzzled dude wrote:She must have been raised by South Indian parents, North Indian upbringing would never result into this indecisive or feeble mind.
>>>> The assessment seems quite healthy. I would attribute the objective and honest assessment of the pros and cons of her situation to her being American. An Indian perspective would have invoked god, fate etc.

Not sure Kris. I read it as her trying to find a scapegoat for the situation she is in, she didn't appear to have gotten over her dream of finding life partner on her own. As for invoking god, Americans are no better either, especially in sports world. Indian cricketers are light years ahead of American sports personalities in that aspect.

by Guest Sun Aug 18, 2013 1:51 pm

Overall, marriage is something so unnatural that it is a hard work to keep it going and going good, and only human beings are capable of it.

Whether you had a love marriage, or an arranged one, if you are incompatible, you will have to fine common grounds and work at it. It's definitely easier for some and harder for others, and a lot of factors come into play. Your personalities, upbringing, likings, love for each other, love for kids, wanting to keep the marriage going as ideally as possible, societal and family considerations, relative easiness to walk out (and even walk back in).

You can keep on saying one culture is better than the other, depending on what you value more, a happy couple, or just a long-lasting union on papers. But the fact is, this is something highly personal. Exceptions exist in abundance whatever theory you put forward.

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Sun Aug 18, 2013 2:25 pm

confuzzled dude wrote:
Kris wrote:
confuzzled dude wrote:She must have been raised by South Indian parents, North Indian upbringing would never result into this indecisive or feeble mind.
>>>> The assessment seems quite healthy. I would attribute the objective and honest assessment of the pros and cons of her situation to her being American. An Indian perspective would have invoked god, fate etc.
Not sure Kris. I read it as her trying to find a scapegoat for the situation she is in, she didn't appear to have gotten over her dream of finding life partner on her own. As for invoking god, Americans are no better either, especially in sports world. Indian cricketers are light years ahead of American sports personalities in that aspect.

The underlying, unrealistic assumption on all these "could have been, would have been" analyses is that had it been different, then things would have turned out happier AND STAYED THAT WAY FOREVER.

That is one reason, life can NEVER be compared. It is just an one-inning game. As in anything, where there are many factors, nothing can be predicted for sure. In fact...it is only the averaged success that matters in the end.

by Kris Sun Aug 18, 2013 2:26 pm

Vidya Bagchi wrote:Overall, marriage is something so unnatural that it is a hard work to keep it going and going good, and only human beings are capable of it.

Whether you had a love marriage, or an arranged one, if you are incompatible, you will have to fine common grounds and work at it. It's definitely easier for some and harder for others, and a lot of factors come into play. Your personalities, upbringing, likings, love for each other, love for kids, wanting to keep the marriage going as ideally as possible, societal and family considerations, relative easiness to walk out (and even walk back in).

You can keep on saying one culture is better than the other, depending on what you value more, a happy couple, or just a long-lasting union on papers. But the fact is, this is something highly personal. Exceptions exist in abundance whatever theory you put forward.

>>>I agree. And then there is the broader question of personal happiness vs. living within a relationship only for the sake of stability. The latter could well entail tolerating abuse. People have different breaking points, not to mention different degrees to which they can compromise for the sake of stability. We are living in changing times and the change is accelerating even in conservative societies like India. Incidentally, my comments were more about the author's ability to put her unique situation (an arranged marriage after an American upbringing) in perspective. In case, it was not clear, it was not to suggest Americans somehow are better at this whole thing.

by Kris Sun Aug 18, 2013 2:38 pm

confuzzled dude wrote:
Kris wrote:
confuzzled dude wrote:She must have been raised by South Indian parents, North Indian upbringing would never result into this indecisive or feeble mind.
>>>> The assessment seems quite healthy. I would attribute the objective and honest assessment of the pros and cons of her situation to her being American. An Indian perspective would have invoked god, fate etc.
Not sure Kris. I read it as her trying to find a scapegoat for the situation she is in, she didn't appear to have gotten over her dream of finding life partner on her own. As for invoking god, Americans are no better either, especially in sports world. Indian cricketers are light years ahead of American sports personalities in that aspect.

