Re: jokes thread (english, hindi, tamil telugu etc.)

[Guest]

warning: don't read this if u are eating ur lunch

Laila ne majnu ko 1 ped k pechay dekha or boli

Tum majnu hona?
Majnu bola ha

...Phir kuch dair bad usay jharioun k pechay dekha to boli

Tum majnu hona?
Wo bola ha

Phr kuch dair bad usay dewar k pechay dekha or kaha

Tm majnu hona?

Majnu bola
HAAN
Haan kamini
Mein Majnu hun
ab mujhe shanti se **dash** krne degi k nai.?

[Guest]

That's so much like my brother's kind of humor from back in the days... I still can't get over the famous Dilip Kumar song - Suhana Safar when he would change 'Yeh kaun hansta hai phoolon mein chhupkar' to 'Yeh kaun h_gta hai jhadi mein chhupkar'.... and so on.

[Guest]

hehe back in the days this was my understanding of non veg jokes )

[harharmahadev]

That's so much like my brother's kind of humor from back in the days... I still can't get over the famous Dilip Kumar song - Suhana Safar when he would change 'Yeh kaun hansta hai phoolon mein chhupkar' to 'Yeh kaun h_gta hai jhadi mein chhupkar'.... and so on.

This one used to be my fave

eeee....nile gagan ke tale
subeh ke paanch baje
Nadiya ka paani
lote mein bharke
sandaas ki ore chale..eee

[Another Brick]

woman mohan singh visits his dentist but refuses to open his mouth.

dentist - woman mohan singh ji, you are allowed to open your mouth in front of your dentist.
woman mohan singh ji -

(read on HT in users' replies section.)

[The Absolute Zero]

Read this on Sulekha CH few years ago. Not sure exactly the wording but similar meaning.

Ek aadmi shivji ko tapasya ki.

When shivji came to see this guy, he says. Shivji I need a guitar.

Guitar? ask something else, Shivji bola.

Na I need just a guitar.

After arguing and couter arguing Shivji says finally.. ask something else idiot.

Idiot bola, naw Guitar or nothing.

Shivji says: bekar aadmi hamara paas guitar hai tho hum damaroo kyon baaje?

[Guest]

wo ankh badi hi pyari thi

(arre wah wah to bolo to aagey bhadun ¿¿ kya fatichar readers hain!)

wo ankh badi hi pyari thi

jo usne humko maari thi

hum to muft me pit gaye doston

hum to muft me pit gaye doston

hume kya pata tha

ki unko baba ramdev ki bimari thi

[charvaka]

wo ankh badi hi pyari thi

(arre wah wah to bolo to aagey bhadun ¿¿ kya fatichar readers hain!)

wo ankh badi hi pyari thi

jo usne humko maari thi

hum to muft me pit gaye doston

hum to muft me pit gaye doston

hume kya pata tha

ki unko baba ramdev ki bimari thi

Wah wah, too!

[Guest]

Write your letters too and I'll have them published

[Guest]

jailor -- suna hai tum shayar ho, to kuch sunao na yaar
qaidi -- gum e ulfat me jo zindagi kati hai hamarii
jis din zamanat hui to samajh lo
zindagi khatam tumharii

[Guest]

In an African Safari, A LION suddenly bounced on Banta's wife.
WIFE - Shoot him! Shoot him!!
BANTA - Yes Yes. I am changing the battery of my camera

[Guest]

a couple goes to the mall and the boy buys a helmet. the girl says, "dimag to nahin hai...helmet kyun liya?" the boy replies, "kal tune bra liya maine kuch bola?"

[Another Brick]

hahaha. here's one about venkat and sandeep.


Venkat and Sandeep are sitting next to each other on a long flight from new york to mumbai. Venkat - double masters and triple PhD - is thinking that vinods and sandeeps are so dumb that he could put one over them easy. So Venkat asks if Sandeep would like to play a fun game. Sandeep is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he says "But I am tired na? Let me plij sleep na?"

Venkat persists saying that the game is a lot of fun. "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500," he says. This catches Sandeep's attention and to keep Venkat quiet - much to everyone's relief -, he agrees to play the game.

