Re: Atcg

by Guest Wed Jan 23, 2013 5:18 pm

Yeah good choice, for him. For her, years of frustration are in store for keeping his head out of the clouds.

by Petrichor Wed Jan 23, 2013 5:42 pm

3

Pavan would invite Sujatha home for "joint studies" and she became a regular visitor at Pavan's home consuming 'ribbon pakodas' and dangling nuclear threats at suggestions of 'footsie'. Pavan focused his mind well enough to pass the exams.

Pavan caught the first break of his life, thanks to a Sujatha tip. She pointed him to an opportunity in Bombay which involved an IQ test. Pavan was lucky to make it past that point and found himself in a 'chummery' trudging through the monsoon waters of questionable composition. Meanwhile Pavan recommended another job for Sujatha in Bombay and they both enjoyed relative quietitude and chaos of Bombay life away from prying eyes of relatives and friends.

They spent weekends together and did the usual circuits of Bandra, Nariman Point, VT, Churchgate and the 'burbs. After a couple of years of 'virtual' engagement, they went back to hometown to get married. Pavan was also tipped for a long-term assignment to USA right around then.

by Guest Wed Jan 23, 2013 5:50 pm

Going good so far.

by Petrichor Wed Jan 23, 2013 5:52 pm

Vidya Bagchi wrote:Going good so far.

Did I hear you say "love story" right? not "war story" Smile

by Guest Wed Jan 23, 2013 5:54 pm

atcg wrote:
Vidya Bagchi wrote:Going good so far.

Did I hear you say "love story" right? not "war story"

Well. Will let the honeymoon and marriage phase to pass. Kids, etc. maybe then the love story resumes. Razz

by pravalika nanda Wed Jan 23, 2013 5:56 pm

atcg wrote:Okay...so, dear reader, if you have managed to stick around this far....

* what aspects of the story would you like amplification?
* where do you think the storyline should go?
* which character(s) require deeper descriptions?
* do you like stories with crisp plot and good closure or do you like meandering ones that are big on atmospherics and descriptions?

## what happened at that "nail-biting" quiz competition. did he meet anyone interesting there? someone who thinks differently or is brighter or has a lot of integrity? cuz it looks like you're writing a somewhat boring story...the only interesting thing i caught in your writing was "ribbon pakoda" cuz the rest of the guy-trying-to-date-a-girl story doesn't sell with adults. so maybe someone he met at that quiz could return as an adult and try to take radhika, deepika and gopika away from the protagonist. also, the protagonist should be a bad guy, they're a lot more fun. make him totally bad and ruthless, and have him do all the things in your subconcious that you're too civilized to do.

by Petrichor Wed Jan 23, 2013 6:07 pm

4

[Vignettes of several scenes, sequential, cuts frequently]

A hotel kitchenette with Jr.Pavan running a fever and Sujatha explaining to kitchen staff how to make rasam....

Pavan taking an exit in florida, realizing it is the wrong exit and backing up to get back on the highway....

Pavan, Sujatha and Jr.Pavan in stroller gawking at the exhibits at an Amsterdam sex museum...

Pavan inquiring if caviar is very different from scrambled eggs on a flight to Narita...

Sujatha going in for an entry-level position wearing a polka dot skirt suitable for 60-year olds since she relies on Pavan for fashion advice...

Jr. Pavan doing stand-up comedy at school ....

Jr.Sujatha regaling audience with full-scale Ramayana at 3 ...

Laughter, Mirth, clinking of champagne glasses as Pavan and Sujatha hold up their fruit punch while celebrating Valentine's party in 2013....

[endcredits]

by Idéfix Wed Jan 23, 2013 6:12 pm

Haha, funny vignettes. But why end credits so soon? How about "after twenty years?"

by Petrichor Wed Jan 23, 2013 6:18 pm

It is end of day, no?! Smile

Actually Bidya tipped me to tread on the sanitized side, thanks ya'll for comments and playing along.

by Guest Wed Jan 23, 2013 6:27 pm

Lol at Sujatha going in for an entry-level position wearing a polka dot skirt suitable for 60-year olds since she relies on Pavan for fashion advice...

Been there done that.

by Guest Wed Jan 23, 2013 10:32 pm

Good narration, enjoyed reading it, but their marriage seemed too arranged marriagish. no drama, no nothing. Doesn't seem like love marriage at all Razz

by Idéfix Wed Jan 23, 2013 10:39 pm

Kinns, this is just the beginning. The setting of the stage, if you will. Mr. DNA has a long way to go with this story.

by Idéfix Wed Jan 23, 2013 10:39 pm

atcg wrote:It is end of day, no?!

Actually Bidya tipped me to tread on the sanitized side, thanks ya'll for comments and playing along.

Tomorrow, sir, is another day.

by Guest Wed Jan 23, 2013 10:41 pm

oh, didn't he ended the story? Would love to see it continue.

by Idéfix Wed Jan 23, 2013 10:41 pm

BTW, I was looking for that excellent story you posted earlier about an immigrant experience. I could not find it, despite the best efforts of Googlacharya. Do you have a link handy where I can find it?

by Guest Wed Jan 23, 2013 10:49 pm

panini press wrote:Kinns, this is just the beginning. The setting of the stage, if you will. Mr. DNA has a long way to go with this story.

yeah, i was looking forward to the 20yrs fast forward mature adult love story. But it looked like he ended it. I thought maybe he got bored and hence ended it abruptly.

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