>>>>She is close to 40. This is often a time when mid-life crisis starts creeping in and she may be looking back at what she missed. If she had done the dating deal when she was in her 20's, it would simply been a 'been there, done that' deal. This is the dynamic with at least some guys who cheat on their wives because they feel they missed out on something in their youth. At least the author seems capable of seeing the positives in her marriage.

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Sun Aug 18, 2013 2:45 pm

Kris wrote:
confuzzled dude wrote:
Kris wrote:
confuzzled dude wrote:She must have been raised by South Indian parents, North Indian upbringing would never result into this indecisive or feeble mind.
>>>> The assessment seems quite healthy. I would attribute the objective and honest assessment of the pros and cons of her situation to her being American. An Indian perspective would have invoked god, fate etc.
Not sure Kris. I read it as her trying to find a scapegoat for the situation she is in, she didn't appear to have gotten over her dream of finding life partner on her own. As for invoking god, Americans are no better either, especially in sports world. Indian cricketers are light years ahead of American sports personalities in that aspect.
>>>>She is close to 40. This is often a time when mid-life crisis starts creeping in and she may be looking back at what she missed. If she had done the dating deal when she was in her 20's, it would simply been a 'been there, done that' deal. This is the dynamic with at least some ~~guys~~ who cheat on their spouses ~~wives~~ because they feel they missed out on something in their youth. At least the author seems capable of seeing the positives in her marriage.

****You female-chauvanist Pig***** Fixed***

by Nila Sun Aug 18, 2013 9:52 pm

Who cares? Marriage is marriage and the grass is always greener on the other side.

by Nila Sun Aug 18, 2013 9:53 pm

Btw, I was watching Cheran's plead to his daughter. Wish the girl understands her Dad and dumps his boyfriend.

I feel sad for actor/director Cheran.

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Sun Aug 18, 2013 9:59 pm

Nila wrote:Btw, I was watching Cheran's plead to his daughter. Wish the girl understands her Dad and dumps his boyfriend.

I feel sad for actor/director Cheran.

no need to feel sorry.... The boy will divorce the girl in 3 years and she will be back to dad...who will then marry her off to some other guy.

Perhaps, make a movie out of it and cover the losses.

by Nila Sun Aug 18, 2013 10:08 pm

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:
Nila wrote:Btw, I was watching Cheran's plead to his daughter. Wish the girl understands her Dad and dumps his boyfriend.

I feel sad for actor/director Cheran.
no need to feel sorry.... The boy will divorce the girl in 3 years and she will be back to dad...who will then marry her off to some other guy.

Perhaps, make a movie out of it and cover the losses.

Seems like a problem these days. If it were my Dad he would have secretly pottu thallu-'ved that guy. Poriki!

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Sun Aug 18, 2013 10:24 pm

Nila wrote:
Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:
Nila wrote:Btw, I was watching Cheran's plead to his daughter. Wish the girl understands her Dad and dumps his boyfriend.

I feel sad for actor/director Cheran.
no need to feel sorry.... The boy will divorce the girl in 3 years and she will be back to dad...who will then marry her off to some other guy.

Perhaps, make a movie out of it and cover the losses.
Seems like a problem these days. If it were my Dad he would have secretly pottu thallu-'ved that guy. Poriki!

