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Log inthe power of words
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desi aunty- Posts : 255
Join date : 2019-09-12
FluteHolder- Posts : 2355
Join date : 2011-06-03
Re: the power of words
by desi aunty Mon Dec 09, 2019 1:43 pm
i take the comfort that the brother didn't think of their last interaction as their defining relationship in the last days of his life, although i do feel her guilt. my sibs and i have done full kutti kamini to each other as kids, but if that was to be our last exchange ever, would i be thinking of just that? nope. if it's a close bro-sis or any relationship, it goes much deeper than a few harsh words here and there, but i am sure the survivor will feel all kinds of guilt.
When my dad got sick, i booked to fly out the same evening. that would have put me in my dad's hospital room thursday morning. but people asked me to skip that flight, and i flew out next afternoon, getting by his bedside thursday evening. I heard that he was his most jovial and talkative thursday afternoon, once even mistook my niece to be me and called out my name. By the time i went he was dependent on the oxygen mask. When he saw me, he shook a little, closed his eyes and pretended to sleep. then my sis and i went in again, and he said - 'good, both of you are here'. After that, we didn't talk much even though he was aware of e'thing. Mine is probably the last voice he heard and responded to. But i kept regretting that had i come thursday morning, i would have had a full convo with him. Eventually family members had to kinda shake it out of me by saying, 'he wasn't THAT talkative'. I know they were lying, but i did stop beating myself over it after a point. I have had a lifetime of great convos with him, and i did have some interaction with him in his last days. That last convo, maybe 1-2 sentences, may or may not have mattered, and then i would have beaten myself up about other stuff anyway. that's how death is i suppose. It's very difficult to cope with.
When my dad got sick, i booked to fly out the same evening. that would have put me in my dad's hospital room thursday morning. but people asked me to skip that flight, and i flew out next afternoon, getting by his bedside thursday evening. I heard that he was his most jovial and talkative thursday afternoon, once even mistook my niece to be me and called out my name. By the time i went he was dependent on the oxygen mask. When he saw me, he shook a little, closed his eyes and pretended to sleep. then my sis and i went in again, and he said - 'good, both of you are here'. After that, we didn't talk much even though he was aware of e'thing. Mine is probably the last voice he heard and responded to. But i kept regretting that had i come thursday morning, i would have had a full convo with him. Eventually family members had to kinda shake it out of me by saying, 'he wasn't THAT talkative'. I know they were lying, but i did stop beating myself over it after a point. I have had a lifetime of great convos with him, and i did have some interaction with him in his last days. That last convo, maybe 1-2 sentences, may or may not have mattered, and then i would have beaten myself up about other stuff anyway. that's how death is i suppose. It's very difficult to cope with.
desi aunty- Posts : 255
Join date : 2019-09-12
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