Re: jokes thread (english, hindi, tamil telugu etc.)

by artood2 Wed May 25, 2011 3:19 pm

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa. He took his faithful pet dachshund along for company. One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost.

So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his direction with the obvious intention of having him for lunch. The dachshund thinks, "OK, I'm in deep trouble now!" Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat. Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here." Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That dachshund nearly had me." Meanwhile, a monkey, who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes.

But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed, and figured that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard. The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine." Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet ... and, just when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says..................

"Where's that darn monkey? Sent him off half an hour ago to bring me another leopard."

by artood2 Thu May 26, 2011 2:34 am

Two Christians were lost in the Sahara desert. One is David, the other is Michael. They were dying of hunger and thirst when they suddenly came upon an oasis, with what looked like an emirate of a mosque in the middle.

David said to Michael : "Look, let's pretend we are Muslims, otherwise we'll not get any food or drink. I am going to call myself Mohammed."

Michael refused to change his name, he said : "My name is Michael, and I will not pretend to be other than but what I am...Michael."

The Imam of the mosque received both well and asked about their names.

David said : "My name is Mohammed."

Michael said : "My name is Michael."

The Imam turned to the helpers of the mosque and said : "Please bring some food and water for Michael only."

Then he turned to the other and said: "Well Mohammed, Ramzan Mubarak!"

by artood2 Thu May 26, 2011 2:36 am

Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother' s house.
Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.
When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.
"Johnny wait until we say our prayer."
"I don't have to," The boy replied.
"Of course, you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer, before eating, at our house."
"That's our house," Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook."

by artood2 Thu May 26, 2011 2:39 am

There was once a great actor, who had a problem. He could no longer remember his lines. Finally after many years he finds a theater where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.
The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line, you must walk on to the stage carrying a rose, you must hold the rose with just one finger and your thumb to your nose, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'"
The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he's practicing his line over and over again. Finally the time came.
The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and with great passion delivered the line; "Ah, the sweet aroma of my
mistress."
The theater erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!
"You bloody fool!" he cried, "You have ruined me!"
The actor was bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?"
He asked. "No!" the director screamed, "You forgot the bloody rose!"

by Guest Thu May 26, 2011 4:09 am

artood2 wrote:There was once a great actor, who had a problem. He could no longer remember his lines. Finally after many years he finds a theater where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.
The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line, you must walk on to the stage carrying a rose, you must hold the rose with just one finger and your thumb to your nose, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'"
The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he's practicing his line over and over again. Finally the time came.
The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and with great passion delivered the line; "Ah, the sweet aroma of my
mistress."
The theater erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!
"You bloody fool!" he cried, "You have ruined me!"
The actor was bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?"
He asked. "No!" the director screamed, "You forgot the bloody rose!"

Hmm? He just sniffed without a rose and said "Ah, sweet.....". Why is it such a gaffe? What am I missing?

by harharmahadev Thu May 26, 2011 12:53 pm

A teacher in class...

Students.. batao.. saamne ke AAM ke pedh pe Sitaphal kitne hain??

Pappu : 12

Teacher : Kaise??\

Pappu : Kyuki aaj maine mere tiffin mein poha laya hain! Very Happy

by Hellsangel Thu May 26, 2011 12:54 pm

harharmahadev wrote:A teacher in class...

Students.. batao.. saamne ke AAM ke pedh pe Sitaphal kitne hain??

Pappu : 12

Teacher : Kaise??\

Pappu : Kyuki aaj maine mere tiffin mein poha laya hain!

You deleted your comment!

by Guest Thu May 26, 2011 12:56 pm

how could he do that? where is admin? this site is spooky!

by Guest Thu May 26, 2011 1:03 pm

in fact the problem indophile is complaining about -- i experienced it too. i did have that "someone else has made a post" warning but i "saved" and i saw my post posted. i quoted my own post in another post immediately thereafter (i had had a change of mind). i saw both posts in the thread. i went away. came back later. the parent post was gone and my post (that quoted the parent post) was there but now it seemed to quote something that no longer existed. i'll find that thread and provide a link here.

by Guest Thu May 26, 2011 1:16 pm

i can't search for the link. this site has a cut-off too for history. if you click on any user and his stats and "find (user's) posts," then the maximum pages the site generates for you is 8. all posts older than the 8 pages get cut-off.