hm....Yes...but you also would have been like that girl...head over heels. Most 20+ Girls like smooth operators and all they want is whether the guys can make them "feel good" by telling them what they want to hear. wait...that is what ALL women want... Razz

by confuzzled dude Sun Aug 18, 2013 11:10 pm

Kris wrote:
confuzzled dude wrote:
Kris wrote:
confuzzled dude wrote:She must have been raised by South Indian parents, North Indian upbringing would never result into this indecisive or feeble mind.
>>>> The assessment seems quite healthy. I would attribute the objective and honest assessment of the pros and cons of her situation to her being American. An Indian perspective would have invoked god, fate etc.
Not sure Kris. I read it as her trying to find a scapegoat for the situation she is in, she didn't appear to have gotten over her dream of finding life partner on her own. As for invoking god, Americans are no better either, especially in sports world. Indian cricketers are light years ahead of American sports personalities in that aspect.
>>>>She is close to 40. This is often a time when mid-life crisis starts creeping in and she may be looking back at what she missed. If she had done the dating deal when she was in her 20's, it would simply been a 'been there, done that' deal. This is the dynamic with at least some guys who cheat on their wives because they feel they missed out on something in their youth. At least the author seems capable of seeing the positives in her marriage.

and yet she is still grieving and wondering why she is staying; positives are inconsequential when one thinks (negatives)losses are significant.

by Nila Mon Aug 19, 2013 12:54 am

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:
Nila wrote:
Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:
Nila wrote:Btw, I was watching Cheran's plead to his daughter. Wish the girl understands her Dad and dumps his boyfriend.

I feel sad for actor/director Cheran.
no need to feel sorry.... The boy will divorce the girl in 3 years and she will be back to dad...who will then marry her off to some other guy.

Perhaps, make a movie out of it and cover the losses.
Seems like a problem these days. If it were my Dad he would have secretly pottu thallu-'ved that guy. Poriki!
hm....Yes...but you also would have been like that girl...head over heels. Most 20+ Girls like smooth operators and all they want is whether the guys can make them "feel good" by telling them what they want to hear. wait...that is what ALL women want...

I fell when I was 18 and still facing the wrath; well, but even in those days he wasn't smooth. It took 2-3 years to impress my parents and family - he was more focused with them. Yerkanave naan Kaduppa IrukKaen....well, tc

by Guest Mon Aug 19, 2013 8:59 am

You had love marriage?

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Mon Aug 19, 2013 9:06 am

Vidya Bagchi wrote:You had love marriage?

She probably forgot...ask me.... Razz

by Nila Mon Aug 19, 2013 1:06 pm

Vidya Bagchi wrote:You had love marriage?

Yes, I did. I was 18 and I was stupid and I had this mantra to marry the first guy who proposed me...my H proposed me and I accepted....long long story - not interesting at all. My only condition was to get permission from my parents and family. Think about it...not bad at all and it is neither bad nor good.

by Guest Mon Aug 19, 2013 1:19 pm

Nila wrote:
Vidya Bagchi wrote:You had love marriage?
Yes, I did. I was 18 and I was stupid and I had this mantra to marry the first guy who proposed me...my H proposed me and I accepted....long long story - not interesting at all. My only condition was to get permission from my parents and family. Think about it...not bad at all and it is neither bad nor good.

did u guys meet/date? Any courtship?

Or was it the kinda love story that happens in middle school now, when one kid asks another kid, 'hey can you be my gf?'. Actually I am forgetting. I think they ask, 'Can you go out with me?'. She goes 'ok'. And then that's what they become. A couple. At the max, they take lunches in school together. Then they 'break up' and start 'going out' with someone else. In freshman-sophomore year high, it gets a bit better. They first become gf-bf, and then they start hanging out in the mall, going for dates, etc. And THEN they get it right. That is to date 2-3-4 people, and THEN chose one for exclusive dating and FB declaration of eternal love that usually involves major smooching. *ugh*

In my case, I mean the first two cases, proclamation of 'love' came after a little bit of talking on phone or campus, and then it was assumed that we gonna be the one-and-only for each other for a lifetime, dates/evenings/weekends exclusively reserved for each other, until we broke up of course. Too filmy. Kinda like freshmen/sophomore high here.

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Mon Aug 19, 2013 1:20 pm

Nila wrote:
Vidya Bagchi wrote:You had love marriage?
Yes, I did. I was 18 and I was stupid and I had this mantra to marry the first guy who proposed me...my H proposed me and I accepted....long long story - not interesting at all. My only condition was to get permission from my parents and family. Think about it...not bad at all and it is neither bad nor good.

