Re: Hello!

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Mon Feb 22, 2016 2:29 pm

Meghna Mathur wrote:upps... as such this day is not going so well

anyway, i need to counter this with a slightly funny story. one of XH's cousins still calls me bhabhi. old habits. so last night he texted to me, 'bhabhi, girl and i got engaged'. girl being a name that pretty much e'one in my fam now knows as his gf. first i said congrats... then i fought with xh on why he didn't tell me before, as xh had just recently talked with his fam. xh said he had no clue. anyway, then i decided to share the news with my fam on our whatsapp group, as most of them are also close with this cousin. instead of announcing the news in my own words, or taking a screenshot. I copied that text above, 'bhabhi, girl and i got engaged', as is. older understood right away, and began having a discussion with me on a private chat (we were on different floors, ok). then i switched back to my fam chat, and there was my bhabhi, thoroughly confused, asking, 'what's going on' and a dozen other emojis. i was like, why is she so suprised, we all knew cousin will eventually marry the girl. then i realized lol, that she read that text as if it was a message from me to her, 'bhabhi, girl and i got engaged'. hahaha... that one got me family-roasted for quite a bit last night.

You said you were an "Enigma(tic) Enigma", You live with your XH, and also claim you are an independent woman who does things your way.

So I do think that you are indeed engaged to a girl and you were just floating a balloon on Whatsapp to test the reaction.

by Maria S Mon Feb 22, 2016 2:36 pm

Thank you Mr. Sandilya, appreciate your kind words.

Thank you dear Seva, appreciate your kind words.

Thank you Mr. U,

You are so right about relatives. Yes, I will keep in touch with a few uncles and aunts.
I was not nearby, she passed in her sleep at home. As per her wish, the funeral was next day, and I was there three days later for the memorial service.

I have been really watching TV (politics) for the past 3-4 days. Plan not to watch too much.

by Marathadi-Saamiyaar Mon Feb 22, 2016 2:41 pm

Maria S wrote:Thank you Mr. Sandilya, appreciate your kind words.

Thank you dear Seva, appreciate your kind words.

Thank you Mr. U,

You are so right about relatives. Yes, I will keep in touch with a few uncles and aunts.
I was not nearby, she passed in her sleep at home. As per her wish, the funeral was next day, and I was there three days later for the memorial service.

That IS hard. You will know why soon. your heart will never accept that she is gone and it will take years to overcome her absence. When people talk about "Closure" this is what it is. Being at the funeral conditions the mind to accept the end.

Keeping touch with relatives - despite the absence of a link - certainly has its advantages. Will tell about that in another thread.

by Maria S Mon Feb 22, 2016 2:55 pm

Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

Keeping touch with relatives - despite the absence of a link - certainly has its advantages. Will tell about that in another thread.

It is hard, what you say is perhaps true to a large extent.
I don't like the term "closure", when it comes to death, some well-meaning professional perhaps made it up.

Sure, will read your thread-posts.

by swapna Mon Feb 22, 2016 2:55 pm

Meghna Mathur wrote:upps... as such this day is not going so well

anyway, i need to counter this with a slightly funny story. one of XH's cousins still calls me bhabhi. old habits. so last night he texted to me, 'bhabhi, girl and i got engaged'. girl being a name that pretty much e'one in my fam now knows as his gf. first i said congrats... then i fought with xh on why he didn't tell me before, as xh had just recently talked with his fam. xh said he had no clue. anyway, then i decided to share the news with my fam on our whatsapp group, as most of them are also close with this cousin. instead oMaggief announcing the news in my own words, or taking a screenshot. I copied that text above, 'bhabhi, girl and i got engaged', as is. older understood right away, and began having a discussion with me on a private chat (we were on different floors, ok). then i switched back to my fam chat, and there was my bhabhi, thoroughly confused, asking, 'what's going on' and a dozen other emojis. i was like, why is she so suprised, we all knew cousin will eventually marry the girl. then i realized lol, that she read that text as if it was a message from me to her, 'bhabhi, girl and i got engaged'. hahaha... that one got me family-roasted for quite a bit last night.

