my wife

Impedimenta wrote:

the gluttonish reference was to get your attention. see, i am sometimes smart as well and ADD free when i want to be:-)

When is Mr. Drinkman going to be Stateside?

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:My wife

...

who decided that you should marry the woman you married? was it you? why did you marry her?

yes i decided to marry her. i wanted to get married. i have told the story many times in old CH but you were not paying attention. the crux of it remains: i decided to marry her because i wanted to get married (affter dragging my marriage for a few years).

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:And that, that is lust I’d say when I looked at the picture of Madhuri Dixit on TV.

did you make any attempt to meet and know madhuri dixit, or did you only imagine yourself entwining limbs with that distant celebrity who didn't know that you existed, for whom millions of boys and men lusted? did you write urdu couplets for dixit?

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:yes i decided to marry her. i wanted to get married. i have told the story many times in old CH but you were not paying attention. the crux of it remains: i decided to marry her because i wanted to get married (affter dragging my marriage for a few years).

did you have any choice in whom you would/could marry? was there anyone else you could have married? (forget madhuri dixit.) what qualities of hers prompted you to choose to marry the woman you married rather than someone else?

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:yes i decided to marry her. i wanted to get married. i have told the story many times in old CH but you were not paying attention. the crux of it remains: i decided to marry her because i wanted to get married (affter dragging my marriage for a few years).

There Jeri-miyan was, trying to differentiate himself from you based on a nuanced subcategorization of arranged marriages. And you had to stomp all over his attempt with your answer. Very bad.

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:yes i decided to marry her. i wanted to get married. i have told the story many times in old CH but you were not paying attention. the crux of it remains: i decided to marry her because i wanted to get married (affter dragging my marriage for a few years).

did you have any choice in whom you would/could marry? was there anyone else you could have married? (forget madhuri dixit.) what qualities of hers prompted you to choose to marry the woman you married rather than someone else?

I know this one. He was impressed by her grandfather, or maybe father. and wanted kids like him.

yes, nats is right. in fact, both the stories in this tread are semi-autobiographical.

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:And that, that is lust I’d say when I looked at the picture of Madhuri Dixit on TV.

did you make any attempt to meet and know madhuri dixit, or did you only imagine yourself entwining limbs with that distant celebrity who didn't know that you existed, for whom millions of boys and men lusted? did you write urdu couplets for dixit?

what nonsex! admin please ban jeremiah mburuburu!

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:(this is from my journal and it is an entry i made long ago. i chanced upon it a few days ago and found it nice. i likes!)

My wife

And I was expecting no love between my wife and I. Love was juvenile. There was no such thing... we procreated.

was/is your wife anything other than a Womb, a Nanny, and a Cook? does she make decisions on her own? does she take part in making crucial family decisions on, for example, investments, and your children's education? can she buy anything other than the aloo and the gobi to send down your alimentary canal each day without seeking your permission?

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:(this is from my journal and it is an entry i made long ago. i chanced upon it a few days ago and found it nice. i likes!)

My wife

And I was expecting no love between my wife and I. Love was juvenile. There was no such thing... we procreated.

was/is your wife anything other than a Womb, a Nanny, and a Cook? does she make decisions on her own? does she take part in making crucial family decisions on, for example, investments, and your children's education? can she buy anything other than the aloo and the gobi to send down your alimentary canal each day without seeking your permission?

Most importantly, HK, can she take the kids and leave you without your permission and let you pretend like you had a large role in raising them?

Hellsangel wrote:Most importantly, HK, can she take the kids and leave you without your permission and let you pretend like you had a large role in raising them?

well she does have the liberty of making them play tennis in the sun. she does exercise that liberty but makes them play tennis only after sundown 'cos, you know, playing tennis in the sun makes your...

To prevent getting tanned and jellyfish stings, women in Qingdao, China have started wearing "facekinis" while at the beach that come in all sort of colors and designs.

Talk about bizarre summer trend!

when my wife and i were visiting the gyeongbokung palace in seoul, our guide was an attractive, lithe korean woman. we were a troop of indians. it was hot and sunny. she remarked that indian tourists always wished to assemble in the shade while europeans liked to assemble in the sun.

===> EVVeRRYone wants to be medium brown.

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:(this is from my journal and it is an entry i made long ago. i chanced upon it a few days ago and found it nice. i likes!)