Venkat asks the first question. 'If you multiply the distance between Earth and its Moon with the average number of hair oh human skull and then divide it by the number of people in Bihar, which number do you get?' Sandeep doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to Venkat.

Now it's Sandeep's turn. He asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four? Tell ma na?" Venkat uses his laptop and searches all references he can find on the Net. He sends e-mails to karthik, balaji and senthil; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.

He wakes Sandeep and hands him $500. Sandeep pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.

Not knowing the answer, Venkat is going nuts and would have even turned red with anger if he were 20 shades lighter. He wakes Sandeep up and asks, 'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?'

Sandeep reaches into his pocket, hands Venkat $5 and goes back to sleep.

[Guest]

ha ha ha ha. good one!

ek insaan kumbh mela me bhagwan se prarthna kar raha tha:

hey prabhu nyay karo...
hey prabhu nyay karo...

aksar bhai bhai bichadte hain
kabhi pati patni ko bhi try karo

[Another Brick]

hahaha

[Another Brick]

the most embarrassing moment in guy's life -

sweet, beautiful female friend calls and rahul's mother picks up the phone.

sweet, beautiful girl - kya maii rahul se baat kar sakti hoon?

rahul's mother - nahi, woh to abhi sandas karne gaya hain. time lagega. uska pet kharab hain. aadhe ghante baad call karo.

[harharmahadev]

the most embarrassing moment in guy's life -

sweet, beautiful female friend calls and rahul's mother picks up the phone.

sweet, beautiful girl - kya maii rahul se baat kar sakti hoon?

rahul's mother - nahi, woh to abhi sandas karne gaya hain. time lagega. uska pet kharab hain. aadhe ghante baad call karo.

Kyon? Kya sweet, beautiful girl sandaas nahin karti?

[Guest]

the most embarrassing moment in guy's life -

sweet, beautiful female friend calls and rahul's mother picks up the phone.

sweet, beautiful girl - kya maii rahul se baat kar sakti hoon?

rahul's mother - nahi, woh to abhi sandas karne gaya hain. time lagega. uska pet kharab hain. aadhe ghante baad call karo.

hahaha.. once my dad called this sorta esteemed architect for some biz purpose. His wife goes in sorta broken and maybe translated hindi (i think they spoke marathi otherwise), 'B sahab to abhi taTTi main baithe hai'. omg is still such a joke for us.

[Guest]

TW this joke's for you (not to be taken personally):

ek din ek aurat tota khareedne gayi.

aurat: iski kya khasiyat hai?

dukandar - ye bolta hai.

aurat - acha?

aurat ne tota se poocha - mein kaisi lagti hun?

tota - behen ke lode randi lagti hai

aurat - ye to bada badtameez tota hai!

dukandar use andar le gaya aur zor se paani me duba kar poocha - bol ab gali dega?

tota - nahi, kabhi nahi dunga

wo use bahar le gaya aur aurat se kaha - ab poocho

aurat - agar mere ghar me ek aadmi aaye to tum kya sochoge?

tota - aapke pati hain

aurat - agar 2?

tota - to aapke pati aur devar?

aurat - agar 3?

totat - pati, devar aur bhai?

aurat - agar 4?

tota - pani le aao wasim bhai, mene to pehle hi kaha tha ki behen ke lode ye randi hai

[Guest]

TW this joke's for you (not to be taken personally):

ek din ek aurat tota khareedne gayi.

aurat: iski kya khasiyat hai?

dukandar - ye bolta hai.

aurat - acha?

aurat ne tota se poocha - mein kaisi lagti hun?

tota - behen ke lode randi lagti hai

aurat - ye to bada badtameez tota hai!

dukandar use andar le gaya aur zor se paani me duba kar poocha - bol ab gali dega?

tota - nahi, kabhi nahi dunga

wo use bahar le gaya aur aurat se kaha - ab poocho

aurat - agar mere ghar me ek aadmi aaye to tum kya sochoge?

tota - aapke pati hain

aurat - agar 2?

tota - to aapke pati aur devar?

aurat - agar 3?

totat - pati, devar aur bhai?

aurat - agar 4?

tota - pani le aao wasim bhai, mene to pehle hi kaha tha ki behen ke lode ye randi hai

ya suna hua hai.