but, i must clarify, that i have not experienced the problem (that i state in the post above) again. those were my first few days here. either i was drunk or it was a threshold i needed to cross to post successfully after the "another message has been posted" scenario.

by CroMagnon Thu May 26, 2011 1:19 pm

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:in fact the problem indophile is complaining about -- i experienced it too. i did have that "someone else has made a post" warning but i "saved" and i saw my post posted. i quoted my own post in another post immediately thereafter (i had had a change of mind). i saw both posts in the thread. i went away. came back later. the parent post was gone and my post (that quoted the parent post) was there but now it seemed to quote something that no longer existed. i'll find that thread and provide a link here.

Charvaka's nightmare might have come true. I think the tech savvy CEO is behind all this. Soon all posts will be deleted and our microwaves will be nuked.

by Guest Thu May 26, 2011 1:32 pm

this is going to be sensational news on old ch tomorrow. like nextdude said in old CH, osama died, jayalaitha won, sai baba died, kanimozhi got jailed but all sulekha CH has been talking about is who is the killer? tomorrow this will be headlines.

by ढीकम टांटिया Thu May 26, 2011 1:40 pm

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:like nextdude said in old CH, osama died, jayalaitha won, sai baba died, kanimozhi got jailed but all sulekha CH has been talking about is who is the killer?

LOL.

Kripamaya thinks Sulekha itself is behind the killings and it is their way of forcing people out and killing the forum. This must be the most retarded statement ever made on Sulekha CH.

by artood2 Fri May 27, 2011 1:43 am

blabberwock wrote:
artood2 wrote:There was once a great actor, who had a problem. He could no longer remember his lines. Finally after many years he finds a theater where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.
The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line, you must walk on to the stage carrying a rose, you must hold the rose with just one finger and your thumb to your nose, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'"
The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he's practicing his line over and over again. Finally the time came.
The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and with great passion delivered the line; "Ah, the sweet aroma of my
mistress."
The theater erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!
"You bloody fool!" he cried, "You have ruined me!"
The actor was bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?"
He asked. "No!" the director screamed, "You forgot the bloody rose!"

Hmm? He just sniffed without a rose and said "Ah, sweet.....". Why is it such a gaffe? What am I missing?

hmm... A guy moving around sniffing a finger and saying "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress..."

by Guest Fri May 27, 2011 1:55 am

artood2 wrote:
blabberwock wrote:
artood2 wrote:There was once a great actor, who had a problem. He could no longer remember his lines. Finally after many years he finds a theater where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.
The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line, you must walk on to the stage carrying a rose, you must hold the rose with just one finger and your thumb to your nose, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line 'Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress.'"
The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he's practicing his line over and over again. Finally the time came.
The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and with great passion delivered the line; "Ah, the sweet aroma of my
mistress."
The theater erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!
"You bloody fool!" he cried, "You have ruined me!"
The actor was bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?"
He asked. "No!" the director screamed, "You forgot the bloody rose!"

Hmm? He just sniffed without a rose and said "Ah, sweet.....". Why is it such a gaffe? What am I missing?

hmm... A guy moving around sniffing a finger and saying "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress..."

Now that you describe it like this, I can how it could be a gaffe of himalayan proportions. Sorry, I am dumb, senile etc.

by Guest Fri May 27, 2011 1:52 pm

lol X 10 at your two jokes artood2 (dachshund and christians)

rabri devi - dahi jamane ko english me kya bolun?
laloo - the milk was sleeping n the nightwa and early in the morning it becomes tightwa.

by Guest Fri May 27, 2011 1:54 pm

united we stand, divided we fall.

hindi translation:

sanghatan mein shaktee hai, akele me phat tee hai.

by Guest Fri May 27, 2011 1:58 pm

by harharmahadev Fri May 27, 2011 3:44 pm

Hellsangel wrote:
harharmahadev wrote:A teacher in class...

Students.. batao.. saamne ke AAM ke pedh pe Sitaphal kitne hain??

Pappu : 12

Teacher : Kaise??\

Pappu : Kyuki aaj maine mere tiffin mein poha laya hain!
You deleted your comment!

