guilty woman has good reason

http://diply.com/article/auntyacid/guilty-woman-has-good-reason

While conducting some business at the Court House, I overheard a lady, who had been arrested for assaulting a Mammogram Technician, say, “Your Honor, I’m guilty, but…..there were extenuating circumstances.”

The female Judge said, sarcastically, “I’d certainly like to hear those extenuating circumstances.” I did too, so I listened as the lady told her story.

“Your Honor, I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept. I was met by this perky little clipboard carrier smiling from ear to ear and she tilted her head to one side and crooned, “Hi! I’m Belinda! All I need you to do is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this gown. Everything clear?”

I’m thinking, “Belinda, try decaf. This ain’t rocket science.” Belinda then skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors.

With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, “Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?” Fine, I answered.

I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck to finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged between those two 4-inch pieces of square glass) when I heard and felt a zap!

Complete darkness, the power was off!

Belinda said, “Uh-oh, maintenance is working, bet they hit a snag.” Then she headed for the door.

“Excuse me! You’re not leaving me in this vise alone are you?” I shouted.

Belinda kept going and said, “Oh, you fussy puppy…the door’s wide open so you’ll have the emergency hall lights. I’ll be right back.”

Before I could shout NOOOO! she disappeared.

And that’s exactly how Bubba and Earl, “maintenance men Extraordinaire” found me…half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass!

After exchanging a polite, 'Hi, how’s it going' type greeting, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.

Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible, “Uh, yes, I did but thanks anyway.”

“OK, you take care now,” Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I’d been standing in the line at the grocery store.

Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin.

Making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, “Oh, I am sooo sorry! The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?”

And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps….”

The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said, “Case Dismissed!”

. I can't believe this actually happened. One feels like two road rollers pressing you hard from either side! Even after the radiology technician with her sweet, southern accented voice tells me, 'hold yo breath and stay still, honey. It's going to be juuust a few seconds', and leaves the room to press the button on, it seems like ages! I don't know how the poor lady could stand in that position for two hours! Totally mind blowing! 

Poor me has been having them since i was 36

lol in my early 30s my regular obgyn's partner had done my annual, and decided she felt a lump, and sent me for an ultrasound.. I also had some other concern around that area that she had already dismissed. so anyway, I got the unltrasound done, it was all normal, and in my memory, I forgot what I had gotten done. I assumed it was a mammogram since a lump was felt.

then in my mid 30s I brought up the concern with my regular ob-gyn again. she asked me if I have ever had mammogram done before, while still perusing my charts. I said, 'maybe I have, back then when your partner wrote it for me'. She goes, 'you cannot have a mammogram and not remember it, am sure it was an ultrasound'. She was right. 15 days later, I realized what she meant lol.

Ok! Got it

We give male versions of those to Thomas and Rashmun here... Same treatment... different balls though