[Guest]

o ho then i'll have to change neighbourghood. or, wait, let me try one more. *thinking*

[Propagandhi711]

hhaha....sandeep must iyengar and venkat, an iyer. coz we all know iyers are good at theory but iyengars alwazzz best them in practise only.

hahaha. here's one about venkat and sandeep.


Venkat and Sandeep are sitting next to each other on a long flight from new york to mumbai. Venkat - double masters and triple PhD - is thinking that vinods and sandeeps are so dumb that he could put one over them easy. So Venkat asks if Sandeep would like to play a fun game. Sandeep is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he says "But I am tired na? Let me plij sleep na?"

Venkat persists saying that the game is a lot of fun. "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500," he says. This catches Sandeep's attention and to keep Venkat quiet - much to everyone's relief -, he agrees to play the game.

Venkat asks the first question. 'If you multiply the distance between Earth and its Moon with the average number of hair oh human skull and then divide it by the number of people in Bihar, which number do you get?' Sandeep doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to Venkat.

Now it's Sandeep's turn. He asks, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four? Tell ma na?" Venkat uses his laptop and searches all references he can find on the Net. He sends e-mails to karthik, balaji and senthil; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.

He wakes Sandeep and hands him $500. Sandeep pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.

Not knowing the answer, Venkat is going nuts and would have even turned red with anger if he were 20 shades lighter. He wakes Sandeep up and asks, 'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?'

Sandeep reaches into his pocket, hands Venkat $5 and goes back to sleep.

[Guest]

in the spirit of retelling pj's here is one:

What does a Madrasi means when he says 'I watched the movie 'Heart is an umbrella?'

Answer: Dil Chahta hai.

[Guest]

lamestttt PJ yaaaar fultooo zzzz

do sardar chess khel rahe the

pehla bola - neend aa rahi hai, ab bas game khatam karte hain
dusra bola - OK, waise bhi tera ghoda aur mera hathi hi bacha hai

[Guest]

santa -- pata hai, bachpan me mein qutub minar se gir gaya tha
banta - to fir mar gaya ya bach gya tha?
santa -- yaar pata nahin ye baat bahut purani hai

-------------------------------------------------------------

jab duniya banayi to rab ne ladkon se promise kiya ki sundar aur sachi girlfriend duniya ke har kone me milegi.

fir duniya banadi GOL.

[Guest]

Kamzor dil wale plz ye message na padhein





Ek bohat khoobsurat ladki thi
Gali ka ek ladka usay bohot pasand karta tha
1 bar us ladki ki tabyat kharab ho gai
usko ultiyan aane lagi
Usne ek glass mai ulti ki
or us ladke se kaha agar muje sacha pyar karte ho to ise piyo
ladka tayar ho jata hai
Wo adha glass peeney ke bad ruk jata hai
To ladki poochti hai kya hua ruk kyun gaye?
.
Us ladke ne hasrat bhari nigahon se dekha or
kaha

.
aalu aa gaya tha chaba raha hu

[Another Brick]

this poster loled after ewwing first.

[Guest]

Warning should have been for the weak gut not weak heart. Subah subah, uff.

[Guest]

ha ha.

[Another Brick]

a husband and wife are fast alseep. suddenly, the wife, who is dreaming in bed, wakes up and shouts, "quick! my husband is home!"

her husband wakes up and jumps out of the window.

[Guest]

roflllllllll

[Guest]

girl's smile creates greatest confusion in a boy's mind....

ghanto tak samajh hi nahin aata
ki has kar dekh rahi hai
ya dekh kar has rahi hai

[Guest]

The male teacher in a girls' school asked the science class: "Who can tell me what organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated? Mary, can you tell me?"

Mary blushed furiously as she stood up. Then replied, "Sir, how dare you ask such a question? I will complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal."

The male teacher was taken aback at first by Mary's reaction. Then, as understanding dawned on him, he called for another pupil, this time a volunteer.