Yes I did....didn't want to hurt feelings.

by Guest Mon May 30, 2011 8:25 am

A YOUNG MAN WAS SPENDING THE NIGHT AT THE APARTMENT OF A MARRIED COUPLE OF HIS ACQUAINTANCE. SINCE THEY HAD NO COUCH, THE COUPLE DECIDED TO SHARE THEIR BED WITH THE GUEST, AND THEY ALL RETIRED EARLY.

IT WASN'T LONG AFTERWARDS THAT THE WIFE WHISPERED IN THE YOUNG MAN'S EAR, "PULL A HAIR FROM MY HUSBAND'S BUTT: IF HE'S ASLEEP WE CAN MAKE LOVE."

THE YOUNG MAN DID AS INSTRUCTED, AND AFTER GETTING NO RESPONSE FROM THE HUSBAND, HE PROCEEDED TO MAKE LOVE WITH THE WIFE. NOT FEELING COMPLETELY SATISFIED, THE WIFE PROCEEDED TO PROPOSE THE SAME COURSE OF ACTION A SECOND TIME, AND LATER A THIRD TIME, AND THE YOUNG MAN WAS ONLY TOO HAPPY TO OBLIGE.

FINALLY THE HUSBAND ROLLED OVER AND SAID WEARILY "LISTEN, IT'S BAD ENOUGH THAT YOU'RE HAVING SEX WITH MY WIFE IN THE SAME BED AS ME, BUT DO YOU HAVE TO USE MY BUTT AS A SCOREBOARD?"

by Guest Tue May 31, 2011 5:23 am

by Another Brick Tue May 31, 2011 5:30 am

is there a youtube vid there? can't see.

by Guest Tue May 31, 2011 5:48 am

oops, yes there is. i have to be more conscious of the fact that many can't access youtube from work.

by Guest Wed Jun 15, 2011 3:38 am

aasman me kaali ghata chayii hai
aaj fir gharwali se maar khayii hai
dil to karta hai sudhar jaun
magar padosan aaj fir bheeg kar aayii hai

by Guest Wed Jun 15, 2011 3:44 am

chuha hathi se: 2 din ke lye apni biwi ka bra dena
hathi (hans ke): kyun? apni biwi ko pehnayega?
chuha: nahi, beti ki shadi hai. tent lagana hai. ladies alag, gents alag.

by Guest Fri Jun 17, 2011 5:56 am

dude unmohan & medamji

jokes thread (english, hindi, tamil telugu etc.) - Page 3 Unmoha10

by Guest Wed Jun 22, 2011 8:37 am

*it's been raining nonstop for the last 7 days*

FACT ABOUT RAIN

in USA, after rain, the water disappears in 5 mins.

in INDIA, after rain, the road disappears in 5 mins.

in KOLKATA, anyone venturing out during or after rain, disappears in 5 seconds!

by FreeStyle Wed Jun 22, 2011 10:33 am

lol they r hilarious

by Guest Fri Jun 24, 2011 1:05 am

yaad hai tumhe wo school ke din?
hum kitna khelte the
class me baatein karte the
jhgadte the
haste the
rote the
nahi yaad?

kaise yaad hoga hum ek school me kahan padte the. Wink

by Guest Fri Jun 24, 2011 1:07 am

ek student ne mba form bhadte hua paas khade chowkidar se poocha -- kaisa hai ye college?
chowkidar - bahut bhadiya hai, humne khud mba yahin se kiya hai.

by Guest Fri Jun 24, 2011 11:19 am

ek baccha machar apni pehli udaan bhar kar ghar aaya. uski ma ne poocha -- kaisa raha beta? macchar bola -- bahut hi bhadiyan, sab hath taaliyan de rahe the!

by Guest Fri Jun 24, 2011 1:50 pm

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:ek student ne mba form bhadte hua paas khade chowkidar se poocha -- kaisa hai ye college?
chowkidar - bahut bhadiya hai, humne khud mba yahin se kiya hai.

by Guest Fri Jun 24, 2011 1:53 pm

Chintu : Papa main itna bada kab ho jaunga jab mummy ko bina batae kahin jaa saku?