My wife

...I was wearing a turban. I was on a horse...

hahaha, thank you for reminding me... excuse me... hahahaha... of the photograph you displayed of you sitting on a horse, on a crowded street, surrounded by a raggedy band. the poor horse looked as if it hadn't been fed for months and its legs would buckle under it.

you had on a turban that a minor bimaru raja might have worn when he visited the colonial british "resident" to pay his taxes and those he had collected from the poor, low-caste, tenant-farmers who tilled his land on the vast, hot and dusty indo-gangetic plains.

you looked scared and unhappy, as if the the wedding might not actually take place. could that have been because the dowry of 100,000 lotas, 100,000 sinks - one of which is currently installed in your verandah in "kol" and was once proudly displayed in a photograph - and 100,000 ingots of wrought iron might not arrive before the sacred fire was lit, and your father and uncals might call it off?

were you afraid that you might never get to see the bride's face, for you had only seen a vague outline of it from behind her veil (ghangoor? ghoonghaar?), or say a word to her? the first sexual encounter of the lipsticked, chikna virgin-boy that he both dreaded and looked forward to would then have been derailed even before it had begun, wouldn't it?

could you please describe your first encounter with your future "companion?"

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:To prevent getting tanned and jellyfish stings, women in Qingdao, China have started wearing "facekinis" while at the beach that come in all sort of colors and designs.

Talk about bizarre summer trend!

is that you in the yellow hood? cup size, hoozay?

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:

could you please describe your first encounter with your future "companion?"

Dirty Jerry

Natalia Romanova wrote:

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:

could you please describe your first encounter with your future "companion?"

Dirty Jerry

i didn't mean what you probably have in mind. i meant his first meeting with his future wife.

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote: and 100,000 ingots of wrought iron might not arrive before the sacred fire was lit...

man, oh man. i thought you had been a science student! wrought iron went into disuse in the late 19th century! wrought iron is the stuff the iron pillar and howrah bridge are made of! are you in a time warp?

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:To prevent getting tanned and jellyfish stings, women in Qingdao, China have started wearing "facekinis" while at the beach that come in all sort of colors and designs.

Talk about bizarre summer trend!

is that you in the yellow hood? cup size, hoozay?

you are looking at someone's breasts in a pic. and are yet enquiring cup size?!? what's wrong with you? lost your glasses or marbles or both? you are subconsciously trying to pull a bittu but you haven't the sense to see that this is a forum (with PICTURES and SOUND) and not text chat! you, you, you numbskull...there is no hope for you yaar.

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:

Natalia Romanova wrote:

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:

could you please describe your first encounter with your future "companion?"

Dirty Jerry

i didn't mean what you probably have in mind. i meant his first meeting with his future wife.

OK. i'll write a story and post.

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:(this is from my journal and it is an entry i made long ago. i chanced upon it a few days ago and found it nice. i likes!)

My wife

And I was expecting no love between my wife and I. Love was juvenile. There was no such thing... we procreated.

was/is your wife anything other than a Womb, a Nanny, and a Cook? does she make decisions on her own? does she take part in making crucial family decisions on, for example, investments, and your children's education? can she buy anything other than the aloo and the gobi to send down your alimentary canal each day without seeking your permission?

Kudos to you, Jeri-miyan, for your persistence in trying to differentiate yourself from HK.

HK, you have finally found the perfect fan for your writing. The rest of us just give you 5-6 sentences of comments on your pieces. Jeri-miyan critiques your writing in great detail, over several posts which he composes carefully over the better part of a week. This sort of dedication to your work must be quite flattering.

Jeri still can't believe that the story of A was not shared with him. Hence the extra interest. HK, share kar de re.

panini press wrote:HK, you have finally found the perfect fan for your writing. The rest of us just give you 5-6 sentences of comments on your pieces. Jeri-miyan critiques your writing in great detail, over several posts which he composes carefully over the better part of a week. This sort of dedication to your work must be quite flattering.

Natalia Romanova wrote:Jeri still can't believe that the story of A was not shared with him. Hence the extra interest. HK, share kar de re.

no. he has to ASK. the story is for private circulation wunly.

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:man, oh man. i thought you had been a science student! wrought iron went into disuse in the late 19th century! wrought iron is the stuff the iron pillar and howrah bridge are made of! are you in a time warp?

sorry! howrah bridge was commissioned in 1940s. it is made of steel but is a riveted structure (not nut-bolted).

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:My wife

...The pundit and the rites were all hogwash. I was aware of my duties from much before....

what is you caste? subcaste? you wife's? is your wife's caste the same as yours? tell me your most important caste duties.

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:i didn't mean what you probably have in mind. i meant his first meeting with his future wife.

i take that to mean you want me to start from our first meeting when we had not yet gotten married.