Lilly put up her hand. "Yes, Lilly?" asked the teacher.

"Sir, the correct answer is the iris of the eye."

"Very good. Thanks, Lilly," said the male teacher.

He then turned to the 1st girl, who threatened to complain to her parents and principal: "Well, Mary, I have 3 things to tell you:

First, you have NOT done your HOMEWORK.

Second, you have a DIRTY mind.

And thirdly, I fear, one day in future, you are going to be sadly disappointed!"

[Guest]

royal PJ

[Guest]

petrol ka rate bhadne pe santa bola -- menu koi farak nhi penda, pehle bhi 100 ka bharwata tha, ab bhi 100 ka bharwata hun.

[Guest]

santa facial karwane ke liye beauty parlour gaya. santa earphones
par gana bhi sun raha tha. santa bola mera facial karo par khuda ke
waste mere kaan se earphones na nikalna. madam boli OK. facial karte
karte madam ne dekha ki santa so gaya hai. Madam ko badi curiosity hui. madam ne earphone nikala. fat se santa behoshi me zameen par gir pada. madam ghabda gayii. Madam ne nabz dekhi - wo bhi band. ghabda ke madam
ne earphone apne kaan me lagaya to sunai diya -- breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...

[Guest]

1 ENGINEER, 1 MBA Student and RajniKant
Kashti Me Ja Rahe They,
1 JINN Aaya Or Bola,
"Samandar Me Koi Chez Feko
Agr Mene Dhund Li To Me Tumhe Mar Dunga,
Or Na Dhund Paya To Me Tumhara Ghulam"
Engineer Ne Needle Feki
JINN Ne Dhund Li Or Use Maar Diya,
MBA Student Ne Memory Card Feka, JINN Ne Dhund Liya Or Use Bhi Maar Diya,
Rajnikant Ne Disprin Feki,
Wo Pani Me Ghul Gayi..
RajniKant Bola : Chal Beta, Ghar Chal, Bohat Kaam Pada Hai.

[Guest]

Rajnikanth ki wife ghar chod k chali gai hai... Coz... Rajni ne apne ek hollywood dost ko apna garden JURASIC PARK-4 ki shooting k liye de diya hai... Bhabhi g ka kahna hai k hollywood walo ne abhi tak wo Bath Tub bhi wapis ni kiya jisme TITANIC banai thi..

[Guest]

Rajnikanth ki wife ghar chod k chali gai hai... Coz... Rajni ne apne ek hollywood dost ko apna garden JURASIC PARK-4 ki shooting k liye de diya hai... Bhabhi g ka kahna hai k hollywood walo ne abhi tak wo Bath Tub bhi wapis ni kiya jisme TITANIC banai thi..

[Guest]

Åß Itñì Rååt Kø Åpüñ Tèré kø Kìsì ßåßå Kå Såtsåñg Süñåñè K Lìyè PøsT Tø
Krègå Ñhì.. Çømmøñ Sèñsé Kì ßååt Håì Tèré Kø Güdñìté ßølñè Kå Thå. Çhål
Lüdåk Jå Gud 9t

[Guest]

cool

[Guest]

very emotinal msg:
.
.
.

girlfriend to boyfriend - i m pregnant
boyfriend - r u sure ki ye mera hai?
girl crying and says - yaar sab log aise bologe to kaise chalega.

[Another Brick]

Q what is rajinikantham's email address?
A gmail@rajinikanth.com

[Guest]

Q what is rajinikantham's email address?
A gmail@rajinikanth.com

[Guest]

hedji, r u ok? pliss to stand up. that was a royal pj saar.

[Rekz]

hedji, r u ok? pliss to stand up. that was a royal pj saar.

Lol..he wanted to try out the rofling smiley

[artood2]

No great joke for a long time. Seven, HK, AB et al please pull your stuff together

[Rekz]

Who is the luckiest man in the universe?

G.ARVINDAN ,kanimozhi's husband

200crores in bank & wife in Jail:lol:

[Guest]

ok, here we go. it's a d*rT joke but we are all adults so here it is,

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.
While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

[Guest]

purana joke hai yaar.

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