All love ends should in marriage and so did yours.....Just a regular occurrence.

by Nila Mon Aug 19, 2013 1:42 pm

Vidya Bagchi wrote:
Nila wrote:
Vidya Bagchi wrote:You had love marriage?
Yes, I did. I was 18 and I was stupid and I had this mantra to marry the first guy who proposed me...my H proposed me and I accepted....long long story - not interesting at all. My only condition was to get permission from my parents and family. Think about it...not bad at all and it is neither bad nor good.
did u guys meet/date? Any courtship?

Or was it the kinda love story that happens in middle school now, when one kid asks another kid, 'hey can you be my gf?'. Actually I am forgetting. I think they ask, 'Can you go out with me?'. She goes 'ok'. And then that's what they become. A couple. At the max, they take lunches in school together. Then they 'break up' and start 'going out' with someone else. In freshman-sophomore year high, it gets a bit better. They first become gf-bf, and then they start hanging out in the mall, going for dates, etc. And THEN they get it right. That is to date 2-3-4 people, and THEN chose one for exclusive dating and FB declaration of eternal love that usually involves major smooching. *ugh*

In my case, I mean the first two cases, proclamation of 'love' came after a little bit of talking on phone or campus, and then it was assumed that we gonna be the one-and-only for each other for a lifetime, dates/evenings/weekends exclusively reserved for each other, until we broke up of course. Too filmy. Kinda like freshmen/sophomore high here.

Ha ha, we did coz he was working as a faculty in NIIT. He thought me computers Razz

He used to drool at other gals than me....sometimes he was avoiding me on purposed to get attention. Crap. He made me believe that I looked fab with full handed salwar with oiled and plotted hair and with big bindi . Ask me expert questions which is not subject related and embarrass me in front of the class. No dating, no courting....just meet at class, get annoyed. We did not go out even after our engagement.

None knew that we got engaged also. One gal at the class asked me to pass a letter to him - I did. First time we went to a theme park with about 20 people - all family.

After proposing he moved in near my house to build relationship with my parents. My mom was cooking for him every other day...coz he fell sick and the doctor advised to eat home cooked food. It all started like that.
Seriously, I want to forget some moments of life. It is all karma!

I don't want to ruin my day....

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Mon Aug 19, 2013 1:46 pm

Nila wrote:

None knew that we got engaged also. One gal at the class asked me to pass a letter to him - I did. First time we went to a theme park with about 20 people - all family.

After proposing he moved in near my house to build relationship with my parents. My mom was cooking for him every other day...coz he fell sick and the doctor advised to eat home cooked food. It all started like that.
Seriously, I want to forget some moments of life. It is all karma!

I don't want to ruin my day....

Can I get on-line tutoring from him. Sounds like a genius to me.

by Nila Mon Aug 19, 2013 1:56 pm

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:
Nila wrote:

None knew that we got engaged also. One gal at the class asked me to pass a letter to him - I did. First time we went to a theme park with about 20 people - all family.

After proposing he moved in near my house to build relationship with my parents. My mom was cooking for him every other day...coz he fell sick and the doctor advised to eat home cooked food. It all started like that.
Seriously, I want to forget some moments of life. It is all karma!

I don't want to ruin my day....
Can I get on-line tutoring from him. Sounds like a genius to me.

Really? After engagement his family asked me to wear a nose stud, which I did and he recommended to wear a bigger one. Once we are married the first thing he told me to change my hair style, remove the nose stud and the bindi!!!