(what follows is the first part of the small story i promised a few posts ago. the second part will continue as a new thread.)

my father took up my marriage as a challenge. he realized that he had been neglecting that duty owing to business compulsions (which suited me just fine) and now that he had some free time, he wanted to be finished with this business of getting me married (i was their oldest son). he advertised my alliance in our community patrika or newsletter and worked his contacts. the patrika announced me as a boy of age in our community. within months there were a flurry of proposals. amongst the earliest ones was that of my would-be wife. her grandfather (GF) flew to kolkata, from patna, and dropped in with a member of our community: a local gent and respected by all. GF met us in my father's office. i found him to be an obsequious flatterer and immediately got turned off. my parents flew to patna and several other cities and saw prospective brides and showed me photos and narrated their experiences. i did not wish to get married but i did not have the temerity to say no to my parents. so i took the easier route: show disinterest and apathy. they rightly took it to mean "no." they could not force me. they found even prettier and more educated girls; invited their families to our house but still i did not respond. i also got rejected -- it was not always in our hands. in fact, the first girl we had seen in saibabad, ghaziabad, rejected me because of reasons unknown. her father said he was looking for a "service" class guy for his daughter. good riddance i had felt then. later, two families, one from from jaipur and the other from kanpur, would develop cold feet after hearing stories, from others, about unfaithfulness in our joint family. my persistent disinterest led my mother to candidly asking me if i was homosex. (my sister, known to her, was homosex and was about coming out of the closet.) i said no.

my father thought something was lacking in all the girls he was showing me. he advertized in times of india -- caste, income no bar; must be beautiful (euphemism for fair) and graduate. again my parents went travelling and several dropped in on us. still i did not respond. my father lost steam and his tempo simmered down. life was back to normal i thought (phew!). but one guy had not lost tempo. the grandfather (GF). he had been keeping an eye on my father. he now started visiting us every week on an excuse to be visiting kolkata on business. and i was forced to deal with him face to face. after a few visits, i started noticing his hypnotic effect. he was so unassuming, humble, gentle, soft-spoken, so caring (of your likes/dislikes); despite being a bloody rich guy who had made a shitload of money from scratch by the sheer dint of his hard work. he never narrated his perspective or feelings except when prompted. this is what made him a great listener (and a conversationalist). i started prompting him and listened. his perspective was very realistic, sound, robust but also full of tenderness -- absolutely no hint of cruelty in it. there was also a hint of art in it too -- he had a priceless, jaw-dropping collection of antiques (that i'd get to see after my marriage): all either european or chinese. he openly professed his love for rekha. but everything in his perspective eventually returned to hard work. never luck (though i know luck was a crucial factor in the rise of people like him but they always underplayed it or did not recognize its worth). i grew fond of him. he told me he wanted to learn from me about the steel business (what an outrageous way to flatter me!). he started lingering even after he'd leave: he left his fragrance in his wake. i saw his greatness but still played the cards close to my chest. he brought his family and daughter twice to kolkata and i met his grand daughter. i saw his grand daughter but did not converse with her. we met once in park hotel and again, after a few years, in hotel hindusthan. the second meet was after the hiatus when my father had lost tempo. in the second meet, after the dinner, GF held my sister and chatted her up. he knew that the keys to my heart and house was in my sister's hand. he was wrong but i felt incredibly amused by his tactics. i still did not respond and matters would lie like that. a week later, another prospective alliance dropped in on us and we ate dinner with the girl and her parents in our house. i realized my father was picking up tempo again. my mother had started crying too. shortly after that, one night, at 11 pm, something stirred in me and i went to my father and said, "i want to marry that patna girl." GF had put an alliance from varanasi for his grand daughter on hold, for me, for 2 years and by now he was ready to seal it; but my father's phone reached him in the nick of time.

after marriage i did not have sex with my wife for a week or maybe a fortnight. i had to make the first move but i was in no hurry. i was no stranger to sex and i did not want to spook my wife out. i thought she deserved time to first acclimatize to the new surroundings -- my parents, me, my siblings and our house. i was doing the right thing. i had to first understand my wife before touching her. she needed to understand me too. but. but. after a week or so, my mother caught my hand and asked if there was anything wrong with me? i said no. she asked, was i not attracted to my wife? i said no. she said, then...? i felt terribly embarrased. (my mother was EVIL. she forced me to get married. she then forced me to have sex so my first born could take shape. she would nanny my oldest and not let my wife do anything for a year. and then my mother would quietly depart!) my wife, i realized, had been squealing behind my back. OK, she had built equations i thought. she had adjusted and it was time. what happened after that can be better explained through a post i made in sulekha in 1998/99. i had thought i had lost that post but while changing my hard disk a few months ago and moving folders, i noticed that i had saved a copy of some of my 1998/99 sulekha posts. this particular post was titled "togofogo nites."