Papa: Beta itna bada to main bhi nahi hua abhi tak!!

lol!

by Propagandhi711 Fri Jun 24, 2011 1:57 pm

one pathetic attempt to prove that women can be funny detected, ironically reinforcing the original accusation.

by Guest Sun Jun 26, 2011 12:28 am

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:ek baccha machar apni pehli udaan bhar kar ghar aaya. uski ma ne poocha -- kaisa raha beta? macchar bola -- bahut hi bhadiyan, sab hath taaliyan de rahe the!

cute

by Guest Sun Jun 26, 2011 2:21 am

tank u tank u tank u.

huzefa kapasi: what is noun?
nutmeg: to arz kiya hai,
kutta bhi apni gali me hota hai king...
huzefa kapasi: wah! wah!
nutmeg: to, kutta bhi apni gali me hota hai king,
noun is the name of a person, place or thing!

by Guest Mon Jun 27, 2011 8:28 am

Test post from android

by Guest Mon Jun 27, 2011 8:34 am

*eesh content*

Sex in Sanskrit: Ooperam Chumam, Golam Chusam, Golam Dabam puchuk puchuk....Taangam kholam, Lingam Daalam, Mazaam Avaavam, dhuchuk dhuchuk...

by Guest Mon Jun 27, 2011 8:50 am

Kash aisi Grlfrnd mile jo kahe-

Udas Q rehte ho tanha SHAM ki tarah..

Udas Q rehte ho tanha SHAM ki tarah.

Aao mere boobs Choos lo dashehri AAM ki tarh.

by Guest Mon Jun 27, 2011 9:12 am

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:Kash aisi Grlfrnd mile jo kahe-

Udas Q rehte ho tanha SHAM ki tarah..

Udas Q rehte ho tanha SHAM ki tarah.

Aao mere boobs Choos lo dashehri AAM ki tarh.

eesh.

by Guest Mon Jun 27, 2011 9:12 am

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:*eesh content*

Sex in Sanskrit: Ooperam Chumam, Golam Chusam, Golam Dabam puchuk puchuk....Taangam kholam, Lingam Daalam, Mazaam Avaavam, dhuchuk dhuchuk...

double eesh. Shocked

by Guest Mon Jun 27, 2011 9:28 am

Statutory Disclaimer:

The jokes copy pasted and, or forwarded and, or translated and, or posted do not reflect the views and, or opinions of the poster and, or the owners of the handle posting them.

by Rekz Mon Jun 27, 2011 1:07 pm

artood2 wrote:Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother' s house.
Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.
When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.
"Johnny wait until we say our prayer."
"I don't have to," The boy replied.
"Of course, you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer, before eating, at our house."
"That's our house," Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook."

by Guest Mon Jun 27, 2011 7:39 pm

Arz kiya hai...
tuhaar chehraa moti samaan...
tuhaar chehraa moti samaan...

moti hamaar kutte ka naam.... Smile

by Guest Tue Jun 28, 2011 1:31 am

Tracy Whitney wrote:Arz kiya hai...
tuhaar chehraa moti samaan...
tuhaar chehraa moti samaan...

moti hamaar kutte ka naam....

eesh.

by Guest Tue Jun 28, 2011 3:15 am

Rajnikanth's dog's house
has a signboard on it,

saying
.....
.
...
.

.
.
.
.
.

"MAALIK SE SAAVDHAAN" :

by Guest Tue Jun 28, 2011 6:34 am

Ramu- Maa main KBC se bol raha hun, mere Pitaji ka kya naam hai??

Maa- sawal kitne ka hai?

Ramu- 1000 Rs ka

Maa- Quit kar de, 1000 Rs le kar ghar chala aa nahin to ghar me kalesh ho jayega.

by FreeStyle Tue Jun 28, 2011 9:07 am

Tracy Whitney wrote:Arz kiya hai...
tuhaar chehraa moti samaan...
tuhaar chehraa moti samaan...

moti hamaar kutte ka naam....

lol nice one

by Guest Tue Jun 28, 2011 2:42 pm

Santaji ka interview

Boss: tumhara janam kaha hua tha?
Santa: thiruvananthapuram mein.
Boss: Spelling batao.
Santa: Mazak kar raha hoon. Goa mein hua tha.

by Guest Tue Jun 28, 2011 2:46 pm

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