478 words! woman, get back to work. you need to code 43 more lines to fulfill your quota for the day.

by Guest Mon Feb 22, 2016 2:59 pm

swapna wrote:
Meghna Mathur wrote:upps... as such this day is not going so well

anyway, i need to counter this with a slightly funny story. one of XH's cousins still calls me bhabhi. old habits. so last night he texted to me, 'bhabhi, girl and i got engaged'. girl being a name that pretty much e'one in my fam now knows as his gf. first i said congrats... then i fought with xh on why he didn't tell me before, as xh had just recently talked with his fam. xh said he had no clue. anyway, then i decided to share the news with my fam on our whatsapp group, as most of them are also close with this cousin. instead oMaggief announcing the news in my own words, or taking a screenshot. I copied that text above, 'bhabhi, girl and i got engaged', as is. older understood right away, and began having a discussion with me on a private chat (we were on different floors, ok). then i switched back to my fam chat, and there was my bhabhi, thoroughly confused, asking, 'what's going on' and a dozen other emojis. i was like, why is she so suprised, we all knew cousin will eventually marry the girl. then i realized lol, that she read that text as if it was a message from me to her, 'bhabhi, girl and i got engaged'. hahaha... that one got me family-roasted for quite a bit last night.
478 words! woman, get back to work. you need to code 43 more lines to fulfill your quota for the day.

oh go back to cleaning your colon...

by Guest Mon Feb 22, 2016 3:06 pm

Maria S wrote:
Marathadi-Saamiyaar wrote:

Keeping touch with relatives - despite the absence of a link - certainly has its advantages. Will tell about that in another thread.

It is hard, what you say is perhaps true to a large extent.
I don't like the term "closure", when it comes to death, some well-meaning professional perhaps made it up.

Sure, will read your thread-posts.

agree with you regarding closure. e'one finds peace in their own way. my mom usually made it a point not to see someone's face after as she wanted to be stuck with their alive memories instead.

hey, i apologize if i was out of line with my attempt at funny stories. i had anothe one lined up, but decided won't tell now. i was once in a grieving mode with a friend, who i incorrectly thought was coming out of it after a week. mixed signals. i so sent a link of something. response was alright. encouraged, i sent a couple more. the friend was pissed. unfortunately that was the funeral day too. things got pretty dark pretty soon. felt terrible for days.

by Kris Mon Feb 22, 2016 3:20 pm

Maria S wrote:Hello!

The day after I last posted here..I lost her- my mother.

It has been a difficult time. dealing with a lot, including the short trip to India with all the physical and emotional exhaustion. Although we prepare ourselves for the inevitable with aging parents, it was sudden and has left a great void which will remain forever. My mother was a force to be reckoned with..she led a simple life..lived alone..fiercely independent to the end, smart and strong, well educated and traveled (lived in the US since the 60s) and had a remarkable life..friendly and hospitable towards all..lovely and funny! As any parent and child, we did not always agree, respected her and admired her,remained very close, and spoke to her almost every day. Without siblings and my father's passing, it feels strange..even visiting Chennai was different..She would always wait for me at the airport smiling and happy, come to send me off, controlling her emotions..as many things have, that has come to an end.

I miss her very much..just recovering slowly on many levels..returning to some kind of "normalcy"..

Speaking of which..the US Presidential elections seem to be unpredictable and entertaining..
I will not be involved, will not volunteer to help any campaign. Just observing!

Donald? Behind the bombastic and belligerent talk..is a softie. In the incredible and unlikely case that he is elected, will be soft, change his mind quite often, and will not be scary as he seems now.

Cruz..wonder why the Republican establishment is so against him..thinks he is dangerous.

Marco..seems cute, youngish and very lucky.. the establishment support is a little strange.

John..a Governor with a long political resume, seems qualified..but, the personal appeal is missing.

Ben..don't see him winning any state.

Bernie..okay and lucky..but, let's be real, America will not elect a self-proclaimed socialist.

Hillary..leaning towards voting for her..qualified and experienced..with all the battle scars and baggage..likeable enough, admirable.

Hope you are all doing well.

Sorry to hear about your mother. If it is any consolation, just think of the fact that she lives on through you in many ways. I think you are a person of faith. Hope that faith helps you through this. I lost my mother 12 years ago. I think of her often. I just remembered today what my father told me about my mother's final days. Right before her system started shutting down, she had apparently thanked the doctor and the nurses for the surgery.With time, your memories will help you heal. God bless.

by Maria S Mon Feb 22, 2016 3:36 pm

It's ok Tracy..You are a storyteller, be yourself..no apology needed.

by Maria S Mon Feb 22, 2016 3:37 pm

Kris wrote:Sorry to hear about your mother. If it is any consolation, just think of the fact that she lives on through you in many ways. I think you are a person of faith. Hope that faith helps you through this. I lost my mother 12 years ago. I think of her often. I just remembered today what my father told me about my mother's final days. Right before her system started shutting down, she had apparently thanked the doctor and the nurses for the surgery.With time, your memories will help you heal. God bless.