(continued here)

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:My wife

...The pundit and the rites were all hogwash. I was aware of my duties from much before....

what is you caste? subcaste? you wife's? is your wife's caste the same as yours? tell me your most important caste duties.

When looking for a spouse for their children in an arranged marriage set up, do syrian christian parents look for a prospective bride/groom from a dalit christian family or a kayastha brahmin family or some such thing? wondering...

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:(this is from my journal and it is an entry i made long ago. i chanced upon it a few days ago and found it nice. i likes!)

My wife

And what a companion she is, my wife. Through thick and thin...

you have talked a great deal about your two sons; the probability of having two sons, given that you have two children is somewhat low. do you and your "companion" have no daughters at all, or do you never talk about your daughters? you've also talked about your brother. do you have any sister?

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:My wife

...The pundit and the rites were all hogwash. I was aware of my duties from much before....

what is you caste? subcaste? you wife's? is your wife's caste the same as yours? tell me your most important caste duties.

correction: what is your caste? subcaste? your wife's?

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:(this is from my journal and it is an entry i made long ago. i chanced upon it a few days ago and found it nice. i likes!)

My wife

And what a companion she is, my wife. Through thick and thin...

you have talked a great deal about your two sons; the probability of having two sons, given that you have two children is somewhat low. do you and your "companion" have no daughters at all, or do you never talk about your daughters? you've also talked about your brother. do you have any sister?

eh?

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:(this is from my journal and it is an entry i made long ago. i chanced upon it a few days ago and found it nice. i likes!)

My wife

And what a companion she is, my wife. Through thick and thin...

you have talked a great deal about your two sons; the probability of having two sons, given that you have two children is somewhat low. do you and your "companion" have no daughters at all, or do you never talk about your daughters? you've also talked about your brother. do you have any sister?

kinnera wrote:

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:My wife

...The pundit and the rites were all hogwash. I was aware of my duties from much before....

what is you caste? subcaste? you wife's? is your wife's caste the same as yours? tell me your most important caste duties.

When looking for a spouse for their children in an arranged marriage set up, do syrian christian parents look for a prospective bride/groom from a dalit christian family or a kayastha brahmin family or some such thing? wondering...

i was wondering the exact same thing. JM would you kindly issue a clarification?

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:

kinnera wrote:

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:My wife

...The pundit and the rites were all hogwash. I was aware of my duties from much before....

what is you caste? subcaste? you wife's? is your wife's caste the same as yours? tell me your most important caste duties.

When looking for a spouse for their children in an arranged marriage set up, do syrian christian parents look for a prospective bride/groom from a dalit christian family or a kayastha brahmin family or some such thing? wondering...

i was wondering the exact same thing. JM would you kindly issue a clarification?

How tall are you? What toothpaste do you use? What are the ingredients of the toothpaste you use? How does your height affect your taste in toothpaste?

I shall post more breathless questions tomorrow.

kya HK, 2-3 times mile dekhne ko, and no dialogs? Good story.

HK, when you write your autobiography, you should credit Jeri-miyan for inspiration. Without his breathless questions, I seriously doubt you would have had the motivation to set these stories down into words. If you ask him to be your editor, that will be two birds one stone.

kinnera wrote:

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:(this is from my journal and it is an entry i made long ago. i chanced upon it a few days ago and found it nice. i likes!)

My wife

And what a companion she is, my wife. Through thick and thin...

you have talked a great deal about your two sons; the probability of having two sons, given that you have two children is somewhat low. do you and your "companion" have no daughters at all, or do you never talk about your daughters? you've also talked about your brother. do you have any sister?

eh?

i find it interesting but not surprising that you and hoozay are confused by my statement above in bold text.

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:

kinnera wrote:

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:(this is from my journal and it is an entry i made long ago. i chanced upon it a few days ago and found it nice. i likes!)

My wife

And what a companion she is, my wife. Through thick and thin...

you have talked a great deal about your two sons; the probability of having two sons, given that you have two children is somewhat low. do you and your "companion" have no daughters at all, or do you never talk about your daughters? you've also talked about your brother. do you have any sister?

eh?

i find it interesting but not surprising that you and hoozay are confused by my statement above in bold text.

scan and upload your IIT, arthat bhartiya prodyogiki sansthan, madras, degree! i seriously doubt you were ever a science student! you, you, you bluffer!

