aspirational parents condemn their children to a desperate, joyless life

by bw Wed Jun 10, 2015 6:17 pm

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/jun/09/aspirational-parents-children-elite

They spoke of parents who had already decided that their six-month-old son would go to Cambridge then Deutsche Bank, or whose two-year-old daughter “had a tutor for two afternoons a week (to keep on top of maths and literacy) as well as weekly phonics and reading classes, drama, piano, beginner French and swimming. They were considering adding Mandarin and Spanish. ‘The little girl was so exhausted and on edge she was terrified of opening her mouth.’”

In New York, playdate coaches charging $450 an hour train small children in the social skills that might help secure their admission to the most prestigious private schools. They are taught to hide traits that could suggest they’re on the autistic spectrum, which might reduce their chances of selection.

From infancy to employment, this is a life-denying, love-denying mindset, informed not by joy or contentment, but by an ambition that is both desperate and pointless, for it cannot compensate for what it displaces: childhood, family life, the joys of summer, meaningful and productive work, a sense of arrival, living in the moment. For the sake of this toxic culture, the economy is repurposed, the social contract is rewritten, the elite is released from tax, regulation and the other restraints imposed by democracy.

by confuzzled dude Wed Jun 10, 2015 8:11 pm

In New York, playdate coaches charging $450 an hour train small children in the social skills that might help secure their admission to the most prestigious private schools. They are taught to hide traits that could suggest they’re on the autistic spectrum, which might reduce their chances of selection.

Are they talking about one-percenters? then it is OKAY, majority of them don't help the world nor useful anyway.

by MaxEntropy_Man Wed Jun 10, 2015 9:54 pm

at the risk of the boring "in my time" lecture, learning and discovery of knowledge was once an end in itself for the sheer joy and thrill it produced. that was almost as much of a motivating factor as the desire to succeed at competitive exams and get into aspirational colleges. what i see all around me amongst most young people is that learning and the pursuit of virtually any activity is a means to chase goals and check off boxes in a college app to keep up with the joneses, the chens, or the vishwanathans, exactly like the kids and parents in this article. something has definitely changed fundamentally. it vexes me, and i am as much a part of the problem, but i am not sure there is a good solution. i just hope they don't end up damaged somehow. that's my biggest fear. thanks for posting.

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Wed Jun 10, 2015 10:49 pm

MaxEntropy_Man wrote:at the risk of the boring "in my time" lecture, learning and discovery of knowledge was once an end in itself for the sheer joy and thrill it produced. that was almost as much of a motivating factor as the desire to succeed at competitive exams and get into aspirational colleges. what i see all around me amongst most young people is that learning and the pursuit of virtually any activity is a means to chase goals and check off boxes in a college app to keep up with the joneses, the chens, or the vishwanathans, exactly like the kids and parents in this article. something has definitely changed fundamentally. it vexes me, and i am as much a part of the problem, but i am not sure there is a good solution. i just hope they don't end up damaged somehow. that's my biggest fear. thanks for posting.

Dont lose heart.... I notice that there are still "old-fashioned" "knowledge-chasing" "I dont give a sht for mone" type kids. These kids ALSO do well and succeed (and es, do enter "Elite" schools). But most Desi/Chinku parents follow their "only known method" forcing the kids to go after their missed "dreams". Sometimes, it backfires and they lose it all - seen that a lot more. There is also the danger of the "Knowledge-pursuing" kids getting disenchanted and losing steam 3/4 way.

In short, you can only do so much - in the manner you think is best - and pray 5 times a day.

by garam_kuta Wed Jun 10, 2015 11:05 pm

taking the most reductionist approach, I still thinks it is quite simple- in contemporary existence, with google and all, anyone with focused interest can become great with the '10,000' hours of deliberate practice; what matters the most is the persistent desire to become great. of course, those that desire passionately to become great are generally outliers in their character, and the parents need to tolerate and accommodate their idiosyncrasies, which can be very exacting.

by MaxEntropy_Man Thu Jun 11, 2015 8:22 am

garam_kuta wrote:taking the most reductionist approach, I still thinks it is quite simple- in contemporary existence, with google and all, anyone with focused interest can become great with the '10,000' hours of deliberate practice; what matters the most is the persistent desire to become great. of course, those that desire passionately to become great are generally outliers in their character, and the parents need to tolerate and accommodate their idiosyncrasies, which can be very exacting.

i like this. i agree, single-minded purpose and ploughing forward like a truck relentlessly is always going to work. an experienced and successful parent on this board recommended stepping back and letting your kid discover what makes them tick on their own with little or no interference. it's hard for me, but i am trying this approach now. sometimes i feel i am just muddling my way through all this. parenthood is difficult.

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