Thank you Kris,

Appreciate your kind words, and sharing thoughts about your mother.

by MaxEntropy_Man Mon Feb 22, 2016 6:36 pm

maria -- my sincere condolences. hope time will dull the pain leaving behind only the memories. given what i believe is the age group most of us belong in, we all have to face this sooner or later.

by Maria S Mon Feb 22, 2016 6:51 pm

Thank you Max,

For your condolences.

Taking care of aging parents, and grieving their loss..is our reality indeed, as your say sooner or later.

by confuzzled dude Mon Feb 22, 2016 8:27 pm

Very sorry to hear about your loss. Wishing you peace and strength during this difficult time.

by garam-kuta Mon Feb 22, 2016 11:02 pm

Maria S wrote:It's ok Tracy..You are a storyteller, be yourself..no apology needed.

it is graceful of you to forgive the self-obsessed, maria. sorry to hear about your loss.

by Guest Tue Feb 23, 2016 12:30 am

Maria S wrote:Hello!

The day after I last posted here..I lost her- my mother.

It has been a difficult time. dealing with a lot, including the short trip to India with all the physical and emotional exhaustion. Although we prepare ourselves for the inevitable with aging parents, it was sudden and has left a great void which will remain forever. My mother was a force to be reckoned with..she led a simple life..lived alone..fiercely independent to the end, smart and strong, well educated and traveled (lived in the US since the 60s) and had a remarkable life..friendly and hospitable towards all..lovely and funny! As any parent and child, we did not always agree, respected her and admired her,remained very close, and spoke to her almost every day. Without siblings and my father's passing, it feels strange..even visiting Chennai was different..She would always wait for me at the airport smiling and happy, come to send me off, controlling her emotions..as many things have, that has come to an end.

I miss her very much..just recovering slowly on many levels..returning to some kind of "normalcy"..

maria, deepest condolences.

by TruthSeeker Tue Feb 23, 2016 12:44 am

Ms. M - When I imagine, the only word comes that comes to my mind is - regret.

I hope...and pray...I can get rid of it, before its too late.

Death is certain, so not a shock or surprising, but sometimes a loss is hard because it makes you think "what could have been".

You are one of the strongest individuals emotionally I have known, so... well...*hugs*

Regards,
TS.

by Maria S Tue Feb 23, 2016 7:07 am

Thank you Mr. CD.

Appreciate the kind words.

by Maria S Tue Feb 23, 2016 7:09 am

Thank you Garam.

Most women like to talk a lot..share stories:)

by Maria S Tue Feb 23, 2016 7:10 am

Mr. SS,

Thank you for the condolences.

by Guest Tue Feb 23, 2016 7:27 am

Maria S wrote:Mr. SS,

Thank you for the condolences.

i suppose dad passed away earlier?

by Maria S Tue Feb 23, 2016 7:31 am

Mr. TS,

Thank you for the kind words and appreciate the hugs.

As for regrets, all of us will have a few..that's natural. We do the best we can when loved ones are alive..and if we are lucky, loved ones like my mother try not to make us feel guilty.

As long as their health is ok..it's easier, only when they become ill..or one parent passes away and they are alone..there are concerns about caregiving and other matters.

Take care.

by Maria S Tue Feb 23, 2016 8:12 am

brie wrote:i suppose dad passed away earlier?

Yes, 14 years ago.

by TruthSeeker Tue Feb 23, 2016 11:33 pm

Hmm. Ms. M - Guess what - I decided to send my daughter to a Christian school, private - after all.

As of now, I do intend to leave for India, leaving everyone else including my kids and wife, the day my mother calls me...to fail to walk to the restroom by herself.... Its like water is pouring in the glass, you just wait when it starts to spill....and try to balance life.

Anyways.

I have no solution to this problem for me, or many of my friends, who go through this.

Regards,
TS.

by Maria S Wed Feb 24, 2016 9:47 am

Mr. TS,

Hope you made the choice, which you feel is best for your daughter (she feels comfortable and does academically well), and is financially affordable for your family.

As you say, there are no easy solutions when it comes to parents who live far away and become ill. Have to figure out what works for our individual situations. Even if we are there for long periods of time, need good caregivers and other support (home health-nursing etc).

We try to do best we can, nothing is simple or easy.

by garam_kuta Wed Feb 24, 2016 11:15 am

Mariakka: Truly sorry to hear about your beloved mother’s demise; my sincere condolences.
From what you have reminisced, one almost feels that she is known to us personally. You were truly fortunate to have had such a person as your mother. It is an irrecoverable loss and she will be greatly missed.
Realizing the brevity of life always leaves me stultified and speechless.

by Maria S Wed Feb 24, 2016 12:14 pm

Thank you Garam.

by Guest Wed Feb 24, 2016 12:23 pm

always beautiful to underscore Wink

much better than to dash, I suppose.

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