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:

kinnera wrote:

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:(this is from my journal and it is an entry i made long ago. i chanced upon it a few days ago and found it nice. i likes!)

My wife

And what a companion she is, my wife. Through thick and thin...

you have talked a great deal about your two sons; the probability of having two sons, given that you have two children is somewhat low. do you and your "companion" have no daughters at all, or do you never talk about your daughters? you've also talked about your brother. do you have any sister?

eh?

i find it interesting but not surprising that you and hoozay are confused by my statement above in bold text.

Yes, we are confused. Please explain it to us. TIA.

kinnera wrote:

Yes, we are confused. Please explain it to us. TIA.

It means the old dog failed Probability 101.

he wanted to accuse HK of female feticide. but forgot there are a couple of other posters living in the US who have sons only or daughters only.

kinnera wrote:

Yes, we are confused. Please explain it to us. TIA.

he cannot. he will hide in ambiguity and reinterpretations of his question. there is only one context in which his question can be read: the context of my marriage and the fact that my first born, a son, was born within a year of my marriage. the probability for the second child being male is 1/2.

kinnera wrote:

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:

kinnera wrote:

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:(this is from my journal and it is an entry i made long ago. i chanced upon it a few days ago and found it nice. i likes!)

My wife

And what a companion she is, my wife. Through thick and thin...

you have talked a great deal about your two sons; the probability of having two sons, given that you have two children is somewhat low. do you and your "companion" have no daughters at all, or do you never talk about your daughters? you've also talked about your brother. do you have any sister?

eh?

i find it interesting but not surprising that you and hoozay are confused by my statement above in bold text.

Yes, we are confused. Please explain it to us. TIA.

ask me a specific Q about it, and i may.

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:ask me a specific Q about it, and i may.

here is a specific question: IS 1/4 LOW?

*Oh..I am not confused..I have seen enough "Todd Akins"...who are clueless about male and female bodies..and believe the million myths-ridiculous theories about Pregnancies- "what kind of men- and their sperms" help to make boy or girl babies..even worse, think the women determine..who can give the family the "male heir"..

Well Mr. HK..if it makes you feel "great"..hope you don't mind me sharing a few such myths..men who make boy babies are "strong"- I mean their sperms are faster..energetic..not to mention the Mrs's (or Wohs!) are lucky ladies..they must be truly happy (with the big Os) while the "boy babies" were being made!

*Will just add- you are a very patient man..when it comes to explaining very personal matters.

Maria S wrote:

Well Mr. HK..if it makes you feel "great"..hope you mind me sharing a few such myths..men who make boy babies are "strong"- I mean their sperms are faster..energetic..not to mention the Mrs's (or Wohs!) are lucky ladies..they must be truly happy (with the big Os) while the "boy babies" were being made!

TMI

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:the probability for the second child being male is 1/2.

that is correct. my earlier statement is also correct. there is no ambiguity in it. not surprisingly, kinnera and you are confused.

Hellsangel wrote:

Maria S wrote:

Well Mr. HK..if it makes you feel "great"..hope you mind me sharing a few such myths..men who make boy babies are "strong"- I mean their sperms are faster..energetic..not to mention the Mrs's (or Wohs!) are lucky ladies..they must be truly happy (with the big Os) while the "boy babies" were being made!

TMI

Using "probability" when it comes to fertility and gender selection has been used to destroy lives in many families and cultures..have to speak up about the myths.. it is quite dangerous not to.

Huzefa Kapasi wrote:

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:ask me a specific Q about it, and i may.

here is a specific question: IS 1/4 LOW?

yes. the probability of at least one female, given that you have 2 children is 3/4. may i also remind you that you thought that the relevant probability was 1/2 - you mentioned that value in your post before this one! you're now waffling about whether 1/4 is low or not!

did you remember to thank whoever told you that it's 1/4?

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:

kinnera wrote:

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:

kinnera wrote:

Jeremiah Mburuburu wrote:you have talked a great deal about your two sons; the probability of having two sons, given that you have two children is somewhat low. do you and your "companion" have no daughters at all, or do you never talk about your daughters? you've also talked about your brother. do you have any sister?

eh?

i find it interesting but not surprising that you and hoozay are confused by my statement above in bold text.

Yes, we are confused. Please explain it to us. TIA.

ask me a specific Q about it, and i may.

Explain what you meant when you made that statement-your probability theory or whatever that decides the gender of the child that the couple can have.