Inimae tution yeduttu what are you going Maramavargalae?

by Guest Mon Aug 19, 2013 2:24 pm

Nila wrote:
Really? After engagement his family asked me to wear a nose stud, which I did

LOL. After my engagement, his family asked me to learn marathi. Actually they took it upon themselves to teach me it. They bought a few kindergarten level marathi books, and I was supposed to go there every other afternoon to learn marathi. I did so for 2-3 weeks, and then it was getting close to my coming to the US, and finishing projects at the tulep or whatever class i was going to. So I called one day and told MIL that I can't come any more. I probably assured her that I will pick it up later. I think they gave me those books when I was leaving. I never opened them *shudder*.

After marriage and a kid, I was taunted quite a while for not learning marathi, even by K's ABD cousin who knew it less than I did. Then one day I said in a full family gathering, 'learning new languages is a flare, and I don't have it. Too bad, sorry'. To the fucker cousin I said, 'dude i know it more than you and it's YOUR mother tongue. Have some shame already'.

Anyway, after the family level declaration, FIL's face became *this* small, and one could see him smoldering, even though he didn't say anything more to me on the topic, ever. But this statement of mine was echoed many many many times through the years as an example of my insolence. K, who didn't care whether I learn marathi or not, and was 100% fine talking to me (and 90% of his family) in Hindi, took a HUGE offense to this. His take was, 'What was killing you to be respectful and continue pretending to learn Marathi? Why come out and declare as if you are proud of not wanting to speak it. He comes here how often anyway?' But this was not the case. The FIL was getting increasingly insistent in forcing me to speak marathi, the fact that I understood it was not enough. The cousin bullying me was an outcome of FIL's bitching, so ya. K never made me forget it. I don't regret that a bit even though I know that was beginning of the end of any goodwill between FIL and me.

by Nila Mon Aug 19, 2013 2:54 pm

Vidya Bagchi wrote:
Nila wrote:
Really? After engagement his family asked me to wear a nose stud, which I did
LOL. After my engagement, his family asked me to learn marathi. Actually they took it upon themselves to teach me it. They bought a few kindergarten level marathi books, and I was supposed to go there every other afternoon to learn marathi. I did so for 2-3 weeks, and then it was getting close to my coming to the US, and finishing projects at the tulep or whatever class i was going to. So I called one day and told MIL that I can't come any more. I probably assured her that I will pick it up later. I think they gave me those books when I was leaving. I never opened them *shudder*.

After marriage and a kid, I was taunted quite a while for not learning marathi, even by K's ABD cousin who knew it less than I did. Then one day I said in a full family gathering, 'learning new languages is a flare, and I don't have it. Too bad, sorry'. To the fucker cousin I said, 'dude i know it more than you and it's YOUR mother tongue. Have some shame already'.

Anyway, after the family level declaration, FIL's face became *this* small, and one could see him smoldering, even though he didn't say anything more to me on the topic, ever. But this statement of mine was echoed many many many times through the years as an example of my insolence. K, who didn't care whether I learn marathi or not, and was 100% fine talking to me (and 90% of his family) in Hindi, took a HUGE offense to this. His take was, 'What was killing you to be respectful and continue pretending to learn Marathi? Why come out and declare as if you are proud of not wanting to speak it. He comes here how often anyway?' But this was not the case. The FIL was getting increasingly insistent in forcing me to speak marathi, the fact that I understood it was not enough. The cousin bullying me was an outcome of FIL's bitching, so ya. K never made me forget it. I don't regret that a bit even though I know that was beginning of the end of any goodwill between FIL and me.

lol at Marathi books.

by smArtha Mon Aug 19, 2013 3:30 pm

Nila wrote:Yes, I did. I was 18 and I was stupid and I had this mantra to marry the first guy who proposed me...my H proposed me and I accepted....long long story - not interesting at all. My only condition was to get permission from my parents and family. Think about it...not bad at all and it is neither bad nor good.

Nature seems to have bestowed 'better intelligence' to boys that age. However stupid and head over heals they may be about a girl, I don't think they'd be considering marriage or 'till death do us apart' style commitments that early. With about two decades of observation I feel very comfortable generalizing that most women, discounting those that had the first hand experience of a 'prior long enough and serious relationship', fail to distinguish between guys who are generally good/loving/intelligent/sensible and those that explicitly express those qualities in an attempt to impress their targets. Those with a 'vested interest' will do anything and everything to impress their targets. This also explains why Sallu bhai gets every new diva on the bollywood block :-).

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Mon Aug 19, 2013 3:47 pm

Nila wrote:
Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:
Can I get on-line tutoring from him. Sounds like a genius to me.
Really? After engagement his family asked me to wear a nose stud, which I did and he recommended to wear a bigger one. Once we are married the first thing he told me to change my hair style, remove the nose stud and the bindi!!!

Inimae tution yeduttu what are you going Maramavargalae?

He is DEFNITELY a genius. His family and he are light years ahead in fashion. See... now even all the teenagers wear nose studs, ear studs and "other" studs. removnig nose stud (perhaps it did not have a large diamond), Bhindi (to protect you from DOT busters) and hair style change all are clear signs of his Genius with a vision.

Inimae yenna seiyaradha? Inimae thaane life start aaguthu.... Smile

by Propagandhi711 Mon Aug 19, 2013 3:51 pm

smArtha wrote:
Nila wrote:Yes, I did. I was 18 and I was stupid and I had this mantra to marry the first guy who proposed me...my H proposed me and I accepted....long long story - not interesting at all. My only condition was to get permission from my parents and family. Think about it...not bad at all and it is neither bad nor good.
Nature seems to have bestowed 'better intelligence' to boys that age. However stupid and head over heals they may be about a girl, I don't think they'd be considering marriage or 'till death do us apart' style commitments that early. With about two decades of observation I feel very comfortable generalizing that most women, discounting those that had the first hand experience of a 'prior long enough and serious relationship', fail to distinguish between guys who are generally good/loving/intelligent/sensible and those that explicitly express those qualities in an attempt to impress their targets. Those with a 'vested interest' will do anything and everything to impress their targets. This also explains why Sallu bhai gets every new diva on the bollywood block :-).

I agree with the sentiment that chicks at that age are dumb as doorknobs (with some exceptions like nila who dont improve) but disagree boys are any smarter. it's just that they have more exposure to the world and are also not continuously pursued by the opposite sex with every trick in the book thrown at them.

by Nila Mon Aug 19, 2013 3:59 pm

Yes, it could be coz of the fact that I stopped growing after 19....not my fault. I am always an exception.

by smArtha Mon Aug 19, 2013 5:46 pm

Propagandhi711 wrote:I agree with the sentiment that chicks at that age are dumb as doorknobs (with some exceptions like nila who dont improve) but disagree boys are any smarter. it's just that they have more exposure to the world and are also not continuously pursued by the opposite sex with every trick in the book thrown at them.

The 21st century ones, especially with the world tv in their living room 24/7, don't lack on the exposure front. Besides, the boys are not any smarter and so their tricks remain similar too. Like the guys do, the girls just have to make up their mind - are they looking for Mr. Right or Mr. Right now and pick strategies that are suitable.

by Propagandhi711 Mon Aug 19, 2013 6:05 pm

smArtha wrote:
Propagandhi711 wrote:I agree with the sentiment that chicks at that age are dumb as doorknobs (with some exceptions like nila who dont improve) but disagree boys are any smarter. it's just that they have more exposure to the world and are also not continuously pursued by the opposite sex with every trick in the book thrown at them.
The 21st century ones, especially with the world tv in their living room 24/7, don't lack on the exposure front. Besides, the boys are not any smarter and so their tricks remain similar too. Like the guys do, the girls just have to make up their mind - are they looking for Mr. Right or Mr. Right now and pick strategies that are suitable.

girls just wanna have fun too..and like to cry victim when the said fun turns sour. I dont deny women arent getting exposure, but men still dont get 100 ppl seeking ACCESS to The Thing* on a daily basis so they can breathe and make reasonably rational decisions.

*The Thing is the thing which makes admin go easy on certain posters.

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